Why Canon and Fanon Don't Mix
by alsdssg
Summary: What happens when Eragon and his friends come across a Mary Sue fan fic? Why, pure chaos, that's what. Please R & R.
1. A Prologue from a Place the Opposite of

The Prologue from the Place the Opposite of Where God Lives

Disclaimer: I only "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha." Please don't sue me for the rest. Oh, by the way, this fic was inspired by Crazyroninchic's "Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around."

"Eragon, will you at least pretend to be concerned about my fiancée?" Roran asked, jabbing his cousin in the side.

"Wha? Huh? Oh, sorry, Roran," the Shadeslayer said as he woke up. He and Roran had just finished returning from rescuing Katrina at Helgrind, and they were waiting for her to wake up. Unfortunately, this was taking a while, and Roran was worried, despite the fact that Arya, Angela, and Eragon had taken turns reassuring him that she was perfectly and would be awake in a few hours.

"It's fine. I'm just worried," Roran said. "I don't see why you fell asleep though."

"It's boring here, lad," Orik said. The dwarf had been awoken by Eragon's shouting.

"My fiancée is in danger. How is that boring?" Roran screamed.

"It's not. We're all just tired," Arya put in. She was silently thanking herself that she had been sleeping with her eyes opened and had thus escaped the scrutiny of a guy with the nickname Stronghammer.

"You should be going to sleep," Angela remarked, returning with bandages. "Now, where is Solembum?" the herbalist asked.

This question was answered when the aforementioned werecat walked through the door with Trianna and Nasuada.

"Hello, Eragon, Roran, Orik, Arya, Angela," the Varden's leader began. "How is Katrina?"

"Well, she hasn't woken up yet…" Roran began.

"And she's perfectly fine," Angela finished.

"Milady, remember why we're here," Trianna said.

"I was getting to that," Nasuada hissed to Du Vrangr Gatas leader. She held out her hand, and Trianna put a hot pink journal into it. "Trianna found this. She doesn't think it contains dark magic, but it seems a bit suspicious. We wanted you to look into it."

Eragon took the book reluctantly. It was certainly very pink. He read the cover.  
"Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha?" he asked.

Arya looked at it. "Does she mean 'Alagaësia?'"

Eragon looked again. "Possibly."

"Let me see it," Orik said.

"Don't!" Roran warned. "That book doesn't look like something non-magic-users should handle."

"It's just pink," Angela mumbled as she looked at it. "My, what an interesting spelling of saviuor," she remarked.

_Interesting is putting it nicely,_ Solembum put in.

"It doesn't appear to have any dark magic," Arya said, taking it from Angela and examining it again.

"Well, why don't we read it?" Orik asked.

"Are you insane?" Roran yelled. "The person misspelled three words in a title with four words. The only word she got right was of. It's two letter! And how can you misspell the?"

"Are you that scared of pink?" Nasuada asked.

"It's not a terrible color," Trianna added.

"It's just boys being boys," Angela sighed.

"I don't really like pink," Arya put in. Everyone stared at her. "What?" she asked.

"Roran, let me look at it," Eragon said to his cousin.

Roran was staring the cover. His mouth was hanging open, and his eyes were bulging. He seemed to be fighting a laugh.

"On second thought," he managed to gasp, "I think Orik's idea was a good one."

"What is it?" Eragon asked.

"Nothing," Roran said. "I'll read first."

"Roran, give it!" Eragon yelled, lunging at his cousin. Five minutes later, Roran was lying on the floor, and a triumphant Eragon was standing there holding the pink book. His triumph turned to horror as he saw the author's name.

"The girl who wrote this is called 'Eragon ridher'? Spelled with an h?" Eragon shouted.

"You'd better hope it's a girl for you sake because we are reading this," Trianna announced.

"I agree," Nasuada said.

"But…" Eragon began.

The Varden's leader cut him off with, "Executive decision."

_Oh, this will be fun,_ Saphira projected so that everyone could here.

_Saphira, aren't you in the courtyard?_ Eragon asked weakly.

_Yes, but I've been listening in on this entire conversation. This book is the first interesting thing that has happened,_ Saphira explained.

"Alright," Arya said. "We need rules about this since we're reading it aloud."

"I agree," Nasauda said. "First of all, we should all have to read. Even you Eragon," she added when she caught sight of the blue rider's look of terror.

"And we should do it in a circle. Roran, you can start since you volunteered," Nasuada finished.

"And I think each person should have to read one chapter," Trianna added.

"But won't some chapters be longer than others?" Orik asked.

Angela shrugged. "If it gets obscenely long, we'll relieve you."

"Or just plain obscene," Trianna added. Everyone looked at her. "Well, her penname is Eragon Ridher."

"Give me the book, and I'll start," Roran said bravely.

"Eragon, you're the rider. Shape up," Angela ordered when she noticed the rider cowering in the corner. The boy took a deep breath and moved to take a seat between Arya and Nasuada. He didn't want to read right away.

"You know, this story will most likely get worse as it goes along," Trianna told him. "But you can't change seats, so you're stuck."

Eragon glared at her, and the sorceress simply flashed her teeth.

Roran began.

_It was a dark and stormy night, and Estellina Magdelena was returning to her new York apartment. _

"What a name," Angela remarked.

"Sues tend to have long names," Trianna told her.

"Sues?" Arya asked curiously.

"You know, the overly perfect, wonderful, special girl who make off with the hero—or anti-hero. Occasionally, it's the villain. It depends on her tastes," Trianna decided. "Oh, and she usually can't use grammar to save her life."

Eragon looked scared. "I hope it's the villain," he muttered.

"Well, based on her penname, I'd say not," Arya mumbled.

Eragon sank lower into his chair.

"Hem, hem!" Roran yelled.

_The moment she opened the door, she new something was wrong. She felt the little hiars on the back of her long, slender, whit neck stand up. They were barely visible, despite the fact that her hair was midnight black._

"Oh yeah right!" Nasuada yelled.

"It's the ways of the Sues, milady," Trianna sighed.

"May I read?" Roran asked.

"I'm sorry. Continue," Nasuada told him.

_The next second, her sharp violet eyes saw the problem. A group of strangely dressed man bearing swords had broken into her apartment. Estelena whipped out her own weapon and killed them all using her totally awesome skills and her wonder magic. Plus, they wre all stunned by her hawtness (A/N: You'll find out how she got those later this chapter even though she's from Earth.)_

"Earth?" Nasuada asked.  
"Some other world where some of the Sues who drop into Alagaësia are from," Trianna replied.

"This story won't make much sense, will it?" Angela asked.

Trianna shook her head.

Roran raised his voice and continued reading over the talking.

_She ran into the bedroom and saw her beautiful (almost as beautiful as she is in fact) elfin mother lying on the floor, mortally wounded. Seven black-clad men were lying around her. _

"How did an elf come to be in this Earth place?" Arya asked, puzzled.

"Well, we may never find out, but that doesn't matter to them," Trianna told her.

"I would like to finish this before the turn of the century!" Roran shouted.

"Continue," Nasuada said.

"_Avaliana?" the beautiful teen asked. (A/N: She calls her mom by her first name.) Tears were in her eyes. How could her mother be dying?_

"_Estelena, my daughter, I must tell you somethings," Avaliana whispered. _

"_Yes, mother?" Estelena asked. _

"_You know I am an elf from a place called Alagaesha, but I enver told you how I came to be here," Avaliana said. _

_Estelena nodded. Avaliana had never told her told her the full story before. _

"_I am the oldest daugheter of Islanzadí, queen of the elves. I joined the Varden soon after it was created. My mother accepted my decision, and I had the yawee tattooed on my shoulder to show that I had dedicated myself to the greater cause of my race," Avaliana began. _

"No! No! NO!" Arya shouted. She breathed very hard and then regained her poise. "I never had an older sister, and my mother would have never let her join the Varden. When I did, she disowned me. We only reconciled a few months ago. Then again, perhaps Islanzadí was eager to get rid of this ridiculous sister of mine that she didn't object to her joining and most likely dying."  
"You're the daughter of the elf queen?" everyone except Eragon and Orik asked.

"Barzûl!" Arya cursed. She shook her head. "This story has me cursing and revealing secrets. Oh, this is not good."

"And wishing death on your sister," Eragon added.

Arya glared at him.

"Hey, I'm going to be suffering," the blue rider whimpered.

"I'm sorry, Eragon. It's this story," Arya apologized.

"And we'd all like to get it over with quickly, so could we please stop the interruptions?" Roran seethed.

The elf and the rider shut up.

"Anyway," Roran began again, _"That was so brave of you to join the freedom fighters," Estelena toldher mother. She'd heard of how Alagaesha was ruled by a madman named Galbyorix. _

"That's an interesting spelling," Angela remarked. Roran's glare silenced her.

_Does she know anything about this world? _Saphira asked.

_It doesn't look like it,_ Solembum said.

Roran, once again, began to read over them.

_She'd also heard of how there was this random group of people who oppsed the crazy king. When she was little, she'd thought iwas funny how their name rhyme dwith garden. _

"Oh no she did not!" Nasuada yelled. Roran closed his eyes and counted to three before he began reading again.

"_Thank you," Avaliana told her daughter. "Anyway, some trouble started when my really dumb little sister Arya decided she wanted to join the Varden too. She was only twenty and that was waaaay too young." _

"I'm curious, Avaliana, how come it was perfectly acceptable for you to join this 'random group of freedom fighters' when you were twenty, and it was dumb of me to want to do the same?" Arya seethed.

Roran practically started yelling, _"Well, you can't help it if your little sister was a few bricks short of a wall," Estelena comforted. It grieved her that heer dying mom had to think about this horrible sister of hers with her last breath. _

"_I know," Avaliana said with a smile. _

"If she's dying, how come she can afford to talk about how much she hated Arya?" Eragon asked.

"Mary Sues take forever to die," Trianna explained.

Arya's mouth was opened, her eyes were closed, and she was counting to ten under her breath.

"_Anyhoo, Izzy got mad at her and banned her from her sight. It made her kinda sad. I dun really know why, but that's my mom for ya. Then the real trouble started. My silly little dipshit of a sister lost this dragon egg that we managed to recover from the fall. I had to go back to Galbyorix's castle and resuce it. In the process, I was captured and held for motns and tortured wit h unspeakable tortures. During this time, Ary a, hwo was a jealous little be-otch… _

"Ooh, I'm a dipshit, dumb, a few bricks short of a wall, and now I'm a silly little be-otch. Eragon, why did you ever think you loved me?" Arya said in a falsely cheery voice.

"Arya, you're not like that. Trust me," Eragon comforted.

"Keep reading, Roran," Arya ordered. She didn't want Eragon hitting on her again on top of this story. She hated rejecting him, and she hated being hit on.

…_Decided to cast a spell to make everyone forget my existence. I got out of Galbyorix's castle and got the egg bak. Then another blow came. Arya was afraid that I would come back to Ellesmera and everyone would realize the terrible thing she'd done, so she transported me to Earth."_

"_Where's the egg?" Estelena asked breathlessly. She was sure her sharp eyes and alert senses could not have missed something like that. _

"_In the closet," Avaliana replied, her eyes beginning t grow dim and her breathing beginning to slow. _

"Just one question," Orik said. "If she was mortally wounded when this whole thing started, how come her breathing is just beginning to slow down?"

"She needs to tell Estelena all the vital information," Trianna replied. "Don't even asked about the extra dragon egg. That comes up a lot."

_Estelena leapt up gracefully and quickly and ran to the closet, where she found a large black and gold stone. It also had white veins around the top. _

"_The egg," she breathed. She reached out and touched it. It started trembling._

"_WTF?" she asked. _

Roran looked at Trianna this time for an explanation. The sorceress shrugged.

"_It's hatching you're a dragon rider," Avaliana breathed. _

"_Ohmigod," Estelena gasped. _

"_Estelena, before the dragon sends you back to Alagaesha, you msut know something," her mother said. _

"_What?" she asked. _

"_You have a sister and your father is…" Avaliana said before she got all quiet and died. _

"_Mother!" Estelena sobbed as the black and gold dragon tapped her on the arm and a flash of pink light engulfed them. _

"Why pink?" Orik and Arya asked at the same time.

"Will you leave the poor color alone?" Nasuada and Trianna asked at the same time.

"It was just a question," the dwarf said meekly.

"Is that the end of the prologue?" Arya asked eagerly. She was hoping that since Avaliana dead, she wouldn't be insulted as much as she had been.

"Well, there are some notes from," Roran said, pausing before chortling, "Eragon ridher."

Said rider gave him a death glare. Roran ignored him.

_So, that's the end of the prologue. Or as Porky Pig would say, "That's all, folks." But it's not all. I'll be updating soon if you just review. _

"Who's porky pig?" Roran asked Trianna. She seemed to be the authority on Sues.

"I don't know. He might be from this thing Sues refer to as TV. I'm not really sure what it is," she replied.

"Maybe it's what rotting their brains?" Eragon suggested.

Trianna laughed. "Possibly," she agreed.

_Oh, and here's the xplanaiton of my penname. See, I think Eragon is like the hawtest chary eva. My friend likes Murtag, and we argue about who's hawter all the teime. Anyway, there's an h in ridher because it's like he rode her (me), and I'm riding him. Tehe. I'm so naughty. _

"Roran, do you really have to do a high-pitched voice for that?" Nasuada asked. "Then again it is funny."

"Like totally," Roran replied. Everyone except Eragon burst out laughing.

"You're just doing it to torture me," he muttered.

Roran's eyes widened as he read the last line of the AN.

"What is it?" Angela asked.

Roran gulped as he read, _Oh, btw, my other friend likes Roran best. I don't really get it, but ya know. Anyway, review! _

So, how do you like it? Please, review. I also have another request. Please, leave a review for the fic and the fic within the fic (i.e. Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha). If you're going to say it's good (I want somebody to pretend they like the fic within the fic), you must use net speak in your review. If you leave constructive criticism, please, use proper grammar. If you're going to flame, I don't care how you write it. For the real reviews, I don't care how you put it. Oh, and this fic is not directed as a personal attack at anyone's OC. The story within the story is of my own creation. If your character resembles Estelena, that is just a coincidence. It's probably because I'm using common Mary Sue things and I've probably made this OC a hundred times worse than yours. I swear. Anyway, review.


	2. Taste or Lack Thereof

Taste- Or Lack Thereof

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

Trianna stared down at the book in her hands.

"Please, don't interrupt me like you interrupted Roran," she begged.

"Trianna, we will most definitely interrupt you. I will not suffer alone," Roran argued.

The sorceress sunk into her chair and opened the book to chapter one.

_Estelena's long, thick, curly, black eyelashes openedwide and she looked around ot see that she was in a gross desert place. Ick. Groos. Sick. How bad could it get?_

_She then turned to see a small dragon sitting beside her looking very worried. _

"_aw, you cute lil thingymagig, what'll I name you?" Estelena asked her dragon cutely. _

Estelena,_ the dragon suggested happily._

"_Ah!" Estelena shrieked. "There's a voice in my head. Oh god, please tlle me I'm not going schizo."_

"I don't know what schizo is," Arya began, "but I'm pretty sure she's it."

"I think it means insane," Trianna said.

"Then she is most definitely a schizo," Eragon decided.

"I agree with you there," Orik said.

"Well, she thinks it's funny when words rhyme. She must have problems," Nasuada put in. "And as for this voice in her head, let's only hope it's the voice of reason, and it will do her some good."

_You have to be more cynical to endure a Sue story,_ Solembum replied darkly.

"May I continue?" Trianna asked darkly. "I haven't got all day."

Oh, you're not going schizo!_ a cheerful male voice told her. _I'm your dragon.

Oh,_ Estelena said. _You can here my thoughts? That's freaky.

"Pity the poor dragon," Arya mumbled.

_It is difficult to know that someone is always hearing your thoughts and that you can always hear their's, but I consider myself lucky in this case. I would hate to have to hear Estelena Magdelena's thoughts,_ Saphira put in.

Trianna waited until she was done to continue. (We all know how it is between those two.)

It's normal among riders and dragons,_ the adorable black thingy said. _Plus, you can hear my thoughts if you want to.

Ooh, let me try,_ Estelena said. She probed her dragon's mind and didn't find much. After all, it was only like one mont old or something. _

Now, I've gotta name, you,_ Estelena said. _

Name me Estelena,_ the dragon begged. _

I can't do that!_ the gril said. _

"Grill!" Eragon and Arya chortled at the same time.

"We're suffering. We'll take relief from wherever we can get it," Arya explained.

"Anyway," Trianna said, clearing her throat, My name is Estelena. Just because your scales match my hair _(A/N: Did I mention that her hair has blond highlights? Sorry if I forgot that.)_

"Blond highlights in black hair?" Nasuada asked skeptically.

"How attractive," Angela snorted.

Teh beauty of your hair surpases all,_ the dragon agreed. _

_No self-respecting dragon would say such things to that girl,_ Saphira roared.

_Calm down,_ Eragon told her. _Don't let it get to you. We have too many chapters left for that. _

_It's been getting to you,_ Saphira retorted.

_Well, her penname is disturbing,_ Eragon mumbled.

"Keep reading," Nasuada ordered.

I know, _Estelena giggled. _

"How vain!" Angela yelled.

Oh! I know what I'll name you, _Estelena announced. _Ohen-Briam.

"And I half expected her to name the poor best Blacky," Angela muttered.

"No, she would have named it Blacky-Goldy to match her hair whose beauty surpasses all," Nasuada said sarcastically.

Everyone roared with laughter.

Trianna smiled a bit and continued, Ohmigod. That is succccchhhhh a pwnsome name! _Ohen-Briam ejaculated. _

Both Roran and Orik collapsed with laughter at the last line.

"Stop interrupting, Perverts!" Trianna yelled.

"They're just taking relief from wherever they can get it," Nasuada comforted.

"Anyway," Trianna shouted, _Estelena then picked up her dragon and danced all over the ugly desert place. They danced with such magic, and Estelena sang with such a beyootiful boivce that flowers grew all around. _

_While they fertilized the desert, someone else was watching. _

_Eragon stared down from Saphira to look on the most beyootiful girl eva! She was evern lovlier than Arya. _

It's about time you got over that floozie,_ saphira rpraise.d _

"So I'm a floozie now!" Arya shouted. "I keep getting worse and worse, don't I?"

I'm not getting over Arya,_ Eragon said. _I'm just stating afact.

"Realism," Trianna said, interrupting herself. "She does still throw in some vanity. Anyway, moving right along."

_Saphira snorted at her rider's denial. _

"Spoke too soon," Trianna said, interrupting herself again.

Shalle we surspire them? _Saphira asked her rider. _

Yes, but don'e sacre her, _Eragon cautioned. _

_Oh, yes, because I'm such a horrible, scary dragon,_ Saphira snorted derisively. _Eragon, you really need to help me work on that. Continue,_ she added to Trianna.

_Estelena gasped a s a really hawt rider on a really kewl and beyootiful dragon swooped down from the sky. This must be Eragon and Spahira, the main haracerts from one of her favorite books of alltimes. _

"Books?" Eragon asked.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you all about that," Trianna apologized. "You see, in this Earth world, the story of Alagaësia is apparently written down in a book. Or rather a trilogy. The last one hasn't been published yet. I'm guessing that's because we haven't defeated Galbatorix yet."

"That's strange," he muttered.

Trianna continued.

_Anwway, here's a description of Eragon. He had blond hair and lbue eyes (A/N: I know he has brown hair in the books, but he was hawt in the movie, so I made him look like he did in the movie.) _

"Movie?" Eragon asked.

"I think it has something to do with TV," Trianna replied before continuing again.

_Anohter much less hoawt blond guy got off Saphira._

So htat's Rorin, _Estelena thought. _

"NO!" the boy yelled.

"Actually, she said you were 'much less hoawt.' I don't think you have much to be worried about. Unless of course you suddenly forget your fiancée and are filled with unrequited love for Estelena Magdelena," Trianna comforted. "Or she might bring in another Sue for you."

Roran groaned, and Trianna picked up where she left off with, _"Sup?" he asked Eragon. _

_Said ride rignored his cousin and walked over to greet the lovely Estelena. _

"_Who are you?" he asked hawtly. _

"_My name is Estelena Magdelena, and this is my, dragon, Briam-Ohen,. HE just hatched for me," Estelena told him. _

"_That's wonderful news," Eragon yelled._

"_Weird," Rorin mbmled. _

"_It's not weird," Estelena protested. "I am from a place far rom here, and my mother ha d a dragon egg. It hathce for me after she was killed by these really eviel men."_

"And that's not weird at all," Roran said sarcastically. "Honestly, Eragon, you should stop trusting strange "beyootiful" riders who pop up out of nowhere and make flowers grow in the desert."

If looks could kill, Roran have been dying very painfully just then.

"Well, she does have a dragon who matches her hair color perfectly, even though said hair color is perfectly unnatural," Nasuada put in.

"Oh, how could I forget that?" Roran asked, throwing his hands up in the air. "Now the story makes perfect sense. Now all we need is for Murtagh to suddenly turn good and for Galbatorix to suddenly die."

"That might just happen," Trianna remarked.

"Wait," Nasuada said. "How do you know about Murtagh?"

"I've come across these stories before. They told me that the son of Morzan is the red rider," the sorceress replied.

"Oh," Nasuada said. "How many people have access to these stories?" She didn't want random people learning things they shouldn't be, especially important secrets, such as the red rider's identity. It was still a touchy subject for both her and Eragon.

"Very few. It's rare that I come across any of them. This is possibly the worst I've seen so far. That's why I decided to have it checked out," Trianna answered. Nasuada breathed a sigh of relief.

"_Oh," Rorin said feeling stupid. _

_Estelena repeated what she'd said in the Ancinet Language to reiterate her point and get back at Rorin. The Varden needed dragons after all! Why shouldn't they except her? _

"Trianna, it's ro-ran, not ro-rin," the teen corrected.

"That's how she's spelled it," the sorceress said with a shrug.

"So I'm monosyllabic, stupid, and my name is being misspelled. Wonderful. Just wonderful," Roran muttered.

"_Well, we do need a new rider, so we'll except you," Eragon told hrr. _

_Estelena flashed him a dazzling smile, and Eragon reelzed inwardly. She was soooo gorgeous. _

Young, love, _Saphy Brighty murmured cutely _

_SAPPHY BRIGHTY_? the dragon yelled.

"I'm surprised she's already given someone a nickname. I wasn't expecting that for another two chapters," Trianna remarked.

Maybe I am alling in love, _Eragon admited. _

Well ya need to get over Aray kid, _Brighty told him._

"Are Eragon's name and her name going to be the only names she spells right consistently?" Arya groaned.

"Most likely," Trianna replied.

"_Eragon, Katrina. Helgrind," Rorin interrupted qwuite rudely. _

"_Rorin, Im trying to talke to Estelena," the boy muttered._

"_Oh. Right," Rorin mumbled. He smiled, thinking along the same lines as Saphy. Katrina could wait just a little longer. After all, Gon-Gon needed somelove in his live after what that bithc Arya did. _

"Gon-Gon?" Eragon asked weakly.

"I'm guessing that would be your new nickname," Trianna said with a straight face. Hey, you've gotta give the girl credit for that.

"Personally, I'm happy that she spelled my name right and my insult wrong," Arya said when everyone looked at her in surprise.

_(A/N: Gon-Gon is Rory's nickname fo rhis cousin. Do you have any dieas for Estelena's nicknames for Eragon? I might just have her pick up the name.)_

"Rory?" Roran asked.

"Have you ever called me Gon-Gon?" Eragon asked his cousin.

"Never," Roran replied. "Just get this chapter over with. Orik has to read next."

"Take all the time you need," Orik shouted.

Trianna smiled slightly. _That poor dwarf,_ she thought.

"_I would be perfectly happey to go to Helgrind with you all," Estelena told them cutely._

"_We'd be happy to have you," Eragon replied._

"_Good," Rorin agreed. _

That's a wonderful idea, _Saphy said. _

But I can't fight yet! _Ohen-Briam whined. _

_Estelena smiled at her dragon's cuteness. _

"I have two questions," Angela said. Orik sighed with relief. He would do anything to put off his turn.

"First of all, Eragon, didn't you say that Saphira learned to talk slowly?" the herbalist asked.

Eragon nodded.

"So, if Ohen-Briam can talk already, how come he can't fight yet?" Angela asked.

Eragon shrugged.

"Well, I wouldn't complain if she's doing something right," Trianna put in. She was all too ready to get back to the story and turn the pink atrocity that was Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha over to Orik.

"I have one more question," Angela said. "Is cuteness her favorite word?"

"We'll just have to read and find out, won't we?" Trianna asked.

"_Well, Ohen-Briam can stay at the Varden!" Eragon sugested. _

"_That's a great idea!" Estelena ejaculated. _

"The authoress just keeps getting dumber," Roran said to Orik.

"I know," the dwarf chortled. "Women can't ejaculate."

"Well, maybe she has male parts, and that would explain why she has problems," Trianna interrupted. "Now stop laughing over the stupid word choice, and let me finish!"

"Hey, I like the male parts theory!" Eragon yelled, suddenly keen on the discussion. The boys continued to discuss theories for about five minutes.

"It was funny before you overdid it," Nasuada admitted after they had finally stopped milking the joke for all it was worth.

Trianna coughed loudly and began to read again.

_They went bac to the Varden, and Gon-Gon and Estelena talked constantly. There was a defienite conection btween the wto. Saphy Brighty smiled, and Rory actually said a sentence longer than one word. It was, "Aw. So cute. They're in love."_

"And that is the end of that chapter," Trianna said.

"My first coherent sentence in the entire book, and it has the word cute in it," Roran mumbled. "I really hate Mary Sues."  
"Join the club. We have jackets," Arya replied.

"They read, 'Burn All Sues,'" Eragon added.

"Personally, I'd rather eviscerate her," Arya told him. Eragon laughed.

"I'm wondering how she'll react to me," Nasuada mused. She was hoping she wouldn't be as mercilessly thrashed as Arya had been.

"Well, I know I will be insulted terribly, perhaps even worse than Arya," Trianna said. "You may be insulted or forced to be Estelena's friend. It varies." She looked down at the book in her hands. "Wait a minute. There's an AN."

_Well, how did you like that chappie? Wasn't it cute? Oh, I hope it was cute. May I please have some suggestions for Eragon's new nickname. I think Gon-Gon is adorable, but Rory calls him that, so I'm not sure if it's a good idea if she calls him that while they…well, you'll see. _

Eragon turned an interesting shade of turquoise and fainted. Trianna stopped reading as Arya, Angela, and Nasuada went to revive him.

"Keep reading," the rider mumbled.

_Anyway, here are the review responses! Yayz!  _

_Dagger Pen: Thankz. I'm sooooooooooooooo glad u lyke it. _

_Jess Readin: Lyke, ditto. _

_Avalon's Mists (a.k.a. my one flamer _Alsdssg: Hint! Hint!):_ OMG. That was so mean. How could you write something like that? You're so horrible. How is Estelena canon-morphing? I wish my mother was like Avaliana!_

_People actually liked this story?_ Saphira asked skeptically.

_This shows a great deal about this Earth place's taste- or lack thereof,_ Solembum added.

Trianna closed the book and tossed it to Orik. The dwarf was looking at it with complete and utter contempt. If looks could kill, that book would be dead, inanimate object or not.

Exams are over tomorrow, and I have Friday off! Woot! And I don't think I've failed any yet.

Anyway, here's some trivia. Estelle is from Stella, the Greek word for star, and Lena is from Helen, the Greek word for light. I was looking up meanings of names for a school project, and I found that out. So Estelena means starlight. I thought it was pretty Suey.

Wow. I couldn't believe I got seventeen reviews. I'm amazed. Anyway, please keep up the good work. In the next chapter, the coolest dwarf since Gimli will suffer horrors that should not be spoken of and will only be alluded to. I'm looking forward to writing it. Oh, and may I have more fake reviews? I was surprised that I got more "praises" than flames. Anyway, here are the review responses.

Elani: Murtagh will be coming in soon actually. Poor guy has no idea what he's in for. I'm glad you like Eragon Ridher's ANs, and Eragon's reactions. Next chapter, he has a really good one.

THe KiKO peRSon: I'm glad you like it. What I decided to do with the bad grammar was just type the Mary Sue fic really fast and not fix any of my errors. It works.

Izumi-17: LOL. Thanks.

Masterarcher: Thanks. I'm glad. Mary Sues are evil but intriguing, aren't they? At least they are when they're getting bashed. They're just annoying otherwise.

Fredsonetrueluv: Thanks so much. The sad thing is, Eragon Ridher reminds me of authors on here too.

Chaos Queen2.0: Thanks. Good luck with your OC. It would be pretty hard to make her worse than Estelena. What I did with her was take stuff from every Mary Sue I've seen and make her.

Nasuada: Thanks. Murtagh will so be in this story. Expect him quite soon. The grammar errors aren't consistent because all I did was type the Mary Sue fic parts really fast without fixing any typos. I tried to add a few mistakes that seemed consistent, like leaving out of a double letter or making other words have double letters where there are only single letters.

Ebz: What do you mean by turn up? No, that fic was my own creation, though I've seen stories like that. I seriously read a story where Murtagh called Arya a floozie, and I thought, "Murtagh doesn't use that word. Nobody in Alagaësia does." And Arya tends to have a lot of sisters, though most of them are younger, not older as Avaliana was. I know how this will end. I'm not sure about the in-between, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Azulcat: Thanks. The typos were random. I just typed those parts as fast as I could and didn't fix them. I'm glad you got why there was an h in ridher. Mary Sue stories are surprisingly common. I've thought of a few Sues, and then I've had to forget them once I realized what they were.

DaggerPen: Thanks for the fake review. That was funny. I don't think being able to write in net speak is a very useful skill. I used to write in it, but my one friend made me stop. I'm so glad she did. I'm glad you like the satire and the reactions. The reactions are fun to write.

Crazydance242: Thanks. I'm glad you think this story is different than other funny stories. The concept (fan fic within a fan fic) was done for LotR, but I wanted to do it for Eragon, and the authoress of the fic gave me permission, so here it is. I'm glad you think the grammar and spelling is alright. Why did you think I didn't let unlogged people review? I get more that way.

Jess Readin: Thank you for degrading yourself and leaving a "complimentary" review. I'm glad you like this parody.

Avalon's Mists: Yes, you may. Thanks for the fake flame. Avaliana was probably worse than her daughter.

H.l.stealth: I'm glad that this makes up for finishing How to Make Murtagh Crazier.

Ristvak'baen: Thanks so much. I decided somebody should know all about Sues, and I decided to make that person Trianna. I don't know why, but I thought it worked for some odd reason.

Tahirih.luv2sew: Well here's more. Why Yikes? Is it Estelena?


	3. Ah, the Obscentity

Ah, the Obscenity

Disclaimer: I don't really own much except Estelena and Ohen-Briam. Anyone want them?

_Estelena leapt off Saphy and landed oh so gracefullu on the ground of the courtyar dof Surda's capital. (A/N: I can't remember what it's called, and I'm too lazy to look it up.)_

_Gon-Gon got off just behind her just as gracefully, and Rory fell off Saphy. Estelena tried not to laughcause Eragon looked genuinely concerned for his cousin._

H'es such a nice guy,_ she said to Ohen-Briam._

He's perfedt for you,_ the dragon replied. _

Yeah, he is,_ she thought. She edecided she was doenw ith deniying her feelings for Eragon. _

"She was denying her feelings for me?" Eragon asked. "When?"

"Well, if I were you," Trianna began, "I'd take it as a blessing that she called me by my actual name and ignore the rest of it."

"And if I were you, I'd take pity on the poor dwarf who's reading this trash and let him finish his chapter," Orik added.

"Yes, you really should continue reading," Nasuada said. By the time Orik had started reading, she remembered that it was her turn to read next and cursed mentally.

_Estelena then tripped over a random rock, and Gon-Gon caut her in his drong arms. They both blused crimson. (A/N: Cute mental image.)_

"_Eragon," a female voice called out, "I thought you were going to Helgrind."_

Nasuada, Arya, Trianna and Angela all crossed their fingers, praying that they weren't "the female voice."

"_And who is your companaion?" an oily femeale voice added. _

_Estelena lookd up and saw a dark-shinned woman with frizzy black hair who didn't look like she used shampoo standing beside a groassly pale woman who looked like hse had the same issues._

"_Oh, Lady Nausada, this is Estelena Magdelena and her dragon, Ohen-Briam," Eragon introduced. _

"Nausada?" Nasuada yelled. "And who is she calling ugly? Her hair is two different colors. And since when have I been lacking in hygiene?"

"Welcome to my world," Arya said. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm probably the 'groassly pale woman.'"

"Actually, that's probably me," Trianna put in.

"Akh Gûnteraz Dorzada! Let me read, and you'll find out," Orik swore.

_He just ignored the othe girl, who Estelena recognized as the hussy Tiranni who'd tried to seduce him inn Eldest._

"What is Eldest?" Angela asked curiously.

"The second book," Trianna replied.

"You tried to seduce Eragon?" Nasuada, Arya, Orik, and Roran all asked at the same time.

"It's a long story," the sorceress said. "Now, Orik, continue reading."

"Actually, I'd like to hear the story," Nasuada said sounding mildly interested.

"You never told me this, lad. Why couldn't this have been what you talked about when you were drunk?" Orik added.

"It was rather embarrassing actually," Eragon mumbled. "Saphira interrupted."  
"So you were going to go along with it?" Arya asked, sounding interested.

"Wow, cousin. I never knew you had that side to you," Roran remarked.

"Will you shut up and let the dwarf finish?" Eragon and Trianna yelled at the same time.

"_Saphira and me wree glying across Surda when we saw this girl and her dragon fertilizing it with their voices and dance mvoes," Eragon explained. _

"_And why did you trust her?" Nasaua asked. _

"_because hs eis a beyootfiul, kind-haerted, good person who was helping the people fo Sudar with her talents!" Gon-Gon yelled passinatley. Wiat. Had hje just admitted that he thought she was beyootfiul?_

_Estelena threw her arms around his neck and kissed him. Tiranni looked mad. Rory and Saphy Brighty looked amuzed. Nasuwada loked offeneded. Stupid, dipshitty prude. She wasn't even smart enough to get it own with Murtagh! (A/N: Sorryu. My frined who loves Murtagh just took my computer away and wrote the last wto sentences. They ,make a good pint though.)_

"Now this is something interesting," Trianna remarked, interrupting Orik.

"I don't know what the authoress is talking about," Nasuada said innocently. Too innocently actually.

"If you say so," Trianna said.

"I do," Nasuada replied sweetly. "Orik, keep reading."

_Menahiwle, Arya was watching from the balcony. How could this be happening to her? She recognized that hair the moment she saw it. This was her wonderful older sister's daughter. Her niece. And the stupid girl ha d stoelen Eragon. Why hadn't she taken her chance when Eragon had given it to her? Why? Even as she dissolved into tears, the elf knew it would have done no good to have eccepted hit then because Estelena was inifinitley more gorgues tehn herself and Eragon would have surely forgotten his infatuation with her even if she hadn't rejected hid advances._

"I am not in love with you, just so you know," Arya told Eragon.

"I know. You said it in the Ancient Language, and you are most definitely more beautiful than this Estelena," Eragon replied.

Arya glared at him, and he looked away.

"I'm sorry," she said. "It's this story. It's making me temperamental. Honestly, this Estelena is so stupid. What does she have against me?"

"And me?" Nasuada added.

"You are canon females," Trianna explained. "You have big roles. You are important in the story. You would steal the Sue's spotlight if she didn't constantly put you down."

"What about you?" Eragon asked.

"Oh, I'm just thought of as a slut by most of the authoresses on this sight, particularly the Suethors," Trianna explained.

"How will I be treated?" Angela asked.

"You will either be thought of as insane by the Sue, or you will be her adoring fan and possibly teacher," Trianna answered.

"I thought she was perfect. Why does she need a teacher?" Angela asked.

"It makes her seem more special, I suppose, if the Suethor likes you," Trianna explained.

Orik began to yell over the interrupters.

_Then, Arya thought up a brilliant plan. At least she thought it was. It was realy stupid and doomed to failure actually . She was going to go on this Helgrind tip and help Eragon. Thend h'ed fortege thtis stupid Estelena and love her again. She ran down and explainedwhat she wanted to do to everyone._

_Eragon, being th egentleman, didn't refurse her, htough he seemed repulsed by the idea. Estelena had opend his gorguesly hawt eye sto what Arya really was: a freak, a dipshit, a ho, and a gothic idjit. He didn't need her. He had Estelena. Well, he still ha dto be nice to her._

Shame,_ Saphy said._

Arya was gripping the edge of her seat and seething in rage.

_Helzvog help us when she has to read,_ Orik thought.

_Anyhoo, Nausea let them go, and hse didn't go cause we all know she' a useless and incompetent idiot who has to depend on everyone else to do anything. I mean, supporting th Vardden by selling lace? WTF?_

"It was a good idea, and it's worked!" Nasuada shrieked at the book.

"Yes, it did," Trianna agreed.

_And then she undermine dth eking of Surda's economy by doing this? (A/N: What's the king's aame? I remember it said he wasn kinda cute but kinda weird.)_

_And then she got hur tin battle and Eragon ahd to heal her and wastes valuable energy._

"Well, I'm sorry. It was a battle. People do get hurt during battles. And who dismounted gracefully from a dragon and then tripped over a random rock just so that 'Gon-Gon' could catch her?" Nasuada said.

_Yeah, Nazuadda was a dipshit,_ Orik yelled. He was annoyed with thiese interruptions. He looked at the next lines and groaned. He took a deep breath and read, _Then things got worse. The smelly drwarf Orik came down and ademenaed to go to Helgrind too. _

He looks dumber and durtirer than Rornan,_ Estelena thought._

I agree with you there,_ Ohen-Briam agreed. _

_Eragon was still his being hies wonderful nice self and let the dumb drwaf go. Anywa, Ohen-Briam cried because he was going to separated from his rider for a little hwile. He wasn't worried thoug. Estelena was a friece fighter. Then they had this trip that would have been more exciting if there hand't been other people with them. I mean, think of all the things they ocul dhave done. (A/N: Wink. Wink.)_

"Yes, I could have pushed you off the saddle, and I wouldn't have been tried for murder," Eragon said in a falsely cheerful voice.

"Oh, we wouldn't have done that," Arya said. "Her death would have complied perfectly with my really dumb plan that was doomed to failure."

"And Roran and I would have been too dumb to notice," Orik put in.

"And I would have been too much of a dipshit to realize you were lying when she said you just fell off," Nasuada added.

_Anwway, they gotto Helgrind and kicked the shit out of the Ra'zac. IT was a long battle and I really suck at writing fight scnes. All that really matter is that Ary aalmost got killed but Orik saved her. Darn. Then Rorna went to find Katrina, bu tall he found ws her skeleton. He cried very hard, and Estelena sang a very soothing melody to comfort hij. Eragon ddint' get jealous because he knew Estelena was his, and his cousin needed cheering up. Plus, Estelena secretly felt it was a good thing tha tKatriana was dead cause ROran needed somedoby a little less like a damsel in distress. Honestly, she was annoying. Saphy agreedw tih er. She'd only known Rorna a little,b ut from what hse'd heard from Eragon bout Katrina, she hadn't thourhg she'd been good for ROrna. _

"She is not annoying, and she's perfectly fine! Why must you insult everything? And I wouldn't want your comfort if my fiancée was found dead having been eaten!" Roran yelled.

_Roran, she will be awake soon,_ Saphira comforted, _and I do not feel the way this dragon that happens to share my name does. _

"Well, Orik, thank you saving my life from the Ra'zac," Arya said.

"It was no problem," the dwarf replied. "After all, I needed to help a person who is being mercilessly thrashed by the Sue."

_That night,_ Orik then began, _Estelena was lying in the very big and very soft bed that she had been given by te Varden. She heard a knocking on her chamber door. _

_She opened it and saw Eragon. _

"_What are uou doing here?" she asked, truly not knowinght e answer. _

"_I was here to see how you were sleeping," Eragon replied sounding embarrassed. _

"_Well, I was sleeping ifne until you interrupted it," Estelena said, rolling her lovely violet eyes. _

"_Well then I'll have to make it up to you somehow," Eragon said with a wink. He pulled Estelena into a passionate kiss. His lips moved against hers. He stuck his big and soft tongue out and licked her lips, inviting htem to open. She parted her lips delicately and they're tongues dancecd together in a sultry tango. Sh eput her handsup his tunic and stroked the tanne,d muscely skni there. Eraogn moaned and began to remove her gorgeous dress. _

_OMG. I forgot to describe the dress. It was totally sexy because it had a low neckline but it wasn't slutty because that would be like Tiranni and that wouldn't be cool. It was deep violet, to mathc her eyes and it showed all her curves whiche were in all the righ tplaces and none of the wrong ones._

_Anyway, as soon as the sey dress was off…_

"For the love of all things decent, please, stop!" Eragon yelled. He got down on his knees in front of the dwarf. So did everyone else.

Orik skimmed the pages, and his eyes widened.

"Argetlam, you are a dog," the dwarf said, sounding mildly impressed.

"I don't want to hear it," Eragon muttered.

"And you were embarrassed to be in her room, and now you're doing this with her. Maybe Hrothgar shouldn't have made you Dûrgrimst Ingeitum," Orik continued.

"Orik, stop," Nasuada ordered. "We don't need to hear it."

"I don't want to know about my cousin's talents in bed," Roran mumbled. "I really don't."

_I don't want to know those things about my rider either,_ Saphira put in.

_I could live my whole life without knowing those things,_ Solembum added.

Everyone continued berating the dwarf. Finally, Orik had had enough.

"I am the one who is skimming this piece of trash, and none of you appreciate it. If this is how I am repaid, I will make you all suffer with me," the dwarf yelled. Thus, the entire group was subjected to a sex scene that had no doubt been plagiarized from a romance novel.

Roran had his fingers in his ears and was humming loudly. Unfortunately, Orik's voice was ten times louder than even Stronghammer's. Angela was banging her head against the wall. Solembum had joined her. Arya was gripping the edge of her seat, her face white. Nasuada's lower lip was practically on the floor. Trianna looked uncertain as to how she should be reacting. Eragon was writhing on the floor crying and screaming, but it was to no avail. Nobody noticed him. They were too disturbed.

Then, Orik got to a particularly choice section. It involved describing how much better Estelena's breast were than Arya's and Trianna's, even though Eragon could not know what either women's looked like. Then, Eragon Ridher explained that he had simply drawn the conclusion that Estelena's were better than the other two's based on what he had seen when they wore tight clothing.

_Not that he stares, cause that would be pervy, and Gon-Gon ain't pervy, cept when it comes to Estelena. Tehe._

Arya ripped the chair in two and fell into the wreckage, breathing hard. She didn't even seem to care about the pain. She let out an ear-piercing shriek that failed to drown out Orik's very loud voice.

Trianna grabbed a piece of wreckage and hurled it at the wall.

_Anways, that's the end of that chappie. I bet you all loved it. That sex scene was hard to write. I had to turn to a few books for inspiration._

"Cough! Plagiarism! Cough!" Nasuada screamed.

_Anyhoo, here are the review responses._

_Marysuefriend: Thank you so much for defending me against those horrible, evil flamers. Who does yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend think she is? I'm so honored that I will put Murtagh in the next chapter. _

_Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: Just read what marysuefriendsaid, and suck it, bitch._

_Daggerpen: Well, this update came sooooo soon. I love your flattering reviews. They make me feel speshul. _

_Dodogrrl: Your penname fits. What is wrong with this sotry/ what does psychosis even mean? As for whati was doing when I wrote this, stuff you'd never do cause you're a prude. And Gon-Gon was not OOC. He doesn't love Arya. He woul too fall in love with Estelena cause she's so wondderufl. And Eragon doesn't doesn't erespect ROrna that much. I mean, he just random accused Estelena of being evil, wihich whs so obvisouly instn't. And Estelena willnever die. You're the one who needs to die. _

_Za Webmaster Authoress: "lyk, OMG how can U be so mean? im none of those, things, whatevah tey R!"_

_Tahirih.luv2sew: Finally, sombedoy know lit._

_Jess Readin: Iyke ditto_

_Fredsonetrueluv:Oh, you are lyke so nice._

_Skipper, the flaming llama: lyke ditto_

_Blaze ocean dragon: Lyke I said for Za Webmaster Authoress. And how did you guess so much of the plot? I don't get it. But I have some other twists you didn't figure out. Ha!_

Orik closed the book and saw a very strange sight. Eragon was on the ground, hyperventilating. Nasuada, Trianna, Arya, and Angela were all trying to help him. Roran was still humming with his fingers in his ears. The dwarf started to laugh. Tears of mirth ran down his face. This scene was just too funny. Naturally, in all the chaos, nobody noticed the door opening, and a person stepping through to stand in the corner.

"It's over now, lad," Orik said to Roran, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Thank you!" Roran and Eragon, who had finally stopped hyperventilating, yelled at the same time.

"Orik, that was mean," Nasuada admonished.

"But you must admit, it was rather interesting," the intruder put in. "What caused the hope of the Varden to start doing that though?"

"Holy shit! Murtagh!" Nasuada yelled.

Ooh. Cliffy. Thanks for my seventeen reviews. I love you all. Keep up the good work. I feel so sorry about scarring all the canon characters.

CelticWater: Oh, thanks.

Marysuefriend: Abby, you are so weird. Insulting yourself is fun though.

Izumi-chan: He got the most spotlight at the end of the chapter when he turned into a bit of sadist, I think. Then again, reading that would make most people a sadist. I'm glad you love this.

Zebras are my friends: Thanks. Mary Sues are always uncoolly awesome when they're being bashed. I'm glad you like, and now, I'm giving you all Murtagh as a reward.

Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: Abby, thanks for giving me the nickname Gon-Gon. And yes, he has been scarred for life as has everyone else who read and/or heard that chapter.

BobMcBobinton: I'm glad you don't hate me or want to insult me anymore. And I'm glad you like the fic. Thanks. Are your sister's highlights real by the way? Estelena's are, and that's the Mary Sue thing of it.

DaggerPen: I'm glad I'm educating authors on the evils of Mary Sues, or at least you think I am. Murtagh was just brought in, and he will be in both fics next chapter.

Dodogrrl: I'm glad you like the story. As for Eragon/Trianna, I'm going to see if I can put a little of that into the story. At first, I didn't like her, but now she doesn't seem so bad. I don't know why, but she was just flirting with Eragon because she liked him. She has had a hard life too. Eragon/Trianna is better than Eragon/Arya. So is every other pairing actually. I'm glad you like the nicknames. They're fun. Wow. I'm glad I made you like Arya. I don't dislike her so much as think she isn't right for Eragon. I think she's okay when Paolini isn't describing how beautiful she is.

Za Webmaster Authoress: I'm glad Estelena is appropriately scary.

Tahirih.luv2sew: I'm glad you like it. Estelena is definitely worthy of being "Yikes!"-ed. Is that even a word? Who cares?

Jess Readin: I hope I didn't make that mistake again this chapter. I tried to avoid that. I see what you meant. I'm glad you still like it.

Chaos Queen2.0: Thanks. I'm glad I inspired you to not make your character a Sue. I'm sorry I made you feel bad though. What story is this supposed Sue in?

Fredsonetrueluv: Yeah, the name came to me randomly. There's seriously an author who gave her character hair like that? The only real people with hair like that have had it highlighted to look that way. Anyway, I hope I gave you laughs.

Skipper, the flaming llama: Glad I made you laugh. Sorry that your little brother thought you were weird. Mine thinks I'm weird too. Of course, I think he's weird, so it's fair.

Blaze ocean dragon: Thanks so much. I hope this chapter was even better.

Azulcat: Thanks.

Ristvak'baen: I'm glad you think so, and now you've see Murtagh. I hope to update soon. Exams are over, and I have absolutely nothing to do this weekend. I'm glad you like the nickname. My friend Abby came up with it.


	4. Two There Should Be

Two There Should Be

Disclaimer: I only own Ohen-Briam, Estelena, and Amowiel. That's very disheartening. Cookies to anyone who gets the joke in the chapter title.

The leader of the Varden clapped her hand over her mouth, realizing that she had just cursed using a word from "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha."

_I knew this book would corrupt us. I just knew it,_ Solembum said cynically.

"Yes, it is I," Murtagh said. "By the way, I had no idea you were such a potty mouth, Nasuada. Watch your language.

"It's a long story, but I have been corrupted by a frilly pink horror entitled "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha," Nasuada explained. "We all have. It's rather tragic."

"I'd love to hear it," Murtagh said, "but I'm supposed to be capturing Eragon and Saphira."

"How did you get in here?" Eragon asked. He had finally recovered from his shock.

"I pretended I was a servant and snuck in. Someone should really tell King Orrin how terrible his security is," Murtagh said.

"Hold on!" Orik yelled. "You're the rider who killed Hrothgar. I will have my revenge on you."

Murtagh stared at him. "I recognize you," he muttered.

"I'm the dwarf who stopped the twins from prying into your mind. I wish I'd let them," Orik explained.

"I'm really sorry about your king. I had no idea that was who that was," Murtagh said actually sounding a little apologetic.

"Stop giving false apologies, and let us fight to the death," Orik challenged.

Murtagh was about to draw Zar'roc, and Orik was about to draw his weapon when Nasuada intervened.

"Instead of senseless violence, why doesn't Murtagh just stay with us until the story is done?" she suggested.

"What?" everyone asked.

"Murtagh, you don't attack us until the story is done, and we extend the same courtesy to you. It's fair," Nasuada explained.

"I understood that part of it," Trianna said. "Why though?"

"To prevent violence," Nasuada said, using the first excuse that came to her mind.

"But they're just going to start fighting once the story is done," Eragon objected.

"I'm hoping that story will bring us all together in the brotherhood of battle," Nasuada said brightly.

"He killed my king!" Orik screamed.

"He was forced to kill Galbatorix, or so Eragon says, and this story would be the perfect way to get revenge on him," Nasuada said calmly.

"Wait," Murtagh put in. "I haven't agreed to this."

"Why not?" Nasuada asked, looking at him sweetly.

Murtagh put his hand over his forehead and said, "I must be mad, but I'll do it."

_Murtagh, this is a bad idea, _Thorn said, objecting so that the whole room could here.

_It is not,_ Murtagh told him. _I'll finish this little book, and then it will all be fine._

_I'm in the courtyard with Saphira. I'll be listening, and if they hurt you before this story is over, I'll kill them and you,_ Thorn warned.

_Why me?_ Murtagh asked.

_Because you're a blockhead and you'll deserve it,_ Thorn said.

_I love you too,_ Murtagh told him.

_Don't say I didn't warn you,_ the ruby dragon continued.

_I won't be able to. I'll be dead,_ Murtagh said.

_Then start reading,_ Thorn said.

"So, whose turn is it to read?" Angela asked, hoping that it wasn't her.

"I think newcomers should read next," Trianna put in.

"That is fitting vengeance," Orik decided.

"I agree. Nasuada, do we an executive decision?" Arya asked.

"Yes, Murtagh will read the next chapter so that I won't have to read for another chapter," Nasuada said.

Orik passed the hot pink eyesore that was "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha" to Murtagh, who took one look at the cover and laughed.

"Is her penname seriously Eragon Ridher?" he asked.

"Shut up," Eragon told him. "Just shut up." Murtagh was so lucky that looks couldn't kill.

"He's still seething from the last chapter," Nasuada explained.

"What happened last chapter?" Murtagh asked.

"If you have to ask, we won't tell you," Eragon said.

"And none of want to because we're all so disgusted from hearing things like this about our hero," Angela added. "And we didn't have a warning, so I don't see why you should. Start reading."

"We're on chapter 3," Nasuada told him.

"So, what's the plot of this?" Murtagh asked as he opened to chapter 3.

"There is none," Nasuada replied after a moment's thought. "There's just this sickeningly perfect half-elfin girl named Estelena Magdelena who's from this other world where this whole story is a book."

"And her mother was my made-up older sister who was supposedly better than me and everyone else, and she spent her dying moments talking about what a horrible little sister I was," Arya added. "Oh, and I'm supposedly in love with Eragon and horribly jealous of her.

"And she's in love with me," Eragon put in regretfully.

"And she thinks I'm a stupid, dirty dwarf who's not worth the attention," Orik said.

"And she hasn't mentioned me yet, for which I am grateful," Angela said.

"And she thinks I'm a whore, but that's how most of these author's portray me," Trianna said.

"And she killed off my fiancée and comforted me," Roran added. "She also made me monosyllabic, and when I suspected her of being evil the first moment I met her, I was a horrible person for thinking there was anything weird about a random girl popping up out of nowhere without a dragon."

"Ah," Murtagh said. "How will I be portrayed?"

"Well, Suethors have three purposes for you," Trianna said.

"And they are?" he asked.

"The first one is that you are a maniacal, murderous, raving lunatic who is suffering unrequited love for the Sue, the generically perfect girl, who feels a reciprocated love for Eragon," she said.

Murtagh winced.

"You will probably kidnap her and possibly rape her," Trianna continued.

Murtagh's eyes took on a deadened look.

"And Eragon will rescue her and kill you and they'll all live happily ever after," Trianna finished.

"I suddenly don't want to hear the other two," Murtagh mumbled.

Trianna ignored. "Your second purpose is the love object of another Sue. Your romance will play out the same way Eragon's does. She will probably free you from your oaths and win your heart and live happily ever after with you."

Murtagh glared at her.

"Your third purpose is the most sickening. You and Eragon will both love the Sue, and she will love you both. She will then have to choose between the two of you. Sometimes she does, mostly because the other one died. Sometimes she doesn't, and you become a threesome. Literally," Trianna said.

Murtagh gulped. "Which option will she go with?" he asked tentatively.

"Well, her friend likes you, and Estelena pretty much worships Eragon, and fake Eragon worships her, so I'd say the second option is the most likely," Trianna decided.

_I told you reading this would be a bad idea,_ Thorn said.

Murtagh ignored him, gulped, and began.

_Like, OMG, this is the chappie I know you've all been waitn for. I'm bringine in Murtag. _

Orik looked like his birthday had come early. Murtagh looked perturbed.

"Why is my name spelled without an h?" he asked.

"I don't know," Nasuada said. "She misspells mine a different way each time." She took a look at the book. "Oh, it looks like your misspelling is consistent. At least she thinks she knows how to spell it. I have a theory that she's hoping she'll spell it right once if she spells it differently every time."

"Has she?" he asked.

"No," Nasuada replied.

_Murtag was depressed. _

I'm so depressed,_ he saidto his dragon Thorn._

Why?_ the dragon asked._

I bretrayed my own brighter and I feel like a jerk,_ Murtagh eplanined. _

That makes sense,_ Thorn said. _I wis there aws some way we could get out of our othas.

And now Galbyorix is going to totally beat the shit out of us for nto capturing Eragon,_ Murtag added._

That sucks,_ Thorn said. _

It does suck,_ Murtag said, punching htew wall. That made his hand hrut Poor, crazy bdumb lil hawt guy._

Murtagh paused after reading that sentence and sucked in his breath. That book was so lucky it was an inanimate object because Murtagh would have made it experience pain beyond belief if it had been otherwise.

_He wthen waleked into the big, dark, creep y throne room. _

I never get used to hsow creepy this place is,_ he said to Thorn._

Ditto,_ Thorn agreed._

_What does that even mean?_ the real dragon yelled.

"I think it means same or something," Trianna said.

Murtagh relayed the message to Thorn.

_I would never say that word,_ Thorn stated.

_I know you wouldn't,_ Murtagh told him. _This girl just keeps restating everything. _

"Get on with the story," Orik yelled.

_They then entered the strhone room, whiche was creepy. _

_Galbyorix sat on the throne. He looked realllly creepy. His hjair was all long and dark and greasy and his were all bulgy and blck and beady._

"Bulgy, black, and beady?" Murtagh asked. "She just contradicted herself."

"She does that," Arya said.

"Estelena has black and blond hair," Nasuada added.

"Keep going," Orik ordered.

"_Why don't' you idiots ha e Eragon and Saphira?" Galbyorix demaned. _

"_We didn't want to capture them," Murtag said dully. He sitill sounded really drepressed._

"_Well, that's just one lame excuse!" Galbyorix yelled, spraying spit every whre. He hten began to torture poor Murty and Thorny. _

_Murty and Thorny?_ Thorn shouted.

"She's given you nicknames too," Eragon said with a smile.

"What are yours?" Murtagh asked.

"You'll just have to wait and see," Eragon said after a moment's thought.

_Just then a girl brust into the thorne room and ylled, "Fhaather, this is crule. Please, stope it."_

"_Awowiel," Galbyorix said, looking slightly sacred. He stoppe d torturing the rdier and dragon._

"_They distobyebd you, but hey've ovbeyed you so many more times," the girl pleaded. _

_Murtag's head was still on the ground, so he couldn't look at her._

"_Fine," Galyorix pouted. "Just go hela them, and come back here afterwards."_

Galbyorix has a daughter?_ Murtag thoudt weakly. _

She did call him fhater,_ Thonr said._

And who could make the old hater csared except his own flesh and blood?_ Murtag added bfore passing out. Thorn did the the saem. _

"This is absolutely ridiculous," Murtagh said. "Galbatorix doesn't have a daughter, and if he did, I'd know he had one."

"Just keep reading," Trianna told him. "She might explain it later on."

_These people are still optimistic?_ Solembum asked incredulously.

Murtagh cleared his throat and began reading, _Murtag opened his hawt dark eyes and saw a very hawt sight. _

_A young girl with red hair was standing there. she had merry emerald eyes that were flecked with black. Her red hair flowed past her waist in aves and almost to her ankles, whiche were very trim. She was quite tall, and she was quite thin, thougt not overly so on either counts. Murtag guessed she was about nineteen or twenty._

Which is very close to your age at twenty one,_ Thorn added._

What?_ Murtag asked. _

Come on. You're checking her out,_ the ruby dragon snorted. _

Maybe I am,_ the rider agreed. _

"_What's your name, fair one?" he asked._

_The girl giggled showing very wite and even teeth and said, "I am Amowiel."_

"_You're Galbyorix's daughter?" Murtag asked incredulously. "Theone who save Thorn and I from his wrath?"_

"_Yep," she said, her smile getting wider. _

"_But how did you get here? I've never seen you before, and I d remember one such as you," Murtag continued._

"_Aw, uou're such a flatterer," Amowiel giggle and blushed quite prettily. _

"Um, I have no idea who this Amowiel is, but as a fellow red head, I happen to know that when you blush, it looks like your head is on fire. At least, that's what it looks like when I blush," a voice said groggily.

Roran turned towards Katrina's bed and smiled when he saw that she was sitting up.

"You're finally awake?" he asked, hugging her.

"Yes," she said. "Now, could you please explain what's going on here? I'm confused."

Roran then told her everything that had happened with Eragon and with him.

"So, we're with the Varden in Surda?" she asked.

Roran nodded.

"And my own father betrayed me?" she asked.

"I'm sorry to say it, but yes," he told her.

Katrina sighed. Roran hugged her more closely.

"I'm going to be sick," Murtagh mumbled.

"Shut up!" Roran yelled.

"It's cute," Nasuada said. Then she realized she'd used a word from the story.

Katrina decided to ask Roran another question to get her mind off Sloan. "What is this story about?"

Roran then explained how they had all come to start reading "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha."

"She killed me off?" Katrina asked.

Roran nodded.

"She made you monosyllabic?" the girl asked.

Roran nodded.

"Why are you reading this?" she asked.

"Well, it started out as something to pass the time until you awoke, and since you're awake, I think we should stop reading," Roran said.

"No!" everyone else yelled.

"You actually want to keep reading this?" Roran asked.

"No, but we've already started, and we've made a deal," Nasuada said, gesturing at Murtagh.

"And not everyone has read aloud yet, and I'm not about to be unfair," Trianna added.

They all sighed.

"So, do I have to read after Murtagh is done?" Katrina asked tentatively.

"Yes," Orik said.

"But the poor thing just woke up," Angela protested, becoming maternal.

"Yes," Katrina added.

"Too bad," Trianna said. "It's only fair. You'll have to read aloud sooner or later."

"Fine," Katrina said.

"Murtagh, please continue," Nasuada said.

_Murtag continued to stare at the beauty, taking in more of her. Her paleishly tanne dksin was not marred by blemishes and she had dimples when she smiled, which seeme dot be all the time. _

"Paleishly tanned?" Murtagh asked.

"We've already talked about contradictions," Nasuada said gently.

"They come up," Roran added.

"This is sad," Katrina remarked.

_Yes, it is,_ Saphira agreed.

_And it's even sadder that we're all reading this,_ Thorn added.

_We will all be so cynical and corrupted by the time this story is over,_ Solembum remarked.

"And we want it to be over, so Murtagh, finish," Trianna said, cutting them all off.

The young man simply gaped at the page.

"Murtagh, I know it's bad, but you have to read," Nasuada said, putting a hand on his shoulder and then removing it when Trianna and Angela both exchanged looks.

"There are three whole paragraphs describing how much better her…assets are than this girl named Anunada's," Murtagh deadpanned. "I don't even know somebody named Anunada. Oh, wait. Did she just mutilate somebody's name beyond recognition?"

Nasuada raised her hand. She was seething so much you could practically feel the heat radiating from her body.

"But your name begins with an N!" Murtagh protested.

"I know," she hissed.

"And I've never stared at those on you or her," he continued.

Nasuada said nothing. She seemed to be at a loss for words.

"He was staring at them when he came in here," Trianna muttered to Eragon, who fought a laugh. Murtagh and Nasuada didn't seem in the mood to be laughed at right about now.

Arya heard them and chortled.

Murtagh finally regained his composure and started reading, picking up after the sickening paragraphs.

"_Anyway," Amowiel said, "I'll just have to get aorudn to healing you."_

_She then began to sing a spell in the Ancient Language that stunned mUrtag with its beauty. By the time she was done, all his wounds had ben healed. While she sang, Amowiel told him that her mother had been an elf who had ben captured by Galbyorix. She then told of hwo her mother mysterisouly vanished and how sh had run away when she was little, living wti a merchant Jeod and his wife Helen in Tierm. Shen then told of how Galbyorix's shade Durza had round her while she was running around outisede Tierm to get fresh air. _

"_Now, let's go report to my father," Amowiel said cutely, taking his hand after she finished. "But you might wanna put your shirt back on first."_

_Murtagh smiled slighty when he noticed that she was staringat his chest. He then puthte shirt back on. _

_They then walked towards the dark and creepy thorne room. They knew it would be less dark and creepy now that the wre together. _

_That's the end of chapter 3. I hoped ya'll lovedit. I'm so happy Murty's in here now. Next chapter, we get back to Eri-mucnkins and Estelena. _

Murtagh started laughing.

"Shut up," Eragon yelled. "You were comparing two people's assets!" he continued.

"You compared three," Arya remarked.

Murtagh laughed harder. He finally collected himself and began to read.

_Anyhoo,here are the review responses._

_HappyIbanez-423: Whadoya maen gutting ht eEnlgihs language?Estelena is not poorly develop.d yOU are stupid! _

_Za Webmaster Authoress: It is not inappropriate. This is no tunrealistic. Who cares about grammar and spelling anyway? _

_Stripysockz: I am too smart. I'm just not a book freak. I deleted spell check because it got annoying. _

_The Petulant Purple Princess: Vegeta? Is that that weird dude form that weir dwhow with the dragon thingies? And what's his grvity chamber? Why ado you hate this fic/z What's wrong with it?Of course I know what ejaculated means. How dumb do you think I ma? And I am niehter sick nor a freakc (cept when it comes to Gon-Gon)._

_Dodogrrl: If dodoe's are smart, why are stupid people called dodos. Cause you're a suptid person. So it dos fit, but not in that way. I am not inasaena nd I don'tlike casuing pain. Tehe. That rhymed. You're insane and like causing apin, not me. And I don't care if you report. The sex scenw wasn't bad. Trianna is so a slut. She tried to seduce Gon-Gon. Orik is so not cool, and Ohen-Briam loves Estelena. So there. And stop ereadinghte story if it's causing you pain. Wait. You sdeserve pain, so keep reading. _

_EragonzbedbudE: I heart your penname. It's sooooo cool. Your nicknames are perftect. Thankz for defending me against the evil dodogrrl._

_Avalon's mists: What's canon? And I never raped anybody? I'm confused. And WTF is a spork?I'mb begging to think you're stupid._

_Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: Well, the only good part of that review was when you admitted that you don' hate all het. But then you hate the besthet eva so I can't give you much credit. Never review me again. If yo hate this sotyr so much, stuop reading it. _

_Azulcat: I'm soooooo glad you agree with me._

_Anyway, norw that thosea re out athe way, I bet the people who like this story can't wait until the next chapter. _

With that finished, Murtagh threw the book at Katrina, who had sat down next to him. Roran had moved back to his original place beside Trianna, and it was time for chapter four to begin. Everyone except Murtagh and Katrina looked worried. What was worrying them? The Morning-After Conversation, that's what.

That's the end of chapter 4. I'm so glad Murtagh is in this fic now. I also brought in Katrina. The poor thing isn't going to know what hit her. As for Murtagh, I can't even begin to express the amount of pity I bear for him right now. Anyway, here are the review responses. Twenty two for this chapter? That's insane. Thank you.

Prettybella: Thanks. I'm glad you like the reactions.

HappyIbanez-423: Really? What was it called? I think I might have come across this fic as well. And no, you didn't go overboard. It's fun for me to have Eragon Ridher overreact to people who flame or try to give constructive criticism.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Well, who doesn't love Murtagh? I hope you liked him in this chapter.

Jess Readin: Sadly, yes, Murtagh has a Sue too. I think I hate Amowiel as much as Estelena.

Izumi-chan: Don't worry. I'm a rabid Murtagh fan girl too. I agree with you about cliffies too. I'm glad you liked the bed scene. Those canon reactions were fun to write. You'll see about Galby, and no, it didn't disturb me.

!!!: I'm glad you like her stupid name.

Fredsonetrueluv: You know, sometimes Estelena and Eragon Ridher amaze me in a bad way too. Mary Sue stories always put down Arya and Trianna and sometimes even Nasuada and Angela. I don't get it. I decided to have this fic reveal unsavory aspects about everyone's life, like the almost love fest. I totally agree with you about the Murtagh/Nasuada thing by the way. They are an awesome couple, and Paolini should appreciate them more.

Ladyaymie: There are way too many Sue fics on this sight. I'm glad you like this Sue parody. And bringing Murtagh in was as much of a treat for me as it is for you. Still, you're welcome.

Chaos Queen2.0: Well, if your character's hair is dyed, that's not as Sueish because then it's believable, and it gives her more character if she dyes her hair. At least I think so. Scarring canon characters is so much fun. They will never be the same because of this fic.

Stripysockz: Eragon Ridher does have issues. I'd be scared of this fic if I was a canon character too.

Rock Not War: Thanks.

Ebz: Yeah, the sight might have been too busy. That's happened to me before. Estelena is very up herself, I must agree. Glad you're almost over your obsession. I haven't gotten over mine yet, but I did get over my obsessions for Sirius Black and Legolas. Well, I moved from Legolas to Aragorn, and I still get all jumpy when I look at my Aragorn destktop.

BobMcBobinton: I'm glad you liked the part where Orik made them all listen to the scene. That sucks that chlorine wrecked your sister's highlights. That'll be kinda weird if she doesn't get them fixed before school starts.

The Petulant Purple Princess: Yeah, scarring the canon for life is so much fun.

Dodogrrl: Eragon is probably the most mentally scarred from the reading. The skit was pretty funny. Write the Eragon/Trianna fic. We need more of that ship on this sight. The only people Eragon gets put with are Murtagh, Arya, and Mary Sues. Why not put him with Trianna or Nasuada once in a while? Ooh. I love chocolate chip cookies. Thanks. I can see how the review from EragonzbedbudE would be painful to write. The funny thing was I was thinking the same thing when Trianna didn't know how to react to the scene.

Avalon's Mists: Thanks.

WWMTgirl: Estelena can get pretty gross, and she may get worse. I have something planned for Amowiel and Murtagh that will exceed grossness. As for the Burn All Sues club, you can order our jackets for the wonderful price of $25. Bye it now, and we'll allow you to insert your favorite method of Mary Sue murder on the jacket. For example, the jacket could read "Burn All Sues" if that is your favorite method of death. Or perhaps you'd like evisceration? No problem. "Eviscerate All Sues." Impalement… You get the picture.

Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: I hope his reaction lived up to your expectations, and I am feeling some Gollum issues. Eragon Ridher. –shudders-

Azulcat: I'm glad you thought that scene was funny. I loved writing it. They all were mentally scarred though. I've seen so many people on this sight call Arya a bitch, and they do it reviews and in stories. It's insane.

DaggerPen: Yes, I am. I will kill Paolini with you if he doesn't put Murtagh and Nasuada together. They are awesome. I'm scary on sugar too. I once woke my friend's niece up while I was on sugar. I couldn't stop laughing.

Brix: If they can manage to bring her out of the story, they will do that. Murtagh is completely awesome. I love him to death. Anyway, story of my life. On to the next response. P.S. I'll take that cookie. I love cookies.

Zebras are my friends: I do love Tagh. He's awesome, and that's a cool nickname for him. I do pity Eragon. I would hate hearing something like that about myself. Oh well. I gives me and some other people a laugh. See ya.


	5. A MorningAfter Conversation from the Sa

The Morning-After Conversation from the Same Place as the Prologue

Disclaimer: I just own Estelena, Ohen-Briam, and Amowiel. Wow. That almost makes me wanna go emo.

_Estelena aweoke in herriders arms. He was till stleeping an dhe looked very cute whiel he ws sleeping._

_She woek him up with a kiss._

"_Hey dragon head," she said brightly/_

"Nasuada, permission to point and laugh?" Murtagh said.

"Permission granted," she replied.

Murtagh then proceeded to point and laugh at Eragon. Roran joined him.

"I want to be done this chapter soon," Katrina yelled.

"_Dragon head?" Eragon asked, cokcing an eyebrow sexily._

"_Well, you're a dragon rider, and your other head is beig," Estelena explained._

There was a loud crash as Murtagh fell backwards off his chair.

"Hey!" Angela yelled. "I've suffered through three chapter of this. You've only suffered one. You have no right to be losing your sanity."

Murtagh stopped laughing and pulled himself back onto his chair.

"Have you even been in this story?" he asked.

"No," Angela admitted. "I don't think I've ever been more grateful to be completely ignored."

"Most likely, you won't be for long," Trianna told her.

"Stop spoiling my happiness!" Angela scolded.

"Happiness?" Murtagh asked. "I hope you get a Sue!"

"You are perverted," Arya said.

"No, I'm not," Murtagh said. "Though this story could make me."

"I think you meant Stu," Trianna said.

Everyone stared at her.

"Estelena and Amowiel as a boy," Trianna explained.

Everyone cringed.

"Don't worry. Eragon Ridher hates most of the female characters in this fic. There won't be any Stus," the sorceress comforted.

Everyone looked relieved. Everyone is being rather bipolar.

"May I continue? I just recovered," Katrina put in.

Everyone apologized, and Katrina continued.

_Gon-Wonny was flattered._

"How many nicknames do you have have?" Murtagh asked his brother.

"A lot," he seethed.

Katrina took a deep breath.  
"Let her continue," Roran ordered.

"Thank you," Katrina said sweetly.

"_Aw, you're so cute when you look flattered," Estelena crooned._

"_You were awesome," Eragon told her._

"_I know" she said. "so were you."_

_Gon-Gon slushed from the flattery . _

"_An now you look cute," Estelena continued._

_Eragon blushed even deeper. Estelena gillged cutley. _

Katrina stopped and ran her finger over the page.

"She used the word cutely four times, and I've only read about a page," she remarked.

"She has a very limited vocabulary," Arya explained.

"It's pitiful," Roran added. "She can't even spell hot correctly."

"I'm willing to bet that she believes toads exist," Angela put in. No one could tell if she was serious or joking.

"Continue reading," Nasuada ordered.

"_Want antoher round?" she asked._

_Eragon dropped his inhibitions and…_

"Eragon!" Katrina yelled. "No girl can do that. I am sorry."

"We're all used to hearing about old Dragon Head's and Mary Sue's bedroom skills," Roran said.

"Akh Gûnteraz Dorzada, I had to read it!" Orik shouted.

To say Murtagh and Katrina looked disturbed would have been like saying rain was wet. It was both obvious and an understatement.

The latter gulped and said, "Well, none of you have been very generous with me, so I must say that I feel the same way Orik does."

Everyone looked scared. Thus they were subjected to Eragon's Ridher's sick fantasies once again.

"I could have lived a full life and never heard that," Murtagh remarked after it was done. He sounded rather nonchalant about the whole thing. Unfortunately, the whole image was undone by the fact that he was cowering behind his chair.

"Personally," Roran said, "I would rather jam two burning ice picks down my ears repeatedly than listen to my cousin's….dragon head described in such detail again."

"There is not doubt in my mind that you will have to hear it again," Trianna said.

Everyone groaned.

"Hey!" Eragon shouted. "It's me she's describing, and you're all just jealous because you're not as loved."

_Eragon, I don't think they're jealous,_ Saphira said. _I know I'm not._

_Rider, that was just plain stupid,_ Solembum said.

"Oh yes, I'm terribly jealous," Murtagh spat sarcastically. "I mean, you've got a bloody whore. Who wouldn't be jealous of that?"

"You'll get one," Nasuada said. "Take it as a comfort." She whispered something in his ear that sounded like Amowiel. The red rider cringed.

_I told you so,_ Thorn said. He didn't sound as smug as he had expected to be when Murtagh realized his mistake. Apparently, the sex scene was a bit too mentally scarring for the poor dragon.

_Yes, you did,_ Murtagh agreed. His voice was distinctly deadened.

"Read," Nasuada ordered with a gulp.

Katrina began to read again.

_Meanwhiel, back at the castle_

"No!" Murtagh screamed.

Orik smiled. Revenge was sweet.

_Murtag anad Amowiel had just gotten back to the thorne room, which was dark and creepy._

"Enough with the dark and creepy!" Murtagh yelled.

"He's lost it," Nasuada said, her eyes wide.

"I'm more convinced of it now than I was at the Burning Plains," Eragon replied, his eyes putting Spongebob to shame.

"This is the idiot who killed Hrothgar?" Orik asked incredulously.

Murtagh took a deep breath, sat back down, and glared at everyone.

"Continue," he said to Katrina through gritted teeth.

"I'm waiting for the executive order," the girl said.

"I'll give it," Nasuada said.

"I'm sorry, milady," Murtagh said, executing an overly elaborate bow. Nasuada rolled her eyes.

"It's quite alright, serf," she said.

"Hem! Hem!" Katrina coughed. "Stop flirting, and let me get one with it."

"We weren't flirting," Murtagh and Nasuada both denied strenuously. Too strenuously.

Katrina rolled her own eyes and began to read, _Galbyorix was sitting on his dark and creepy thorne while storking a dragon eegg, muttering, "My rpecious." Like, Gollum much._

"Who's Gollum?" Eragon asked.

"I'm guessing this would go back to that which is rotting their brains," Angela said.

"Most likely," Trianna agreed.

Murtagh and Katrina looked at them for an explanation.

"It's something called TV," the sorceress said with a shrug. "I don't know what it is, but all these Suethors seem to refer to it."

Katrina began to read again, _He snapped out of his shcizo mood when he saw the new entries. _

"_So, Amowiel, you'v healed him? Damn," Galbyorix said. The girl swellin in anger and Galbyorix caved like a plate of wet spaghetti.Then he regain edhis balls. (A/N: EW! Sick thought!)_

"_Amowiel, since this idiot," he said with a glare at Murtagh, hwo suddenly felt depressed again, "you shalltouch my dragon egg and see if you are a rider."_

"I am bipolar today, aren't I?" Murtagh asked.

"In the story or in real life?" Nasuada asked.

"He's that way in both," Eragon muttered.

"I'll agree with you there," Orik added.

"Yes, let's all mock me," Murtagh mumbled.

"You do deserve it," Angela said.

Murtagh said nothing. He knew he'd done things he shouldn't have, but he wasn't going to pour out his heart right now.

Katrina continued again.

"_But I don't want ot," Amowiel said, stamping her foot cutely. Murtag almost swooned. _

Meanwhile, the real one looked ready to throttle the book.

"_Too bad!" Galbyorix said, taking all the cuteness out of the gesture hwne he mimicked his daughter. Murtag stopped feeling weak. _

_Galbyorix then proceeded to place Amowiel's dainty white hand on the egg. _

_She drew in her breath. It wasn't athcing. _

Saphira's voice cut through the story. _Oh thank god. I was afraid another dragon would be degraded and forced to serve another one of those abominations. _

"I'm afraid that the chances of the egg not hatching for her, despite what she says now, are negative ten percent," Trianna said sadly.

_She turned to go. _

"_Stop!" Galbyorix yelled._

_Amowiel gulped and turned. Fine cracks were appearing along the egg's ficne surface. _

"_Oh shit," she asiad. Then she realized hse'd be a rider and her spirist soared. She'd get to train wth MUrtag, and_

"It would be the perfect opportunity for me to kill you," the rider mumbled sarcastically.

_And,_ Katrina yelled over him, _she would have the comfort of her dargon. She wodn't let Galbyorix beat her donw. _

_Unfortuneately, as soon as the egg hathce,d Galbyorix got into he rmind, foud her true name, and began to torture her. Then the dragon bit him, and Galbyorix started torchering the dragon. Then Galbyroix knocedk both Amowiel and her dragon out. He seemed to be shaking with the effort. His daugheter was extremely powereful. _

"_Heal her," he gasped to Murtag, leaningon his throne for support. _

_Murtag obeyd this readily and picked up the surprisingly light girl and the dragon. He stat her down on the healer's bed and stared ather. He prayed she woudnl't die. _

"Oh, no," Murtagh began sarcastically. "We wouldn't want her to die. Heaven forbid that."

_Personally?_ Thorn asked. _I'd just love to rip her apart. _

_I'll help you with that if you help me with Estelena,_ Saphira put in. She seemed to be remembering her nickname right now.

_If they ever come here, that's a deal,_ Thorn said.

Katrina then began to read the review responses as the dragon's had their own little conversation.

_Ayawy, Estelena and Gon-GOn got it on again. I love writing htose scene. So, will Amowiel die or not? See next chapter. Anyway, here are the review responees? What is up wit hall these flamers? At least some people still likethis. _

_Ketaki Song: Estelena and Amowiel are not annoying. How are they annoying and how are Murtag and Gon-GOn OOC? What's wrong wti Mary Sue sanyawyay? You are so not beign night and spellckeck is mean!_

_IluvMarySuesALot: Thanks so much. I'm glad you havre theo good taste to like Mary Sues. _

_Bananasrokk: This doesn't suck. I am not stupid. And I am not nasty, I'm nice. Srew you. Who care aobut speeling anyway?_

_Dagger Pen: ew. You like Nausadda? Oh well. At leas tyou like the fic. _

_Chaed: People can have naturally balck and blond hair too. And the beta-reader I hired changed the story so much I couldn't bare to post it. They thought black and lbond hair was stupid. ANwya, suck it. _

_Stripysockz: Spellchekc is judegmental. And who caers how her name is spelled? She's an annoying little be-otch. WTF do mean with all htose words? Just casue I don't red the fucking dictionary doesn't mena I'm not smar.t And flaws are boring? Hello?_

_Rock Not War: I don't' know how to get speellcheck back, and I' don't want that judgemenatal piece of crap back. And who cares how carry's names are spelled/ is it erall that important?_

_Fredsonetrueluv: I know. ISn't she like toally? Finally, someone gets it. _

_Dodogrrl: Hey, just bedause I'm willing to do lots doesn't make me a bad person. Beseides, whey wouldn't tey want this stuff doens to them? And I didn't spele stupid wrong. As for you r rsponses for the characters, I don't even get what you're saying. Lonley people? Who cares? Orik sin't cool, and Ohen-Briam is dargon. You can't make him like anyone. _

_EragonzbedbudE: I'm glad you ltink so. There was a great sene between Estelena and Gon-Gon. Theyr'e so hawt together. _

_Tahirih.luv2sew: Fianally. Soemeon whoe gest that Murty is a perv! Thank you! You'll more about Amowiel later. Isn't Estelena awesome?_

_Azulcat: Isnt' Murtag in love so cute? And we got Estelena and Dragon head action in this chapter. _

_Marysuefriend: Tank you so much. I'm glad you like Amowiel and Estelena, though I odn't knowhow you couldn't. As for Murty and Amowiel, wlell, soon… Wink Wink Nudge Nudge_

_Cornelia Claire Chase: Shtu upt about the fucking spellchekc. IT's not special. My nameis not wrong. I don't ned a drhink. What are issues? Repeatingthings ins't bad. I don't want anybody to forget anything. See? I was beignnice. And since Galbyorix hasn't been in the books yet, I thnk I can portrary him however I cwant to. Ad for the characters names, they look better the way I spell them. _

_IDreamOfDragons13: Oh. Oh. Oh. By the way, bithc? Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! Shoes is so awesome. _

_Za Webmaster Authoress: I have no issues. WTF is wrong with you people? Shtu up about spell check and canon. What do they matter/ _

_The Petulant Purple Princess: Ohmigdo. You want me to die? I'm going to cry in my corner and be emo/ Wait? Emo? Yuck. _

_Blaze ocean dragon: Id didn't rip anything from Fanficiton. Just cause I used a LoTR name generator doen's tmnean I riupped something off. The comparing of chests emphasies feelings. Murtag with no h looks better. And what is wrong with Sapphy Brighty/Ohen-Briam. BTW. Saphira only ahs one p. filthy hypocrite. _

"So, who's next?" Nasuada asked after the terrible responses were over. If anything, they'd gotten worse. Eragon Ridher was cussing now.

Katrina turned to her and passed her the book.

"Holy Helzvog," Orik mumbled.

Nasuada took the book.

"Thank you, Katrina," she said icily. She'd never hated any book that much. She just hoped her character wasn't mentioned in the next chapter.

Ketaki Song: Thanks. I feel sorry for our riders too. Oh well.

Zebras are my friends: Oh, thanks.

Bc: Ditto.

Angel-Of-Death6: I hope this came soon enough. I've been busy this week. This is probably the only time I'm going to have to update this week, but who knows? I'm glad you liked the nicknames. I hope the convo lived down to your expectations. Oh, and Murtagh rocks, and he and Nasuada belong together. I agree with you about the Harry/Ginny thing, and I feel the same way about Ron/Hermione.

Bananasrokk: Thanks so much. I'm glad you like the reactions.

Amy: Estelena is like a weird, pervy version of Emily. You're right. Well, I like Emily, and I want to kill Estelena, so I'm guessing they're not that similar.

Dagger Pen: I just had to put some of that pairing in this fic. I'm glad you love it as much as I do.

Chaed: I'm glad you think it's that funny. Thanks so much.

Silver Pup: Wow. You laughed that hard? I feel flattered now. It wouldn't be fun if they learned the future, but a Mary Sue fic? Oh yes. I'm glad you think Amowiel and Estelena are good representations of Sues. Those canon characters will be mentally scarred for life. I foresee much therapy.

Stripysockz: Well, they've just been subjected to smut. They're not feeling so charitable. I'll bet flaming is fun, especially when the flam-ee isn't real.

Rock Not War: Poor Murtagh indeed. Thanks.

Fredsonetrueluv: No, it's not wrong. I think it's fun to write that mutilation of grammar, literature, and everything else. I'm glad you liked Murtagh's part. He's fun.

Dodogrrl: Well, Katrina's rage was completely understandable. I'm glad you agree. We should start that club. I suddenly want Eragon/Trianna. You've convinced me. Well, I have to pretend to be Eragon Ridher. That is surprisingly fun. I love your skits. Murtagh and Nasuada need to get it on. Thanks you so much for my large cookie.

ChaosQueen2.0: I'm glad you like that pairing. Aw. I'm sorry about your Sue.

Tahirih.luv2sew: Oh, that's fine. Don't worry. You can admit to being a fan girl. I am. Amowiel was meant to be that bad.

BobMcBobinton: No, I don't think it's just you. I think she's getting worse. I'm glad you think it's funny enough to risk your IQ. Whoa. Your sister's school sounds pretty weird.

Azulcat: A lot, I'm afraid. I was one of them. I feel so ashamed. Eragon Ridher replies to everyone. I think my spelling abilities crept into Eragon Ridher's by accident. (Actually, I'm awful. I probably was just typing at normal speed for me.) She spells Alagaësia Alagaesha.

Avalon's Mists: Yeah, and soon, he'll be literally screwed. I might have the Sues come into the story and suffer that punishment.

Cornelia Claire Case: Yes, it's hilarious and weird.

Buzz-buzz-bumble-bee: Yeah, I have a life. I just get a lot of free time. LOL. Actually, I feel guilty if I don't update soon. I don't know why. Yes, I'm purposely spelling everything wrong.

IDreamOfDragons13: That had to be one of the best flames I've gotten so far. I actually had to quote a song to get a good response. I can write this because I'm pretending to be somebody else, and I have a high tolerance for pain. I'm glad you enjoy. As for the OOC tendencies, I've tried to avoid those. Murtagh got into the castle by disguising himself; Thorn will be confronted very soon; and like you said, Eragon hasn't had much cause to be arrogant. Trianna knows so much about this world because some of these books have drifted into Alagaësia in the past, and she's learned things about Mary Sues and Earth from them. That was all explained. I did try to put some tension in their first meeting, but Orik would have probably been madder (I mean, Murtagh killed his adoptive dad), so he took over the anger there. As for the ridershipping fic, that might be the sequel to this fic. That is, if I make a sequel. You never know. Thanks for the constructive criticism. I'll work on it.

Za Webmaster Authoress: I will bring Galby in. Eventually. I think he'll come in near the end. And it will be a laugh. Trust me.

The Petulant Purple Princess: Thanks. No, I don't get headaches. I have a pretty good amount of pain tolerance.

Blaze ocean dragon: You'll find out. Thanks.


	6. Amowiel Isn't Better

Amowiel Isn't Better

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you. Oh, and any references to the terrible Mary Sue fic "My Immortal" under the Harry Potter category by xxxbloodyrists666xxx can be credited to Tara, the real name of the "goffic satanitsr" of a Suethor. Even if you can't read the actual fic, read the reviews. They're hilarious.

_Murtag looked down at the beautiful girl lying on the bed. Damn, she was hawt. So much hawter than theat prudish hussy Naudada. _

"That was one contradiction after another," Nasuada yelled at the book.

_This is sad,_ Solembum remarked. _The reader is now interrupting herself. _

_Murtagh, you are an idiot,_ Thorn said

_You've already said that. Now, shut up,_ Murtagh said. "Nasuada, you are neither a hussy nor a prude."

"At least I'm not being mocked," Trianna said.

"Well, she is a bit hypocritical," Eragon remarked. "I mean, she's had me do it with her twice already, and you've just tried to do it with me once."

"What?" Murtagh yelled.

The entire reading group took turns explaining what almost went down in the second book.

"I'm going to be mentally scarred by the end of this," Murtagh mumbled. "Keep reading."

Nasuada took a deep breath and began to read.

_Dspite the fac that she had been tortured with unsepaekable stortures, she was stil quite beautiful. Her fiery red hiar was srtreaked with gold, and it flowed over her white shoulders gracefully. Her dark black eyeflashes contrastesd shrarply with her marvelsous pale skin. She didn't look like a ghost thourgh She was just tanned enugh. _

"Okay, so she's unrealistically perfect. I got that already. I think I can safely skip these next four—no, wait—five paragraphs," Nasuada remarked.

"I would be grateful if you did," Angela said. "She's an infuriating little tart. Oh, isn't tart a lovely word?"

"Does she manage to throw in any insults about me?" Arya asked.

"Well, do you consider this part insulting?" Nasuada asked as she skimmed the paragraphs. _Her beauty was much greater than Nasuaddah's and even great than Arya's. _

"At least she acknowledged that I wasn't completely hideous," Arya said.

"Well…" Nasuada began.

"What does she say?" Arya demanded.

_Wiat? Arya wasn't pretty at all. She was almost as ugly as Nasaudia, and that was saying soething. _

The elf growled.

"I'm assuming since Murtagh doesn't know me, I'm safe?" Trianna said.

"No, she makes a crack about you," Nasuada said.

"Damn," the sorceress muttered.

"Don't worry," Eragon said. "You're both pretty, and you're both a hundred times better than she is."

Both women smiled at him. Eragon blushed.

"It is cute when you blush," Trianna remarked.

Eragon gave her a death glare. Trianna pouted slighty, and Eragon dropped it.

"Nasuada, please, keep reading," Murtagh said.

"Who made you the executive?" she asked.

"You're reading, so I've decided someone has to take over the post," Murtagh said.

"I'll take over the post," Angela put in. "Nasuada, continue."

_Murtag then said the healing sepell. (A/N: Ican't remember it, and I'm too lazy to look it up.)_

_Amowiel's dark eyeslashes fluttered open, and her plump red lip sopenesed. _

"_Murtag," she breathed provactactively. _

_That led to a hard-on for the red rider. He tremelbed slightly. _

The real Murtagh's eyes were putting Spongebob to shame, and he was shaking in anger.

"Permission to point and laugh?" Eragon asked Nasuada.

"You don't even need permission," she said as she continued reading.

"_What is it?" Amowiel asked brightly._

"_Nothing," murtag liged._

"_Oh," sthe girl said. She then looked at her dragon, who was glaring at Murtag as though it sensed his state._

Amowiel,_ the dragon said. _

Yes?_ She asked cheerfully._

Name me, and stay away from the perv,_ she dragon said. _

Okay, I need a boy name,_ Amowiel sadi._

But I'm a girl. Galbyorix, the dipshit, was srong,_ the dragon said. _

Okay, how abut Magdeleniana? _Amowiel suggested._

"What a name," Angela exclaimed.

"That's the worst yet," Trianna said, "and it's like Estelena's last name."

That's perfect, _the dragon gushed, _Nasuada yelled. Where did you come pu with such a beyootiful name?

It's a longer version of my mother's last nemae,_ Amowiel sad. She looked a little sad for once. _

"_What's worng?" Murtag asked. _

"_Nothing," Amowiel said. Her voice shook slighty. "I was just ithnkng of my mother."_

"_Mymother's dead too," MUrtag said, putting his arm aroudnt he newly healded gril's shoulder. _

Maybe he's not so bd,_ Magdeleniana said. _

Nom ,he's not, _Amowiel said. She'd regaind her good cheer. _

"Well, thank the gods for that," Murtagh said sarcastically. "I definitely do NOT take pleasure from her tears."

"She's drive him to sadism," Nasuada mumbled.

"I don't blame him," Roran said.

"You don't have a Sue," Eragon told him.

"Yet," Trianna finished.

"What?" Katrina yelled.

"Her friend likes you," Trianna explained.

"You didn't tell me that!" Katrina yelled.

"I didn't think it was important. She doesn't seem to like me much," Roran explained.

"She does like you slightly better than she likes me," Orik put in.

"Just slightly," Roran said.

"True," Orik agreed.

"Hem! Hem!" Nasuada coughed.

_Just ehn Amowiel felt something hared against her thight._

"_OMIGOD!" she yelled. _

"_I'm sorry," Murtag said, letting go of her. "You just do this to me I don't kno wthwy. You just looked so beautiful when you woke up. _

"_Aw. That's sooooo CUTE!" Amowiel comforted. _

_Murtag was relieved. (A/N: He stil had a hard-on though.)_

"Oh dears gods," Murtagh mumbled.

Orik and Eragon were both smiling. Revenge was sweet.

"_Hey, I know what we can do with dthat!" Amowiel said._

"_Really? What?" Murtag asked teasingly, rasiing an eyebrow with sexiness that reivlaled Eri-munchkins. _

_Amowiel pulled ihm down, joining their lips. _

"Stop now! Please, stop!" Murtagh begged. He started groveling.

Nasuada's eyes were focused on the page.

"This is the dirtiest I have ever read or heard. Dear gods, whips and chains!" she screamed. "Wow. Can anybody do that? Roran, Katrina, is this physically possible?"

Both people looked at the page warily.

"No," they said simultaneously.

"Read it," Orik and Eragon said at the same time.

"I-I can't. I'm sorry. I just can't bear to say these things aloud," Nasuada said.

"Thank you!" Murtagh yelled. "At least someone here has decency."

"Nasuada," Eragon said, "I know you're my liege lord, so I will take the duties of torturing my evil brother out of your hands."

"NO!" Murtagh screamed.

Eragon began to read. Even the people who had experienced the first of these "scenes" were shocked by its dirtiness. It was unbelievable.

"You can have it back," the blue rider said in a deadened voice.

Nasuada was frozen in shock. "It was worse hearing it read out loud, though it was considerably more impressive."

"I won't even ask," Murtagh mumbled. He was lying on the floor, and his left eye was twitching.

"Just take the damn book from him," Orik yelled.

Nasuada bravely took the book.

_Meanhwile, I n Surda, a young girl by the name of Raeynne awoke. She was a miad in the house of Jedo Longhsaks and goen with him to Surda. Ths'ed just had a dream that her best friend Amowiel, a girl who'ed lived with Jeod and Helen for a whiel, had been being tortured acreepy old guy who claimed to be her father. _

_She couldn't get back to sleep s o she got up and left her room, her light footsteps making hardly any sound on the floor. _

_She saw a young man crying by the floor. She recognized him immiediatlye as Roran Stronghammer, the guy who'd made Jeod leave. She'd actually dkinda liked him and thought he was kinda cute._

Roran looked ready to die on the spot, and Katrina looked as though she'd swallowed a lemon.

"_What's wrong?" she saked in her sweet and melodious voice._

_Roran looked up to see a youg woman standing over him. She was wuite pretty, though not as pretty as Estlena. (A/N: But, ya know, who is?) She had long, white blond hair and big blue eyes. Her skin was almost unnatruarrly plae, but it complimented her hiar, eyes, and plae pink lips. _

"_Katrina. Dead," he answered._

"_Your fiancé?" she asked._

_He nodded._

"_I'm sorry, she said._

"_Not your fault," Roran grunted._

_Raeynne smiled. He might be monosyllabic, but it was CUTE!_

"_Name?" he asked.  
"Raeynne," she repieled._

"_Prety," ROran mumbled._

_Raeynne giggled and glushed. _

"_This is no place to cry," she admonished. "Let's get you back to your room." _

"Please, dear gods, no!" Roran yelled.

"Well, cousin, you have to know what it feels like sometime," Murtagh said.

"I barely even know you," Roran said.

"He's right," Eragon put in.

Roran glared at them both.

"This story is testing my limits," Katrina muttered darkly.

"I'm starting to think we shouldn't have started this," Roran said. "It's making Katrina angry."

_You're just starting to think that? _Solembum said incredulously.

"Don't worry," Trianna said. "You probably won't do it yet. Raeynne seems like a sub-Sue."

Everyone looked at her for explanation.

"She's still technically unbearable, but she will always be less than Amowiel and Estelena. She'll be their adoring follower, and it's absolutely perfect that she should end up with Roran."

"I'll pretend I don't find that offensive," Katrina said.

"Hey," Roran yelled.

"That's just the way Sues portray you. I'm a whore; you're a follower with anger issues. That's the way it is," Trianna explained.

"And I'm more hated than any other?" Arya asked.

Trianna nodded.

"And I have yet to be in this story, for which I am eternally grateful," Angela added.

"With her luck, she probably won't be in it at all," Murtagh mumbled.

"Explain," Angela said coldly.

"Well, you get out of trouble all the time. You're already set to read last, and two people have come in to further delay your reading of the story," Murtagh said.

"Coincidence," the herbalist said.

"She probably will come in around the end," Trianna added.

_As Raeynne and Roran awalked back tohis room (A/N: They're going to do that YET! God, do you think I write whores?)_

"Yes," everyone in the room said.

_They heard raised voices.  
"Look, blockhead," a voice shouted, "you hav to undo this poor child's curse."_

"_But I can't. We nned her for the war," Eragon was protesting. _

"_Yeha," Estelena added. _

"_Angela, I really do't mind staying cursed for a little onger," Evla's voice added._

"_Fine," the voice, which presumably belonged to Angela, said. _

_Raeynne and Roran walked around the corner to see Estelena, Eragon, and Elva standing thaer. _

"_I an't believe you stood up to her," Eragon was aying._

"_I know," Raeynne put in. "She scares me."_

_Roran put a comforting hand on her small shoulder. _

"_Aw, thanks," Estelena said cheerily. _

Tis true that my rider is vailiant, _Ohen-Briam added. The dragon had gorwn quite large sinc ehtye'd gotten back from Helgrind._

As is his riddrr,_ Saphira added, to her surprise. _

_Ohen-Briam blushed cutely. _

Meanwhile, the real Saphira was seething in the courtyard.

_That pathetic excuse for a dragon is NOT valiant,_ she was screaming.

Thorn looked confused as to what he should do. Finally, he said, _Well, look on the bright side. You're not actually saying it. Just pretend that you and this blue dragon in the story are two completely different people and the fact that you two have the same name is just a coincidence._

_That actually works, _Saphira said. _I act nothing like I usually do in this story. _

Nasuada, who could not hear the dragon's conversations, kept on reading.

"_Aw," the entire group said. Dragon is love I s like soooooo CUTE!_

_And that's the end of chapter four. I hope you all liked it. And I hope you all like Raeynne. Anyhoo, here are the review responses. STOP FLAMING, GOFFS!_

"What's a goff?" Eragon asked.

"Who knows?" Trianna said.

"Keep reading, Nasuada," Arya said.

_Kitty and AmethysT: This story does not sucl. What is wrong with you? Ohen-Briam as in this chapter. WTF is a plot devic? It it evenan insult? Eragon x Arya cucks! Saphira x THonr is oaky, but I have other plans fo rhtem._

_Stripysockz: I am too smart! Flaws are too oiring. Estelena isn't a slut! She just loves Gon-Gon. Nieter is Amowiel. Why am I even borhtering to respond to you, you gottic person!_

_Leyla: I might try that. An what does geeiric ean?  
Jenna: What are heedless and lenient?That might fit. _

_Julia: Nausadd is an idiot. She needs to be overthrown because o fhtat. _

_Diedlaughing.bfd Thanks you so much. _

_Azulcat: Ditto._

_Cornelia Claier Chase: I don't have spellchekc! Get that throught your heads, goffz! And yes, I am blonde. What do you hae against blonds, youracist bithc?_

_Ketaki Song: Why is perfection annoying? And what is canon?_

_JzHill: Oh, ya are a prude. Bithc! And Enlgish is so my first language. Why would my death be beneificl to the human race?  
ILUVERAGON: Thankt you! You are awesome._

_Za Webmaster Authoress: Whad do you mean, am I real? Of course I'm readl. I am so not kidding, bithc. _

_Bananasrokk: It is not digusting. What is rong with you?Draogn head is a cool nickname._

_Amy Shinomori: Why does everyone think I'm dumb? You will burn in hell for telling me to burn in hell! Grr!_

_Dodogrrl: I am not sadistic and I'm not deluded. You are. And what is a masochist? And Arya does devserve to be lonely and unloved, asodo you. And why would Ohen-Briam disagree with Estelena? Why?And what good is self-control? Why is this sotyr cliché? Hw could you have predicgted everything? I'll bet yu didn't predict Raeynne?_

_EragonzbedbudE: Aw. I did too. Thanks so much. _

_QuenoftheUnkown: Five yearolds do not spell better than me. Wat do you have against htem anyayw?I do not deserve to go to jail._

_ILUVERAGON: o do i. EragonzbedbudE came up with that woderful name._

_Rock Not War: Whatever. I'm glad I mad eyour day worse. Glad I tell yyu!_

_DaggerPEn: thanks._

_Fredsonetrueluv: Thanks. You'rse to snice._

_Tahirih.luv2sew: I know what you mean. I totally agree. At least someone has a brain. _

_Well, tha's the end of chapter 4. Betcha can't wait fo the next one._

"We can wait for an eternity," Arya said.

"She's already written it," Trianna said.

"Barzûln," the elf muttered.

"Eragon, your turn," Nasuada said.

The blue rider gave a very feminine sounding whimper.

That's the end of that chapter. I am starting a new thing. It was inspired by chapter 39 of My Immortal. Somebody hacked her account and made the Sue die. I'm asking people to PM me a hack chapter. You must kill or get rid of the Sue using one of her four enemies: logic, canon, real death, or slash. (I can only imagine what their reactions would be to the last hack. It might rival the reactions to the sex scenes.) You can also neuter her if you so desire. Then again, that might fall under the logic category. Here's a suggestion: Estelena contracts an STD, gets dumped by Eragon, and then dies. We're using three enemies there: logic, canon, and real death. I will use the ones I think are good quite randomly. Eragon Ridher doesn't come across as smart, so her account should be easy to hack, right? Well, it's not a real account, which is why you're just sending me the fake chapters. Please, try this. If you don't, I have an idea. I believe Angela shall read the first hack if anyone submits one. Oh, and the hack must go with the meager plot line and it must be grammatically correct.

SmelyBel: Yeah, it can get hard, but it's becoming strangely fun. I mean, I don't have to worry about the Mary Sue fic making sense or if I'm being coherent.

Izumi-chan: Sorry about that. Oh, and flame away. I wish I could flame her, but I'll leave that up to your guys.

Dark S3cret: I'm glad you like the dialogue and the idea. This idea was originally used in a Lord of the Rings fic, and I got the author's permission to use the idea. What do you mean about more description? Like describing their faces? And I'll add in the rulers in this chapter.

Buzz-buzz-buzz-bumble-bee: Thanks.

Stripysockz: Maybe, maybe not. And flaming is fun.

WWMTgirl: Thanks for the lengthy critique of Eragon Ridher's story. I'm glad you like this story.

Diedlaughing.bfd: Yeah, it's killing me too. I still have spell check. My English teacher would have hernia if she saw this story within the story.

Armaris: Well, this is what happened next. I'll bring in more "lucky" canon readers soon.

Nooneyoudontknow: She's surprised me too. My alter-ego is a potty mouth. Yeah, I finally finished the good copy Friday.

Azulcat: Thanks so much. Yeah, she needs a few positive reviews. Yeah, I know how short Mary Sue fics can get. Plus, the sex scenes and over-descriptions make up most of the chapters, and I'm not writing those.

Cornelia Claire Chase: Indeed he did. Unfortunately, he was the receiver of the laugh, not the giver, this chapter. The Suethor sometimes makes me hostile.

Ketaki Song: Yeah, they're scary. Raeynne probably will be too. I'm going to have a poll at the end where I'll ask everyone who they thought was the worse Sue. I agree with you whole-heartedly about Murtagh. I love, but it is fun to laugh at his expense. I hope you successfully unbrainwash IluvMarySuesALot.

Invaderem: I did like that line.

JzHill: I'm surprised I haven't gotten dumber every time I've written the fake story. It's awful, isn't it?

Jess Readin: They are. That reminds me of the Jerry Springer Song by Weird Al. Oh, great. Now they're like Jerry Springer's guest. Then again, with their multiple sexual partners, they really fit.

Kitty and Amethyst: I think chapter 3 killed any remaining childhood innocence. I'm glad you like the fic.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Yeah, my parents have feared for my sanity too at times. That's life. Glad you like it.

Zebras Are My Friends: Tagh does rule. I love him. I think a story like "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha" would make even him lose his composure.

Drownedinlight: I read My Immortal. The first time, I couldn't get past chapter 2, so I just read the reviews, which were hilarious. Then I decided to see if I could get past chapter 2, and I finished. I was torn between laughing and gaping the entire time. That fic was bloody awful. I think her fic was worse than "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha." I hate chat speak. It's fine on aim, but it doesn't belong anywhere else. Yeah, I got the pun.

Bananasrokk: They might get therapy, and if I write a sequel to this (as I am seriously considering doing), Murtagh and Eragon will break the bank for separate therapy because they will not be able to look each other in the eye after they face poorly written rider-shipping. I hope this update came soon enough.

Amy Shinomori: Thanks. I'm glad you like them in this. I think those are my two favorite Eragon characters.

Dodogrrl: Thanks. Yep, you've convinced me. I tried to put some Eragon/Trianna in this chapter as well as Murtagh/Nasuada. Murtagh cowering behind a chair is indeed a fun visual. Oh, nothing's wrong with you. I'm starting to have more fun writing the Sue fic than writing the real fic. Your skits always make me laugh. I loved the Murtagh/Nasuada part. Galbatorix will eventually come in. He won't take it well. That's for sure.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Thanks. Sorry that Eragon Ridher spelled your name wrong. She's not, but you know.

Avalon's mists: You mean my story? That would be funny.

BobMcBobinton: Yes, it has. I actually wrote that one once. I've used parts of my fic in this one, but I've tweaked them to make them worse. Of course, my fic wasn't this bad. (At least I hope so.) I at least spelled everything right. Wow. I'd love to learn to swear in Italian.

Rock Not War: Thanks. I'm glad the laughing made you feel better.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: Hey, a well-written Murtagh/Arya fic converted me to that pairing. Well, it took two fics. One was by Devil-gurl666 or something like that. It was called the Desperation. The other was Silence Is Golden. I've gotten into it so much I'm writing a fic of that pairing. Yeah, Suethors torture him the most. That's probably because he's the hottest. It may actually be a triple wedding. Won't that be just shitty for the Eragon, Murtagh, and Roran?  
Fredsonetrueluv: I am rather proud of that line. I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, this story would make me touchy too. Not finger-touchy, but irritable touchy. I can think of two characters who would like to get finger-touchy too. They're definitely not Murtagh/Nasuada. No, definitely not. Why are you looking at me like that? I said "definitely not." LOL. That pairing rocks my socks. Do you know what's sad? That same thing is happening to me. I am surprised at the lack of male OCs in this fandom. I put one in a fic because of that. I don't think he's a Gary Stu, but I don't know. Nobody's accused him of being so.

Ladyaymie: You're welcome. I do love that pairing.

Tahirih.luv2sew: I hope you liked Nasuada reading. There was quite a sex scene in this chapter. Well, I didn't write it, but it was bad. Arya will probably be even better. She's after Eragon. Sorry I accused you of being a fan girl. Murtagh and Nasuada are great together. And I will NEVER go emo. NEVER.


	7. The Horrors of Hacking

The Horrors of Hacking

Sorry. I had a slight problem posting this.

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you. I don't even own the hack. My friend Abby wrote this one. I thought it was the perfect torture for Eragon.

Eragon took a deep breath and began to read.

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_Hello. This is not Eragonrihder, as you can probably tell from the coherency of this sentence. As would be expected for someone who lacks any creativity, her account was very easy to hack into._

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"I wonder what the password was," Eragon thought out loud.

"It was probably her name," Trianna said with a snort.

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_This, dear Eragonrihder, is called payback. You made me want to throw up with your tasteless story, and my brain will never be clean again. _

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"I second that!" Murtagh yelled.

"Was your mind ever clean?" Eragon asked.

Murtagh glared at him.

"Well, you were staring at a certain female whose name I will not mention because I do not need to mention it because it should be obvious to the entire congregation's chest," Trianna put in.

"You, shut up," Murtagh said, "and I was not staring."

Eragon coughed loudly and continued reading.

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_So, it seems fitting that you experiences the same treatment. And readers, enjoy. If for some reason you don't, enjoy imagining the look on Eragonrihder's face. _

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"So, this isn't Eragon Ridher? This should be good," Murtagh said, sounding hopeful.

"Maybe I won't be insulted," Nasuada said, sounding just as hopeful.

"Maybe I won't be laying Amowiel," Murtagh said.

"Yes," Nasuada said.

"You never laid anybody in this story," Murtagh said.

"I know," Nasuada said. "I was talking about you."

"Was it really that painful to read? You weren't the layer," Murtagh said.

"Are you expecting me to be impressed by it?" Nasuada asked.

"No," Murtagh said defensively.

"Eragon, continue. Before you do, this entire group would like to comment on how much we envy you," Nasuada said.

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_Eragon woke up feeling dazed. He felt that he must have been dreaming, no, having a nightmare. But, unfortunately, he wasn't. That horrible bitch was sleeping beside him. What had he been thinking? Images of the past night came back to him, making him want to throw up. It was hard to make a teenage boy feel dirty, but Estellena made Eragon feel disgusted with himself. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Finally! Something I would feel!" Eragon said, interrupting himself.

"I agreed with the insult," Nasuada said.

"Personally," Arya said, "I would have preferred worse."

"I second that," Trianna said.

"I third it," Angela said.

"Did you just make up a word?" Murtagh asked her.

"Shut up," Angela told him.

"Eragon, go on," Nasuada said.

"Yes, go on reading your non-sickening, non-pornographic chapter," Roran said bitterly.

"Hey, I got the first pornographic chapter!" Orik yelled.

"Let me continue!" Eragon yelled.

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_Eragon, trying to get away from the stuck up horny brat beside him, walked outside. Things happened too quickly for him to realize what was going on. Eragon was knocked out, and remembered nothing until he woke up._

"_Where am I?" he asked feeling out of it. _

"_Galbatorix has captured you." Eragon reconized the voice. It saddened him to realize how recently he would have been overjoyed to hear it. _

"_Then why am I not in a dungeon rotting?"_

"_I requested it. I desperately need some company. The only person who I've seen recently was torn limb from limb by Thorn at my request."_

_Eragon was slightly put-off at first, but then had a thought. "Could you do that for someone 'special' in my life? She is the worst thing in the world."_

"_No, she's not. No one could be worse than my clingy bitch."_

"_No, you have no idea. I've recently been tortured by this horrible creature. The thought of her disgusts me. I would do anything, and I mean anything, to get her off me."_

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"Oh no," Trianna said. "Eragon, I have to warn you: you may be disgusted with what happens next."

"Why?" Eragon asked. "I would do anything to forget her."

Murtagh's eyes widened. "Oh no," he mumbled.

Arya turned to him. "She wouldn't."

"I thought this person was my friend!" Murtagh yelled.

_Murtagh, at the risk of being redundant, your idiocy is now of epic proportions,_ Thorn told him.

_You've said that,_ the red rider replied testily.

"Hey, as long as I don't end up in this chapter, she is my friend," Arya said.

Murtagh glared at her.

"Murtagh, you need to learn not to trust friends," Trianna told him.

"He can trust some friends," Nasuada said.

"Thank you," Murtagh replied.

"You're welcome. Eragon, continue," Nasuada said. She apparently had not figured it out. Roran and Orik had however. They were wearing matching expressions of horror on their faces.

Angela seemed to get it, but she was only frowning slightly. Katrina was fighting a laugh. She'd gotten it too.

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_Murtagh's heart skipped a beat. Was his brother implying what it sounded like he was implying? "You have no idea what you're getting into."_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Nasuada made a strangled sound. Nobody was sure if she was laughing or screaming. She'd gotten it.

"Will interrupting? What is wrong?" he asked.

"You still don't get it?" Arya asked. "This is like when I kept trying to reject you."

"Arya, let it go," Trianna said after she saw the hurt look on Eragon's face.

"Keep going," Nasuada said, sounding rather small.

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_Eragon, though originally not intending it, saw where this was going. He knew he should think, should be reasonable, but something inexplicable was flourishing inside him._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Eragon dropped the book. He'd gotten it. Finally.

_Well, it took you long enough,_ Solembum said.

_Idiocy seems to run in this family,_ Thorn remarked.

_I honestly can't believe it took my rider that long!_ Saphira added.

"Hey, I'm not as corrupted as you all are!" he yelled.

"You read the scene in the last chapter!" Murtagh yelled.

"Shut up!" he yelled back. "I suppose I'd better finish this," he added picking up the book with a resolute expression on his face. He looked as though he'd just been asked to eat fried worms and said yes.

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_He almost decided to stop, but Murtagh was leaning towards him, whispering seductively, "I need this, I need this so much."_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I just want to say that as much as I hate the thing that calls itself Amowiel, I would not go that far!" Murtagh yelled.

"'Itself,' Murtagh?" Nasuada asked.

"I decided that it doesn't even deserve a gender, Nasuada" Murtagh said with a shrug.

Eragon was whimpering. He took a deep breath and read the next part in a very hollow voice.

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_He half closed his eyes, leaning forward and gently pressing his lips to Eragon's, as if happiness itself could be regained from them. Eragon tensed at first, and then relaxed, inviting Murtagh to deepen the kiss. They explored each other, tongues touching, and then fighting for dominance. Murtagh won._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Well, at least I won," Murtagh remarked in a deadened voice.

"Though it was rather unrealistic," Eragon added.

"No, that was the only realistic part of the whole thing," Murtagh corrected.

"No, that was the most unrealistic part of the whole thing," Eragon protested.

"Hey, who stole you sword and kicked you ass?" Murtagh asked.

Eragon decided to keep reading.

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_Eragon relented, letting out a slight moan of pleasure. They pulled away reluctantly, breathing heavily. Murtagh asked, "Still thinking about that bitch?" _

"_Who?" Eragon responded. _

_Murtagh smiled and said, "I still need some more 'convincing' in order to forget. And I intend to make it so that your name will be the only one to ever leaves my lips."_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Nasuada, Arya, Trianna, Katrina, Orik, Roran, Angela, Thorn, Saphira, Solembum, Galbatorix," Murtagh said.

"That's one way to counteract a sickening statement," Angela remarked, "though I am wondering why Lady Nasuada was your first choice of a name."

"Coincidence," Murtagh suggested.

Angela shrugged.

"There's an author's note," Eragon remarked.

"From our false friend?" Murtagh asked.

The blue rider nodded.

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_So, do you all think I'm sickening? I'll admit I am, but I couldn't beat Eragon's Ridher's sickness if I tried. At least I'm coherent and can spell everyone's names right._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I'll give her that," Angela said.

"You're the only one who has reason to be generous," Murtagh said venomously.

The herbalist rolled her eyes.

"Will you mind not insulting her?" Nasuada hissed. "She won't like it."

"I wasn't insulting her," Murtagh said. "Besides, she rolled her eyes. Doesn't that mean she doesn't care?"  
"It also means I don't think you're worth much, and this new eye roll is directed at both of you for being convinced that I cannot hear you if you are whispering," Angela put in.

Eragon began to yell over them to finish the A/N.

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_Anyway, flame all you want. I don't care. It's not like I'm actually writing the story. I personally cannot wait to hear Eragon Ridher's reaction to this. Can anyone else? Honestly, I derived most of my amusement from writing this in imagining the look on her face when she finds out her account's been hacked. Do that, and you'll have as much fun as I did. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"That will be interesting to see," Angela remarked.

"Actually, it will," Arya agreed.

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_P.S. If you want her account password, e-mail me at (insert e-mail address here.)It's really dumb. _

_Anyway, to hacking! Someone else, please, do this. I don't care what you do. Just kill Estelena, Amowiel, and Raeynne, who deserves to be freed of her "sub-Sue" role. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I'm scared to see what these other hackers do," Eragon remarked.

"Eragon," Murtagh said.

"What?" he asked.

"No eye-contact for a month?" he asked.

"Done," Eragon said. They didn't shake hands on it. That really didn't seem like a good idea. He turned to Arya and handed her the pink horror that was "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha."

"Helzvhog help us," Orik mumbled. "This will be worse than when Nasuada had to read."

Arya gave the book a cool glare as she turned the page to chapter six of the real story.

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Yeah, I know that chapter was short, but please, review. I'm going to have so much fun writing Eragon Ridher's hissy fit over the hack. Anyway, here are the review responses.

Dark S3cret: Thanks, and about the rulers. Um, I forgot to put them in. Let's see if I remember this time.

Kitty and Amethyst: Thank you for the wonderful hack. I would have used it this chapter, but I decided Eragon needed something more torturous. Angela will read you hack in the chapter after the next.

Avalon's mists: No. I'd love that.

QueenOFTheUnknown: Ah. This story is definitely torture.

Yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend: Abby, thank you for writing Eragon's torture. I love torturing that ignoramus.

Dodogrrl: That part came randomly. I'm glad you thought it was cute. I thought it was in character for them both. I'm glad you liked the subtle Murtagh/Nasuada too. I hope you liked this chapter. Eragon got something just as bad as a love scene. I loved that skit. Poor Murtagh. Got his journal read aloud. That must have been embarrassing. Please, read Nasuada's journal next.

Ketaki Song: Thanks. They died by slash. I hope you liked their reactions. I think that story could make anyone sadistic. I'm sorry IluMarySuesALot was incurable. That's such a shame for the poor girl.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Yes, they are very traumatized, and they have just been even more traumatized. I have an evil cat. He cornered my friend in the bathroom once, and he's evil to my mom's friend who feeds him when we go on vacation. (We help take care of her numerous animals when she's away.) How to Make Legolas Crazier will be updated soon. Amy had told me that she is done chapter two. (She's writing How to Make Legolas Crazier, not me. I have too many other fan fics to work on.)

Rock Not War: Thanks. You can still submit a hack. Eragon Ridher's story will go on for a while.

Izumi-chan: I can be eccentric at times. Please, send me a hack sometime.

BobMcBobinton: I'm sorry you're ill. I'm glad last chapter cheered you up. I hope you're better, and if you're not, I hope this chapter helped make you feel better. Yeah, Eragon Ridher can destroy grammar. I can't believe she's my inner blond. Well, actually, I can. Kaka? I like it.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Yep, Murtagh keeps getting more and more tortured. Ah, I love it.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: Yeah, Katrina will blow her nut. Murtagh is so hot. He was in the movie too. I didn't get the scar thing anymore than you do. It was a simple matter of having him turn around. That wouldn't have been that hard.

Wolf Demon Akzumi: Thanks so much. I like the idea of herpes. We just learned about it in bio today. It sounds appropriately painful.

Kitty and Amethyst: Thanks. I'm glad I've captured their essence. Flames are fun.

Buzz-buzz-bumble-bee: I've been busy lately. I'm actually supposed to be taking notes for a Spanish project right now. At least I only have to do two instead of five. I'm glad I'm your favorite author.

Azulcat: I know. I'm surprised. This is my most successful story ever. I didn't think I'd ever do better than "Why Galbatorix Is Lame," but I have. Oh yeah. "My Immortal" sucked. I hope Amy Lee didn't read that. She might never write another song again for fear that Tara would write a sequel under the title of that song. Ohmigod. Her password was her name? That is just plain dumb. I know you'd never write a review like that. I wouldn't either.

SmelyBel: Sorry that you're sick. I was sick last Wednesday. I didn't stop sneezing, but at least it got me out of swim class that week. I'm glad you like the dragon's name. I had to come up with something ridiculously long. Wow. Chapter 25 on your first try? Pretty good. I only got to two on my first try. Read the reviews if you didn't. They are hilarious.

Fredsonetrueluv: Yeah, I understand your predicament. I couldn't read that before eating. I'm glad you liked how bad the sex scene was.

Drownedinlight: Yeah, dragon's are awesome. Of course I don't mind if you include a flame for Eragon Ridher. She deserves it.

Cornelia Claire Chase: Thanks. Yes, poor Murtagh. Oh well. Hot guys are fun to torture.

Bananasrokk: Thanks. I hope you liked this one too. I hope this update came soon enough.

Silverlilies: I love your sarcasm. Thanks. I'm going to try to use every Mary Sue plot device I can think of. I probably can too because I have three Sues. It would be hard too many with one Sue because some are contradictory, but with three, the possibilities are pretty much endless. I tried to put a lot of character's reactions in this chapter.

JzHill: I might need therapy after finishing it. Sorry if you do. Wasn't the LotR one hilarious? I hope I can make this one live up to that one, but I doubt it. Oh well. At least I'm making a valiant effort. Yes, I am an evil, evil person. But I am fair. I couldn't leave old Roran out of this, now could I?

Brix: I probably won't put in any more Sues unless I think of any others. I'm glad you think it's funny.

DaggerPen: Thanks.

Z.A.M.F.: You know, it's very possible that it did. Thanks.


	8. Hissy Fit

Hissy Fit

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

_OMFG A total bitch hatcked my account last time around. I am soooooooooooooooooosorry bout that. Tshe is so mean. I can't believe she put Gon-Gon- and Murty together. They don't' belong together. They belong with Estelena na dAmowiel. They're brothers. EW. EW. EW That hacker should go to hell and theose people hwo like d her should go with her. _

"In short, she is very angry," Arya said. "Her ranting goes on for a while."  
"I want to hear it," Murtagh said.

"Personally, I agree with you. I'll finish it," Arya said.

"Finally, some torture. I just hope I don't start agreeing with her," Murtagh said.

_If that happened,_ Solembum began.

_It would be very and incredibly sad,_ Thorn finished.

_That it would,_ Saphira agreed.

"May I continue?" Arya asked.

"Please, do," Nasuada told her.

_Se's a nasty little bitch. I bet she masturbated when she wrote that. She deseveres to go teo pervert hell! I hate her guts. Flame her! Flame her! FLMAE HER!_

"Wow," Nasuada said, her eyes wide.

"Speaking of perverts," Murtagh mumbled.

"There's you," Orik said.

"Shut up," Murtagh told him.

The dwarf shrugged. "You killed my king; I get to insult you. Fair's fair."  
"I hope you all appreciate this," Murtagh mumbled.

"We do," Nasuada assured him, clapping him on the shoulder. "You didn't know what you were getting into."  
"And neither did we," Roran finished.

"We know, Mr. I-Read-First," Trianna said.

"You read first?" Katrina asked.

Roran nodded.

Katrina kissed him on the cheek and said, "You're so brave." Murtagh put his finger down his throat behind their backs, and Nasuada fought a laugh.  
"May I continue?" Arya said. "She's stopped ranting."

"Go for it," Angela said.

Arya took a deep to collect herself. She mumbled something that sounded like, "Shield against insults against looks, virtue, and integrity up. Shield against insults against friends up. Shield against inappropriate scenes up. Shield against distortion of facts up."

_This story is driving to insanity,_ Saphira mumbled.

Thorn couldn't think of a smart remark.

_Aw, you can't flirt with her,_ Murtagh teased.

_Shut up. You haven't been very suave with Nasuada,_ Thorn retorted.

_At least I mad her laugh,_ Murtagh shot back.

_Pretending to vomit?_ Thorn asked.

"Arya, why don't you start reading?" he asked, shutting Thorn out.

"Yes, Arya, start reading," Nasuada said.

"All shield utilized," Arya mumbled. She took a deep breath.

_Amowiel snuck out of the healing room with Magdeleniana. She need to contact Raeynne. She hoped the girl could gather up her guts and find her. She could alert the Varden to her situation,a ndthey could hopefully save hr. Raeynne was sweet and that might hpelp way sthem. At leas tshe hope so. _

_She fetl bad about leaving Murtag, but she couldn't have him fnding out about her splans. She oculd trutst him personally, but she oculdn't trust the man her father oculd make him be. _

"And sexual activity doesn't require you to trust a person?" Murtagh said with a slightly maniacal sounding laugh. "This girl is pathetic."

"Yes, she is, and I'd like to finish this before I finish another century," Arya said.

_She pulled out a vial of silver liquid from her sexhay red dress and poured it inot a bowl. _

"_Draumr kopa," she murmured a she focued on a picuture of Raeynne. _

"_Raeynne," she whispered to the girl as soon a sthe image of her appeared. _

"_Amowiel?" the blonde whispered inot the air._

"_Aye," the dragon rider said. _

"_I need you to tell the Varden that the green egg ha hatched for me. I've been forced inot Galyorix's servie. I don't want to be there. Neith does Murtag. I nneed you to get to them and tell them to sresuce us."_

"_I can't convince them," Raeynne whispered. "I'm sorry. I just can't. They won't just come get you. They can't."_

_Amowiel rolled her eyes. Raeynne could be such a baby sometimes. "You have to try she said encourginly._

"_They won't listen to me. I'm only a servant, and I can't speak well," Raeynne protested. _

"_Just do it," Amowiel said kindly. "you can."_

"_No," Raeynne said. " Ic atn'e, but I knowsomeone who can."_

"I'm sure you do," Trianna said. "You'll go get the whore of hell and have her convince her dear Dragon Head to rescue two criminals from the evil king and everyone will listen to her because they can't possibly disagree with a single whim of yours."

"If it makes you feel any better, Trianna," Eragon began, "in real life, I wouldn't listen to a blessed word she says."

"Whore of hell," Angela said. "I like it."

"May I continue?" Arya asked. "I haven't been insulted yet, and I'm beginning to feel optimistic. I think I need to finish reading before this wonderful mood fades."

_You're lucky to be feeling optimism,_ Solembum mumbled.

"You don't have to read," Arya remarked.

The werecat grinned.

_That's the pleasure of not being able to speak with my mouth, _he told her.

"Get going before this wonderful mood that has inspired such envy in us all fades," Nasuada ordered.

"_Wo?" Amowiel aske.d Could it be Estelena? The girl didn't even know she existed, but she'd heard Galbatorix speak of her long lost sister. (A/N: Did I surprise you? did I? I be tI did.)_

"Well, she just lost some money," Murtagh said.

"You mean you'd take something she touched?" Roran asked.

"Point taken," Murtagh conceded.

"I knew there was no way those two abominations couldn't be related," Nasuada said.

"I agree," Murtagh said. "They're both stupid, useless whores with no personality who insult every other female that breaths and several who don't."  
"Couldn't have put it better myself," Nasuada said. "Arya, keep reading."

"Optimism is fading," the elf remarked. "I just know I'll disagree with what Estelena says and that I'll be mercilessly trashed for it."

"That will probably happen," Trianna said. "To both of us actually."

"That's horrible," Eragon said.

"Isn't it?" Arya asked. "It's such a shame I have to read it."

"Helzvhog protect us," Orik mumbled, his eyes pointed heavenward and his fingers laced together.

"_Estelena!" Raeynne cried as she ran into the girl's room. She blushed slightly at the sight. Eragon was currently lying on otp of Estelena and ravishing her white eck. _

"_I'm sorry," she mumbled. "Maybe I should come back later."  
"Yes, you should," Estelena said wit ha giggle. _

_Raeynne waited outside the door as she stod outsie, waiting for them to finishe. When they had, she knoked on the door ans reentered. _

"_What are you doing?" Estlena asked annoyedly. This girl seeme d a bit too prudish for her taste, even if she di dseeem nicer than Nadudi. _

"Nadudi?" Nasuada yelled. "That's the worst."  
"What about Anunada?" Murtagh asked. He seemed to be fighting a laugh as he continued with, "I mean, at least Nadudi began with the right letter."

"_I'm here wth a message," she mumbled. "I need you two to come Eragon to come to my room."_

"_Here I thought you were a prued and now you're begin a hussy tryting to steall my man!" Estelena cried passionately. _

_Eragon looked ather, marveling at his luck at having such a loving woman. _

Meanwhile, the real dragon rider was marveling at Eragon Ridher's stupidity.

"She insults a seemingly nice girl who is clearly embarrassed by the…the…the….the activities in which I have been made to participate, and I am supposed to marvel at her insane possessiveness?" he yelled.

"You know, little brother, you can say the words," Murtagh said.

"Murtagh," Trianna said sweetly, "do you really want him to say the words after the hacker?"

Murtagh's eyes widened. "On second thought, Eragon, keep up the innocence."  
Nasuada put her hand over her mouth. She was on the verge of laughter. Seeing Murtagh and Eragon being so cowardly was too much.

"Am I that funny?" Murtagh asked, raising an eyebrow.

"It's just so funny seeing you two like that," she said after letting her laughter lose.

"If you're done flirting," Arya said, "I'll continue. If you're not, too bad."

"_No, htat wasn't what I mean," Raeynne stuttered. "I have message that you'll both find important."_

"_Oh," Estelena said, slightly mollified. _

"_We'll go see about this," Eri-munchkins said. _

_Estelena beamed at him. It amazed her that Eragon could be nice to such a pathetic girl. _

"_Alirhgt," Raeynne said. She was releaved that they had decided to come with her. She knew she couldn't have convinced them without Estelena's help _

_They both went followed Raeynne to her room. They saw an image of a beatufiul readhead there. _

"_I am Amowiel," she said. She spread her lovely white long fingere dhnads to reveal a little green dargon. "This is my dragon Magdeleniana. We have been forced to serve the false king. Please, help us. And Eragon Shadeslayer, Murtagh is no more willing to serve him than I am. Please, help us."_

_Estelena looked speechless. "Who was your mother?" she asked. The girl had Avaliana's eyes. Could this be the sister her mother mentioned with her dying breath?  
"Avaliana Magdelena," Amowiel rpelied. "I am Amowiel."  
_"She's repeating herself again," Arya said. "That's wonderful. Anyway, moving right along."

_My mother was Avaliana," Estelena said. _

"_I know," Amowiel said. _

"_Sister!" the girl sqeeuled sexikly. _

_The dragon rider hugged the image and then turned to Eragon to say, "Eri-munchkins, we have to help them. "  
"We will,' Eragon assured her, givingher a kiss. _

_Raeynne smiled slightly. There lve was soooooo cute!_

"I have to ask: must she end every sentence ending with cute with an exclamation point?" Arya asked.

"It's probably a habit that would make her brain explode if she tried to break it," Trianna remarked.

"Please, let her try to break it," Roran prayed.

"Helzhog, I second that," Orik said.

Arya cleared her throat to silence them and began again.

_They then went to eh council chamber sto explainthe situation. Arya objected strongly and Gon-Gon finely had to put his foot down. (It was big and you know what they say about big feet. Tehe.)  
_The real Eragon's mouth had dropped open.

"I can never prepare myself for her obscenity. I try, but I just can't do it," he mumbled.

"So, you do know what they say about big feet?" Murtagh asked. "That's good."

Eragon glared at him.

Trianna laughed.

"What?" Eragon asked.

"Nothing," she said.

Arya cleared her throat.

_And then the stupid, guly, repulsive, slutty, prudish, bitchy, arroagant, self-centered, breasy, applaing, unnatracticve Estelena wannabe caved like a plate of wet spaghetti. _

"That's it!" Arya screamed. She threw the book as hard and as far as she could. She was panting.

The door to the infirmary opened at that moment, and the frilly pink horror hit the king of Surda right in the head.

Nasuada and Arya both ran to help him.

"Adurna," the elf cried. She was a mess as it was. She didn't need to create diplomatic tension between the elves and Surda.

"Your majesty, I am so sorry," she said as Orrin came to.

"Huh?" he asked.

"I hit you in the head with this book," Arya said.

"She had a good reason," Nasuada added.

"That would explain the headache," Orrin mumbled.

Nasuada put her head on his and said, "Arya, did you have to give him a bump?"  
"Really, milady, I'm fine," Orrin said, standing up. "We have a more pressing problem. The red dragon is in the courtyard, and neither he nor the blue dragon will tell us where the rider is. We fear that he is somewhere in the castle."

"He is right here," Murtagh said tensely, raising his hand. "The dragon's name is Thorn by the way. And didn't the blue dragon mention a deal that we made?"  
"She did mention some deal," Orrin admitted.

"Well then, what's the problem?" Murtagh asked.

"The deal made no sense," Orrin said.

"Your majesty," Nasuada said loudly as Murtagh opened his mouth to retort. She didn't need to create any diplomatic tension between the two. "We have decided that we will not fight Murtagh until we are done this rather sizeable and rather monstrous story, if it can be called that."  
"And this will work how?" Orrin asked.

"Your majesty, do you know why this book collided with your head?" Arya asked.

"Because you threw it?" Orrin guessed.

Arya nooded. "And do you know why I threw it?"  
Orrin shook his head.

"This book has insulted every person in this room so far except for Eragon and Murtagh. The writer is a perverted teenage girl who cannot spell or be grammatically coherent to save her life! She contradicts herself, repeats herself, and makes the most obscene remarks. I have just been mercilessly thrashed for being the voice of reason for who knows what time. Several of us have too. The made up characters in this story are too perfect to believe, and the only one who isn't is constantly put down by the perfect ones while being their obedient servant. One of the characters is from this other world where this world's history is part of a book, and she's also part elf." Arya shrieked.

"That sounds bad," Orrin said. He looked rather scared by Arya's anger.

"That would be the understatement of the year," Murtagh said with a snort.

"For once, lad, I agree with you," Orik said, shaking his head. He was doubtlessly remembering the scene he'd been made to read in his chapter.

"Well, this seems like it would be an interesting thing to see. As a scientist, I can hardly pass up the opportunity to examine something like this other world. As a king, I have to see here and make sure that he doesn't cause any trouble," Orrin said, pointing at Murtagh when he said he.

"So, you're not worried that I'll stab you?" the red rider asked.

"Murtagh," Nasuada hissed.

"No, I am not," Orrin said. "So, shall we get reading?"  
Arya took a deep breath and said, "I would reutilize my mental shields, but they don't seem to be any good. Anyway, here it goes."

_The king of Surda, hwose name I can't remember, starte to protest but caved like a plate of wet spaghtteti when Estelena glared at him sexily. _

"Who is this Estelena?" Orrin asked, "and what is spaghetti?"  
"I don't know what spaghetti is, sire, but I doubt it's a flattering thing to be compared to," Trianna said. "Estelena is the overly perfect earth girl. She has a dragon who learns everything too fast and lacks a personality. His name is Ohen-Briam. She is also in love with our dear Shadeslayer, and she had made him bed her at least four times."

Orrin's eyes bulged. "Maybe this isn't the best idea," he said, getting up to leave.  
"Oh, you're not getting out of this," Murtagh said. "We've all been dragged into here. We even made a sick woman read. You are staying right here."  
"I am the king of Surda, and you are a criminal. I will not allow you to speak to me in that manner," Orrin growled.

"Sire," Nasuada said, "Murtagh is right. We have all suffered through this abomination. It's only fair that you stay."

Orrin sat back down between Angela and Arya.

_Finally, they all agreed to go rescue Murtag and Amowiel as soon as Ohen-Briam was large enough. _

_And that's the end of chapter six. I bet you all can't wait fo the next one. And not to hackers, I changed the pastword. Screw you!_

"She seems vile," Orrin said.

"Just pray that she doesn't take an interest in you," Murtagh warned.

"What's the worst she'd do?" Orrin asked nervously.

"You," Murtagh said frankly.

Orrin looked scared. He closed his eyes in silent prayer.

Arya cleared her throat and said, "I have read her thanking the people who actually like this trash and her insulting the people with an iota of taste who don't."  
_Anywya, here are the review response. For the flamers, see Shoes. I am refusing to respond to the reviews fo rthacker. _

_Yourfavoriteslashappyfriend: You are the hacker I just know it. You bitch. Why don't ya have the balls ot sign in your real name? Do you even have a fan anme? I bet you don't. Anyway, you're the preve who put Gon-Gon with his own brother. _

Orrin's eyebrows went up.

"Don't. Ask," both riders snapped.

_Your mind as never clean. I can't corrupt something like that, and it is not tasteless. You're just jealous because Amowiel's sexier than you oculd ever be. _

_Dodogrrl: Yeah, your'e the freaky masochist. Just stop reading the story. On second, though, keep reading. You deserve apain. I don't' need to go to an insame place. I'm not insane. Gon-Gon doeesn't want a restraining order against me. Ohen-Briam is smar, just as smart as Estelena,which is why he doesn't disagree with her. Duh. Murty is too a horny perv! He's just hawt about it. Raeynne's a pansy and a prude, so that's why it didn't happen right away. Stop insulting me! I am not as bad as you say. _

_EragonzbedbudE: _

Orrin began to laugh hysterically at this.

"Normally, such obscene things would disturb me, but this is rather funny."

"I'm with you on that one," Murtagh agreed.

Nasuada closed her eyes and thanked the heavens that they were getting along.

_EragonzbedbudE: Thanks so much. Yeah, Raeynne is better than Katrina. She just needs Amowiel and Estelena to straighten her out. Thanks so much. Fiannly, somebody gets that they're ust generous. You got more, sister!  
Ketaki Song: Well, I'm glad you're suffering! I haven't lost any brainc ells. What is canon anyway, and wha't wrong ith fallingin love? Y9ou just can't usderstan how beautiful love is. _

_IluvMarySuesALot: Thanks. _

_Rock Not War: They are not pron. Porn is gross. I will not stop riting. I know my rights._

Sorry, Rock Not War. I had to make up a pen name for the Positive person.

_MarySues Not War: I don'tknow. Thanks so much. At least someone knows lit. _

_Izumi-chan: I do too have originality, harlot! There. That was creative. Spell ehck is judgmental. Get over it! I hope this chapter ruined your day, itiot. _

_QueenOfTheUnknown: Oh yea? Which five year olds? I do not act five! Five year olds don't' writie sex scenes. Roran is too monosyllabic. Shut up about Raeynne. _

_ILUVERAGON: Thanks so much. I'm glad you like Raeynne. DON'T worry about this chapter. She'll be fixed. Thanks for the help against h efalmers._

_Kitty and Amythest: They don't. They're his daughter, perv. I don't care about stupid, inknown terms like plot device. Murtag isn't reserved, kay? When is he ever reserved? Paoline oculd have been just sayin that so that Murtag owuldn't kill Eragon. I am fifteen, so suck it. What is the sixth commandment anyway? What are the commandments? Why whousld I care? I don't' care how your friends name is speel. She doesn't dsrve to have it spelled right. _

_Azulcat: Thanks so much. I dint think ROran deserved to be alone. _

_Drownedinlight: Oh, so you're lauighn at me? Why are you laughing ta me? I don't use chaptspeak. Idiot. And the rating is M, jow dumb do you think I am. OMG. Did I just rhyme? Tehe. I'm such a poet? How did you predict Raeyenne?_

_Cornelia Claier Chase: You aer a shamet o all lbonds, not me. Who cares how names are spelled? Ists not like it's important?"_

_Bananasrokk: Shut up. I am not shut up in a basement. I get plenty of guys. Sht up. Estelena is not a nasty whore. Get over it. _

_Silverlilies: Aw. You get it. That's great. THnaks. BTW, hwat's sarcasm?_

_JzHIll: I can too spell BITCH right. There. See? I'm galdi"ve killed yours riting muse. Glad I tell you. you burn inhell!  
_Arya smiled at the finished chapter and passed the book to Orrin.

"Newcomers read first," she said saccharinely.

"Do I have to?" he whimpered.

"Yes," Nasuada said.

Wow. That was twice as long as the last chapter. Anyway, I hope you all liked it. I decided not to make Raeynne so bad to make Estelena and Amowiel look worse. I hope you like how I've done it.

LittleKittyShaoMao: Sorry she didn't respond to it. She couldn't take two sets of flames, and she was mad at the hacker. Yeah, Eragon Ridher is pathetic. Which thing did she say that irked you? Just curious. I hope you liked Arya's reactions.

Ladyaymie: Thanks. I'm glad you like the Murtagh/Nasuada-ness. I love that pairing too.

Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: Thanks. I hope this update came soon enough.

QueenOfTheUnknown: I'm glad you liked that part. I asked Abby to have Murtagh win just so I could write something like that. I hope Arya's reading lived up to your expectations. I don't blame you about My Immortal. I only got past chapter 2 the first time I tried. The second time, I managed to get all the way through, though I don't know how. Do read the reviews though. Abby says thank you about that. She also says that hacking the account was surprisingly easy.

Bananasrokk: Abby says thank you, and she doesn't care that slash isn't your game. She's glad you liked imagining the look though. Yeah, I agree with you about My Immortal. It was a tragedy for the wrong reasons. I feel sorry for Amy Lee too.

IDreamofDragons13: You can still do something for that. I'm glad you think the OOC-ness had vanished. I also addressed the other problem you mentioned. Eragon is pretty naïve. I hope you liked this update, and I'm glad you like this story.

WWMTgirl: She didn't respond to your review because she wasn't writing.

Ketaki Song: Thanks. I like Nyx's writing. It will be used soon. Whom does she want to read it?

Wind Angel Suki: Thanks. Stupid can be funny.

Kitty and Amethyst: Whom do you want to read your hack? I'm glad you liked Abby's hack.

Elf-princess-girl: There are some people who write Sues like this sadly. I'm glad you like it.

Z.A.M.F: Abby says thank you.

Stripysockz: Oh yeah. It was. Abby says thank you. I hope you liked Eragon Ridher's reaction.

Izumi-chan: I got it. Whom do you want to read it?  
Rock Not War: Abby thanks you. Whom do you want to read your brilliant hack?  
BobMcBobinton: It was yourfavoriteslashhappyfriend. I'm glad you thought it was funny. You should do your hack. Just tell me whom you want to read it. I'm glad you're not sick anymore.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: LOL. I hope you liked the hissy fit. Abby thanks you. I see what you're saying about E/M. I hope you liked Arya reading.

DaggerPen: I'm glad you liked that line. Murtagh/Nasuada is priceless. Mastercard just can't buy it. Yes, I just made a bad joke. Tell me whom you want to read your hack once you write it.

Azulcat: Thanks. Yep, Eragon Ridher got hers alright. Hey, my alternative self got the most worked up.

Silverlilies; Okay. Eragon Ridher is my evil twin or perhaps she's my inner blonde. I don't know. She's definitely different. An Eragon fan girl, not a Murtagh fan-girl. I see what you're saying about slash. There are worse things.

Marysuefriend: Abby, have I mentioned that I'm not the perverted one?

Fredsonetrueluv: You know what? I don't think My Immortal is a joke, and believe me: I've debated about this. Nobody got upset about the hack. I did say that the hack could be anything. Abby says thank you about the hack.

Wolf Demon Akuzmi: Abby says you're right. Yes, there will be more hacks.

Cornelia Claire Chase: Sorry that she keeps misspelling your name. Murtagh is a HEK (hot emo kid). He really is. Just write the hack. Even if she is a Sue, Mary Sues are their own worst enemies. It could be funny.

Za Webmaster Authoress: LOL. I love sarcasm. Abby says that is the best compliment she's ever received. I hope you liked Eragon Ridher's hissy fit by the way.


	9. How OOC Can You Get?

How OOC Can You Get?

Disclaimer: In this fic, I own Raeynne, Estelena, Amowiel, Ohen-Briam, and Magdeleniana. Who wants them? Anyone? Please?

Orrin took the book and turned the page to look at chapter seven. He gulped again and began to read.

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_Amowiel looked around the room as she walke dbak into the infirmary, The meeting had been a scuccues. She was glad she'd been able to convince Raeynne t oget Estelena. She barely knew her sister, but she knew she'd like her. She was the best. _

Yes, Raeynn e has much to learn. It's a sahme they can't all be like Estelena and you,_ Magdeleniana said. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"You know, if Raeynne stays like she is, I won't mind her so much," Katrina remarked.

"Really?" Roran asked. "I mean, I've stared to dislike her less since last chapter."

Katrina stared at him.

"I mean, she hasn't done anything to me yet," Roran stuttered, "and hopefully those things won't convince her to, and…" Roran seemed to be running out of things to say.

"You managed to convince an entire village to follow you how?" Trianna asked.

"I was good at that!" he said. "Oh, and I did it for Katrina. Thanks, Trianna."

Katrina hugged him. "I forgive you," she said.

"May I continue reading?" Orrin asked politely.

"Look, if you want to read over them, you have to scream," Angela advised.

"How would you know?" Murtagh asked. "You haven't had to read yet."  
Angela smiled. "I'm reading next," she said, her smile vanishing at the thought.

Orrin took a deep breath and began to read again.

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_Amowiel then opened the door of the infirmary, and welaked in. Murtag was still asleep. She looked down at his face. He was tossing and turning in the bed, and it looked like he was having a nightmare._

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The real Murtagh was staring at the heavens as though asking for deliverance. It didn't come.

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_She put a pale, gentle white hand on his shoulder. He wawoke with a start, and clamed down immdeidiately at the site of her face. Well, alcmd down enough to start crying. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I DON'T CRY BECAUSE OF NIGHTMARES!" Murtagh screamed. "I AM NOT A PANSY!"

Orrin started to scream the next scene at the top of his lungs so that he could be heard over Murtagh.

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"_What is it, Taggy-hunny?" Estelena asked._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"TAGGY HUNNY?" Murtagh repeated. "That's almost as bad as Eri-munchkins. I hate Amowiel."  
"Join the club. Arya made jackets," Nasuada said. "Besides, at least she thinks she can spell your name."  
Murtagh put his hands over his face and said, "Continue," in a very dejected voice.

"You know, this is actually quite amusing," Orrin remarked. He should have been thanking his lucky stars looks couldn't kill instead.

"Just wait until she mutilates your character beyond belief and has you do something you would never do," Trianna said.

"Does caving like a plate of wet spaghetti count?" Orrin asked.

"I don't think that was out of character," Murtagh mumbled.

Orrin pretended not hear him.

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"_Nightmare," he mumbled. "I had a dream aobut the night I got my scare."_

"_Oh," she said, pulling off his tunic. "You mean, this scar?"_

_ShE carresed it lightly. Murtagh takcedl her to the bed. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Orrin's eyes went as wide as the plates that hold spaghetti.

"Wh-wh-why are you doing that with her? Oh, dear gods. This is disgusting!" Orrin yelled.

"Welcome to my world," Orik said. "I had to read the first one of those scenes."

"And you chose to read it aloud, despite our protests," Arya added.

Orik sighed. "It was because of your protests that I read it aloud. I wasn't going to suffer something like that alone."

"Don't give him ideas," Nasuada whispered.

"Well, I think I'll go with the dwarf on this one," Orrin said, gulping slightly.

He then read the obscene scene, even going as far as to mimic the voices.

"This is interesting," Angela remarked under her breath as Orrin continued reading. She and Orrin were the only people who were still in their chairs. The rest were in various stages of cowering. Orik was actually trying to break the window so that he could use it as an escape route.

"Orik, you need that book for it," Arya said, seizing the offending object from Orik and hurling it at the window. It bounced back and hit Orrin on the head for the second time today, this time while he was in the middle of reading the "scene."

"Arya Svit-kona, could you do me an immense favor and never throw that book again?" Orrin asked once he'd regained consciousness.

The elf nodded and sat down after handing the book to Orrin.

"Your majesty, I had no idea you had such strong glass," Angela remarked as she examined the hospital window.

"I noticed," he mumbled, rubbing the second bump on his forehead. "Oh, great. Now I have to reread this scene to find my place. I guess I'll just start at the beginning."  
"Arya," Murtagh said. "Never throw the book again."  
Thus the group was subjected to an overdone reading once again.

"Oh great," Orrin said. "There's more."  
"NO!" everyone else screamed simultaneously.

"I meant the chapter's not over yet," Orrin said.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.

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_As Murtag and Amowiel lay baksing in the awfter flow of love_ (The real Murtagh made a disgusted sound here.)_, Amowiel opened her perfectly shaped red mouth and said, "Oh, by the way, my sister and Eragon are coming to resuce us as soon as my sister's dragon gest big enough."_

"_Oh," Murtag saids, "that sound nice. When?"  
"I dunno how long it'll take. Ohen- Briam sounds pretty impressive, so It should only be a few motnshs," she said. _

"_What's your sis'ter's name?" Murtag asked._

"_Estelena," Amowiel answered. _

"_oh," MUrtag said, "I like Amowiel better."  
"Aw111111111" Amowiel said._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Why did you say 11111111?" Eragon asked.

Trianna leaned across several people to say, "Sues sometimes use this thing called chat speak. I don't know why it's called that because nobody says 111111111, but it's apparently a substitute for exclamation points."  
"Well, nobody puts eight exclamation points in a sentence anyway," Arya said with a snort.

"An elf snorted?" Murtagh asked.

"Near miracle," Nasuada said.

"Will you all get off my back? You throw one hissy fit! ONE!" Arya said.

"I take it back," Trianna said. "Some people do say one one one."  
Arya went to grab the book from Orrin.

"People," the Surdan king said, "why don't we all stop harassing the poor elf? She's been given a harder time than anyone else from what I've heard."  
"You're right," Eragon said.

"I'm sorry, Arya," Nasuada added.

The rest of the group continued to apologize. Arya looked mollified.

"Sire, continue," the elf said. Nasuada opened her mouth to say something, and Arya cut her off by saying, "You all just laughed at my expense. That makes me the executive until this chapter is over."

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_This of course led to another "seession." Here'w what happened._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Orrin read this just as he had read the last one.

"Two in a chapter?" Murtagh exclaimed. "This is unbelievable."  
"We'll make you the executive," Nasuada offered.

"I am not giving up my position," Arya shouted.

For some reason, Murtagh and Roran found this line very funny.

"She's corrupted me," Roran said weakly as Murtagh suppressed his snort.

_Oh, this is sad,_ Solembum said. _This story has indeed brought the pride of Alagaësia low._

"I thought I was the bane of Alagaësia," Murtagh said.

"Well, you killed our king, work for the enemy king, and you once served the Varden. What does everyone else make of that?" Orik said.

"I thought we agreed not to discuss treason during the reading. We'll discuss it later," Nasuada put in. "Orrin, continue."

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_Meanwhile, bkac in Surda, Estelena was getting ready for bed. She ha djust pulled off her nightgown when she heard a knock on her door._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"NO!" Eragon screamed.

"Eragon, I don't think even she would do three 'scenes' in a chapter," Trianna said, sounding rather unconvinced.

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"_Oh, come in Gon-Wonny," Estelena said brightly. Lifehad been looking up since she'd ofund out that she had a sister. Eragon had left to go on a mission to Ellesméra, and Estelena was to join him in a week's time. . (A/N: there gonna meet up 2 go rescue murty and amowiel there) This had made her sad, and she missed him. Maybe he'd come to say one last good-bye?_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I suppose she couldn't leave without describing the good-bye," Trianna said dully. "Honestly, three scenes in one chapter."  
"Hey, who read them?" Orrin asked.  
"You," Trianna sighed.

"Finally, someone who understands the predicament I was in chapter 2," Orik exclaimed.

"Indeed I do," Orrin said. "That was all of these people's first scene, and the first scene in this chapter was my scene. Well, I suppose I'd better down to it."

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_The door opened, but it wasn't Gonny-Wonny. It was that king of Surda dude. (A/N: wht's his name?)_

"_What are you doing here?" Estelena asked._

"_You were so beautiful I oculdn't let you go," Orrin said, coming towards her. Estlena tried to dodge him but he caught her around the waist and began to kiss her. He was surprisingly good, but ya know, who is? _

_Estlena felt something strange stripping awy her inhibitions. Oh well. It served Eri-munchkins right for leaving her here alone._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Eragon's mouth dropped open.

"I can honestly say I'm glad she's such a cheating hussy," he exclaimed happily.

"I can't," Orrin said. "Do I really have to read this scene? The chapter ends after it's over."  
"We all had to hear about me," Murtagh said. "Bear it."  
Orrin grimaced and soldier on through the disturbing saga of his scene.

"Well, at least that's the end," Angela said, looking over his shoulder. "Your majesty, why is there more written after the scene? You weren't by any chance trying to get out of reading, were you?"  
Orrin whimpered under the scary herbalists glare and began to read the end.

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_Estelena woke up in the morning wondering what had happened last night. She looked over and saw the king of Surda sleeping next to her._

"_Ah!" she shriekd."WTF are you doing here?"_

"_Um," he said. He'd used a charm on her to make her susceptible tohis small charms and he'd been supposed to leave in the morning so that she wouldn't know what would happen. _

"_well?" she demanded. "What did you do to me to make me cheat on Gonny-Wonny?"_

Yeah!_ Ohen-Briam's voice reverberated in his head._

"_Um," Orrin repeated._

_They found his mutitlated corpse outside the castle the next oning. Estelena didn't wince a bit at the sight of the prev's blood. She had an unnaturally strong stomach, and he'd deserved what he'd gotten. Eri-munchkins would forgive her. It wasn't as though it had been her fault. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Actually, it is half your fault," Orrin remarked to the book, "and it's entirely the author's fault for writing it in the first place. At least I'm not alive in the story to be tortured anymore. Well, I suppose I'll read her response to people now."

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_Lady Exile: U fucking dream crusher. Heh. Sarcas. U r just jealous, and emo's are gross._

_Banasrokk: in da words of shoes: oh. Oh. Oh. O. Btw, bitch, fuck u. fuck u. fuck u._

_Cornelia Claier Chase: NO, it make me there salvation._

_QueenOfTheUnknown: thts a lie. Stop it wit the five year old insults I'm nut making every1 ooc. Dey act exactly like dey do in da book an d amowiel doesn't look like estelena_

_Ailan: So do i. Who wouldn't tho? Deyr so awesome. I dunno WTF is up wit da flamerz. Thanks. _

_Dodogrrl: dodos r dumb cause u liked the hack chapter tht had gon-gon wit his own bro. PERV! Wht's grammer matter? Raeynne is mi worst charry. Shes got problems, and those rn't good. Da twist was 2 dramatic. U just didn't see it cuase u r stupid._

_EragonzbedbudE: Yay! Thanks so much. U rok. _

_Azulcat: yes, I did, and iw on't let it go away ever again cause I changed my password_

_Stripysockz: Perfect is 2 good. Raeynne is the only flawed charry, and shes bad casue of tht. Estelena and Amowiel r nt bullys. Raeynne was just bing hopeling._

_Kitty and Amethyst: eW. Christian! _(A/N: I am Christian. I'm just making Eragon Ridher seem worse.) _WTF is the 6th commandment thingy? U didn't say so. I bet it dosn'te exist. Hah! Arya is so worse a sue than Estelena and Amowiel._

_Darth Vyper: mi penname is spelled how I wanna spell it. STFU! Im nut a bad riter. WTF? Wht's a troll?  
Izumi-chan: Bithc! Fuck off._

_MarySues Not War: Thanks. Aw. U like me. U really like me. Yays!_

_Adrianrod Svit-kona Sama: Sarcams is stopid. _

_Rock Not War: Dis is nut pron. I won't stop writing. Wht about free speech?_

_Ketaki Song: Only 2 flamerz. It is 2 luv. Wht do u no abou tluv? Incest is wrong. End of story. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"And that," Orrin said, "is the end of that disturbing chapter. Angela, take what's coming to you."  
Angela looked at the book. "I suppose I'll take this new hack," she said.

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Yeah, I know that chapter was somewhat short. I had to torture Orrin randomly. Who cares about plot in Eragon Ridher's story anyway? It's not like it's supposed to have one.

Bananasrokk: Thanks. I loved writing the two hissy fits. I decided to have Eragon Ridher be a blonde who brings the rest of the people with that hair color down. Plus, I have hair that's almost black, and she's supposed to be my alter-ego, so I made her my polar opposite. I just come up with it randomly. Every time I see an opportunity to insert a "scene" I do. I think up lines I want to use, and I use them whenever I can. Write an excruciating hack. I need it.

LadyExile: Thanks so much. I'm glad you like the character reactions. I think Arya's and Orrin's reactions are the most fun to do.

Cornelia Claire Chase: Yeah, I got it, and I liked it.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Thanks. I'm glad you liked Arya reading. Yeah, the reviews for My Immortal was funny. Her friend, xxxbloodykisses666xxx, wrote one called Bring Me to Life. It's worse if that's possible. Yeah, I won't ever actually reveal her password. Those'll be what she uses though. And as you know, I never mind it if people flame Eragon Ridher, though she does.

Ailan: Thanks so much. It doesn't matter if you don't write. I still appreciate your reviews, and Eragon Ridher loves your false praise because she doesn't realize it's false.

Greythorne Girl: Thanks. Hey, I am not the perverted one. That's Eragon Ridher.

Amaris: Yeah, Eragon and Murtagh have it the worst. They're the lust objects of the Sues Well, here's the next update. I hope you enjoy.

BobMcBobinton: That's fine. I'm glad you like it, and I'm glad you reviewed. No, I wasn't the one who flamed you. I'm not upset at you anymore. I mean, you apologized. It's over. Did they say you'd flame them before? I don't know. Sorry that someone did.

Anonymous: Yeah, I don't blame you about that. I was really sad when I realized that Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha was better than My Immortal, but it is. I'll just turn to that one for inspiration if I need it. I mean, it's barely a Harry Potter story. I added chats speak in her ANs and reviews. I'm glad you like the reactions.

Dodogrrl: Yeah, I think this chapter had the most horrors. Yeah, they were traumatized. May I hear Trianna's journal entry next? Oh dear. Nasuada was fantasizing. Not as badly as Murtagh, but she's more proper than he is. Yeah, I think Trianna is one of those people who would stand up to her. I'm glad you liked the tension. I don't know where the big feet thing came from, but it came.

Azulcat: I'm glad you liked it. I tried to think of as many bad insults as I could. Every once in a while a really bad misspelling of her name comes to me.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Thanks. If Eragon Ridher exploded, I wouldn't have a story. I don't think I could think up another Suethor. Well, not for this story at least. Abby gave up slash for Lent. She can't get an account until after that unless she writes non slash, which she could do. I'll tell her to get an account. She told me about a good idea for LotR fiction.

Stripysockz: Yes, it was horrific, and Orrin got tortured in this chapter quite a lot. Arya had to throw one at one point. She's been bashed the most severely. Murtagh/Nasuada is an awesome pairing. Yeah, she gets just as annoyed by constructive criticism and praise for actual flaws.

Queenmab: Sorry, I can't shut her up. I like your new name. Mercutio is the best character in Romeo and Juliet, hands down. I like him almost as much as I like Cassio, maybe more.

Kitty and Amethyst: Yeah, she's fun to write review responses with. Angela will read your hack next chapter, and I will have lots of Solembum commentary. He can't really read because he mind-speaks, but whatever.

LittleKittyShaoMao: Yeah, I had a hard time writing that, but she needed to be bad. Yeah, take it out on a fake person. It's probably the best way to do it.

Darth Vyper: Thanks. I'm glad you liked how I've made fun of Mary Sues. They don't make the plot better at all. I hope you liked this chapter.

Izumi-chan: Sometimes you have to poke something until it becomes a plot. I think your story looked like a good idea for the start of a story. You should try to make it one. I hope this chapter rocked.

Rock Not War: Okay. I'll use it when I run out of ways for Eragon Ridher's story to go. That'll probably be soon. She has so little plot. Then again, that means I can do whatever with her story.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: Yes, Orrin is quite amusing. I love him. He's such a funny reactor. Yeah, I don't think anyone could beat Arya's hissy fit.

Smelybel: Thanks. I liked writing it. I see what you mean. She's not the worst, but she's up there.

Fredsonetrueluv: LOL. Orrin is indeed in on the quote-on-quote fun. He is a great character. He has more of a character than Eragon. LOL. Yeah, he's not that bad. He and Nasuada would actually work together, though I think she should be with Murtagh. Nasuada's new names randomly come to me as I'm writing. It's weird. I think Eragon Ridher is the world's biggest hypocrite. I hope you liked this chapter.

MissMonkey91: Thanks. I tried to make it long. I don't know about popular. I'm not sure how many favorites lists it's average to be on.

Prettybella: I hope you liked his reactions.

DaggerPen: Yeah, she is. How sad. I'll post the next chapter sometime this week, probably on the weekend. It's a hack, so I just have to write reactions. Yeah, Eragon and Murtagh are still pretty sensitive about that particular subject.

Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: LOL. Funny flame. I'm surprised she knew what sarcasm is.

Ketaki Song: LOL. Yeah, it's funny when she's mad. Great. Now I have a song stuck in my head because I wrote that. Gr. At least it's not "Never Had a Friend Like Me." That's been stuck in my head since Monday. Murtagh will read it then. Raeynne is pitiable especially with Estelena and Amowiel.


	10. Enough with the Bloody Slash

Enough with the Bloody Slash

Disclaimer: This hack was written by Rock Not War. It was supposed to be Kitty and Amethyst, but I accidentally deleted permanently it while cleaning out my inbox and deleted items. I am so sorry. Could you please send me another one? Sorry once again. I just write the reactions. I don't own much in this chapter, but enjoy anyway.

Angela cleared her throat and began to read. She didn't particularly care what the hacker wrote. She'd been surprisingly immune to the whole story. Perhaps it was because she'd barely been mentioned and took insults fairly well.

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_After realising the opportunity I had here, I couldn't resist and had to write this.  
No I'm not Eragon Ridher, for that I thank the higher powers every time I see this story. Just a note to Eragon Ridher, please take note of my spelling, particularly where names are concerned. I'm sure everyone agrees with me._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Oh, maybe this hacker will get my name right," Nasuada said gleefully. The names Anunada and Nadudi were clearly still prevalent in her mind.

"Just as long as this one isn't as bad as the last one and remembers the h, I'm good," Murtagh said.

"_Hem. Hem," Angela yelled. "Thank you," she said after everyone shut up._

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_Estelena down a long corridor with her black and blonde (Who has hair like that?) flicking around her face. She was thinking about all the time she had spent with her Gon-Gon (I have to say that is the worst nickname ever)  
She entered a room at random and saw Jarsha the messenger boy was at the far end of the room pressed against the wall. He was making out with a girl. Estelena turned to leave so she could find Eragon and do the same when she double checked. That wasn't a girl….  
"Gon-Gon! Why are you kissing a boy?" She screamed "You love me!"_

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"I don't know either," Eragon deadpanned. "He's ten. This is frightening."  
"Well, he has always admired you," Nasuada said, fighting a laugh.

Eragon tried to glare at her but was too disturbed to do so.

"At least you don't love her," Angela pointed out. "Now, let me read."

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"_I've only known you a few days, that's not long enough to love somebody. Where's the logic in that?" Eragon said._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"She did get something there," Eragon mumbled.

"At least I'm not with you," Murtagh said. He sounded somewhat happy.

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"_It's not logical that you love a boy." Estelena was very hysterical._

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"Oh dear," Angela remarked. "She's getting logical. Solembum, isn't this sad?"

_I won't complain when she gets something right, _the werecat said.

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"Jarsha always delivers…."__  
"No!" Estelena interrupted  
"…Messages to me. I see him quite often. Plus I'm also seeing Arya, she's way hotter then you. You are the ugliest thing I have ever seen. You're horrible; I hate everything about you from your gross hair to your stupid voice. You're a disgusting example of whatever the hell you are."_

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"I completely agree with all of that," Eragon said. "Well, how can blond and black hair be that attractive?" he asked at the weird looks he got.

"I wouldn't agree to see you though," Arya said. "That's not logical."  
Eragon looked at her sadly.

Trianna and Nasuada both rolled their eyes.

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_Estelena ran out of the room crying a single tear. The horror she felt at seeing that slashy scene was more then she could bear. Then ,when her true love insulted her, she felt even more horrible. Add that with logic, it burnt her brain someone like her could not understand logic._

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"Maybe her head will explode?" Orrin asked. "It's not very logical scientifically, but she seems to defy logic, so why shouldn't her death?"  
"True," Angela said.

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_As she ran past the front door that happened to not be guarded, she heard a knock.  
"Let me in! I am King of Alagaësia and I am here to defeat you!" a voice called._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Oh, this will be good," Murtagh said.

_It will be a nice change to see Galbatorix torturing someone other than us,_ Thorn added.

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_Because Estelena is extremely stupid, she called back "Who are you?"  
Another voice responded saying "Is she serious?"  
Galbatorix broke through the doors to the castle and he and Murtagh entered the room._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I get to help him. Yes!" Murtagh yelled.

Everyone looked at him.

"She's driven me to sadism," he mumbled, adding something that sounded like, "Last chapter," and, "Horrifying."

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_Estelena spoke with Galbatorix for about five seconds. In that time Murtagh decided to curl up into the fetal position._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I AM NOT A PANSY," Murtagh yelled.

"You've said that already," Angela remarked before continuing with…

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…_Aand Galbatorix made up his mind that he hated this person more then Eragon. That's how annoying she is, although I don't need to tell any of you that it's a reference for Eragon Ridher._

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"Well, Estelena is a blatant self-insert," Trianna said. "I mean, just look at her penname. Even if she wants you, she doesn't have to write this pornographic piece of illiteracy evidence."

"So other people do want him?" Nasuada asked innocently.

Trianna gave her a look.

Nasuada gave her another one that said, "Well you've been teasing me about Murtagh." None of the men in the room seemed to understand eye-conversations.

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_Eragon entered the room and took one look at Murtagh's position and Galbatorix standing there before rubbing his eyes to see if he was awake. Estelena being morbidly afraid of slash as all Mary Sues are fled the room running. She tripped over and broke a tooth. Whoops._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Thank you!" Arya yelled. "She's less perfect now."  
"What happened to elfish dignity?" Murtagh asked.

"You've become sadistic, and I've lost some of my dignity," Arya said, calming down. "It's only fair."  
"But I've only become sadistic where she's concerned," Murtagh said defensively.

Orik looked tempted to cough something that would sound like Hrothgar, but Nasuada gave him a look that nobody could misinterpret. It plainly said, "Shut up."

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"_Is it gone?" Murtagh asked knowing that that person was as bad as Amowiel who incidentally had followed them and had just entered the room. She chased after Estelena because Mary Sues stick together. This left Eragon, Murtagh and Galbatorix free to release their breath. Each other's company was better then theirs._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Ah, she used my nickname," Murtagh said.

"This is sad," Arya remarked.

"Who hit me in the head with a book twice?" Orrin asked.

Arya was silent.

"At least they'll kill Amowiel too," Nasuada said.

"And I'm being accused of sadism?" Murtagh asked her, raising an eyebrow.

"Anunada?" Nasuada asked.

"Point taken," Murtagh told her.

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"_I came here with the intent of killing Eragon. Now I know that those things must die. How can they be killed?" Galbatorix asked going to Eragon and offering him a handshake. Eragon took the handshake and Murtagh and Eragon also shook hands.  
"I know just how to do it……" Eragon said. He smiled evilly. They were going to get it._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"You know what's sad?" Eragon asked.

"The whole story?" Murtagh retorted.

"Well, yes," Eragon said, "but I would actually consider teaming up with Galbatorix to kill them."

"I personally would prefer to back in captivity than listening to this story even I do prefer everyone here's company to his," Murtagh said.

"And is that why you haven't completed your mission yet?" a cold voice asked as a flash of black light filled the room.

Murtagh gulped and turned to face the person who had just teleported into the center of the room.

"You were supposed to be capturing Eragon and Saphira and here I find you reading this story," Galbatorix roared angrily.

"It's not as though it's giving me pleasure," Murtagh said. "In fact, I'd rather be in Urû'baen than reading it."  
"What?" Galbatorix asked.

"I'd rather be in Urû'baen than reading it," Murtagh repeated.

"Let me see that book," he said to Angela.

"I'm reading it now," the herbalist said.

He looked at it.

"It's rather pink, isn't it?" he asked.

"Observant, aren't we?" Angela asked.

Everyone else was exchanging worried glances. Was Angela actually getting into it with Galbatorix? This could not end well.

"Hmm," Galbatorix said. "She has an interesting penname, though I can't say I admire her taste. A pathetic rebel rider who loses his sword to his own brother and is only out of my power because of pity?"  
"I am not that bad!" Eragon yelled. "Besides, I was tired. I could have taken on Murtagh otherwise."  
The red rider snorted.

"I could have," Eragon protested.

"Oh, sure, little brother," Murtagh said, not even bothering to conceal his laugh. Eragon launched himself at Murtagh.

"No fighting!" Nasuada yelled.

Ten Minutes Later.

Nasuada and Trianna had finally managed to pull the two brothers apart. Katrina had seemed uncertain as to what to do. Arya had seemed bored as she had taken to looking at her nails. Orik and Roran had been chanting, "Fight. Fight. Fight," and Angela had been talking with Galbatorix.

"So," Galbatorix said, "this witch told me about this story. I have agreed to read next in order to see if it's as bad as you all seem to think it is." He sat down in a chair between Angela and Roran. "Continue," he said to Angela.

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_Estelena and Amowiel had managed to meet up with another sue called Raeynne. They will henceforth be called the Sues. If I repeat it enough Eragon Ridher might realise it. The Sues had been discussing what would turn Eragon over to the slashy side. Estelena told them that it was in no way her fault as Eragon had said, she was perfect in everyway. The other Sues's agreed with her. Boy were they in for a shock.  
"Amowiel!" Murtagh's voice called out. It seemed forced but none of the Sue's thought about it, once again they are extremely dumb._

_They went back to where they left Eragon, Murtagh and Galbatorix. All three were standing staring at the Sues. Walking towards them the Sues stood in front of the men, they were trying to look like a powerful Rider girl group (I don't recall if Raeynne is a Rider, due to Eragon Ridher being an atrocious speller and story teller, but they are all Mary Sues. Eragon Ridher's predictability means that she will become one) but really they looked idiotic.  
Murtagh looked very anxious and looked towards Galbatorix and Eragon. Eragon looked more relaxed yet still not very calm. Galbatorix looked very at ease.  
Galbatorix turned to Murtagh and began to lean towards him. Murtagh began leaning in also and soon their lips met. They kissed passionately, both warming to the other's movements as they got over their awkwardness.  
The Sues began twitching._

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Meanwhile, back in the canon world, Murtagh was reacting in much the same manner. Galbatorix simply looked mildly interested. That made Murtagh twitch more.

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_Eragon turned to Galbatorix who had pulled away from Murtagh. Eragon leaned into Galbatorix and pushed his lips onto the King's enthusiastically. Man, was he getting lucky today. Galbatorix felt exhilarated, not since Morzan had died had he gotten so much action.  
The Sues were now writhing in pain…_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

…As were Eragon and Murtagh.

"Please tell me that Morzan thing isn't true," Murtagh begged. Eragon seemed to have lost his coherence.

Galbatorix simply said, "Continue," to Angela.

Murtagh developed a disgusted look on his face and ran for the bathroom.

"Sit!" Angela yelled. "Do not even try to use the 'I need to vomit' excuse."  
"Actually Angela," Nasuada whispered, "I think he really is going to vomit."  
And so he did. Eragon followed him quickly.

"Oh, come on," Orrin said. "Is this really as bad as the pornographic chapter I had to read?"

"Yes," they both said at the same time.

"It wasn't true," Galbatorix whispered to Angela. "I just wanted to see their reactions."  
Angela repeated what he had said.

Galbatorix glared at her and then at everyone else.

"You get more sadistic every day," Murtagh mumbled.

"This story has made you more sadistic," Eragon remarked.

"Shut. Up," Murtagh told him.

"It's made us all sadistic," Nasuada said. "Now, please continue, Angela."

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_To put the icing on the cake, Murtagh swallowed oddly. He turned to Eragon who looked at him his enthusiasm now gone.  
The Sues called out. "No, you're brothers! That's almost as sick and as wrong as Eragon kissing Arya." but no one listened to them, they were an evil that had to be gotten rid of. Murtagh and Eragon were determined to do whatever it took, to get rid of them._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"How is that more wrong than him kissing me?" Arya asked.

"I thought you said you didn't want to kiss him," Trianna said to Arya.

"And you don't?" Arya said.

"So you do?" Trianna asked.

"No," Arya said, "I was simply stating a fact."  
"I'll second it," Eragon said, standing up.

Arya gave him a look, and he sat down.

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_They leaned in; their lips began to draw closer as they prepared to take the final step in ridding the world of Sues.  
Just as their lips were about to touch, the Sues caught fire. All three began screaming in pain. Their hair fell out and lay on the floor, their skin was no longer tanned or pale despite being described as both by Eragon Ridher. After a moment they were gone, there was nothing left of them. It was a miracle._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Thank you!" everyone shouted to the heavens.

"And we didn't even have to kiss," Eragon and Murtagh added. They then began to do a victory dance. Roran joined them.

"Our Sues our gone! Our Sues are gone," they chanted.

"And I wasn't involved in the slash," Roran added.

Eragon and Murtagh glared at him. The victory dance stopped after that.

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_(May I just add that the last sentence was typed without even looking at the keyboard. Eragon Ridher make note, not too hard to spell stuff correctly)._

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"The most true statement yet," Angela said.

Everyone nodded in agreement.

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_Murtagh and Eragon began jumping up and down. They gave each other a huge hug and began to do a victory dance right where the Sues had been standing.  
Galbatorix just stood back and smiled. "Ah, Morzan." he said fondly.  
Murtagh turned and looked at Galbatorix. His look plainly said, "What the hell are you talking about?"_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

The real Murtagh looked just as disturbed. Galbatorix just gave him a nonchalant look.

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_Ding dong the sues are dead! Anyway continue with your flames, if their for me or against me whatever. As the previous hacker said, "It's not my story so I don't care."_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I will be looking forward to her next hissy fit," Arya remarked.

"Yeah, she'd have to be alone in her anger," Murtagh mumbled to Nasuada who collapsed in a fit of giggles.

Galbatorix said, "Murtagh, stop flirting with the enemy. I have to read."  
"Aren't you convinced that neither one of us wants to read this?" Murtagh asked.

"No," Galbatorix said. "This story cannot be worse than what I've done to you."

_He has no idea what he's in for,_ Thorn said to Murtagh.

Galbatorix cleared his throat and turned the page to chapter seven.

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That's the end of chapter ten. I hope you all liked it. Now Galbatorix is in on the fun. Boy, is he in for a surprise. Anyway, here are the review responses.

Random Little Writer: Thank you. I've tried to make her realistic. I love Murtagh/Nasuada too, but who doesn't?

AryaSuxEragonIsMine: I'm updating today. No, you can't have Eragon Ridher's name. It took me a long to come up with something as wrong and as misspelled as that.

QueenOfTheUnknown: It doesn't matter if you're repetitive. You review, right? It does amaze that there are people dumber than Eragon Ridher.

Izumi-chan: Yeah, hers are funny. I'm glad you like them. I'm glad you liked Orrin's part too. You may send me another hack.

Cornelia Claire Chase: It's fine. I'll use it soon. Murtagh'll probably read it since that's what you want.

WWMTgirl: Thanks. Sorry you're sick.

Prettybella: Thanks so much. The reactions are fun to write.

SteelWolf: Sluthor? I like it. I'm glad you're passing it around. Eragon Ridher is pretty pathetic. Thanks so much.

Brix: They all want to, but the others won't let that one person get out of the torture. Besides, they all hate Murtagh and Galbatorix and want them to suffer and vice versa. The Mary Sue story will have an ending. I'm not sure when, but it will.

JzHill: Yes, I do. Wasn't My Immortal horrifying? If you haven't read the reviews, read them. They're the best flames ever. Read Bring Me to Life. It's written by her sister, and it's actually worse. Yeah, they'll need therapy after this.

CaramelBoost: Thanks so much. Eragon can be pretty pathetic, and this story would make most people pathetic. The reactions are really fun.

Stripysockz: Thanks. I hope you'll like Galby's torture. I couldn't believe she got to three times in a chapter. I'm basically going to have her do it every time there's even a little bit of an opportunity. I don't think I was the first person to use the nickname Galby, but I think I'm the first person to use all of Eragon's and Murtagh's nicknames. Yeah, I love writing Arya's hissy fits. They're understandable in this situation. Well, it's nice to take your anger out on fake people. It's better than taking it out on real people.

Darth Vyper: Thanks. Well, at least Orrin won't be tortured by the Suethor anymore.

Lady Exile: Thanks. I'm glad my update came so quickly. Your review came just before I updated. Thanks for that. I'm glad you like the nicknames. I randomly came up with it. Orrin has been pretty unlucky. I'm glad you liked Murtagh's reaction. He used it again this chapter. This chapter was the second hack. I would put in a Stu, but she hates them too much for that to happen. Oh well. Those would be some interesting possibilities. In hindsight, I should have made her like one female character. That was a good idea though.

Queenmab: Indeed.

Eagle's daughter: Thanks. I'll check it out. My friend Amy told me it was good. Sue-bashing from the canon is fun.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: Yeah, Orrin's safe. Eri-munchkins and Estelena will get their making up chapter next chapter probably.

BobMcBobinton: Thanks. That's kinda mean to your friend. Oh well.

SmelyBel: Yeah, nicknames are fun. I'm glad you liked those.

Ketaki Song: Hey, Nyx. Cool name. He reads sometime. I know the order, but he'll read sometimes. Well, I hope this chapter had enough humor. P.S. Nice metaphors for love and lust. I liked it.

Za Webmaster Authoress: I updated pretty quickly this time. Yeah, Orrin is free of the triple threat at least. Galbatorix is gonna get it soon. He's not going to be happy.

Beowulf-Cryptic: Thanks. I'm glad I made you laugh. Yeah, Eragon and Murtagh get tortured way more than anyone else. I'm glad you like Arya's reactions. They've been popular.

Fredsonetrueluv: Thanks. Yeah, Orrin got it bad. At least he's free. I agree with you about Orrin/Nasuada.

DaggerPen: Was it really that long waiting for an update? Sorry if it was.

DarkS3cret: Yeah, she likes profanity. I think that's why she does it. I'm glad you like this.

PenguiN SlipperS: Thanks so much. Well, there's a lot to flame. I've made sure of that.


	11. Talk about Inopportune Locations

Talk about Inopportune Locations

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you. Anda Faith helped me with this chapter by the way.

Galbatorix took a deep breath and began to read.

_Hey peoples, my friend Murtag Ridher dicided to help me write this chapter, since she luffs Murty and I love Ery, so here it is. _

"NO!" Murtagh screamed.

"Why is there an h in rider?" Galbatorix asked, sounding mildly interested.

Roran looked hesitantly at him.

"Well?" Galbatorix asked.

"Um, because it's like he's riding her, and she's riding him?" Roran said.

"It's sad, we all know," Angela said.

The king of Alagaësia started reading again, looking slightly cowed.

_A/N: Hi, this is Murtagh Ridher, not Eragon Ridher…I'm relly sowy, hun, but I told ya to put mor of me in here! Ya been fcuseing to much on u. And peple! Stop flaming and haking into her acount! Ya'll r idots! Hope ya enjoy this chappie – I detakate it to u Eragon Ridhe_r.

"Why is everything misspelled?" Galbatorix asked.

"I knew he wouldn't last a minute in this book," Murtagh mumbled. "He always yells at me for not using proper grammar when speaking the Ancient Language."

"It's important, boy! Do you want to blow yourself up?" Galbatorix asked.

_Amowiel wok up not noing where she was. Her long red hair was faned out round her and her her black eyeflashed futterd open. "Murtagh?" her beautiful voice called, trikling form her plumb red lips. She sat up an looke daround. Her sroundings were very dark and creepy.  
_"Once again, the authoress fails to use any adjectives to describe places in Urû'baen besides dark and creepy," Arya remarked. Galbatorix looked coolly at the elf. He wasn't the type to put up with interruptions. Everyone decided to shut up and not say anything. _  
Did my fathr put me down her? She wondered as her emerald eyes fleked with black survayd the drak and creepy room._

"Father?" Galbatorix asked.

"She's your daughter, apparently, as is the other abomination Amowiel," Angela said.

"And you mated with the atrocious older sister I never had," Arya added.

"Did I say you could speak?" Galbatorix roared.

"Well, she is a princess," Eragon remarked.

"Um, I have some authority here," Orrin put in. "We are both kings of rival countries, and she's a princess as the Shadeslayer said, and we need to have at some diplomatic semblance, at least until we're finished."

Galbatorix ignored him and began reading over him.

_Amowiel tryed her harest to contact Magdeleniana but she could't feel her. Magdeleniana…_

"Who's Magdeleniana?" Galbatorix asked.

"Her dragon," Angela replied. The witch seemed to be the only person in the room who was allowed to say anything. "The third dragon specifically."

"But the third dragon is male," Galbatorix protested.

"This girl's name is Eragon Ridher," Angela said. "Doesn't tell you everything?"

Galbatorix raised his eyebrows at the severe lack of logic and kept reading.

_Suddnly the door opend and a very hawt guy was thrwon in. "Murtagh?" Amowiel askted in a smexy voice. Spite of looking like he wa strotured, he was stil dam hawt!  
_"Murtagh, I really do have to ask you how you and Eragon manage to do that," Roran put in.

Eragon glared at him.

"We're just good like that," Murtagh said with a shrug.

Katrina leaned over Murtagh, Trianna, and Orik to whisper something in Roran's ear. The three people in question rolled their eyes.

"It's bloody unnatural, it is," Orik mumbled. Nobody was sure if he was referring to Roran and Katrina's conversation or to Eragon and Murtagh's constant perfection in the fan fic.

"SHUT UP!" Galbatorix yelled. "I am king and expect to be treated as such."

"We're rebels you know," Nasuada said.

Galbatorix screamed at her wordlessly.

"He seemed so calm last chapter," Katrina remarked to Trianna.

"They always did say he was a bit crazy," Orik remarked.

Galbatorix heard none of this. He was still howling wordlessly at Nasuada, who had currently run for shelter behind Murtagh's chair. Said man didn't seem to mind.

At last Galbatorix started reading again, and Nasuada eventually moved back to her spot. _  
Amowiel rushed ot his side, an put a pale hand on his face. "Murtagh, waht happend?" Amowiel asked, runnin herh ands over his torn clithes (A/N: soo hawt!)._

"I feel so violated," Murtagh mumbled.

"You didn't object to her hiding behind you, and yet you object to this insignificant whore?" Galbatorix asked.

Murtagh opened his mouth to retort, but Galbatorix cut him off and began reading again. Jesus, he's rude.

_Murtagh opens his mouth to speek but noting came out. Worid, Amowiel gently leaned down and kissed him, hoping mabey tha twould make him speek. "Amowiel," he moaned inot the kiss. "Galbrattleaxe, he nos about us! He mad me tell him – he nos my ture name… and he nos ar plan ofe scape!"_

"When did she switch to present tense?" Trianna asked.

"I may be a mind reader, sorceress, but even I cannot look into her mind as she is not real," Galbatorix growled.

Trianna backed down.

"Well, she was just asking a question," Eragon remarked.

"An impertinent one," Galbatorix said coolly, "And I think the more pressing question is why she mutilated my name so horribly!" His voice got quite loud by the end.

"I've been called everything from Nausea to Anunada to Nadudi," Nasuada put in.

"Yes, but you're a rebel leader. I'm a king," Galbatorix said. Everyone exchanged covert glances. The empire's ruler had a king complex as well as a rude one, or so it seemed.

_Amowiel gasped cutely, her plup red lips forming an 'O'. "Is taht why he locked us don here?" she asked, her emerald eyes speckled w/ black widend.  
"Yes, and he's dugged me – I ca't do magik… could u heal me?" Murtagh asked, his ruf hand cressing her pale face.  
Amowiel shvered dlighfuly at his touch and touched every one of his wunds of trochure. They loked painful, she mutered, "Wise hell." And he was all better, his tanned skin looking very hawt again.  
_"Well, Roran and your majesty, it looks like we still have hope!" Orik put in sarcastically. "He stopped looking hawt for one second."

Galbatorix hit the poor dwarf over the head with the book and then hit Orrin over the head with it for good measure.

"Why is it always me?" Orrin asked Nasuada as Galbatorix opened back up to the appropriate page.

The Varden's leader shrugged as Galbatorix began to read again. _  
"I luv you, Amowiel," Murtagh siad pasonately._

"_I luve u to, Murtagh." And they kissed pasonately, his long-fingered hands (A/N: U no waht they say abot guys w/ long fingers!)_ (Here, Murtagh made a strangled noise, Eragon said, "Now you know how I felt when she made the feet comment," and Galbatorix hit them both very hard over the head with the book before continuing with_, tangiling in her long silky red hair. He roled over ont op of her as she torn the shirt form is bodi._

_(A/N: Sine I am not as good at riting sex scenes, as Eragon Ridher, Sh's writing it for me.)_

"Oh, yes," Arya said sarcastically. "It takes a great deal of skill to plagiarize a romance novel."

"Arya, how do you know so much about romance novels?" Nasuada asked.

"I know," Trianna added. "I mean, you don't like pink, yet…"

"Aren't you going to interrupt?" Arya asked Galbatorix.

"Actually, I'm rather enjoying this," the king remarked. "I would call this one step in the right direction towards payback."

Arya took a deep breath and said, "I read a few of those novels when I had free time at the Varden. That's all. Besides, these scenes scream romance novel."

"Since we are done with this, I must continue," Galbatorix said. His eyes bulged as he looked at the pages. "Oh, lords, Murtagh, what would your father say? Well, actually, he'd probably congratulate you, but this is still more than should be written. I mean, take this one section for example."  
Thus, the group came to understand what Murtagh meant when he was said that he was tortured.

By the time Galbatorix was done, Murtagh was glowering on the floor underneath his chair.

"_How ar we gona get out of here?" Amowiel asked, basking in the aftra glow of their luv, curled up long side her hawttie, Murtagh. "I ca't reach Magdeleniana, can u reach Thorn?"  
"They musth ave druged u to then," he said, h olding her close. "Thoug hnot as muc has me. You had enough power to heal me."  
"But taht was teh last o fit," Amowiel said sadly, her full cribson lips pouting. "Mabey I'll gain some strenth and get us out. Unless…" she slly glance at the door and puleda way from Murtaghs embrase._

"Her magic ran out?" Trianna asked in a shocked voice. "Will the wonders of Mary Suedom never cease?"  
"If you all stop interrupting me and respect me as your king, that will be a wonder," Galbatorix growled.

"_Guard?" she asked sexi;y. The gard cam to the smal bard window of the woulden door.  
"Yes, milady," the gard asked, he was kind of pathetically enranced by her beuty. "What would a lil miss like u be doin down here? Ya look like royalty."  
"Oh," Amowiel giggled cutely. "Actuly I got lost in the castle and loked my selt in here, do u mind lettin me out?"  
The gard nodded and she heard the clamging of the keys aginst each other as he shoved then inot the lock. "Ere ou are miss."  
Amowiel steped out and nodded her head in his direction. "Thank you, gard, u are diesmissed."_

"Never mind," Trianna said. "She just had to use seduction tactics to get out of there, didn't she?"

"Yes, she did. Now let me finish this and turn it over to my next reader," Galbatorix hissed. Trianna was thrown back against her chair before Eragon yelled, "Cut it out."

Galbatorix let Trianna drop as though on a whim and began again after saying, "One more time."

_The gard bowned and walked away. Amowiel turned to Murtagh, who remained still. She moshuned for him to follow her, wich he did. "That was good thought," Murtagh said, creeping through the dark and creepy dungons with her. His hand gasping hers. (A/N: soo cute!)  
"Now, wej ust have ot find Magdeleniana and Thorn and get out fo her," Amowiel said smarty. "Do u no where tehy ar?"  
"Galbrattleaxe never sed, but I wuld gess the cortyard. The gards wouldn't take me anyware near there. Do u think he's kept tehm prisoner there?" Murtagh asked.  
Amowiel nodded, filcking a tendirl of red hair over he rsholder. "You ar so smark, Murtagh!" she said, kissing him on the lips.  
They rushed to the cortyard and kicked all the gards asses cause tehy mad a good team. And soon they were flying off to Surda to find Amowiel's sister, Eselena and Murtagh's brother, Eragon…_

_(A/N: I get to start riging again! Eragon Ridher)_

_Estelena looked up at the Surdan sky. It's deep blue color set off her black-blonde hair to perfection, and it mached her eyes really great too._

"Doesn't she have purple eyes?" Nasuada asked before ducking under her chair to avoid Trianna's punishment.

"Honestly, you throw a few books at somebody and pin one person against a chair?" Galbatorix mumbled.

"And kill all the dragon riders, and enslave people, and kill anyone who does anything even slightly wrong," Arya added under her breath.

"You are so on my list, elf!" Galbatorix yelled. God, he's bipolar.

He sat down and began to read.

_Then she saw a strange sight. Tow dragons were in the sky. One was bright red and the other was smaller and brighgt green. The read dragon had two people on it. _

_Meanwhile, on Thorn's back…_

_Murtag and Amowiel had gotten tird of waitn to land so they had started going at it. Her's what they were doing. _

_I AM A RESPECTIBLE CREATURE!_ Thorn shouted. _THERE ARE CERTAIN THINGS THAT SHOULD NOT BE DONE ON MY BACK!_ Galbatorix went on reading as though nothing had happened.

_Don't worry,_ Saphira comforted. _Her nickname for me is Sapphy Brighty. _

_At least nothing of that particular nature has been done on your back,_ Thorn said.

_Yet,_ Saphira said cynically.

_Finally!_ Solembum exclaimed. _Somebody is getting cynical. It had to happen. _

The werecat then stopped his enthusiasm and went back to his normal habits.

Galbatorix finally finished the terrifying and unrealistic lemon and continued with the more appropriate part of the story.

_Anyway, Amowiel and Murtag landed looking slightly flushed and rather tousled. _

_Estelena looked at them and asked, "Whacha doin'?"_

_Amowiel laughed and said, "None of yo9ur beeswax," with a wink. _

_They two sisters then hugged. _

"_I can't believe I"ve never met you before,!" Amowiel exclaimed. _

"_I know," Estelena said._

"_Well, I do remember you from when you were a baby a lil," Amowiel said. _

"_Aw, was I cute?" Estelena asked._

"_Yup," Amowiel said. "Then you and mom disappeared, and now were' reunited. I'm soooooo excited!"  
"Me too!" Estelena exlaimced. "Ohen-Briam and I are going to Ellesméra tomorrow. Ya wann come with us?"  
"Sure, sis," Amowiel added._

"_Count me in," Murtag added pepplily._

"Peppily?" the red rider echoed. "Is that even a word? And since when am I this cheerful?"

"You have a point," Eragon said.

"I am almost done this chapter. Let us stop discussing an out-of-character behavior on the part of my servant and finish this illiterate trash," Galbatorix put in.

_With that the three people wne tupstair s to go to sleep. (A/N: DON'T even think threesome. HO sick do you think I am?)_

"Sick," everyone, including Galbatorix, put in.

_Anyhoo, here are the review responses from chapter nine. (I'm not sresponding to chapter ten cause that fucking whorey pervert hacked it and put in slash (Ew) Fukc you while you burn in hell, you sick perv. I hate your guts. How dare you hack my story, and how the fucdk did you get my password? I feucking changed it! Fukcer!) _

_Kitty ad Amythest: You DIE!  
Random Little Writer: It is soooooooooo not the wrot. Itto. My OCS are sooooooooo not worse than Arya. Raeynne's a wimp. Why do flaws make her goo?  
QueenOfTheUnknown: What kinda good reason is there for rejecting Gon-Gon? And Nasuaa sucks. She is tooooo a prude. At least ya've gote sense about Trianna. Angela is to scary. What about the doad thing? Sies, Eragon and Murtag baerely knew Nadauad and Arya, so get over it! Oriin is his name? Kay. I'll be he is a perv. I know there's more to life than sex. IT's all that happens in this fic. The dragons are fine. WTF about Galby? He wouldn't make a better ruler. _

"Yes, I would," Galbatorix said.

Everyone looked at each other in sad agreement.

_ILUVERAGON: Thnks s much. I'm glad you agree. Finallysomeone with a brain. _

_Izumi-chan: Asphalt? What's that? WTF did you just say?_

_Cornelia Claire Chase: Stup accusing me of being a bad blone. _

_Leyla: I'm glad you like that, but Murtag/Nasuda? Ew! _

_Jenna: Thanks!_

_Julia: Ooh. That is cool. _

_Amy: Yays. Somebody appreciates them._

"Yes, plagiarism must be so hard," Angela mumbled.

_CaramelBoost: I don have a disturibn mind. STFU._

_Stripysockz: It does not! Nothing's wrong with lemons, and mine are good. S there. Amowiel and Estlena don's have stupid names. Estelena just killed off a perv. _

_Darth Vyper: No, I know for ltter words other than fuck. See! Than is a for letter word. WTF did you just say?_

_Lady Exile: IT's sture. I AMO NOT EMO _

_BobMcBobinton: STFU._

_Nyx: I do too deserve to live. Nobody deserves to die, cept you. _

_Za Webmaster Authoress: Those seesions are fine. Thy'reiportant to the relatioships. STFU. _

_Fredsonetrueluv: I know what you mean. It was har to write. _

_PenguiN SlipperS: I wasn't of her own free will. He trick ed her. I dunno why your reading this either. Fuck off. _

With that Galbatorix passed the book onto Roran, who mumbled something suspiciously like, "Not again."

That's the end of chapter 11. Sorry it took so long to update. The basic story is that my school does something called Gym Meet every year. It lasts for about three weeks (at leas the practices and performances do), and it runs your life during that time. Last weekend was Gym Meet, so I didn't have much time. Now that they're in Ellesméra, I should have somewhere to run with. Thank you to Anda Faith for helping me out of my writer's block.

Spiritual Bob: Thanks.

Buzz-buzz-buzz-bumble-bee: Yay! Cookies to you!

Cheesey Goodness: Hope you liked it.

Lu: Wrong but funny? That pretty much sums it up. Thanks.

A phan: Thanks.

Kitty and Amethyst: Yeah, Rock Not War did an awesome job.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Thanks. That was a spur-of-the-moment thing.

C.T. Eleczko: Thanks so much. Do you still feel sorry for Galby?

Azulcat: Thanks. I hope you liked Galby's part.

Ketaki Song: Yes, that would be good if they got to Eragon Ridher. I hope you thought this chapter had humor too.

Blaze blue ocean dragon: Quite possibly. You can never tell with Angela. You'll see what happens to Galby.

Random Little Writer: Her fit wasn't as funny as the last one, but I always love doing her review responses.

CelticWater: Thanks. I see what you mean about Eragon. He is rather annoying, isn't he?

Prettybella: I don't know if I can do anymore readers. We'll see though.

GiantWoodenMallet: Thanks. I don't think Solembum can talk in his human form though, or else I would have tried that.

Beowulf-Cryptic: LOL. ADHD, huh? I think my cousin has that. You'll see what'll happen with Galby. It won't be pretty.

WWMTgirl: And he has no idea what he's in for.

JzHill: Yeah, they got it bad. I'll check out that story. I love parodies of that fic.

Stripysockz: Oh, things are already getting ugly. I'm glad you liked that part. I think the reactions are what make the fic. Of course, I need good stuff for them to react to, and that's why the hackers are great helpers. My brain needs to stop abusing itself sometimes.

Invaderem: Their reactions to slash are just too fun.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: Quite sadly, yes. She is real. I hope you liked Galby reading. You'll see what'll happen at the end.

Darth Vyper: Yeah, it gets random around here. Glad you liked the hack. It wasn't mine, but you know.

Rock Not War: Thanks. It was awesome. I think Eragon and Murtagh react the best to slash. I hope you liked the Galby chapter. Sorry about Eragon Ridher's cussing fit. I can't control her.

Smelybel: She had a small one. I hope you liked it. Of course it's not over.

If.life.means.nothing.then.die: Thanks. What old times?  
Fredsonetrueluv: Yeah, I wish I could bring Ajihad and Brom in. Particularly Ajihad. Imagine that with the Murtagh/Nasuada bits. Don't worry. This story is making sadists everywhere.

Whispering Lillies: I'm glad you think so, and I hope you liked this chapter.

Adrianrod Svit-Kona Sama: Thanks. Sorry about the delay.

Cornelia Claire Chase: Thanks. I do love ding dong moments. LOL. I loved the song rewrite.

Drownedinlight: Somebody hacked My Immortal and killed Ebony by turning her into a prep. It was pretty funny. Um, what's Omake? Sorry, but I don't know.

QueenMab: Well, you've gotta scary funny people. How else would we be able to be friends with Turly if she weren't so funny?

MissMonkey91: Yeah, Rock Not War is pretty funny. Thanks.

Anda Faith: It doesn't have to be slash. Thanks for you help with this one.

DaggerPen: LOL. I hear you about the patience thing. I'm glad you liked that part. Yeah, Murtagh and Nasuada have to learn about subtlety.

CaramelBoost: Thanks. I'm glad you think this is funny. Do you want the truth about Eragon Ridher's story? She has not plot. I think you already knew that, but I like to say it. It makes it both easy and hard to write. Someone wrote a story with this concept in the LotR fandom, I asked her if I could do that for Eragon, she said yes, and Voila.

Mecha Scorpion: Well, this chapter was my own work, plus somebody writing like Eragon Ridher. I hope you liked this chapter. By the way, Galbatorix came to collect Murtagh, and he decided to stay and see what so horrifying about the Sue story. Sorry if you found his appearance bizarre and out of place.

Dark S3cret: LOL. I hope you liked this chapter. Sorry about the wait.

Elf-princess-girl: Glad you like Arya's hissy fits. They're fun.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Yay for pure and uncorrupted. Woot!


	12. Ellesméra Had It Coming

Ellesméra Had It Coming

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

_Estelena walked out into the bright usnny courtyard that perfectly allumintaed her multicoloered hair. Her crystalline vilot eyes sparkled in the sun too._

"So, she's unrealistically perfect, and she can't decide what color her hair and eyes are," Roran said. "I think we all got that the first twenty times, so let's just skip to the next paragraph."

"Agreed," everyone said.

_Just then, Amowiel cam down, hand in hand with Murtagh. The sun too clinted off her bright red locks, that shimmered like fire in the blazing run. _

"I'll skip that one too," Roran muttered.

_Then Raeynne walked down the stpes. She was shy and looked unassured and she looked kinda pretty though. _

_Roran followed her. _

"_Why are you coming?" Estelena aksed, trying to be polite. _

"_Eragon. Elemera," Roran replied._

"Why must she make you monosyllabic?" Katrina asked.

"Don't. Ask," Roran said through gritted teeth, glancing back down at the book.

"Oh, no!" Katrina yelled. "It's spreading."

Murtagh made a choking noise that sound like bitten back laughter.

"Katrina, it's fine. I'm normal, and I can talk in complete sentences. I swear that to you," Roran said hurriedly to his distressed fiancée.

Katrina calmed down immediately.

"Shut up, and continue reading. Oh, and please do skip the parts about those ridiculous girls who claim to be my children," Galbatorix said, looking at his nails.

"Raeynne hasn't claimed to be your daughter yet," Murtagh pointed out.

"Yet," Trianna added.

Galbatorix gave her the most deadly look given to anyone so far. Roran decided it might be wise to continue.

"_Who's that?" Amowiel whispered to Estelena._

"_Tis Eragon's cousin roran. He's not too bright. He doesn't have Gonny-Wonny's brains," Estelena explained._

"_Well, who has rider's brains?" Amowiel asked. _

"_Nobody, that's for sue," Both girl luahged delightedly. _

"Did she just say the word Sue?" Angela asked incredulously.

Roran nodded and continued.

"_So, isn't hat the guy raeynn'es into?" Amowiel asked._

"_MMhmm," Estelena ansered. _

"_They fit," Amowiel said. _

_Estelena nodded. She understood what she mant._

Well, Murtag's not really Raeynne's kinda guy,_ Magdeleniana said. _

If he was, I'd kill her,_ Amowiel said. _

No you wouldn't You'd just ell her to back off and sh'ed o it,_ te green dragon replied. _

Yeah, I'm too nice for that,_ Amowiel agreed. _

"Just when I think she can't get any vainer," Murtagh mumbled.

_Then the horror of horrrs came downthe steps. Ary anad Pnasuada. _

"Did she spell my name right?" Nasuada asked hopefully, looking genuinely ready to hug somebody. Roran hesitated, and she went and hugged every male in the room with the exception of Galbatorix. Even Solembum got a hug.

"Does your name have P?" Roran asked tentatively while Nasuada was busy hugging Murtagh.

She let go and glared at the book.

"A P?" she repeated.

Roran nodded.

"How can she mutilate it that badly?" the Varden's leader screamed. "She almost gets it right, and then she throws a random P at the beginning? How does he manage this?"

"She's a Suethor," Trianna said bitterly. "They can do anything."

Roran decided he should just keep reading and hope for the best. The best didn't come.

_Then it got even more horrifgying. Tiranni was following htem. _

"_Ew, what are you doing here" Estelena asked. _

"_Arya ahs to come with you," Nasudi said. _

"_But…"Estelena began._

"_She's going. Get over it," Nasuad said, turning on her hel._

"_WTF are you here?" Estelena asked Tiranni._

_The sorceress shrugged and left. _

"_Shnaky little Beotch, " Estelena muttured after her. _

"Oh, and you're not at all. I mean, you only ruthlessly insult people who have done absolutely nothing to them and sleep around with a guy you've known for a grand total of a few hours," Trianna muttered sarcastically.

"You're not that bad," Eragon said. "You're fine in fact."

"Eragon, this might be a hint as to why you have never had a romance," Roran said.

"Stop talking about the ignoramus' lack of tact, start reading!" Galbatorix screamed, standing up. Everyone resisted making a comment about the king's lack of tact.

_The Next Week_

_Ohen-Briam Thorn, and Magdeleniana had just landed in the elfin capital. It was a big leafy place that set off all three girl's beauty and detracted from Arya's. Oh. Wiat. Arya has not beauty. Have to emember that. That LOL ROTFLMAO Heehaw. EW! Hee hw? Wht is that? A Okney? Moving on. _

"Sire," Arya said to Orrin, "do you now understand why I hit you with that book?"

"Yes, actually I do," Orrin mumbled. Galbatorix didn't hear them. They were lucky.

_Anyhoo,once they enteres the capital, they were immdiatley greeted by Eragon. Estelena hugged him and wrapped her ams around him. They began to kiss passionately whne Arya cleared her throat. They both broke uaprat glaring at her. One dark-haired mael elf who Estelena recognized as Vanir muttere something like, "So he has balls after all."_

"_Yes, he does, andytey're a lot beggern than I bet yours are!" Estelena cried passionately. Gon-Gon smiled ta her._

Meanwhile, the real Gon-Gon lost it and threw up. All over the book. Unfortunately, the vomit magically vanished.

"That….shouldn't….have…happened," Arya said. She was the only one who still had speech power.

"You know what I don't understand?" Angela said casually. Apparently she still had speech power. Everyone else's mouth was agape. Whether this was because of the very crude thing Erago…I mean Estelena had just said or because of more proof of the book's invulnerability, nobody was sure. Angela got tired of waiting for them to answer, so she simply said, "I don't understand why that was what made you vomit. I would have thought that it would be one of the sex scenes."

"I don't understand either," Eragon said, wiping off his mouth. "May I go clean out my mouth?"

"We should send somebody with him," Roran said. "We don't want Alagaësia's potential hero sneaking off, now do we?"

"I have something to up in about the hero comment," Galbatorix said.

"None of us are looking very heroic now if you ask me," Murtagh mumbled.

"It is quite sad," Nasuada said as she heard Eragon gargling. "At least nobody's cowering under their chair though," she added smiling mischievously.

Murtagh pretended to look hurt.

Eragon walked back into the room, took his seat, and said to Roran, "Continue."

"I am the only person here who is entitled to say continue," Galbatorix argued.

"Well, since he said continue, I'd continue, Stronghammer," Orik said.

Galbatorix glared at the dwarf as Roran began to read again.

_Then they snuck awa to have some fun between the meeting. _

Eragon promptly finished emptying his stomach as Roran stuttered through the sex scene.

"No female can do that," Katrina muttered. "I'm sorry, but we're not that flexible."

"I don't think any man has ever gone beyond the limits of anything like Eragon has," Roran mumbled, clearly very disturbed.

Eragon gave Roran a weak glare. Trianna had gotten down on her knees next to him and was holding a bucket. She was wearing an expression somewhere between disgust at the vomit and pity for Eragon's state.

"Oh come on," Murtagh said, throwing his hands in the air. "Every single male in this story has done unrealistic, undoable things in this story. I mean, even Orrin here…"

"I take exception to that!" Orrin yelled.

"At least you're dead and don't have to put up with this," Murtagh retorted.

"We are all alive," Galbatorix said. "If you all wish to stay this way, you will all shut up and let what's-his-name start reading again."  
"It's Roran," Katrina said. "My God, you try to capture him and cause unprecedented chaos, and you can't even remember his name."  
Roran started to loudly continue reading as though hoping to protect Katrina from Galbatorix's wrath.

_As tey aly basking in the afterglow of love, EStelena turned over and said, "it was susre fun to do that again. I't been for too long sicne we've donte that."_

"_I know. One week is too long," Gonny-Wonnyg agreed._

_When the fun wa over, Vanir walke din there (Ohen-Briam ad burned him ause he'd been spying on Eragon and Estelena while they wre doing it), and toldthem to go to the queen Izladi. _

"Oh, I hope she doesn't mean Islanzadí," Arya said in a deadly voice.

"List, elf!" Galbatorix shouted.

Roran decided that it might be a good idea to keep on reading, so he did.

_Izladi was much pretteri than her daughter, almost as pretty as Avaliana was. Estelena realized where she must have gotten her looks from. Izladi took one look at the goresus Estelena and Arya's pathectic, wimpy, weak, pathetic, dumbass, dipshitty spell ath had made veryone forget Avaliana broke._

"_Guards, sieze her," she shouted,pointing at Arya. The queen slowly descended the steps of the thorwn, saying" How dare you try to destroy your sister? How dare you make us forgt her bravey so that we would forgive you rown incompetence?" Arya caved like a plate of wet spaghetti as she was dragged away. _

"_She wil l be kept in bondage until such time as it is scene wfit to realease that hussy," Izladi said staidly._

"My mother never called me a hussy. Never!" Arya shrieked.

"Of course she didn't," Eragon said.

"You," Galbatorix said, jerking his head in Roran's direction, "ignore her if she breathes another word."

_Estelena's large heart felt a pull of sympathy towards Arya. _

Arya let out a snort of disbelief at that and shrugged off Galbatorix's glare with a look that plainly said, "I didn't say anything."

_After all, she had just been jealous of her much better sister. Then she remember what hed happened to Avaliana because hs'ed been sent to earth and how her mother had only been able to think of that._

"_Tell me what happened to my true daughter," Izladi said, sitting odnw. _

"She was mercilessly thrashed for the sake of the Sues," Arya mumbled.

"I feel your pain," Nasuada and Trianna said at the same time.

"Shut up!" Galbatorix screamed. "I do not want to endure this any longer than I must."  
"Then why don't we just go back to Urû'baen?" Murtagh asked hopefully.

"Because I will not look like a coward in front of these rebels. If they can take it, so can I," Galbatorix stated, glaring at the entire room.

Roran cleared his throat and began reading.

_Estelena's lovely violet eyes that were speckeld with green and blue filled with limpid tears, only one of which she let fall. "She was killd by Galbrattleax's men (A/n: my bff reminded me that that's how you sepll it. sorry bout Galbyorix)." _

Galbatorix's mouth dropped open. "She actually thinks that that's how she's supposed to spell my name?"

"I feel the same way," Nasuada said tentatively.

"She doesn't know that my name has an h," Murtagh mumbled.

"Well, your name is spelled weirdly, but how is my name hard to spell?" Galbatorix asked.

Everyone just stared at him. They decided not to comment on the hypocrisy of the statement.

"Your name does look better with an h," Nasuada muttered comfortingly.

_Izladi let a single tear fall from her eye as Estelena narrated the events of Avaliana's death. _

"_I am truly sorry that that—that thing has caused you and your mother such pain," Izladi said sympathetically. _

"_You have another granddaughter though," Estelena said. "We've freed her and the red rider from Galbrattleax's reing."_

"_Really?" Izladi said happily. _

_:Yes, Amowiel said, coming out of her hiding place. _

_Izladi hugged her happily after sheddinganother tear for Amowiel's own tale. She then proceded to clap her hands an call a feast for the return of four riders. Man, Galbrattleax was sooooooooooooooooooo goann have his asss kcicked magorly. _

_Soooooooooo sorry that it took so long to update. More on the feast next chatter. I'll be ya'll can't wait. Anyway, here are the review responses. _

_Alian: Yeah, I know they are. How could you gorget? Thanks for the defense aftinst the falmer's. _

_Azulcat: Thanks you rock too. _

_Crnelia Claier Chase: Huh? You're a confusing bitch. Ibet your'e not even natural blonde._

…_: Why change my ame? What's wrong with it? I can too write sex scenes. Grmmar an smeplling don't fucking matter. Thorn got the spern off, sicko. _

_Izumi-chan; We are not half litersat or mentally challegnede, bitch. Fuck off. _

_Julia: Hm, well, they're rider, and there is a saddle._

_Jenna: Thanks.!_

_CaremelBoost: zit's no ew. How coul I have done it on a drgon's back if dragon's don't exisrt?_

_ILuvMarySuesALot: Thanks so much.I know, isn'the? I'm glad that you think Estelena and Amowiel are cool cause they rae. _

_KetakiSong: you're fucking welcome. Fuck ogg bitsch._

_Beowulf-Cryptic: idon't have mentsl issues! _

_Za Webmaster Authoress: you're fucking welcome. _

_Stripysockz: Nothing iswrong with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now fuck off. _

_Mecha Scorpion: I haven't read LotR. It's ficking voring. _(A/N: I don't feel that way.)_ What's aword processor? What's the caste system?_

_Lady Exilr: Tey are nit unpronoumcable. Te plot deosn't suck/ I am not puyying the caracters through torture. So fuck off._

_Kitty and Amythest: I am not a whotre. Hah! I'm romanric._

_Mary Sues Not War: Thanks so much._

_BobMcBobinton: I am yoo otiginal. Speell ceck is judgmental._

_Random Little Writer/yhanks. U rok._

_QueenOfTheUnknown: those aren't good reasons. So I splled the king's name wrong. It's not like he's important._

"Hey!" Orrin yelled.

"I think he takes exception to that too," Murtagh mumbled.

"I definitely take exception to that," Orrin stated.

"I take exception to you all prolonging my read," Roran yelled.

_He did too do something perverted. He hits on Nasuda. You'd have to pbe perverted to that. _

Nasuada's mouth dropped open.

"When did I hit on her?" Orrin asked, puzzled.

"Well, Murtagh," Galbatorix remarked, "you're really perverted in her eyes now."

Murtagh glared, and Roran continued.

_Galbrattelax is not a misspelling. _

"Yes, it is," Galbatorix said.

Roran read over him to. The king looked shocked to have been beaten at his own game.

_WTF does it matter is I now what duress is? WTF do I need ajective other than hwat, creppy, and cute? Thron isn't a rpude, so he coulnd't care abou that. _

_ILUVERAGON: Thanks so much. You're so right bout Estelena and Amowiel. _

_IceFire9: It is not the worst ever. How would it be? It is not wrose tha n slash. It is not driving he Eragon characters inasne._

"I take exception to that," everyone in the room said as the chapter was finished and the book handed to Trianna for the second time this story.

Sorry if this update took a while. I've been tired all of this week. I seriously got up at four in the morning on Monday and Wednesday for crew. It's fun at least. Anyway, weather permitting, I'll be getting up at four at least three times a week for a while. So, here are the review responses.

Jedi Master Evenstar: Wow. I've made you feel pity for him? Well, this story is pretty sad. LOL. I'm glad I made you laugh.

Ailan: I did have someone start vomiting. That was a good idea. I hope that you liked this chapter. Ramblings good by the way.

Azulcat: Oh, thanks. Yeah, I think that they are. I don't understand why that always happens in Mary Sue fics. The spelling and grammar should get better, not worse. I'm glad that you loved that line.

Cornelia Claire Chase: I'm glad that you liked that line.

Prettybella: Oh, it's fine. Thanks.

…: Thanks. I'm glad that you love the hissy fits.

Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: Thanks.

Izumi-chan: Thanks. Ooh. Cool.

WWMTgirl: Thanks.

Swim Angel: I'm glad that you think this is a good example.

CaramelBoost: I'm glad that you love this fic. Yeah, Eragon Ridher is quite filthy.

Ketaki Song: Yeah, he's unfortunate, the poor man.

Cheesey Goodness: Thanks. I don't care if you're being lazy. It's fine.

Beowulf-Cryptic: I shall fear your ADHD. Thanks.

Za Webmaster Authoress: I don't think that many people have, but who cares? I'm glad that you like Eragon Ridher's hatred.

Du.Sundavar.Brisingr: Yeah, Galby's insane. Why do you think that Arya's a slut? Just out curiosity. Yeah, the sex scenes are taking over Eragon Ridher's story.

Stripysockz: It seemed like something that he would do. I'm glad how you like how Orrin keeps getting hit on the head. It seems like a recurring theme to me. I don't know where the romance novels thing came from, but oh well? I'm glad that you liked it. Islanzadí would get rather angry at that. I don't care if you went overboard on the capital.

CelticWater: I'm glad that you like it. I tried to keep him in character even though he doesn't really have a character in the books.

Mecha Scorpion: Yeah, I'm trying to go to new levels of bad here. Ellesméra will of course have numerous possibilities.

Brix: Yeah, I think that it scares a lot of people. Glad you like it though.

Lady Exile: Glad you like it. Yeah, I don't know where the romance novels thing came from. Of course the Ellesméra thing means more Arya bashing. She had quite a few hissy fits this chapter. They are fun to write.

Anda Faith: Well, it was good. I'm glad that you liked the quote.

Kitty and Amethyst: Well, your childhood innocence had to die someday.

Queenmab: I know. Her hugs would be worse. Well, it had to be bad sometime. I really can't control my alter ego. Ya know? Yes, Arya reads romance novels as weird as that is.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: I dunno. I was a little surprised that she was real as well, but whatever. Yeah, Galby's pretty tapped. I'm glad that you liked his read. I think that Suethors tend to stick together. Just like bees and such. Ugh. Bad analogy. Who cares? Yeah, Eragon Ridher is pretty pathetic. My family always looks at me funny when I start laughing at the computer.

BobMcBobinton: Really? What story was it? I might read it if I ever need ideas for Eragon Ridher's story. Oh, the horror of overly thick eyelashes. Was that really listed as a flaw? That's sad. Poor you. She has the same name as you? That sucks.

Fredsonetrueluv: Yeah, it's getting around here. I don't know where that line came from. Oh god, if only Ajihad hadn't died. That would be a funny fic. Him walking in on them or something. Poor man would probably never recover.

Random Little Writer: I'm glad that you still love it.

QueenOfTheUnknown: I'm glad that you like my Galby and my Thorn. They're fun.

DaggerPen: I'm sorry. I really am. I'll never do that again.

Drownedinlight: Thanks. I'm glad that you like Galby. Oh, that's what it is. Well, you could if you wanted to. It wasn't rude to ask.

Avalon's mists: Yes, they will.

IceFire9: Thanks so much. Those nicknames are fun.


	13. Some Hearts Shouldn't Get Lucky

Some Hearts Shouldn't Get Lucky

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

_Hey! I'll bet ya didn't think this update would come so fast. Welll, life's good. So, here's the feat. Beat ya'll are excidted._

"If by excited she means ready to eviscerate ourselves, then yes, we are excited," Arya said.

"At least you don't have to read next chapter," Orik mumbled. He added something that sounded like, "Not another scene."

"There have been a lot of those lately," Trianna said sadly before commencing reading. Everyone looked at Galbatorix as though waiting for him to yell at them.

"I'm happy for any delays at this point," the king said, leaning back in his chair resignedly. "Continue if you must."  
Trianna looked slightly perturbed and began the chapter.

_The elves set up a feast in three sceoncs (A/N: Hye, they're elves. They rockz. Not like stupid dwarves)_

"Mine race has barely been mentioned!" Orik yelled. "Why must she continually insult it?"  
"I wonder if she knows that I'm an elf," Arya muttered.

"Based on the constant barrage of verbal insults against, I'd guess not," Murtagh remarked.

_Thank the gods you still have your vocabulary,_ Thorn said. _I haven't been able to say anything since that—that _scene_ two chapters ago. _

_Hey, who was involved in it?_ Murtagh asked.

_We both were,_ Thorn said.

_Even she's not that sick,_ Murtagh argued.

_If it was being done on me, I was involved,_ Thorn insisted.

_You have a point there, but do you really want to be involved? _Murtagh asked.

_That's why I haven't been able to say anything for a whole chapter of that thing,_ Thorn said.

"Are you quite done?" Galbatorix asked them testily.

"I thought you said you wanted interruptions," Murtagh said.

"I changed my mind," Galbatorix said. "Just get it over with."

"Alright," Trianna said.

_Anhoo, at the end of the feats, which was really really good, Izladi stood up and said, "We could like to think these four wonderful riders, especially Estelena and Amowiel who are the daugheters of my lon llost daughter…"_

"_Arya had kids?" one elf asked, caerly disgusted._

"_No, of course not," Izladi said, shaking her head at the elf's stupidity. _

"I am not that unattractive!" Arya shouted.

Trianna snorted.

"Why are you snorting?" Arya yelled.

Trianna shook her head. "I-I can't help it. It's so funny when it's not me she's talking about."

"Sadly enough, I understand that," Murtagh muttered.

"This story has done what I have failed to do," Galbatorix mumbled.

"Done what?" Nasuada asked.

"Make him sadistic instead of just survival-obsessed," Galbatorix said, pointing at Murtagh.

"It's Eragon Ridher and Murtagh Ridher," she said with a shrug.

"They're geniuses," Galbatorix said. "Sick, evil, twisted geniuses."  
"I was thinking mentally challenged actually," Angela said.

_Do you all realize how sad it is that he thinks that they're intelligent?_ Solembum asked.

"Shut up, you stupid werecat," Galbatorix muttered.

Solembum gave him a look.

"_Their mother is Avaliana," Izladi said, breaking the spell._

"_God, Arya is such a be-otch," all the elves said simultaneously. _

"At least it wasn't dipshit," Arya muttered, her eye twitching slightly.

Trianna started reading again. _"And she's a dipshit too," the evles added._

Arya growled angrily.

"I thought you said that elves don't believe in God," Nasuada said to Eragon.

"So she's made one more mistake. Is anyone else surprised?" Murtagh said.

"No," they all said.

_The elves all chered real lloud. _

"_I have heard that elves love music," Estelena said. _

"Oh no," Trianna said as she stared down at the book in her lap.

"What?" everyone asked.

"She's going to sing," the sorceress stated.

"Well then," Galbatorix said, "I certainly hope that you're not tone-deaf."

Trianna glared at the page. Sure enough, the next words out of Estelena's perfect Mary Sue mouth were:

" _I would like to sing a song the world that Arya sene mey mother to. It's calle "Some Hearts." Estelena smiled beautfily then sia,d "I'm decicating it to Eragon." Gon-Gon blused cutely at this. _

_Estelena opened her wide, full, reddish pinkinsh mouth and began to sing:_

_I've never been the kind that you'd call lucky._

"She gets a dragon out of nowhere and the guy she loves in three hours, and that's unlucky?" Nasuada asked incredulously.

"May I finish singing unless I'm too tone-deaf?" Trianna asked saccharinely.

"You're fine," Eragon said. "Your voice is really good."  
"Thanks," Trianna said.

_Always stumbling' around in circles  
But I must have stumbled into something_

"Actually, I think that Eragon stumbled into her," Murtagh muttered.

"Trianna, may I have the book?" Eragon asked.

The sorceress passed it over to him, and the blue rider proceeded to beat the red rider over the head with it. Eventually, Murtagh managed to snatch the book away from him, but he was "disarmed" by Nasuada and Arya a moment later.

Trianna excepted the book and began to sing again.

_Look at me_

_Am I really alone with you  
I wake up feeling like my life's worth living_

"We all know that she's a narcissist," Orik said. "You don't need to say it anymore."

_Never knew never knew it could be like this_

"Neither did we," Murtagh deadpanned.

_But I guess  
Some hearts  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side  
Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Some hearts just get lucky, lucky sometimes_

"That would be Estelena," Katrina said. "Nobody objects to her relationship with him. Her father can't do anything about it."

"Will you all just let me finish the song?" Trianna asked.

_Now who'd have thought someone like you could love me_

"Not me," Eragon muttered. Trianna gave him a look, and he stopped talking.

_You're the last thing my heart expected  
Who'd have thought I'd ever find somebody  
Someone who someone who makes me feel like this  
Well I guess  
Some hearts  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side, yes  
Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Ohhhhhh_

_Even hearts like mine  
Get lucky, lucky sometimes  
Even hearts like mine  
Ohhhhhhhh_

_Some hearts,  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side  
Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Some hearts  
They just get all the right breaks  
Some hearts have the stars on their side, yes  
Some hearts,  
They just have it so easy  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes  
Some hearts just get lucky sometimes_

"Who here thinks that hers shouldn't?" Trianna asked.

Everyone raised their hands.

"Good," she said.

"You were good," Eragon added.

"Thank you," Trianna said smiling.

_(A/N: OMG. I just woufnd out that Amowiel's name is prounounced Ah-mo-whale. ISnt' that cool? ANyhoo, aside fom that tibit, here's the rest of the hapter.)_

"So her name sounds like 'I'm a whale,'" Nasuada said.

For some odd reason, Murtagh found this extremely funny. When he was finally done laughing (took about ten minutes) and everyone was staring at him, he said, "What? I need comic relief."

Trianna raised an eyebrow and continued reading.

_Gonny-Wonny got up and kissed Estelena passionately. The elves cheered the hwatness and the beautfilu voice._

"Orik, I think that your species is fine," Arya said. "Mine are voyeurs, at least according to this—dare I say it—dipshit."

"This is a sad day Ellesméra," Murtagh mumbled as he shook his head.

_You stole my line!_ Solembum yelled.

"Fine," Murtagh said.

_It's not…_

"How would you have finished it?" Murtagh cut him off.

_I would have said this is a sad day for Ellesméra when their princess starts talking like these otherworldly ignoramus,_ Solembum replied.

Trianna cleared her throat and began to read again.

_Anhoo, after the cutness was done (at least for now), Amowiel sang a song._

"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everyone screamed.

_The song was Stick Wit U, and guess who it was decidated to. Come one. I'll bet ya can't._

"Please let it not be me. Please let it not be me," Murtagh muttered.

_Murtagh, what makes you think that it won't be you?_ Solembum asked.

"I can dream, can't I?" he asked.

"And I can dream that she will spell my name right by the time this story is done," Nasuada said.

"That won't happen," Murtagh said bluntly.

"Well, that song is definitely dedicated to you!" Nasuada said.

"Nasuada, I'm trying to block this story out," Murtagh said. "I'm failing miserably. You're not helping."

"Oh, get over it," Nasauda said.

Murtagh snickered, and Nasuada glared at him. He stopped, and she started laughing. Murtagh started laughing again

"Stop flirting, and let her finish the damn song!" Galbatorix yelled.

"We weren't…"

Everyone started laughing at the absurdity of that denial, even Galbatorix.

Trianna stopped laughing long enough to start reading and singing, using the music written on the side of the page so that she would know the tune as she had last time.

_It was dediciated to Murtag. _

_Ohhh.. Oh Oh..  
I don't wanna go another day  
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind  
Seems like everybody is breaking up  
And throwing their love away  
But I know I got a good thing right here  
That's why I say (Hey)  
Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever  
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u  
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby  
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u   
I don't wanna go another day  
So I'm telling you, exactly what is on my mind  
See the way we ride, in our private lives_

"You're kissing in public. That's not private," Roran declared.

_As long as they don't procreate on my back, I will be fine,_ Saphira said staidly.

_You know that they will,_ Thorn said.

Saphira glared at her fellow dragon.

_Ain't nobody gettin' in between  
I want you to know that, you're the only one for me (one for me)  
(What I'm sayin' is)  
Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever  
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u  
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby  
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u_

And now, ain't nothing else I can need

"Except endless from endless people," Murtagh muttered.

_And now, I'm singing 'cause you're so, so into me_

"I am not," Murtagh mumbled.

_I got you, we'll be making love endlessly_

"Sadly enough, we already are," Murtagh grumbled. Geesh, he's unhappy today.

_I'm with you (baby I'm with you)  
Baby you're with me (baby you're with me, higher)  
So don't cha worry about  
People hanging around_

"Like Vanir," Eragon yelled.

"That was for you and Estelena," Murtagh pointed out. "Oh, and you can't forget Orrin."  
"Hey, I was forced into that," the Surdan king protested.

Galbatorix was sitting on his chair meditating. Angela smacked him over the head and shouted at him to listen. Galbatorix rubbed the back of his head and growled, "Continue."

"Well," Orik said, ignoring Galbatorix, "Arya did say that all elves are voyeurs."

"I said that that is how she portrays them," Arya protested.

"I said, 'Continue!'" Galbatorix shrieked.

Trianna did so.

_They ain't bringing us down_   
_I know you, and you know me  
And that's, that's why I say (Hey)  
Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever  
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u (come on)  
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby  
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u  
Nobody gonna love me better, I must stick wit u forever  
Nobody gonna take me higher, I must stick wit u  
You know how to appreciate me, I must stick wit u, my baby  
Nobody ever made me feel this way, I must stick wit u_

_After that, the feast was over and rinking game progressed. Raeynne refused to even participate and helped a drunken Rorna go back to sleep._

_Estelena and Amowiel both beat out all the elves, but they were stuck in a four-way tie between Eragon and Murtagh. Eventually, Murtag one cause he's the biggest. (A/N: Murtagh Ridher made me put that in. Tehe. Get it?)_

Murtagh put his head in his hands and groaned loudly. Trianna ignored him and kept reading.

_After that, everyone was very tipsy. Eragon helped Estelena, who had fainted delicately, back to her room and settled down beside her. _

_Murtag and Amowiel went back up to the rom too. Amowiel wasn't quite passed out be cause she as older than Estelena and could hold more. Anyway, once they got back…Murtag pressed her against he wall and started working onders in her mouth with his tongue. Amowiel pressd back egerly and put her hands against his belt line, unhooking it kinkly. Murtag pulled her dress down, following the line with his lips. It was getting really Raucnchay. Woot for Raunchay!_

Meanwhile, the real Murtagh was busy banging his head against the back of his chair.

With the end of that sickening scene, the chapter was over except for the review responses.

_JzHill: no, you go fall in a titch and die? Bitch!_

_Mimster789: I can too call myself a fan rwirter. They are not dumb or sick fanstasies._

"I beg to differ," Murtagh said.

_Estelena is not a snank ho. Fuck off. Ed Speelrs wouldn't go insanse if he saw Estelena, He'd LURVE her. And I am 15 thanks ya._

_The Sue Slayer, AKA K and A: Fuck off. You cannot rate work You od'nt now rlit. You can't replace somebody's email and password account, and you can't guess mine. _

_Ketaki Song: WTF does veot mean? What's this bout sotry line? It has a story line. Stop using such fucking big words You sound like a fucking sutk up goff.And I did too read the books._

_PrettySparklyPinkness: THnkas so much. I know, Aren't flamers such shits?_

_Mecha Scorpion: Eragon sin't one of the wrost books of all times. This isn't a bad fic. Fuck off. What do you know? Wha't wrogn with lara croft? _

_Stripysockz: WTF? The names are too spelled right. _

"I beg to differ," Nasuada interjected.

_Why would Murtag have an h one it?_

"Maybe because it does?" Murtagh suggested.

_Murtag and Eragon would not be sick._

"Eragon already has been," Roran remarked.

_So, Rorna gives one speech and he can't be monosyllabic? WTF?_

"Finally someone besides Katrina has stood up for me," Roran said, looking at the heavens for thanks.

"What's wrong with me standing up for you?" Katrina asked.

"Oh, I love that, but it's nice to know that other people know that I'm not monosyllabic," Roran said.

"Roran," Arya said, standing and putting a hand on his shoulder, "we all have our own issues with this story. We all have to deal with them ourselves."

_Fukc off about the swearing. You bput yourself up for it. _

_Bewoful-Cryptic: Yeah, there are no mental issues ther.e Wait. Are you being sarcastic? Dipshit. Nobody gets that over the internet. _

_CaramelBoost: What's nympho? Stop it with all the voacab. And that is not the Golden Rule, and sepll check is judgemental. _

_Lady Exile: I don't have serious mental issues. That is not true bout Arya. She will not fall for Gon-Gon and he woun't fall for her. So there. Thera aren't STDS in Alagaësia, and who says that they won't get pregnant? It's only been like a week in the story. _

"One week?" Orrin asked. "That's really disturbing.

"It is," Nasuada agreed.

_And they wouldn't seel their kids for hair care products._

_The known author: I don't need a dictionary. Fuck, off, bitch. _

_Izumi-17: Fuck oabout laziness. Just stop flaming!_

_Azulcat: So, do you like what' shappening in Elemera so far? Oh, I hopes so. _

_BobMcBobinton: WTF is unoriginatl abou tit? I will never sotp writing. NAd the names are spelled right._

_Bad Influence: I am not a jnkie! There is nothing uncancoical aoub this, whatever that is. There is not H on Murtag. _

"Yes, there is," Murtagh said.

_I never spelled Nasauda Anunadi._

"That's the one she probably hasn't used," Nasuada muttered.

_Sides, what's it matter bout her? She's a hussy rpude. _

"What a contradiction," Orrin exclaimed.

"And she's neither one," Murtagh muttered.

Nasuada smiled at him.

_Coomputer can to be judgmental. Murtagh Ridher is my beta. So ther.e What od big words that nobody understands matter? FUkc off bitc. There's nothing wrong whti swearing. No I am not listening to a fucking word you say. _

_Leyla: Yeah, h'es a rpick. _

_Jenna: No, htat'd be creepy._

_Julia: Ooh. That's a good idea. Befriedning little kids._

"Poor Alanna and Dusan," Arya said.

_Amy: yay! I love writing the scenes. _

_Rnadom Little Writer: THnks so much. Yeah, Arya does deserv it. You'll see when the coulples get married I know that Roan and Raeynne are prfect. Jut wait and see. _

_And that's the end of the chapter. Bet ya can't wait for the next one. _

"Thank the gods," Trianna said, passing the book to Orik.

The dwarf looked at it as though it were contaminated and then looked down at the page.

"Oh," he said, breathing a sigh of relief. "It's a hack."  
"Ah!" Eragon and Murtagh both yelled. They were refusing to look at each other.

"Maybe this one won't make you two kiss," Orik said. "At least it probably won't have a scene."

So, next chapter's a hack, so it should be up soon. First person who submitted a hack who reviews gets theirs posted next.

Weras: Thanks.

Mariano's-girl: Thanks so much. I continued just now.

JzHill: I enjoyed responding to that flame. Thanks for it.

Whispering Lillies: Thanks. Eragon Ridher is quite special. Actually, I've seen most of the misspelling, except for some of Nasuada's. Never seen an Anunada or a Nadudi, but I've seen even most of her other misspellings.

Mimster789: Thanks. Someone on LotR did this first, and she gave me permission to do an Eragon spin-off. She's mentioned in my first disclaimer. I have no idea how BloodyRists got to write a story, and I don't think that I ever will.

Jedi Master Evenstar: Yeah, I don't think that last chapter was the worst. Well, for Arya, I think it was. Thanks.

Kitty and Amethyst: Well, you already sent a hack, and you have chance to make it appear next chapter.

Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: Yes to the first four questions. Well, could you leave the Sues for a little while longer? I need them to finish the story. And no, you're not getting annoying.

Anda Faith: Yeah, that pretty much sums them up. I'm glad that you like Galby.

Dark S3cret: Thanks. I am rather proud of that line. I'm glad that you like my Arya.

Sunkistgurl10: Thanks so much. I agree with you about Sues. Most Suethors actually that they wrote the Sue after the story is done, and then they're ashamed of it when they get older. Before I got an account, I almost wrote a horrible Harry Potter Sue. Thankfully, I came to my senses before I committed such an atrocity. And yes, tart is a lovely word. I'm glad that you like the way that I write the characters.

Ketaki: Thanks. Ah, yes, that the burning of Estelena would be fun.

Uh…Call me Penguin: Could you write me a flame like that? That would be funny to respond to.

Queenmab: Thanks. Yeah, Eragon Ridher needs help.

Cheesey Goodness: Sadly, I doubt that they will.

Mecha Scorpion: Thanks. I'm sorry about the lack of Thorn and Saphira last chapter. I think that I included every character in this chapter. I tried to make Galbatorix's reactions more varied just to make him seem more insane. I'll write the foreplay of the sex scenes from now on, I think, so that I won't jack the rating up and they'll seem repulsive. Thanks for the constructive criticism.

Stripysockz: Thanks. I love it when funny lines come to me. That's probably very true about the characters. They'll need lots of therapy after this. Yeah, I think that Nasuada was hugging him longer than anyone else. Not that she'd admit it, but you know.

Beowulf-Cryptic: You just won a heck of a lot of money because Arya had another outburst. Congrats.

: I might see if I can get a hacker to do that. That's a cool idea. I might just somehow bring one of those two in. That would be funny.

CaramelBoost: Thanks. I'm glad that you like the interruptions. Of course there will be more hackers.

Lady Exile: Thanks. I love writing it.

The known author: Thanks. Yeah, the Sues Sueishness can get unpredictable.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: Yeah, the female characters are all suffering. Well, so are the males, but it's different suffering for both groups. I dunno know how many chapter there are gonna be of this.

Du.Sundavar.Brisingr: LOL. She's only a hundred. That's still old though. You have a point. I don't think that she's ever been reported to have slept with somebody, but I guess that she can act a little slutty at times, just with the clothes and pride and stuff.

Izumi-17: Man, it sucks to be you. I've never gotten drunk, so I wouldn't know, but I've heard that it sucks. Glad you liked it.

Azulcat: Actually, I got permission from a LotR author to use this idea, but I've tried to give it my own twist. Yeah, Eragon Ridher has one hell of a grudge against Arya. I'm glad that you liked that line. The reactions are the most fun to write, I think. No, Eragon Ridher really doesn't have much plot.

BobMcBobinton: I looked up a summary. It sounds bad. Which one has your name?

Dagger Pen: Ooh. Sorry about the typos. I hope that Eragon Ridher isn't getting to me. That would be bad. I'm glad that you still like it.

WWMTgirl: Thanks. Vanir coming in would be funny. I might just do that. I dunno know though.

Brix: They'll destroy the book after they're done with it. Trust.

Invaderem: I'm glad that you like my Arya and my Galby. They're fun to write.

Random Little Writer: You'll see it next chapter, and everyone who has a hack has a chance to get it posted next chapter. Just be the first hacker to review.

Fredsonetrueluv: That he did. Poor thing. Can't really blame him, considering the story. Yeah, Galby had to call Murtagh a perv. I couldn't resist.


	14. Hack the Third

Hack the Third

Disclaimer: Just own I'm-A-Whale, Nastelena, Raeynne, and the plot-devices masquerading as dragons. The hack belongs to Random Little Writer. OOH. Brownie points to anyone who catches the Rent reference (La Vie Boheme's the song) .

"Please, don't put me with him. Please don't put me with him. Please don't put me with him," was the muttered prayer of both Eragon and Murtagh as Orik began to read the hack chapter after saying, "They don't put scenes in hacks, so I don't care."

_Well. After reading the other two hack chapters I decided to add one of my own. As you can tell I am not Eragon Ridher, that pervert of a girl. I can't wait to see her face when she realizes her account has once again been taken over. It's been done twice and is kind of boring, but I'll stop babbling and get on with the hacking._

The prayer continued.

_The stupid Mary Sue, Estelena (I don't care if I spelled it wrong)…_

"Since she can't spell any of ours," Nasuada mumbled.

…_was still smirking down at the body of the king of Surda. She was still horrified at what had happened the previous night, but the poor young man she had under her wicked spell would forgive her, wouldn't he?_

"If she means me, I certainly won't," Eragon said.

_Wrong._

"Right!" Eragon yelled. "I mean, 'Wrong.'" I mean, 'I agree.'" Or disagree. Or…oh forget it."

"Are you quite done?" Galbatorix asked him. Eragon nodded. "Continue," the mad king said to Orik.

_The moment that Eragon came in and saw the body, his thoughts drifted to Estelena. He smacked her across the face, and the wretched Sue fell to the floor with an ear piercing shriek._

"Ah, just thinking about that feels good," Eragon said dreamily.

"I just hope that I get to do the same thing to Amowiel," Murtagh said.

"As do I," Nasuada said. The name Nadudi was clearly still in her head.

"I personally want to slap the shit out of them both," Arya said.

Everyone gaped at her.

_Did Arya just curse? She hasn't done that since you messed up with Elva,_ Saphira exclaimed.

_Saphira!_ Eragon yelled, clearly not happy to be reminded of this.

"Yes, I did just curse, and I don't particularly care. No matter what I do, I will still be more dignified than those…those…oh screw it…bitches," Arya said.

"Personally, I think that she's pushing it," Murtagh muttered causing Nasuada, Trianna, and Katrina to giggle.

"Are you quite done?" Galbatorix and Arya both said at the same time. The elf and the rider glanced at each other in horror and then looked away. "Continue," they both said at the same time.

"Stop copying!" Galbatorix yelled.

"I was not copying you. This story just has us on the same train of thought," Arya protested. "Oh no," she said.

Galbatorix looked slightly disturbed.

"So, the elf's disturbed, and so is the king. Akh Gûnteraz Dorzada, I never thought I'd see the day," Orik mumbled as he continued.

_"You've killed him, haven't you?" he shouted in her ugly face.  
"But he forced me to have an affair with him!"_

"I most certainly did not," Orrin protested.

"Your majesty, we know that you didn't," Nasuada said.

"Just as we know that I never had an older sister and that I never cast a spell to make everyone forget her," Arya said.

"And I never had a daughter with said sister, much less two," Galbatorix added.

"And my name has an h," Murtagh added.

"And my name begins with an N," Nasuada put in.

"And dwarves are not stupid," Orik added.

"And I am not a hussy," Trianna stated.

"And none of us would ever do what we've done to the things," Eragon added.

"And that the scenes are ridiculous," Katrina spoke up.

"And that I am not monosyllabic. I am very persuasive," Roran finished.

"I know you are," Katrina said, raising an eyebrow.

"If you're going to do that, please, get a room," Murtagh said. "We don't need to be anymore disturbed than we already are."

"In that case, I'll resume reading voluntarily," Orik said.

_"Who cares? You had an affair, killed him, and I hate you. By the way, I'm dumping you for Trianna. She's hotter than you, and better than you. You should just die."_

Both Trianna and Eragon had unreadable expressions on their faces.

"Well, you're definitely prettier than she's been described," Eragon offered. "I mean, you hair and eyes stay the same color, your skin tone stays the same color, and you're not…like…it is."

"You're alright too," she said.

Eragon blushed, and Trianna laughed.

Arya mumbled something that sounded like, "Thank you. He's finally over me."

"As much as I _hate_ to interrupt this romantic little interlude, I am eagerly waiting to hear of the destruction of these things who claim to be related to me," Galbatorix said, putting supreme sardonic emphasis on the word hate.

_"But I love you! And you love me! And Trianna's a--"_

"Let me guess," Trianna said. "It's slut, whore, or hussy. Possibly even prudish hussy or hussy prude."

"No, that last one is a title reserved only for me, wonderfully horrible contradiction that it is," Nasuada said.

"Argetlam simply throws her in the river before she can finish the sentence. She drowns," Orik said.

"Thanks for the spoiler," Angela said.

"How do you know…?" Trianna began.

"You're not the only Mary Sue expert around here," Angela said.

_I taught her everything she knows about them,_ Solembum said smugly.

"Oh, shut up, your arrogant werecat," Angela said.

_You first, superstitious witch,_ Solembum shot back.

"I asked you first, you infinitesimal feline," Angela volleyed.

This continued for about five minutes, much to Galbatorix's annoyance, everyone else's confusion, and Angela and Solembum's apparent amusement.

"Will you stop using grandiose terminology, and let the dwarf finish his chapter?" Galbatoirx shouted.

"I would definitely call that grandiose terminology," Angela remarked.

_I would definitely take a leaf out of the herbalist's and the werecat's books. They know how to annoy him and live,_ Thorn told Murtagh.

_The scary thing is, I actually agree with you,_ Murtagh said.

_Had to happen sometime,_ Thorn said smugly.

"Anyway!" Orik shouted.

_"SHUT UP!" Eragon bellowed at her, and he tossed the wretched pervo out the window. She promptly fell into a river and drowned._

"I've never felt so satisfied to kill somebody," Eragon said, happy smile on his face.

"Just let me kill Amowiel. Just let me kill Amowiel," Murtagh mumbled.

"Murtagh," Nasuada chided, "you have to refer to her as I'm-A-Whale now. Remember?"  
"Of course," Murtagh said, smacking himself on the head. "How could I forget?"

"And here's your dream part, lad," Orik growled.  
_Somewhere, Amowiel, the other idiotic Sue, was crying. She had just heard of her sister's death. She should have never let her stay with Eragon. Amowiel, being the rather stupid sister she was, had let Estelena die. That's lovely. Now let's move on to the good part because I'm getting hand cramps from typing all this angsty crap._

_Angst?_ Saphira asked. _I see no angst. _

_Nor do I,_ Thorn asked.  
"Does anyone see angst?" Roran shouted. Nobody raised his or her hand.

"I didn't they that anyone would, Stronghammer," Orik said. He'd decided to let the loud-voiced one talk over the dragons.

_"Good God, will you shut your stupid mouth?" Murtagh growled._

"Finally!" Murtagh crowed. "I said something that I would say."

"So he's an ignorant killer?" Orik asked Galbatoirx. "My, oh my, your servants have fine children."

"Orik," Nasuada snapped.

"This hack will make him very happy," Orik said. "I feel justified in saying what I wish to say."

_"What?" Amowiel rsponded. Seeing as she was too retarded and idiotic to help her sister live, she's also too idiotic to realize that Murtagh hated her dumb Sue guts.  
"You heard me! All your stupid crying and whining about your dumb sister are so annoying. No one cared about that pervert, Estelena the ugly. Not even Eragon. So shut up about her!" Murtagh replied angrily.  
"Murty, why are you being so--"  
"Stop calling me Murty, you annoying wench!" shouted Murtagh, and he shoved Zar'roc into the retarded girl's heart. Finally, he was free of the stupid brat. Her body was promptly shoved out the window._

"Yes!" everyone yelled. "They're both dead."

"I'll see if there's any ale in here," Orik yelled, dropping the pink abomination on his seat and running to the ice box.

"There isn't any," Orrin said.

"And why not?" Orik asked.

"You know, this is just a hack," Trianna remarked. "The real—dare I call her—writer will be back in a chapter."

"Well, then, we'll need ale for that too," Murtagh said.

"At last we agree on something!" Orik exclaimed.

"Getting drunk would create new problems," Nasuada put in.

"And interesting situations," Murtagh added.

Eragon's and Orrin's eyes widened at the same time, and trust me, it was not a happy eye-widening.

"That it could," Nasuada said.

The eye-widening increased and got even less happy.

"I was just joking," Murtagh said. Nasuada nodded in agreement. Nobody was buying. Especially not Arya.

"Was not," the elf mumbled.

"You're in jail, if I may remind," Murtagh told her.

"You'll be laid next chapter," Arya said with a snort. Murtagh glared at her, and Orik decided to stop his futile search for wine and beer and continue reading.

_Somewhere else, the third retard, Raeyenne (I also don't care if I spelled her name wrong) was also crying her pathetic eyes out. Her two best friends were dead, and they'd been killed by their very own lovers. Or, should I say, victims of the horror of Mary Sue seduction._

"Victims of the horror of Mary Sue seduction," Eragon and Murtagh said at the same time.

_She was sitting by a convieniently placed river, the same one that Estelena the freak drowned in.  
Little did she know, Roran was behind her, holding his hammer over her head...  
Apparently her hair could sense danger, because she turned around, still crying a bit. "Rory-boo, what are you--"  
The hammer collided with Demonoid Mary Sue #3's head, knocking her out. She fell into the river._

"Well, at least the hammer did some good," Roran said.

"It saved a village," Katrina told him, putting a hand on his arm.

"Thanks," Roran said, resting his hand on top of hers. The three people sitting in between coughed loudly. It didn't worked, so all three gave a cough that would make Dolores Umbridge proud.

_Yeah, it was short, and it sucked at the end, but I hope it was enough to end the agony that the three abominations have brought upon Alagaesia. So, flame away, whether it be for Eragon Ridher or for me. I should really videotape her reaction...anyway, in the words of the other two hackers, "It's not my story so I don't care."_

"And Eragon Ridher should not care about her story either," Angela declared as Orik passed the book to Murtagh. Poor 'Tagh. He didn't have a lovely hack awaiting him. Oh no. He had to put up with ….Hissy Fit the Third and Oromis Training.

Wow. I'm updating fast. Sorry if it doesn't last. LOL. That rhymed.

AppaAndMomoForever: Thanks. Yeah, I don't think that many people like Mary Sues. I do love Murtagh too.

Bananasrokk: I'm glad that I'm giving somebody a way to relieve stress. Having the characters react helps me relieve stress too.

Fallen-Yuki: Stupid ass? What an appropriate name. I have to agree with you when you say that the names aren't of great importance. I did have to think long and hard to come up with them though because they had to be perfect, as is everything else about Mary Sues. Plus I have to remember them for the story.

Cheesey Goodness: I know what you mean. Some people just won't take the hint. Of course, where would this story be if she did? Done, I tell you.

Sunkistgurl10: I actually came up with some ideas on how to make this character less of a Sue. I might try it later on when I have less fics to write. Funny. I can't sing to save my life either. Still do, but just when no one can hear me. Glad that you liked the chapter.

Brix: LOL. No slash in this one. Just Sue death. By canon, I suppose. As for the book-burning, it's a much anticipated event.

Stripysockz: Aw. It's fine. You can send me another one if you wish. I just had to do the songs. It's such a Sue thing, you know. It is getting heated between M and N. It's quite fun. Eragon and Trianna were forced into the open this chapter. LOL. As for the flames, do whatever you want. I don't care.

Mariano's-girl: Thanks. I don't know how long it'll be. And, yes, there will most likely be pairings by the end.

Kitty and Amethyst: If you think that your next hack'll be better, just send it to me. I'll use that one instead the next time I have a hack contest. Oh, and meerkats are so awesome. Go, Timone!

Izumi-17: Ah. It is cute, I suppose. Go, multilingual-ness. I just made up a word, didn't I? Oh well. Yeah, the song does make a difference. I also think that I've gotten a bit of a muse back.

WWMTgir: Don't worry. No slash in this chapter.

QueenOfTheUnknown: I won't tell anyone. LOL. I'm glad that you liked that part. Sorry that she didn't respond this chapter. ESLUTlena is pretty good. I don't think that anyone can beat Nastelena, so don't feel bad. That was a good one. I think that Bananasrokk came up with that one.

Ailan: All true. I'm glad that you love it anyway. I'll probably do both of those things.

Mimster789: That's where the lack of logic comes in. I absolutely had to have them sing. It's an almost essential part of every "good" Mary Sue fic.

Azulcat: That's okay. Don't worry. The spelling and grammar will go done hill again. I think that the whole "copying-lyrics-from-google" thing helped it. There wasn't much to misspell last chapter. That's the secret. It'll go back down hill next chapter.

JzHill: I'm just good like that. LOL. Glad you liked it.

Penguin With A Purpose: All so true. That's what Eragon Ridher a good Suethor. Or a bad one. Whichever you prefer.

Twilight Kumorichi: Thanks. I'm glad that you liked that part.

Beowulf-Cryptic: LOL. Glad that Eragon Ridher's illiteracy isn't a problem.

Invaderem: LOL. Sorry if your family thinks that you're weird. Did this hack scare you? No slash this time.

MissMonkey91: LOL. I'm glad that you like Murtagh. He is quite fun.

Rock Not War: I hope that you liked it. If there's anything wrong with it, it's the hacker's fault, and they shall hang for it. LOL. JK, Random Little Writer.

LadyLapisLazuli: Yeah, if this were real, that would be pretty sad. Well, actually it would just be plain tragic.

BobMcBobinton: Ugh. Amber. Humble peasant cliché. Poor you. Anyway, which one had thick eyelashes as a flaw? Don't worry. I don't think that you're insane. I did for a while, but I don't now.

Fredsonetrueluv: Hey, I have the worst luck with getting songs stuck in my head. I had Gold Digger stuck in my head a few days ago, and it had been months since I'd last heard it. LOL about your response.

Dodogrrl: LOL. Poor Trianna. Such a raunchy journal entry. Ooh. Sorry about the flu. Harry Potter is my life. Have you heard the idea that Snape heard the whole prophecy? It goes like this. Trelawney says that she was rudely interrupted by Professor Snape during her interview with Dumbledore. Now, Trelawney can't remember anything about what happened while she was giving the prophecy after she's done giving it, but she knew that Snape interrupted her. So, that would mean that Snape was either caught eavesdropping before or after the prophecy was told. Voldemort heard the first half, so Snape must have been caught after it was done. That means that Snape set Voldemort up to try and kill Harry who was said to be dangerous to Voldemort who would mark him as his equal by trying to kill him in the second half of the prophecy. This is the real reason that Snape trusts Dumbledore. Did you already hear that one? Its' part of the whole Snape-is-good thing. I'll stop rambling now. Tart is a lovely word by the way.

Du Sundavar Brisingr: Yeah, it's the elf thing. They're immortal, which can have its drawbacks if you think about it. CP should stress those sometimes. Sadly, people would probably report if they'd slept with her. She's an elf. It's part of shallowness.

Prettybella: Thanks. I'm glad that you liked the songs.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: They will at the end most likely. As for the song, who says that this is logical?

Krissy: Thanks. Sorry about that. The story is disturbing them a lot as it would anybody.

Anda Faith: I'm working on it. That would be interesting if I did. I've used a lot by now, I know.

DaggerPen: Yeah, I think that this qualifies for your three-chapter make up, no? Wow. You actually found all of my misspellings of Nasauda's name? Good job.

Ketaki Song: I think that Abby used that line already. Or something like it. Don't feel bad. Sueness gets to everybody.

Random Little Writer: Thanks. I hope that you liked my reactions to your hack.

Ladyaymie: Really? Thanks. I try to make them funny every time. The singing thing came to me kinda randomly.


	15. Whose Lesson Is It Anyway?

Whose Lesson Is It Anyway?

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

"Orik, I hate you," Murtagh said.

"I hate you too. Now, why do you hate me?" the dwarf asked brightly.

"You got a hack. A non-sickening hack," Murtagh replied.

"Shame," he said. "I also got the first scene. Read."

Both Galbatorix and Nasuada looked ready to yell at the dwarf for taking over their executive positions, but they both most have realized that they didn't want to say the same thing at the same time. Orrin, alone among the rulers, had resigned himself to the fact that his authority would be null and void until the end of the story.

Murtagh glared at the book (he seems to enjoy doing that) and began to read.

_Estelena awoke cherrily in Eleemera with only the slighterst hint of a hangover, She skipped over the to wardborbe (A/N: She just had a good lseep) _

"Maybe that was because she didn't spend all night doing the unspeakable with me," Eragon muttered.

"Lucky," Murtagh said, shooting him a dirty look.

Meanwhile, out in the courtyard, Thorn was saying much the same thing to Saphira, who had brought the infamous scene in Talk about Inopportune Locations.

Murtagh decided to continue reading.

_and pulled out a bottle reading hangover potion. Good. That'd help. _

"We have hangover potions in Ellesméra, do we?" Arya asked. "Why wasn't I informed of this?"  
"When have you needed a hangover potion?" Eragon asked her curiously.

"I got drunk on my twentieth birthday. I would have liked to have had a hangover potion then," Arya sniffed.

"Drunk only once in your life?" Murtagh asked her. "Cheers."

"Well, maybe I've been drunk more than once," Arya conceded.

"You've been drunk more than once?" Nasuada asked.

"Um…" Murtagh said.

_Drunk? He's been smashed more than once,_ Thorn said with a snort.

_Thank you for your loving support,_ Murtagh hissed.

_I do try,_ Thorn said.

"You are not supposed to get drunk!" Galbatorix shouted. "Or smashed. You're my servant."

"I've attended lessons hungover, and you didn't notice," Murtagh mumbled.

"You mean you weren't just depressed?" Galbatorix asked.

"It is hard to tell the difference," Eragon put in.

"Cheers," Murtagh said dully as he began reading again.

"Yeah, she's disillusioned with you," Galbatorix said, pointing at Nasuada. "I mean, the treason thing might have done it, but…" Eragon, Orik, and Roran were all snickering  
"Well, it seems as though it is your fault that he got 'smashed,' was it?" Nasuada remarked. "I mean, he shouldn't have been, but it seems as though a lot of people here get drunk. Eragon got drunk at my father's funeral, and so did Saphira."

_You got drunk? _Thorn asked Saphira.

_I had just discovered ale,_ Saphira said a little defensively.

_Oh, that's understandable. That is one human drink that tastes good,_ Thorn conceded.

"Roran's been drunk before too," Katrina added.

"I…" Roran began.

"You have been," Katrina said.

"When?"

"The village fair two years you were so drunk that you decided to kiss me in front of everyone," Katrina said.

"When was this?" Eragon asked.

"I think you were sick," Katrina said.

"He was," Roran said.

"Thank the gods. Trouble in paradise. They were getting too perfect for my taste," Murtagh crowed.

_I'll have to agree with you there,_ Solembum said. _It's almost impossible to be cynical around those too._

"You manage it just fine. And while we're at it," Angela began, "dwarves are known to have a propensity for alcoholic beverages."

"And since we have all used up our big words and since we have all ripped into the alcohol consumers in this room, I think that we should continue reading," Galbatorix said over everyone else.

Murtagh looked at the book and began to read again.

_She down the dhangover potin dantily and Eragon came up bhind her.   
"Wat/s that" he asked asexily. _

"_Hangover potion " she said birhgtly. _

"_Sounds like a good idea," he said, kissing her pale white neck. _

"I think she means her hairless, pale, white neck," Nasuada said.

Everyone looked at her.

"Chapter one," Roran said.

"At least someone remembers," Nasuada said.

"I had to read it," Roran said.

"If you two don't mind, I have an incredibly disturbing scene to finish," Murtagh said.

_And the big voyeur can't wait to get to it,_ Thorn added.

_Shut up,_ Murtagh told him.

_You know you really need to stop saying shut up,_ Thorn told him. _Doesn't he, Nasuada?_

"He does," Nasuada agreed.

"Fine," Murtagh said putting his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "I won't tell anyone to shut up until this chapter is over. Now, let's get this over with."

_Estelena moaned daintly and exily as Eragon's kissed trialed lower. _

"You know," Angela said when it was done, "I dare say I'm becoming immune."  
"Speak for yourself," Roran said. He was currently lying under his chair. Katrina was currently trying to get him up.

Eragon's dazed expression conveyed the same message.

"_I loe you Gon-Gon," Estelena moaned sexily. _

"_I love you too, LEni," Eragon monaed back. _

"Thank you!" Eragon shouted. "Now she gets a dumb nickname."  
"Eragon," Trianna said, "she likes it. That's why she gave it to herself."  
"Damn," Eragon mumbled.

"Hey, at least she knows your name," the sorceress said as thoughts of Tiranni danced through her head. Yay for rhyming!

"_Kewt nickmae," the young rideress said._

"Solembum," Angela said coldly, "are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

_If you are thinking that she took our habit of creating new words and butchered, by the way, then yes, I am thinking exactly what you are thinking,_ the werecat replied.

"I thought so," Angela said.

Galbatorix sniggered while pointing at the witch.

"What is so funny?" she demanded.

"She got to you," Galbatorix said, still sniggering. "She even got to you."  
"She hasn't gotten to me," the herbalist protested.

"Yes, she has," Murtagh said. He was laughing too.

_Murtagh, do you realize that this story has united you and the king on something?_ Thorn asked.

Murtagh adapted a horrified expression and began to read again.

"_Thanks. Not as ctue as dragon head though," Gon-Gon replied twtly. _

"So, Murtagh, do you think that she meant twittily, which isn't actually a word, or hawtly, which is misspelled?" Roran asked.

"Could be either one," Murtagh said, shaking his head.

Eragon glared at both his cousin and his brother. He didn't need them to gang up on him now.

You two had better be gitiing to your lessons,_ Saphira said, rasing an ebybrow. _

So what if they're late? _Ohen-Briam asked. _I mean, the tahcer can't be that cruwel, can he? It is love.

"No, it is insane and inane rabbit-like procreation," Murtagh protested.

"Oh, Solembum, there is hope for him," Angela said, wiping a tear from her eye.

_He uses three big words, and you give him hope? _Solembum asked. _What has happened to good old-fashioned cynicism?_

"Look, werecat, I can be cynical too," Murtagh said, "but if she wants to give me credit, let her."

Solembum just gave him a look.

Murtagh turned to Nasuada and raised an eyebrow at her shocked expression.

"I never thought that she'd actually like. You'll be getting along with Orik next at this rate," she said.

"Should I be complimented or insulted by that?" the red rider inquired.

"Oh, complimented," Nasuada replied.

Murtagh's lips quirked in a small smile before he began to read again.

Ture, _Sapphy Brighty agreed. _

Meanwhile, the real Saphira was trying very hard not to lose her temper over the ridiculousness of her nickname, and Thorn was trying to restrain a laugh. Even Thorny was better than Sapphy Brighty.

"_Let's go," Eri-munckkins said at last. _

"_Okay," Estelena asiad brightly. This Orosis (A/N: I think that's his name) seemed like a bit of a prude already. _

"Is that her favorite insult?" Nasauda shouted, throwing her hands at the ceiling.

"Actually, I think that it's dipshit," Arya said.

"Orosis?" Eragon asked. "Orsosis? Is that what she called him?"

_I just hope that she doesn't mutilate Glaedr's name too badly,_ Saphira said.

_She will,_ Eragon said sadly. _It's harder to spell than Oromis is. _

_Oh well. She was sutkc putting up with him. That and his dragon Glade-Dur. _

_Glade-Dur?_ Saphira asked.

_I suppose that she was sounding it out,_ Eragon remarked.

_Oh, this is pathetic,_ Saphira moaned. _She mutilates the names of the last rider and dragon of eld. _

"What about me?" Galbatorix put in indignantly. "What am I, chopped liver?"

"Well, your first dragon is dead," Angela said.

"You still gave Brom that title, and his dragon died," Galbatorix said. If he hadn't been one of the most feared men in Alagaësia, he would have looked rather like a pouting two year old just then.

"Oh, stop your sniveling," Angela said. "Besides, he didn't go hog-wild and crazy and kill off all the dragon riders of eld."

"When you do that, you tend to lose the title 'dragon rider of eld,'" Arya added.

"List, elf," Galbatorix told her.

"She mocks you this entire time, tells you to stop your sniveling, and I'm the one who has to put up this…this…this shit?" Arya said.

"If I can't say, 'Shut up,' I think that she should be forbidden to swear," Murtagh remarked.

"Done," Nasuada said.

Arya's mouth dropped open at this. Galbatorix pointed at her and started sniggering.

"Oh, shut up," Arya told him.

Murtagh was about to open his mouth to protest when Arya said, "I can still say, 'Shut up.' I just can't curse."

"Well, then you're shit out of luck," Murtagh said, leaning back in his chair. Arya glared at him as he began to commence his reading.

Isn't that the dragon ths Saphira osed to have a crush one?_ Ohen-Briam asked Estelena. _

Yeha,_ Estelena replied. _Don't worry though. He's waaaaaaaaaaaay tooooooooooooo old for her.

_And that pathetic excuse for a dragon is waaaaaaaaay toooooooooooooo young for me,_ Saphira said with a snort.

_You were attracted to this Glaedr character?_ Thorn asked, trying to sound disinterested.

_He was the only dragon I'd seen besides myself, and I thought that he was the mate that I'd been waiting for,_ Saphira said guardedly. _It came to nothing, and I've moved on. Why do you ask?_

_Curiosity,_ Thorn said after a pause. A very long pause.

_And you've been accusing me of flirting,_ Murtagh teased his dragon.

_I have no idea what you are talking about,_ Thorn said with all innocence.

Murtagh shook his head, smirking, and began to read again.

_Anyhoo, Estelena and her Gon-Gon went down to Orosis's palce, whre Murtag and Amowiel were waiting there. _

"_you're late," ORosis said disappoinetly _

"_I am never late," Estelena said. _

"_My sister simply arrives simply when she means to," Amowiel finished. _

Aw, that's so cute! _Magdeleniana ejaculated. _

Roran and Murtagh began to snicker at the same time.

Nasuada, Arya, and Trianna all rolled their and eyes and muttered, "Not this again."

"Cut the immaturity, and begin again," Galbatorix shouted.

Murtagh cleared his throat and began to read again.

You guys finish each'other's secentes!

Yeah, it's the sister thing,_ Amowiel said. _

It is cute!_ Thorn agreed, cutinng ono the convo. Normaly, Amowie would have minded, but she decided that considering her relationship with Murtag, sit only made sense theat their dragons would mate. _

The real Thorn almost choked.

_Murtagh, have I ever, ever, ever used the word cute?_ Thorn demanded.

_Aside from just then? No,_ Murtagh replied.

_I just wanted to get that cleared up, and I will not be mating with this…this…puppet female of a dragon,_ Thorn roared.

_I have to mate with that pathetic puppet male of a dragon,_ Saphira said comfortingly.

_That didn't make me feel any better,_ Thorn pouted.

_Well, our riders are suffering too,_ Saphira said.

_You're really not helping,_ Thorn stated bluntly.

_Well, excuse me,_ Saphira said. Her pride had been insulted.

"_You'r still late," Orosis stold them._

"_Wel, we had a good reason," Estelena said as though it were the mos tovious thin in the world. _

"_Oh," Orosis sia,d hie eyebrows disappearing in hes hairline. "Wel, Eragon, congrates on finally getting over the hussy Arya."_

The real Arya narrowed her dark green eyes and said quietly, "I happen to a friend of Oromis, who has known me since I was a baby. He would never call me a hussy, as I have only had one mate, and that mate died."

"What mate?" Eragon asked.

"None of your business," Arya said.

"No, tell us, Arya," everyone said.

"Look," Arya said, "First, I have to deal with this story. Then I reveal the fact that I am the daughter of the elfin queen, something that I have kept secret for years. Then I reveal that I on very rare occasions read romance novels out of boredom. Then I reveal that I have gotten drunk once or twice in a one hundred years life span, and you all still crucify me for it. I AM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU THAT I WAS WITH ONE OF MY GUARDS!"

"Arya, you just did," Murtagh said.

"Just keep reading," Arya said through gritted teeth.

"_Yeah, it is," Estelena said smugly. _

Never go head to head with my rdier. She is not one to sumit to anyone,_ Ohen-Briam advised Orosis. _

"_Tis wise advise, youn dragon," Orosis agreed. _

"Arya, can you believe what she is doing to one of Ellesméra's most respected citizens?" Eragon asked.

"I should be able to believe anything of her, but every time something new happens, it still shocks me," Arya admitted.

_Cynicism,_ Solembum shouted.

"_Noq, on to your lessons," ORisis said. "Eragon, spar with Murtag. Estelena spar with Amowiel. _

_They did so, and found that hey were evenly matched. _

"_Enough," Orosis said, putting up his hand. "Eragon spariw th Estelena, and Murtag spar with Amowiel."_

_Both guys were so stunned by their lovers' hwatness that they they lost. _

"_Concentrate," Orosis, bereated them," I know that hey are gorgeous, but you need to concentrate."_

"_Don't worry," Murtag sold him, slappinghim on the back. "Nobody will be a s beautiful as thems on the battlefield."_

"_True," ORosis agreed. _

"_Aw!" both girls said. _

"_Amowiel's prettier though," Murtag added. _

"_Nuh uh,' Eragon said. "Estelena's hwater. _

"_Amowiel is," Murtag protested. _

_This then lead to an argument that had to be broken up the the srespctive girls. They weren't made though as they were forgiving souls and they couldn't blame the gusy for figithing fo rhte. I mean, after Nadudia, Arya, and Tiranna, this must be a frelief. _

"Their vanity never ceases to amaze me," Angela remarked.

"I think that these may be the vainest Sues that I have ever come across," Trianna remarked.

"Nadudia?" Nasuada asked.

"Well, my personal favorite was Anunada," Murtagh teased.

Nasuada just glared at him.

"Hey, she spells my name without an h," Murtagh remarked. "I know that it's not as bad, but it's still annoying."

"I think that she annoys us all," Katrina remarked.

"She does," Roran agreed.

_You two are just realizing this? _Solembum asked.

"I was just making a statement," Katrina said.

"With all due respect, it didn't need to be made, lass," Orik told her.

Roran glared at him, and Orik said, "Lad, I said, 'With all due respect.'"

"It's fine, Roran," Katrina said, putting a hand on his arm.

_Orosis understood Murtag and Eragon's difficulties too, so he didn't punish them. He then proceeded to teach them magic and reazlied how great they all were. _

"_You just need a little fine tuning," the elf said. "You two daughters sof Avaliana are perhaps the most difted that I have ever seen."  
Both girls giggled and blushed. _

"_I'm serious," Orosis said. _

"_I know you are," Estelena said. _

"_Well, then," Orosis said, that's it for today. Go along and eat and sleep and such."_

_And that's the end of chapter whatever that was. Wasn't it awesome? I loved writing ht etraining. I hope that you all like dit, and if you don't, you'r a fucking goff. Anyoo, sorry it took so long and here are th erreiew respsones. Asof the hacker, and I quoete shoes here, Oh. Oh.. Oh. By the way bitch? Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you! There. I'm done. Actually, I'm not. I hat eyou so much. Y're a fucking sadist. You killed of two perfectly good eople. You'll brunin heel for that. And hacking is illegal. got it? _

_Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: No yuou fucking aren't. WTF are bishies?_

_Bushes283: Nuh uh, Raeynne is the only imperfect weak one. She has to get people to help her. I man, god. Estelena and Amowiel aren't vain. They'r ejust hwat and they know it. As for the blonde and black hired goff, she just dyed. It. Estelena's ist natural. SO fthere. Fuck off now. _

_WWMTgirl: WTF is wrong with you?_

_Ailan: Aw. Thanks. _

_Rock not War THE HATCKIER IS NOT AWESOME!_

_Invaderpixe: Sop it now. You're a sadicits bitch. _

_Anda Fiath: OH, furck off, your sadictic pitch. _

_Stipysockz: At least youu don't like slash. Other than that, ruk you. _

_Bad Influence: Ditto. _

_QueenOFTHEUnkown: Yeah, well your teaste sucks. _

_ILUVERAGON: you got that right sister. _

_Azulcat: Ditoto. Thantks you so mch yOu're so supportivie. _

_Blank: Fuck you and your bad staste. _

"Here you go, Katrina," Murtagh said. "I am very pleased to say, ARYA, that I did not get laid this chapter."  
"This chapter," Arya shot back.

"She has a point," Nasuada said.

"Will you all just let me get through this?" Katrina asked, taking the book.

Okay, that's the end of that chapter. I hope that you all liked it. Sorry that it took me so long to update. I've been busy this week. I know that it's springbreak, but I've had stuff to do.

Spiritual Bob: Thanks so much. Yes, Mary Sues do suck, but people have a tendency to write them.

C.T. Eleczko: Thanks. I'm glad that I could make you laugh when you were sick.

Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: Do you mind if I just call you A S-K S? You name's kinda long. Did she now? She's getting better. Either that, or I'm getting better at typing fast.

Subieko: I forgive. Damn. Now I sound like a Sue. I have to stop thinking like them so much. The character reactions are fun to write. I'm not so sure why Angela gets away with bugging Galbatorix, but it seems like she gets away with a lot, so yeah. Oh, and you'd better review every chapter. LOL. JK. Etc. Etc. I would have Durza in here, but he's dead. Sorry.

Bushes283: Well, they're quite annoying. I agree with you that this is a better fic than WGIL. I'm glad that you like both, by the way.

Izumi-chan: Yeah. It was good. Don't worry.

Jedi Master Evenstar: LOL. Yeah, I get that stuck in my head a lot. I have "Light My Candle" stuck in my head now. Rent is great. I'm glad that you like Trianna. I didn't at first, but now I do. Sorry about the long update by the way.

Jedi Werecat: I hope that you liked Hissy Fit the Third. Yeah, Murtagh and Eragon are having a rough time as is everyone else. I hope that you liked this chapter by the way.

LadyLapisLazuli: LOL. The Sues will go eventually. When the story is over. Oh well.

WWMTgirl: Thanks.

Ailan: LOL. That's funny about the kid. Sadly, Eragon-Ridher is back. I hope that you enjoyed her—is triumphant the word—return.

The known author: Oh, there's a reason for it actually.

SteelWolf: Thanks. I'm glad. I don't write for Star Wars, and I don't read much on that fandom, so I wouldn't know all the clichés for those Sues. Sorry. I might try it though. I dunno. This story isn't even my original idea, but if you could tell me what those Sues do, I might attempt that.

Armaris: Thanks. Angela just seems to get away with stuff to me.

Ketaki Song: It's fine. Wasn't the Eragon movie awful? Brom, Murtagh, and Saphira were all that was good. I do hate Harry's Twin! Sue, but I think that I hate Marauder Rat! Sue and I Just Fell In From Earth! Sue (LotR fandom mostly for that one). Elf Sues are always annoying though. Sadly, the witches are back.

Queenmab: Yeah, I know. So, how's spring break?

Weras: Thanks. Well, I guess that's from the hackers, but you know.

Rock Not War: That's fine. Unfortunately, Eragon Ridher is not a grateful person.

Brix: Hackers can always kill Sues. Unfortunately, in the real story, they won't go.

Invaderpixie: Okay Dil. I hate it when ff does that. Send me whatever you want.

Invaderem: Thanks. I love M/N too. They're awesome together. I'm glad that you liked that line.

: That was a pretty good song. The hacks were inspired by what happened to Tara's My Immortal fic. That hacker is my hero. I dunno know what happened to Eragon Ridher. Maybe it was illness. Who knows? Maybe she was spending a little extra time at the shrink. Once again, who knows?

Anda Faith: I just love HP too much. I spent Wednesday discussing theories about the 7th book with my friend, and her dad said that we'd Harry Potter-ed him out. I'm glad that you sorta like Eragon/Trianna.

Stripysockz: I love Harry Potter. I can't wait for the book or the movie. I'm gonna be in England when it comes out, so I'm really excited. That's cool about you getting HPB in France. Yeah, all our couples are quite annoying that way. Only Roran and Katrina are out of the denial stage. I'll the flirting argument thing sometime soon. I just needed to make Arya less serious. I assumed that there would be a different side to her if she was constantly insulted.

Mariano's-girl: Yeah, I got it. LOL. Sorry about the long update.

DaggerPen: Thanks. My friend's real name is Ada, and she always goes by Amy, so I guess that's sorta like that.

Darth Vyper: LOL. Yeah, Eragon Ridher's story is taking some serious abuse.

BobMcBobinton: Ugh. That sucks for you. I have a friend named Jade. She's very creative with makeup. She apparently once figured out a way to use mascara for eyeliner, or so I heard from Amy. Whatever. So, you're from England? Cool.

Fredsonetrueluv: Well, you've gotta be childish at times. I love HP too. I am convinced that Snape is good. I mean, he saved Dumbledore from the ring's curse when he could have just let him die and say that he couldn't save him. There's another theory that he actually heard all of the prophecy and only told Voldemort the first half, thus sending him to his first downfall. It comes from the fact that Trelawney knows that he interrupted her meeting with Dumbledore, despite the fact that she doesn't remember anything that happens when she's giving a prophecy, so that would mean that Snape would have had to have been caught before or after the prophecy. He couldn't have been caught before because Snape heard at least part of the prophecy, so that must mean that she was caught after. I am so excited for the movie in book. I'll be in London when it comes out, so I'm really excited.

ANGEL-OF-DEATH6: I'm glad that you liked it. I just couldn't resist. I am so amped for the 7th book because I'll be in London then. I'm kinda sad though because after that it'll be over. The end of an era. sigh Yeah, Tagh got a pretty shitty chapter, but at least he didn't get laid. Eragon did, but you know.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Yeah, they're good. I'm glad that you like the pairing here. I hope that you liked the review responses and the hissy fit. Congrats on the account. A beta is somebody who edits your story for you. I don't know how you get one as I don't have one.

Sunkistgurl10: LOL. Yeah, she did have a huge hissy fit. I'm glad that you liked Arya's line. She's fun to write. She and Tagh. I love writing them both.

Azulcat: One hacker had a good idea. I won't reveal it until I use that hack though. I'll try that idea with the next hacker. Well, all alternate selves are scary. Well, maybe not all, but you know. She doesn't get many positive reviews, which is understandable.

Prettybella: Thanks. I just couldn't resist the Dolores Umbridge line.

Random Little Writer: LOL. No, you're not conceited, at least not as conceited as Eragon Ridher and her Sues. I'm glad that you liked the part where Arya cussed. I couldn't resist.

Krissy: I'm glad that you think so. The Sues are circus freaks. It's so true that they never die. They can almost die, but they can't actually die and be gone for ever and ever. I think that Eragon and Co. gets it the worst.

Cheesey Goodness: LOL. Thanks. Those Sues will die. Eventually. Not in Eragon Ridher's fic though.

Fallen-Yuki: LOL. Yeah, Eragon Ridher does tend to make sadists.

Dark S3cret: I'm glad that you like the I'm-a-whale thing. I came up with it when Amy, my personal expert on how to pronounce elvish names from LotR, told me how Amowiel is actually said.

Captain IF: Thanks. I'm glad that you like it. Sorry about the long update.

Blank: You'll see what happens with Eragon Ridher in the end.


	16. The Partay from the Same Place as the Pr

Partay from the Same Place as the Prologue

Reviewers, I have sad news. Warner Bros. has done what I thought was impossible, but they have indeed done it. They have made a Mary Sue out of a penguin. Yes, that's right. Gloria, the penguin from "Happy Feet," is a Mary Sue. She's beautiful (for a penguin), smart, the main character's love interest (Mumbo in this case), and a good singer. Yes, I know that this is insane, but I took a four day trip to Toronto along with the band, orchestra, and chorus at my school, and we had to take a thirteen hour bus ride. Anyway, we started watching "Happy Feet," and my friend Abby and I decided to count the sketchy moments in the film and make cough Mary Sue whenever Gloria came on. Yes, we were bored. Well, the parts with Robin Williams were funny, and the baby penguins were cute. Still, we were bored, hyper, and tired.

Oh, and to everyone whose been complaining about me not updating quickly? Get over it. I'm really busy right now. In fact, you're lucky that you got this chapter today because the only reason is you're getting it is because the regatta that I was supposed to row in this morning was cancelled after the entire crew team was at school to take a bus to the regatta. Plus, I had to get up at five for this, and I didn't get much sleep last night. So, don't complain about my lack of updates. I'll go through phases where I'll update a lot, and then I'll go through phases where I don't. It usually has to do with my work load and my muses. It's sorta like the music phases I go through. I'm pretty much addicted to The Beatles right now. That's the second time that this has happened to me. My first phase was when I was little and I watched Yellow Submarine with my dad.

And to eragonssexiluver, don't ever do that to me again. I was serioulsy scared that my alter-ego had gotten out and started writing fan fiction when I first read your fan fic. Eh, I know that you're not reading this, but whatever. Anyway people, I just a girl who writes a fic called a whole new world, and it's bad. It's also undoutedly a troll. Thanks to whichever one of my reviewers told me about her. Sorry, I forgot.

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

_A Estelena ran back to her room…_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"'A Estelena?'" Angela asked. "Not only is that incorrect grammar, but this could very well mean that there's more than one of her."

"No!" Eragon screamed. The sheer horror of that idea was too much for him.

"Oh, get over it," Angela said. "I was simply making a comment."  
"And you interrupted me," Katrina added. "Please, don't ever do that again."

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_She came up with a brilliant diea. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Oh, shit," Arya said.

"You said you wouldn't curse anymore," Murtagh told her.

"This is a new chapter," Arya replied.

"Shut up," Murtagh mumbled.

"What was that for?" Arya asked.

"I can say, 'Shut up,' so I'm just celebrating," Murtagh replied.

"Anyway, since I'm sure that we're all so eager to hear her 'brilliant' idea, I'll continue reading," Katrina said rather loudly and with false cheer.

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_She deided to have a party.1111 Woo111_

_Amowiel manwhile was having a less good time than her sis. It runed out that Orosis had sen him on this random mission against Galbrattleax. It really pisssed her off. How was she suppposed to spend god know show long until she saw her Murty again? Magdeleniana was just as pissed off habout THoryn. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Thoryn? _Thorn shouted.

"That's probably just a misspelling," Nasuada said. "I should know."

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_Amowiel sighed and let a gingle tera drop down her porcelain (but not to proeclian) cheek. _

"_Sisssy sis sister,!" Estelena calle cdout brightly. _

"_What/' Amowiel said, trying to ragain her composure. _

"_Hey, why are yo9u crying?" Estlena asked. _

"_Murty's been sent away!" Amowiel cried. _

"_OH, that Orosis is such a shit head," Estelena said. privately thinking herself that Gon-Wonny hand't been sent aay. _

"_Well lest he didn't yell at you and Eragon for…well ya know," Amowiel sia diwth a giggle. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"She cries, she laughs, and then she makes bad euphemisms," Murtagh muttered sarcastically. "Wow, am I lucky? I have a girl with plot-dependent personality and the world's worst mood swings."

"Mine's worse than yours," Eragon mumbled.

"Really? How?" Murtagh asked.

"Actually, they're both the same," Trianna remarked.

"No, they're….they are exactly the same," Eragon said, comprehension dawning in his eyes.

"I told you yours wasn't worse than mine," Murtagh shouted.

_And this makes you happy? _Thorn asked.

_Being right does, Thoryn, _Murtagh replied.

_Shut. Up,_ Thorn said.

"Nasuada, Thorn seems to be having a problem with saying, 'Shut up.' Do you agree that he should be forced to abstain from it for a chapter?" Murtagh asked innocently.

"Yes, actually I do," Nasuada agreed, laughing slightly.

_Oh, wonderful,_ Thorn mumbled.

"Well, now that we have that cleared up, I suppose that I can begin reading again," Katrina said sweetly.

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"_Yeah, Iknow," Estelena said. "I ess he's not that bad/. Well lest not me. He still has lots to learn about us."_

You gusy as sooooo special, _gushed Magdeleniana and Ohen-Briam. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Saphira, do you know what's sad about this? _Thorn asked.

_That we're mating with those pathetic excuses for dragons? _Saphira asked.

_That'd be it,_ Thorn replied.

Katrina sat there with a forced smile on her face and said, "Everyone done? Good."

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"_Ayhoo," Estelena began brightly. "I had a pwnsome idea."_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Pwnsome?" everyone asked.

"It must be some strange Earth term," Trianna said. "Just ignore. Katrina, keep reading."

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"_Ooh, what?" Amowiel aksed cherrily. _

"_We're gonna have a pwnsome party and invite everyone even Orosis!" Estelena ejaculaed. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Once again, Roran and Murtagh found this funnier than they should have. Orik, however, found it so funny that he fell off his seat.

"She might insult my race, but at least we don't perform actions impossible for our gender," Orik chortled.

"Orik, that wasn't funny," Arya told him.

"Oh, get over it, princess," Orik told her. "Yours is a race of Sue-worshipping voyeurs."  
"Only in this story, dearest dwarf," Arya retorted.

"At least we dislike them in real life and the story," Orik replied.

"Shut up, you in character being," Arya snapped.

"Arya, that was the worst insult that I have ever heard, and I think that you need to abstain from saying, 'Shut up,' this chapter as well as Thorn," Murtagh said seriously.

"You're really trying to spread your suffering," Nasuada remarked.

"No, I'm just making sure that everyone who has a problem with saying, 'Shut up,' has to be treated the same way that I'm treated."

"I'll give you credit for backing me up," Orik grunted. "And that was a terrible insult, Arya."

The elfin princess mumbled a few incomprehensible words.

"Did I hear, 'Shut up,' in there?" Murtagh asked.

"I think that I did," Galbatorix remarked. "Elf, you are in trouble."

"I didn't say that!" Arya screamed. "And you have anger issues, you're insane, and everyone in your empire hates you."

"Well, that hurt," Galbatorix said sarcastically.

"And you're the father of both of the Sues," Arya added with some satisfaction.

Galbatorix glared at her.

"I creep them out," Angela said proudly. "It's rather amusing."

_She's insane,_ Solembum said as though he were simply commenting on the weather.

Katrina cleared her throat again and began to read.

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"_Oohnees1" Amowiel said brightly. _

"_I know1" Estelena replied. _

"_I lvove ya, sis," AMowiel told her siter. _

"_I know," Estelena said.  
"But not in that way," Amowiel added. _

"_Well, duh," Estelena said/. "That would be weird."_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"You know, that actually wouldn't surprise me," Murtagh remarked.

"Me neither," Trianna agreed.

"I agree," Roran said.

Everyone else was staring at them weirdly.

"She's a hussy, he gets laid all the time, and I'm monosyllabic and suddenly fiancée-less. Let us have our fun," Roran said.

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"_Anhyoo," Estelena said, "Lets' get palnning."_

"_Okay!" Amowiel said. "And we hav eto get that prude Raeynne to wear something sexylicilious. So that she can finally stop being a purde and lya Roran. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Katrina took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Roran looked rather like a deer in the headlights. He had no idea what to do about this situation.

"Get reading!" Galbatorix shouted.

"Excuse me, your majesty," Katrina said in a level voice, "but I have been killed off, forced to see my fiancée degraded to a monosyllabic Sue-worshipper, and now I am going to see a pathetic little girl who cannot stand up for herself go to bed with him.  
"But it's purely in fiction," Roran said comfortingly. "I wouldn't go to bed with anyone but you."

"I know that," Katrina said. "It just gets to me."

"Oh, it'll get to me too," Roran said.

"Well, I guess that I'd just best grin and bear it," Katrina said quietly.

"Because that's what Raeynne'll be doing for Roran," Murtagh mumbled.

Eragon's eyes widened as though he were desperately trying not to laugh. Roran, meanwhile, glared at him.

"Do not dare make dirty jokes at my fiancée even if you are my cousin," Roran growled.

"I was making it at you," Murtagh chortled.

"Well, there's an issue there too," Orrin put in.

Nasuada snorted.

"But wouldn't that disappoint you just a bit?" Murtagh asked her before he could stop himself.

"Actually, it would," Nasuada admitted. "It was a funny joke though."

Orrin allowed himself a minute to look self-satisfied, and Murtagh and Nasuada were sitting there rather awkwardly.

"Oh, just kiss her, and get it over with," Orik shouted. "You know you want to."

"Not in front of…." Nasuada began before Murtagh cut her off with a kiss.

Everyone sat there looking rather awkward.

"Murtagh, stop that!" Galbatorix shouted. Murtagh didn't. The continued berating him, but Murtagh didn't seem to hear. "Well, this sucks," Galbatorix said once he realized that it was a lost cause.

"Me and my big mouth," Orik mumbled.

"How are they breathing?" Eragon asked. "They've been at it for two minutes."

"Through their noses?" Trianna suggested.

"I'd say that's a valid assumption," Roran agreed.

Finally, Angela decided to take charge and just hit both Murtagh and Nasuada over the head.

"What was that for?" Murtagh asked. "He told me to kiss her." Nasuada seemed to be at a temporary loss for words.

"I didn't think that you'd actually do it," Orik said.

_That was a matter of poor judgment, knowing him, _Solembum remarked.

"So, let's get reading," Nasuada said, finally regaining her power of speech. "Katrina?"

Katrina was gaping open mouthed at her.

"Wh-why did you do that in public?" Katrina asked. "And over me?"  
"I didn't do anything," Nasuada said calmly. "He started it."

"And you put up such a fight," Murtagh chortled.

"Well, if I responded, it's not my fault. I can't help it if he's a good kisser," Nasuada stated.

"Nasuada, please, just stop, and let Katrina read," Eragon said. As we all know, there are certain things about your siblings that you don't want to or need to know.

"I'm letting Katrina read," Nasuada said defensively. "She's the one who won't read."

"Fine. I'll read," Katrina said. "Bloody, horny kids."  
Everyone gasped at such words coming out of Katrina's mouth.

"Well, she's been cussing this entire time," Katrina said, pointing at Arya.

"Leave me out of this," the she-elf said. "Katrina, just read."

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"_Raeynne1" Toth girls thouted as they ran into the other girls room. _

"_What?" She asked. _

"_We're having a partay and you're coming. Now let s get you a decent rdress so that you can get some brom Roran, cause god knows ya both need it," Estelena said. _

_Raeynne looked slightly aoffened by such words, and Estelena threw her hands up in disgut. _

"_Raeynne," Amowiel said gently, "It's kk. I'll hep you bpick out a dres, and you can get Toran like you've always wanted."_

"Nasuada, I feel your pain," Roran remarked.

"_Okay, I just that sounds okay," Raeynne said quietly. _

"_So, this'll lokk food on ya," Estelena said, holindg up a sparkly blue dress that' she'd oufnd on the floor. _

"Does anyone know what she just said?" Orrin asked.

"The world may never know," Angela replied.

"_NO," Raeynne said, shaking her head. "It's too low cut."  
"Oh, no it's not," Estelena said. _

"_Try it on Raeynne," Amowiel ordered. _

_Eventually, they coxed Raeynne into the dress. IT looked pretty good on her too. It whosed off her chest that nobody had know she'd had, and it showed off her legs, which nobody knew that she'd had, and it set off her blodn hair and deep blue eyes to perfection. _

"_You'll snag Roran in that," Amowiel said. _

"_Yeah, she'll actually snag somebody in that," Estelena agreed._

'_Aw, thanks' Raeynne said with tears in her eyes. "I do look good I guess. Thanks os much."_

"_You're welcome,"both girls chimed togheter. "Solet's go!"_

_See, they'd just told the elfs that hey wented a party, and they'd otten it. Of course, they used Estelena's wonderful and iproptu plans, but I gues they eserved some dreti._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"My people and I deserve a medal _and_ a trophy for putting up with you, you little slut," Arya mumbled.

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_Anyhoo, they played losts of different Erath muric. Amowiel discoreved that she loved the song London Bridge and during two totally hawt elf guys come up to her and aksed her to dance. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Yes, she'll cheat on me," Murtagh mumbled. "Maybe I'll have the sense to break up with her."

There were simultaneous mental chortles coming from Solembum and Thorn.

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"_Sure," Amowiel said sweetly, batting her thick plack eyelashes at them. "What are your mames?"_

"_I'm Nari,," said the blonde, "and this is Lifaen," he said pointint to the dark one. _

"_Hey, Nari and Lifaen," Amowiel aid sbightly. _

"_So, let's dance sexy," Lifaen said. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"This is unbelievable," Arya said. "She has insulted two well-respected elfin soldiers."

"At least she knows their names" Eragon said.

"I guess it's better than Orosis," Arya agreed solemnly.

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_Then Amowiel began to grind the two elfs, Lifaen in front, and Nari in back. It got pretty damn heated. _

_Meanwile, with Eragon and Estelena..._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"No!" Eragon screamed.

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_They were gridnign pretty damn diry too, and they didn'g even see Amowiel with her elf-boys. Well, Estelena sdid, and she smield to herself. Served Murtag right of abandoning her sis. _

"I had a very important mission," Murtagh mumbled.

_Then there were Raeynne and ROran. They were talking about random things, like Carvahall, the weather, Teirm, Jode, and Katrina. (A/n: EW11111111111111)_

_Finally, they decided to cance on a slow song. They got next o tEragon and Estelena who were also dancing. Raeynne looked around for Amowiel, who had gone off with Nari and LIfaen for some fu. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Poor, poor Nari and Lifaen," Eragon and Arya mumbled.

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_This is what was going down. Nari had stipped off Amowiel's skirt and was groping her from hhehind while Lifaen stripped off her shirt an dkiss her deeply…_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Once that sickening scene was over, pretty much everyone had upchucked at least one.

"That had to be the most disgusting thing that I've ever read," Nasuada deadpanned.

"I don't think that I've read such an atrocity in a Sue fic," Trianna remarked.

"I don't think that I'm immune anymore," Angela mumbled.

"Well, that couldn't last," Galbatorix remarked. "I personally find it amusing what that elf's so-called-illustrious race was doing with my so-called-daugther."

"Lucky you," Murtagh mumbled.

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_Back to the dance…_

_As Roran walked Raeynne back to her room, he said, "I had a good time." _

"_OH, you said a complete sentence," Raeynne said. _

"_Slut Katrina dumb me down…_ Oh, I can't read this shit." Katrina said, interrupting herself.

"Too. Bad," Galbatorix told her. "Read."

"_And you help me," _Katrina finished angrily.

"Keep reading," Galbatorix said brightly.

"Don't make my fiancée do something that she doesn't want to do!" Roran shouted.

"We've all done it," Galbatorix said. "Now just get over it."  
"I'll grin and bear it," Katrina mumbled, putting on an extremely fake smile.

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"_Aw," Raeynne said, tears coming into her fblue eyes. _

"_Don't cry," Roran said, hugging her. _

"_That was just so weet," Raeynne whispered, her eyes shing. "No ones ever been that sweet to me."_

"_Thanks," Roran said, leaning in to kiss her lips. Raeynne gapsed and responsed. Eventually she frew some balls and they got it on. I don't fee like writing it. I've waisted most of my muse on Amowiel, and I can't leave Estelena nd Eragon without a scene. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Thank you!" Roran yelled, pumping his fist into the air.

"Well, that's lucky," Katrina said with a smile.

"Why?" Eragon asked. "Why?"

"Eragon, she can't make it worse than what happened with Amowiel," Trianna comforted.

"You're right, "Eragon said. "I just have to keep thinking positively."

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_"Hey, Leni?" Eragon said. _

"_EYah?" Estelena asked. _

"_I'm so gad that I lost my virginity to you and not that suptid hussy Trianna," Eri-munckins whispered sexily. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Oh, screw positive thoughts. Eragon, this story sucks for you and for me," Trianna shouted.

"I think it sucks for all of us actually," Eragon remarked.  
"It does," Trianna agreed.

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"_Aw1111111111 Sooooooooooooo1111111111 Cute111111111111111111" Estelena shouted. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I think that my intelligence just dropped several levels," Orrin mumbled.

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_With Estelena jumped on Eragon, who immeditately flipped her over…_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

And with that scene, chapter twelve ended, and it was on to the review responses.

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_Jedi Master Eventar: I deleted it cuz it was judgmental, duh! I've said fifty fucking tiems. God, does nobody listen? _

_Devouring Sarcasm Phantasm: Oh fuck off. Tha'ts not rure. _

_Beowufl0Crypitic: It did nut. IT was a good chapter. They'rell all god. AN dI'm just self-confidetn. AQNd WTF doe you love the hackers? Nd it was hawtly? DUH?_

_Bananasrokk: IT's fnever bad. You just odn't know lit. And you fuck yourself cause no one else will. _

_Fluffypinkpoodle711: Thanks so much, You pwn. _

_Kitty and Amythest: No your'e the dipshit. _

_QueenOfTheUnknown: It's fnaifction everytihng's plagarsied. And I can pell Nadua's name however I want to._

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"I beg to differ," Nasuada put in.

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_ILUVERAGON: I know! Isn't it?Porps to you. _

_PrettySparklyPrincess: THaks so much. Nyx is suck a bitch. What kinda name is that anyaway? Thaks so much for liking Estelena and not being a disphit. _

_Ketaki Song: I tried it and I deleted it., I've told yall that. God. So what about vanity? It's confidence. And you fucking pessimist, fuck off. _

_Bushes283: Ugh, fuck off. _

_Izumi-17: HUH?_

_Azulcat: Yeah, I know that it wont' happen atian. I have a fullproof new password. Ugh, sorry aobut the spelling msiteaks. Spellchekcs judgmental and all. _

_Anda Fiath: Don't worry. He'll get laid again. Wiat ? You were being sarcasts. Sarasm sucks!_

_Bad Influence: I sepll them my way, an dit's better. IT is too hard to type write. _

_The Petualant Purple Princes: Huh? I don't get it. I think it was a threat. NO TRHEATES BITCH!_

_Queen of Awesomeness: I know. They suck. Thanks so much. _

_Grey Flames: Whay do they sicken you? Amowiel is ot a whale.She is sxy!_

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

At this point, Murtagh had to stifle a laugh.

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_Captain IF: It is not that bad. If you can't read, thatyur fault. And you can't die wtice. Duh. _

_Stripysockz: I did too read the books. How oculd I have known about Lifaenand Nari if Id didn't? And I like unique splling. Hah! Orosis is not a prude, but Naduada is. So there. _

_Subeiko: Fuck offa bout my unique spellings and making Orosis culer_

_Leyal: Yeah, well I'm glad?_

_Biaca: Cause I'm me. And Fuck off. _

_Julia: Thanks fo rdefending me. _

_BobMcBobinton: IT it too original. How many half elfs have to Erath from Alagaesha? Huh? See, it's origianly. Hah. See I fdefendiend it. _

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

And that is the end of chapter 16. So sorry about the long update. I was busy with school, crew, and band. Plus, ff wouldn't let me update for four or five after I had the last chapter ready. Oh, and to make sure that the next chapter comes up more quickly, we're going to have a hack race. The first person who submitted an un-used hack to me shall have it placed in the next chapter. Anyway, here are the review responses.

Jedi Master Evenstar: Thanks. I'm glad that you liked that part. It's fun to write.

LadyLapisLazuli: Yeah, it is. Thanks.

Starsage: I have two big plans for the end. Just you wait and see.

Beowulf-Cryptic: Thanks. I'm glad that you thought it was really good.

Bananasrokk: The name's fine. I like.

Kitty and Amethyst: There was more Sue fic in this one. I hope you liked it better.

Blaze ocean dragon: Thanks. I've never seen that show, but I've heard about it, and I want to see it. Well, I guess it'd have to on re-runs, but that's never bothered me before.

Wolflady13: Thanks.

Nihilist09: Thanks.

Ssj7aslan: Death to Sues indeed! Thanks so much. I'm glad that you like it and that you think that it's realistic.

Cornelia Claire Chase: Thanks. She may. She may not.

Du.Sundavar.Brisingr: Thanks.

The known author: I've been waiting for somebody to do that. I'm glad that you like my story. And, yes, the name was meant to be stupid.

QueenOfTheUnknown: See comments to the impatient people. Anyway, I'm glad that you like it. I'm also glad that you like how I've portrayed the characters.

Cassie Winchester: Yeah, I couldn't resist that.

Sunkistgurl10: Nice word. Sorry about you internet.

Ketaki Song: Yeah, he was. Those Sues are annoying too. How half elves do people really think exist? Actually, I wrote a story that had two, so I should probably shut up, but they weren't living in Ellesméra, and neither of them are exactly model people.

Bushes283: Canon is basically book facts. Canon characters in Eragon are Eragon, Arya, Nasuada, etc. Fanon is like OCs and other things that are just found on fan fiction. Sorry if I'm bad at explaining things.

Izumi-17: Wow. Thanks. I didn't think that that was possible.

Azulcat: She's going to get a lot of hackers, I'm afraid. I sometimes wish that I knew people on this site too. Eh. Whatever. I was actually thinking of trying something like that.

Ladyaymie: Thanks. I love writing those two.

Cheesey-Goodness: Yeah, the uploading thing screwed me. I couldn't update for four or five days, and I had this chapter all ready too.

Anda Faith: Thanks. I couldn't keep anyone too serious in this fic.

Dark S3cret: It does. I looked her up. I couldn't bear to read anything. I just couldn't. As for Eragon Ridher, well, you'll see. It'll be a shocker. At least I hope so. :D.

Dagger Pen: The als is my initials. As for dssg, the world may never know. It's an inside joke, so you wouldn't get it anyway. As for the f word thing, I don't think that it needs to upped for just language. I'm glad that you liked this chapter.

Fallen-Yuki: Yeah, I love Shoes. That's an interesting idea. I'll think about it.

The Petulant Purple Princess: That's fine. Sorry about your computer. As for the hack, just send me a pm of it.

Random Little Writer: Thanks so much. I'm glad that you like my parodies.

: What did I call you last time? I did like the first and second hacks best because they still made the canon characters mad, but I felt that they needed some good, old, healthy killing of the Sues. I like that idea. It's gonna happen.

Queenmab: Yeah, she did. She's awful. And, yes, it was PotC. BTW, fue mucho divertido.

Brix: Thanks. I think that we all hate Sues.

Captain IF: Yes, it is. I don't think that I've seen the British version of that show.

Stripysockz: I do love those meltdowns. They're fun. I love Angela too. As for Angela/Galby, I'm seriously considering it. Not full blast, but it seemed to work as soon as I brought him in.

Fredsonetrueluv: Yeah, I'm really, really, really, really excited. I know what you mean about Snape, but as Sirius said, the world isn't divided into good people and Death Eaters. I've heard that rumor, but I personally think that he had a thing for Narcissa Malfoy. I mean, she's the only Death Eater that he seems to even remotely like, and he made the unbreakable vow because she asked him too. I'm glad that you like all the banter. It's fun. Yeah, she is. I hope that somebody submits that hack. And I'm glad that you liked those references.

CaramelBoost: You'll see about Eragon Ridher. I tried to put in some more biting comments, but whatever.

C.T. Eleckzo: If I can think of a good place for him to come in, he will.

Subeiko: LOL. I'm glad that you like all the tension. As for Anunada, I'm rather proud of that one.

WWMTgirl: Thanks.

BobMcBobinton: Sorry about that. See explanation. As for the mascara-eyeliner thing, neither did I. I've never used eyeliner before, but I do use mascara, so I guess I know the difference. As the Arya getting drunk thing, I just couldn't resist.


	17. A Question of Suffering

A Question of Suffering

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you. Thanks to Mariano's-girl for the hack.

_A/N Hey guys, this is not Eragon Ridher, the gay, stupid, brainless and sexually obsessed person. No, this is yet another hacker. Even if she isn't a virgin, why would she write that? I am scarred for life after reading this, so I must make her pay. So flame me all you want, but I hate your guts and I want you to go kiss a cow and lose your viriginty to him, because that's the only way you'll ever lose it. On with the show!_

"That was a good insult," Katrina remarked.

Everyone looked shocked by such a thing coming from sweet Katrina's mouth. Nasuada was so surprised that she stopped reading. Murtagh and Eragon were so surprised that they didn't even express their dread at what might be contained in such a hack. Roran's jaw was hanging open, and for once, he wasn't even monosyllabic. He was speechless.

"So she has a mean streak after all," Galbatorix remarked. "Good. I was getting worried."

Angela smacked him over the head and said, "That's only because you're a depraved old man who can't be nice to anybody."

"She just agreed with a girl who told somebody to kiss a cow and lose her virginity to it," Galbatorix remarked.

"In this case, it was well-deserved," Angela said.

"And don't forget that she killed me off, made my fiancé monosyllabic, and passed him on to some little slut who can't keep her chastity for more than a few more chapters than the other two sluts," Katrina put in.

"I agree with you Katrina," Roran said. "I think that you've suffered the most."

Everyone immediately objected to this.

"She had my own mother disown me again and lock me up, and she's insulted every single inch of me mentally and physically. I have suffered the most," Arya declared.

"Excuse me?" Trianna put in. "I am barely mentioned, and every time I am, it is to call me a disgusting hussy!"

"Well, I'm not mentioned much more than you are, and I have to get my…assets…compared unfavorably to hers, and I have to put up with being called a, 'hussy prude,' which doesn't even make sense!" Nasuada yelled.

"Just so you know, I think that yours are better," Murtagh put in.

Nasuada blushed and said, "Um, thanks."

"Nasuada, you kissed him!" Trianna said. "Be a little less of a…"

"Say, 'prudish hussy,' and die," Nasuada growled. "And if I kissed him and if I enjoyed it, do you really blame me? He's…."

"Lady Nasuada, please don't compromise the rest of your dignity," Orrin remarked. "I have to respect you after this."

"Are you going to be able to respect yourself after this?" Murtagh asked.

"Probably not," Orrin remarked. "So, while the question of who has suffered the most is up for grabs, I'll put my name in. She insulted my courage, slept with me, made me out to be a perverted old man when I'm only twenty seven, and then she killed me."

"You're twenty seven?" Trianna asked. "You're ten years older than me." She looked vaguely disturbed about something.

"Did you try to seduce him too?" Eragon groaned.

"No, and you liked my seduction attempt," Trianna said.

"So what if I did?" Eragon said. "What's wrong with that? You are very, very attractive, and you are very, very interesting, and…"

"If either one of you dares him to kiss her, I will personally emasculate both of you," Galbatorix told Roran and Murtagh, both of whose mouths were opened.

Trianna rolled her eyes at them and then smiled at rather awkward-looking Eragon before leaning in to kiss him.

Eragon looked shocked at what she'd done before he responded to her. The sorceress had started the kiss and kept control of it until then, but Eragon found some testosterone and took it over. When they finally broke apart, everyone looked rather shocked.

"Congratulations, cousin, you finally kissed somebody," Roran shouted.

"That was your first kiss?" Trianna asked.

"Say he was good, and die," Murtagh said.

"Why is everyone stealing my line?" Nasuada asked.

"It was a good line," Murtagh replied with a shrug.

"It was not my first kiss, Roran," Eragon protested.

"Eragon, the time that I kissed you when you were five doesn't count," Katrina said apologetically.

"Now I want to hear about this," Trianna said, sitting up. "It sounds cute," she added when everyone gave her a weird look.

"You kissed him?" Roran asked.

"When he was five," Katrina said defensively. "Odele wanted to play spin the bottle, and it landed on Eragon."

"It still counted," Eragon said.

"Please tell me that there wasn't tongue," Roran begged.  
"I didn't know about tongue then," Katrina mumbled.

"May I continue reading?" Nasuada put in.

"No," Galbatorix said, much to everyone's surprise. "We will sort out the previous issue. We will all state our cases for being the one who has suffered the most, and then we will all agree that it was me because I fathered those two little monsters and they're going to kill me. And, elf, if you don't…"  
"Everyone's going to vote for themselves," Angela said. "Well, I won't because I haven't suffered much."

"I do the unspeakable with that thing every chapter," Eragon put in.

"What he said," Murtagh said.

_It was done on my back, and I get called Thorny, _Thorn said.

_Sapphy Brighty anyone? _Saphira said. _And don't forget that my rider is being humiliated by her. _

"My fiancée was killed off, I'm monosyllabic, and I worship a sub-Sue," Roran stated.

"You stole your fiancée's reason," Murtagh said.

"You stole your brother's," Roran retorted.

"She hates both me and mine race, and I doubt that Helzvhog knows why," Orik said.  
"You're short," Trianna said.

"It is the way of knurla," Orik said. "And by the way, mine kin and I prefer to think of the rest of you as giants."

Trianna sighed. "Sues dislike anyone who does not fit their idea of attractiveness. I wasn't trying to offend you."

"She hates me and mine race for a shallow and pathetic reason," Orik repeated.

_I haven't been mentioned, and I am quite happy about that,_ Solembum said lazily.

"Every vote," Angela ordered. "Who thinks that Katrina has suffered the most?"

Roran and Katrina raised their hands.

"Who thinks that Roran has suffered the most?"  
Roran and Katrina raised their hands.

"You are only allowed to vote for one person," Angela remarked.  
Roran and Katrina each change his or her vote to his or her fiancé.

Angela rolled her eyes. "Who thinks that Galbatorix has suffered the most?"

Galbatorix raised his hand.

"Who thinks that Nasuada has suffered the most?"

Nasuada raised her hand.

Thus it went on until they got to Orrin.

"Who thinks that Orrin has suffered the most?" Angela asked. With that, she and Orrin raised their hands, and Orrin won.

"Anyone who objects to it will be forced to be the reader for the rest of the story," Angela declared before any of the losers could even open their mouths.

"Now that that's settled, Nasuada, please resume the reading," Angela said.

_"Arya," called a voice in the dark dungeons. Tthe dongeon was quite the opposite of the beautiful city above them: Ellesméra.  
"What do you want?" the elf asked. She had no idea who it might be. The voice sounded both frightened and angry. Arya could only think of one person who would be so uncomfortable around her: Eragon.  
"Man, and I thought I'd have a warm welcome," Eragon said sarcastically.  
"Enough with the jokes, Eragon. I'm not in the mood. Remember that it is your girlfriend's fault that i am stuck down here," Arya said angrily.  
"Yeah, it isn't a great idea to get on her bad side, but I praise any poor fool that stands up to her," Eragon said. Arya gave a good, long death glare.  
"Poor fool?" she asked.  
"Poor you," he corrected himself, sensing her anger._

"Eragon, it is a good thing for you that you didn't actually call me a poor fool for getting on your slut's bad side," Arya remarked.

_"You are an idiot, aren't you Eragon?" Arya asked as she leaned against the bars, Eragon stood before her and crossed his arms over his chest.  
"How come?" he asked  
"Because that dipshit whom you call your girlfriend will figure out you're gone and find you here and probably find some way to pin you in on her horrible tale that I am 'responsible' in quotations, for, which is why I am stuck in a dirty cell," Arya explained._

"I'm so glad that she's finally being called by her own insulting title even if I would never say, 'dipshit,'" Arya remarked.

Murtagh gave a derisive snort, and Arya glared at him coldly. "She says it. I don't see why I can't say it."

"Let me read, both of you," Nasuada shouted.

"Go ahead," Murtagh said. "I love these insults."

"I do too," Nasuada agreed.

"Yes, yes, we all love to hear her being insulted, so let's all go hear her being insulted," Galbatorix said.

_"So she was lying?" Eragon asked, smiling slightly at Arya's anger. He was finding all of this rather amusing._

"Is my anger really that amusing?" Arya asked.  
"Well, you're normally so calm and collected that it's a relief," Eragon replied.  
"And Murtagh doesn't like to be the only with a temper," Nasuada said, playfully shoving at his shoulder. _  
"Wow, isn't that the understatement of the year?" Arya responded.  
"And no, my dipshit of a girl friend is passed out drunk, probably still on the floor of the kitchens down under the ballroom where I left her," Eragon said. Arya let out a laugh. _

So did the real Arya.

_"What?" Eragon asked  
"I forgive you for not helping me out when I was arrested. That's why you're here, isn't it?" Arya asked, still laughing.  
"If you some how got by my mind shields, I would seriously like to know how," Eragon told her.  
"No, you're just predictable," Arya said. _

_Eragon gave her a glare._

_"It's true" she said._

Meanwhile, the real Eragon was busy giving the book a death glare.

"What is this?" he asked. "Why is everyone insulting me?"

"Well, if you loved me, which it has already been proven that you don't," Arya began, "you'd have helped me. And even if you just thought of me as a friend, you still would have helped me. All in all, I have reason to be angry with you."

Eragon looked confused.

Arya rolled her eyes. "You're the rider. You help people. I'm your friend. You help friends."

"That's not the real me," Eragon said defensively.

"I don't know, Eragon. He's acting a lot like you," Trianna said. "The remaing affection for Arya aside, of course."

Eragon was gaping at them both. He had never ever been so intentionally insulted by two women.

_"Anyway, are you going to help me or not?" Eragon asked  
"With what?" she asked. Eragon gave her a look,  
"Grocery shopping" he said sarcastically. _

_Arya's eyes got as big as saucers, and her mouth hung open  
"I didn't know elves could be so gullible" Eragon commented dryly  
"You over estimate our intelligence. Now what is it that you want?" Arya asked as she crossed her arms across her chest. Eragon showed her a small bottle of golden colored liquid. _

"If fake Eragon drugs me, I'm taking it out on you," Arya told real Eragon, who whimpered.

"Arya Svit-kona, I may not be as powerful as you are, but I will object to that," Trianna said.

Arya ignored her. "Read, Nasuada."

"You can't kill Eragon," Nasuada told the elf. "We need him."

_"Say what now?" Arya asked  
"This is truth syrup-" Arya cut Eragon off.  
"Why syrup? Why not potion or juice or...anything but syrup?" Arya asked  
"Do not question the stupid people that name all things. It's like asking why a branch is called a branch" Eragon told our elfin friend. "Permission to go on?" Eragon requested.  
"Permission granted, Shadeslayer," Arya said  
"One drop in her morning drink, and she'll come out spilling her deepest secrets to everyone, doesn't matter if she is asked or not. She'll just begin to talk, and she won't stop till the syrup wears off," Eragon told Arya, who had a devious smile fixed up on her face.  
"Syrup is my friend" she said simply  
"As it is mine," Eragon said. He said a quiet spell that made the door swing open._

"Syrup is our friend too," Eragon and Arya said at the same time.

"I think that I'm going to like it myself," Nasuada agreed with a small smile.

_"I take it you don't like your girl friend," Arya said as she stopped in front of Eragon, her face not 10 inches from his._

"Hate doesn't scratch the surface," Eragon said._  
"Oh no. She's delightful. That's why I'm trying to lock her up," Eragon said dryly and sarcastically at the same time.  
"In that case, I'm all for it" Arya said. Eragon raised an eyebrow._

Arya was grinning gleefully. _  
"Don't ask," Arya said simply. Eragon rolled his eyes and they left the dungeons at a run._

_They ran to the kitchens where they slowed down and found Eragon's girl friend (I dare not speak the dipshit's name, because she scares me to much already, and I want to be able to pass my next exam without mental assistance) still lying on the floor, snoring loudly.  
"Oh my, how did you ever fall for her?" Arya asked the blue rider.  
"I seriously have no idea," Eragon admitted. Arya stifled a laugh._

"It's the power of the Sues. They can make us all do things that we normally wouldn't do," Trianna said sadly.

_"Poor corrupted soul," she said, patting him on the back._

"We all are poor, corrupted souls thanks to this," Katrina remarked. _  
"Eragon," came a groggy voice from the kitchen  
"Go behind the door" Eragon told Arya as he recognized the voice as his dipshitty girlfriend.  
"Are you alright?" Eragon asked with false concern.  
"I was wondering if you wanted to have sex?" she asked._

"No, I do not," the real Eragon shouted.

Nasuada rolled her eyes and continued reading.

_"No, I think I'll pass, but your going to have a hangover tomorrow morning, so I have this here for you. Iit will make you feel better tomorrow morning. Take it with your morning drink," Eragon told her as he passed the dipshit the bottle. She took it and put it in her pocket  
"Thank-you Gonny-Wonny. I am sooooooooooo lucky to have you. Then again, you are soooooooooooo lucky to have me. I'm the girl that any boy would die to have, so your lucky. I am simply content" the dipshit said. _

"Her vanity's reached epic proportions," Angela remarked.

_Arya scoffed silently. What a waste of a nice guy! Eragon felt like hitting her, but if he did, he would probably not be able to watch her spill every secret to the queen of the elves herself! Man, isn't he a big meany? And we all love him for it!  
"Sleep well, and don't forget the syrup," Eragon said  
"I won't, I love you" she said as he bid her good night._

"No, you don't!" Eragon shouted.

_"Thank-god that's over," Eragon said.  
"Man, she's mean" Arya said. She was fuming about what the dipstick had said.  
"Why are you so annoyed? You're not the one that was trashed," Eragon asked. _

"Oh, I've been trashed plenty of times," Arya mumbled. _  
"I don't know...I guess I feel a little bad...weird how it all happens" Arya said. She then looked worried  
"Where will I sleep exactly?" she asked.  
"There's a hammock in mine and Saphira's room. You're welcome to it" Eragon said. Arya nodded in a agreement.  
"Thank-you," she said. They walked off back to Eragon's room, high in the tree.  
_Arya! Your back! Eragon! What did you do? _Saphira asked_.  
You make me sound like a bad person. I just helped Arya escape, and we have a plan to reveal what a whore my ex-girlfriend is, _Eragon explained._

"That needs to be proven?" everyone asked.  
I see no harm in framing that stupid dipshit. Good night, _Saphira said and drifted off back to sleep. Eragon showed Arya the hammock, she sat down in it and Eragon sat on the floor facing her. Arya's sharp, beautiful features stood out in the darkened room. Only moonlight entered, bathing them both in pale blue light.  
"I'm sorry I didn't defend you before, Arya. I was stupid," Eragon admitted._

"Finally," Arya said.

_"She was polluting your mind. I forgive you, Eragon, as long as you answer one question for me," Arya said.  
"What?" Eragon asked her, Arya advanced on him and kissed him passionately._

"What?" Arya and Trianna both yelled.

Eragon grabbed the book from Nasuada and pointed at it. "That didn't really just happen. It was written on a piece of paper in a very, very, _very_ pink book. This is by far the least disgusting thing that has been written in this….book."

"I thought that you were over me!" Arya shouted.

"I am," Eragon said. "I just can't be as disgusted by what just happened…well, I can't be disgusted at all considering what I've been forced to do in this fic so far."

"I see your point," Angela agreed.

_"Am I a better kisser the she is?" Arya asked. She was a little giddy from the kiss. Eragon pondered for a minute._

"If you say, 'No,'" Arya whispered.

"Gods, woman, make up your mind!" Eragon shouted in frustration.

Arya raised one eyebrow.

"Just…just stop this. Stop getting mad at me because of story Eragon," the blue rider said.

"Eragon, I'm sorry," Trianna said. "This thing just gets to me. It's the worst Sue fic that I've ever read. And I got a little jealous."

Eragon's ego was properly fed, and he calmed down immediately.

_"I don't know. I'll need a little more handy work to figure it out," Eragon said. They kissed again. Eragon backed out of the passionate kiss first, taking some breath. _

"At least I'm out of the dungeon," Arya said. Eragon's outburst seemed to have unnerved her.

_"Yes, most definitely," he said. They began to kiss again, not like Eragon and Madame la Dipshit had. It wasn't as wet. It was only passionate. They weren't going any farther then that on their first kiss. _(Arya started mumbling, "Thank you.") _Arya pulled away after about 5 minutes of soft kissing.  
"Thank-you Eragon" she said.  
"For what?" he asked.  
"Helping me, believing me and...still loving me" she said. Eragon helped her up.  
"Get some sleep. We have some dipshit crushing to do tomorrow," Eragon said kissing her lightly on the cheek. She smiled, blushing madly. Eragon smiled as he let her hands go and walked to his bed and promptly fell asleep as his head hit the pillow._

"I'm going to like this dipshit crushing," Arya said with a small smile.

"I just hope that you two do something to Whale-girl," Murtagh said.

"Let me read, and find out," Nasuada said.

_"Wake up, Eragon. Wake up!" Arya was saying  
"Unlike you, I enjoy sleeping, and I haven't slept alone in ages. That dipshit's constant snoring kept me awake," Eragon told her as he sat up. He was wearing his pants and no shirt. Arya giggled quietly._

"As if I would," the elf muttered.

"You!" Galbatorix barked. "Just. Get. Over. It." _  
"Don't even star,t" Eragon said as she grabbed his shirt and pulled it on over his head. They left the room and promptly ran to the dining room, about 100 feet away. Arya stopped.  
"I can't go in there," she said.  
"Right, disguise yourself as a maid and serve things alright. That way you will be there when it happens," Eragon said. Arya nodded and ran towards the side door of the hall. Eragon walked in the hall and sat with the dipshit. She smiled and tried to kiss him, but he took no notice and did not turn his head to look at her.  
"You should take you syrup, you look dreadful," Eragon said, fake concern in his voice again.  
"You are so sweet, Gon-Gon," she said as she placed the syrup in her drink and took a sip. Eragon cringed whenever he heard the name Gon-Gon. He looked around and found Arya laughing madly behind him. _

"Why does everyone have to make fun of that nickname?" Eragon groaned.

"I'm sorry, Eragon," Trianna said. She crossed towards him and laughed into his shoulder. "It's just too funny."

_"It's not funny. What would you think of being called 'Gon-Gon?'" Eragon asked the elf, her face covered by a hat she wore.  
"They wouldn't be alive to see the next sun if they did," Arya responded.  
"Harsh," Eragon said.  
"But true," she said. Eragon looked at the dipshit. She was twitching madly. Eragon gave an evil grin. As the queen of the elves walked in, the dipshit began to scream how she had set the whole scheme up and how she was only jealous of Arya's and her mother's powers and that she wanted the throne and she had been planning on killing the queen for it the next day! _

"Figures," Arya snorted.

_The queen was speechless. Eragon stood and walked over to the queen, followed by Arya who had her hat still on._

_"This," Eragon said, showing the remainder of the liquid to the queen, "was in her drink. Arya told me about her plan, and we decided to show you what she really wa,s" Eragon said, giving the bottle to the queen..  
"Is this truth syrup?" the queen asked.  
"Yes, and a drop was in that traitor'ss drink," Arya said removing her hat.  
"I have done this to you twice my daughter! Can you give me another chance?" the queen asked Arya.  
"What do you think Eragon? If I say yes, I am afraid I will suffer again, but if I don't...I don't see the down side to it if I don't" Arya said. She was smiling. If she said, 'No,' she wouldn't have to be the next queen, and she could go on to the Varden and help there, but her authority would mean nothing...  
"The people have always been most important to me, and they should be to you too. If you are the queen in the next few years, the people are the ones that will rejoice. If you do not and someone else takes throne, the people shall be the ones who will miss out," Eragon said logically, Arya smiled.  
"You are forgiven, but please, spare me next time you want to blame someone for unspeakable crimes" Arya said.  
"Done" the queen squealed in delight as she hugged her daughter.  
"As for you! Seize her!" the queen shouted pointing at the still babbling dipshit, the guards came and took her away.  
"You can't do this! I thought you loved me Eragon!" the dipshit yelled as she was dragged away.  
"My heart is for another, Bitch" Eragon said after her. She let out a scream as she was dragged out of sight.  
"As for them, seize them as well! Make them dye their hair green and pierce themselves in unattractive places! Let them never brush their teeth! Give them only chocolate as food! I feel so evil" The queen commanded to the guards to take the other sues. They nodded their heads in agreement and left._

"And then Amowiel dies?" Murtagh asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry, Murtagh," Nasuada said. "It's over. Damn, but I wanted her to suffer."

_And everyone lived happily ever after without the Sues! Bite me Eragon Ridher! I don't give a damn!  
A/N I love dissing this story, it is such fun! Go kiss a cow Eragon Ridher, and as for your name, you should put 'cow ridher' 'cause you and Bessy are meant to be!_

"I love the cow insult," Katrina said. "I just had to put that out there again."

And that is the end of chapter whatever it is. I am so sorry about how long it took me to update. I hope that this nice, long chapter made up for it. (It's sixteen pages on Microsoft Word.) I've been very busy with school, and I went to New York for four days. I'd planned to have this up before then, but that didn't work out because I had a lot of work to do before I left. Anyway, my exams are next week, and then school's over for me, so the updates should come more quickly.

P.S. Who's seen Pirates 3? I love it. Will and Elizabeth actually get characters! I'm so proud of them and the Disney writers. Anyway, here are the review responses.

Mystic Archer Horse: I got your review just before you updated. You really think that? Well, that's a compliment.

Cornelia Claire Chase: Yes, she does. It's quite fun actually.

Jedi Master Evenstar: I'm glad that you liked that. That is a good line. It's the strange logic of men and women. Women rarely like yuri, and men rarely like yaoi, and it's just a gender thing.

C.T. Eleczko: I'm glad that you liked it.

Eragonharrypotterfan: Yes, they were being quite stubborn.

Adi Sagestar: Oh, she admitted to being a troll.

The known author: Well, you know how Sues love random parties. And yes she did say that. You're the only person who's pointed that out. Have a cookie. That's why I almost called the chapter "Promise Broken."

: Nice idea. I might just do that. Actually, I had another idea for him. I might combine your idea with my idea or something like that. I read anti-Eragon websites sometimes. They're funny, and they make good points. It's a readable and enjoyable book, but Harry Potter, Tamora Pierce's books, and Lord of the Rings are all much better works.

Beowulf-Cryptic: I'm glad that you love fake reviews. I'm also glad that you liked my last chapter.

Bushes283: Do you have the softback edition? I looked it up in mine, and I couldn't find it. Ah, gotta love to be annoyed by and laugh at old Sluggy.

QueenOfTheUnknown: I'm glad that you liked it. I wrote an Arya x Durza once. I found that it wasn't so far-fetched. I've also read some good stuff, and it makes sense in a weird way. Abby says that there's a syndrome when you fall in love with your captor.

Kitty and Amethyst: Thanks.

Anda Faith: Those moments were fun to write. Thanks for being understanding.

Bananasrokk: Oh yeah. The Beatles are great. I think that my favorite songs by them are "Nowhere Man," "Come Together," and "We Can Work It Out," but I like most of their stuff. And yeah, they're old.

Mecha Scorpion: Actually, she did acknowledge it by saying that it was very good, and she was trying to salvage what was left of her dignity. If I wrote out the sex-scene, I'd have to up the rating. Unless it was that immature, but it's been said to have been plagiarized from a romance novel, so it probably isn't. Well, I've gotten complaints about the language. Maybe…my mom does have lots of romance novels that she doesn't know that I sometimes read. I'm glad that you liked Orik's one comment. I'm glad that you liked it. Your criticism makes me work harder, so keep it up.

Ladyaymie: I couldn't resist that. I'm glad that you liked it.

Devouring Sarcasm Phantasm: Thanks. I try to make it hilarious.

Weridness: Thanks.

Sunkistgurl10: Well, I'm glad that you liked it. I didn't notice it until I reread Eragon. And feel free to leave a review for Eragon Ridher.

Invaderm: I'm glad that you liked the kiss. I felt like making them do it already. I had to make that happen. The story needed new levels of sickness.

Cassie Winchester: I have two surprises for you all. I don't know how long I'll continue this, but it could potentially go on for quite some time.

Queenmab: I think that Eragon Ridher's scarier than they are. Then again, you can't beat, "Hey, guess what guys? I have syphilis." That was possibly the dumbest moment in that whole movie. Ah, gotta love to hate it.

Izumi-chan: Oh yeah. Eragon did. That happens to him a lot in this story. And I gave him lots and lots of attention in this chapter. I'm glad that you liked the kiss scene by the way.

Insanity-taken-to-new-lengths: Thanks. I think…

Stripysockz: Yeah, they'll probably all need a whole lotta therapy. I'm glad that you liked the Murtagh/Nasuada kiss, and the Eragon/Trianna kiss just happened. I would never stop updating altogether.

Adi Sagestar: I'm glad that you think so.

Du.Sundavar.Brisingr: Well, you left a short review. I'm glad that you liked it.

BobMcBobinton: I liked some of it. I was just incredibly bored. I do pity Lifaen and Narí. Sorry that you don't like the hacks. Next one'll be back to normal.

Hunting Mary Sue Since 1992: I'm glad that you like this spoof. I tried to make it as horrendous as possible. I like writing the character interactions too. And of course you can write a hack.

Saddened Fae: Hey, Nyx. Yeah, the Happy Feet thing is kinda sad. I actually have a half elf too. I hope that he isn't a Sue. I don't think that he is. They're not necessarily Sues. Yours probably aren't. I'm glad that you liked the Murtagh/Nasuada kiss by the way.

CheeseyGoodness: That's what this fic is supposed to do: amuse and disturb. I hope that you liked this chapter by the way.

Azulcat: Sorry about that. That's totally true about Mary and Gary Sues. Yeah, I had to have Amowiel cheat on him and get away with it. I needed something sickening. And I'm glad that you liked the kiss scene. And the fast typing thing seems to have worked for you.

Fredsonetrueluv: I want to see Borat, but my older cousin told my mom that it's way too inappropriate for me. Only a year and a half until I'm seventeen and can see whatever I want. I'm glad that you liked the kiss scene. I decided to have Galbatorix be the most ticked off at Arya because she's been rebelling against him the longest and because she escaped from and helped kill his right-hand man. As for the Narcissa thing, that's my mom and mine's idea. My friend Natalie has a countdown too. She did it for the sixth one as well. She and I used to get into fights about how many days were left.

Fallen-Yuki: Well, I guess that I'm getting better at typing fast. They'll get around to saving the world soon. After more meaningless sex.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Thanks. I'm glad that you're all supporting me on the updating thing now.

DaggerPen: I'm glad that you liked it. Sugar high is fun.

CaramelBoost: I just write the foreplay for the rating's sake. It's okay about the updating thing. I just got mad for a moment.

WWMTgirl: Well, nobody can spell my last name, so I understand how Leila feels. I like Lifaen too. I felt bad about what I did to him and Narí, but it had to be done. Sure, you can just call Amowiel A. It's meant to be ridiculously long and hard to spell. Wow. Amy has interesting habits. My friend Amy wouldn't approve. You can't cuss or make a dirty joke in her presence (that's how Kate, Abby, and I annoy her), and she insists that Will had character in the second Pirates movie. She's great though. I'm also glad that you liked the Murtagh/Nasuada kiss.

Random Little Writer: Well, I had to make it even worse. I'm glad that you liked the kiss scene.

Spiritual Bob: Thanks. I didn't, and I'm sorry for that.

Mariano's-twins: Thanks for that and the hack. As for Murtagh/Nasuada, it's suggested in Eragon when Eragon visits Murtagh in his "cell" and Murtagh starts talking about how Nasuada was pretty, poised, etc. and again in Eldest when Nasuada says that she liked Murtagha great deal, enjoyed his company, and expresses sorrow for his plight.

Nihilst09: Well, that's how this fic is meant to be.


	18. Pansies

Pansies

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you. And I would like to thank Crazyroninchic for her idea of the interlude where a male character discusses his love for the Mary Sue. I would also like to thank the countless Suethors who have done the same thing.

Eragon stared glumly at the fluffy pink horror in his hands. Who would have thought that a simple-minded, hormonal teenager like Eragon Ridher could drive him to hate a color with such a fiery passion? He was dreading this chapter. He had no idea what would end up happening to him, and he knew that he wouldn't be lucky enough to get a hack.

"Well, here goes," he said.

"Oh, just get it over with," Galbatorix mumbled.

_Well since I'm finally back aftr some other pitch bhakced into my account. And she is a bithc It waoon't happen agin cause I just gut the most fullpoof password. It's the anem of the character I hat ethe most. And Ill pet nobody nos who that is. _

"Oh, I'm her new password," Arya said sarcastically. "How wonderfully joyous."

_And has to the hacker, fuck her to the enth power quared. Ihate your fuking gust. And how dare you hack my account. HTatisn't even illegal. Oh, fuck off. _

_Well, now tht I'm donee evenging my work, heres the chappie. It's in Eragon's POV _

The blue rider looked up at Trianna for an explanation.

"I think it means point of view," the sorceress said.

"Oh no," Eragon said.

"Read it," Galbatorix growled.

Eragon assumed a pouting expression that Trianna found very cute and began to read again.

_Ilooked at the beyootiful girl at me side. _

"Oh, now I talk like an illiterate city boy?" Eragon asked.

_You mean instead of a formerly illiterate country boy? _Saphira asked.

Eragon rolled his eyes at his dragon.

_Glad to see that you've finally taken up insulting your rider, _Thorn said. _It's such an amusing pastime. _

_I suppose that it is, _Saphira admitted.

"Murtagh, why is your dragon corrupting my dragon?" Eragon demanded.

"That's Thorn for ya," Murtagh replied.

"Why are you not reading?" Galbatorix screamed.

Eragon resumed reading, looking very scared.

_She was ooooooooooo sutiful. _

"I wonder if she means sluttiful, which really isn't a word, or beautiful, which she already said," Angela interrupted.

_Either case is tragic, _Solembum said. _She's either started making up words like you, and she's doing it in a very uncreative and insulting manner, or she's repeating herself yet again. _

"She's calling herself beautiful. That much is obvious considering how vain she is," Angela said.

"As for me, I'll pretend that it was sluttiful," Trianna said. "She's called me a hussy too many times for my taste."

Galbatorix just glared at all of them, and Eragon started to read again.

_I lov her soooooooooooooo much hhhhhhhhhhhhhh. _

"Excuse me if I throw up," Roran mumbled.  
"I'll be right behind you," Murtagh said.

"You two suck," Eragon said.

_I mean, she's sooooooooooooo spechulful. HSe's smart, intteligetnt, and genous. _

_Am I the only who finds it ironic that misspelled most of those words? _Solembum asked.

Everyone shook their heads.

_And she's prefect rpetty too., _

"Akh Gûnteraz Dorzada, we've heard that again and again and again and again!" Orik shouted.

_Her longebony black hair with it's prefct prett blond highlihtsthat are ALL NATURAL (A/n: taks that flamez) is soooooooooooooo soft an dlong and pretty and perfect. Her violet eyes ale fluecked with gold and blue like the sky. _

"The sky is purple?" Katrina asked.

_Maybe in her world, _Solembum said.

"That would explain a lot," Angela agreed.

_Her skin is sooooooooooo lcear and smooth and soft and unbemlished. _

"Why must so have soooooooooooooo many letters?" Orrin asked.

"It's just the way she is, I suppose," Nasuada said sadly.

_And ot'n get me started on her boyd. _

"Ugh," Eragon added.

"Is it soooooooooooooooooooooooo perfect?" Trianna asked.

"Actually, she says that it's totally perfect," Eragon said.

"I can't wait to hear about it," Galbatorix said.

"You are sick," Murtagh shouted.

Galbatorix looked at him.

"I mean, she's your daughter," Murtagh said.

"I'll ignore your sarcasm and pretend that it isn't all your fault that I'm here," Galbatorix told him.

"I asked you to leave, but noooooooo. We had to stay here and listen to this," Murtagh said.

Nasuada walked over to him and kissed him.

"Not again," Orik mumbled.

"Feel better?" Nasuada asked.

"Oh yeah," Murtagh said.  
"So do I," she said. "Keep reading, Eragon."

_It's lyke totally prefecgt. Her vurves are awesome and in all the right place. _

"If I had a crown for every time a Sue had that phrase, I could buy Galbatorix here off of his throne," Trianna remarked.

_Her breasts arre sooooooooooooooooooo pgib. Her butt is mall and tite and sute. Her legs are long as something treally firkcing long. (A/N: Sorryi couldn't think of anything else.) And she's soooooooooooooooo thin. She's thin enough to be inorexic bu tin a good way. _

"Inorexic?" Katrina asked.

"I think that she means anorexic," Trianna said. "It's some type of disorder from this world where you don't enough because you think that you're too fat."

"Then how is "thin enough to be anorexic" a compliment?" Arya asked.

"It isn't," Trianna replied.

_Well, no wonder it's a problem in that world, _Saphira sniffed.

"Stop discussing her lack of taste and keep reading. This must end soon," Galbatorix shouted.

_And don't' enen get me started her sex talenst. _

"If I get sick, will somebody else take over for me?" Eragon begged.

Nobody raised their hands.

"Trianna?" he begged.

"I like you, Eragon. I really do. Just not that much," Trianna said.

Eragon pouted.

"Fine," Trianna sighed. "If you throw up, I'll read for you."

_She gieves such hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh great head. _

"I had to read about that in chapter three," Orik said, raising his hand.

"Well, don't brag about it," Angela said.

"And she thinks that my race is voyeuristic," Arya said.

"It's hard to forget," Orik mumbled.

_And did I mention her big tits? _

"Yep," Trianna said. "A whole lot of times."

_And she's great to fuck both ways._

And that was when Eragon, Roran, and Murtagh simultaneously lost their respective lunches.

Twenty minutes later, everything was cleaned up, and they were all feeling up to going back to the story.

"Trianna, I won't make you keep your promise," Eragon said bravely.

"No, Eragon…" the sorceress began to protest.

"No," Eragon said, "really. You don't deserve this."  
"Thank you," Trianna said.

_I mean, I've talked about hwo great her but is but I ahvne't mentioned her yo u-know-what. _

Arya started shaking her head. She looked at all of the men there.

"Is there anything that can be special about that?" she asked.

None of the men looked well enough to answer.

_IT's such a perfect passage. It don't even have to prep her much. _

"That's probably because the little slut was sleeping around before she took your virginity," Murtagh teased.

"Whose slut had a three way with two elves?" Eragon asked Murtagh.

"Point taken," Murtagh said.  
"Besides, I don't care if she cheats," Eragon said.

"Neither do I," Murtagh agreed.

Eragon then took a deep breath and began to finished.

_Anyway, it's not all about sex great as tht is. _

_Could've fooled me, _Thorn muttered.

_There's also deep meaniful discussion. _

"What deep, meaningful discussion?" Orrin asked. "I haven't heard any deep meaningful discussion. Was there deep, meaningful discussion taking place before I came in and was hit in the head with that monstrosity by Arya? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Orrin," Nasuada said, "there was none."

"Oh," Orrin said.

"Eragon Ridher was probably too lazy to write it," Trianna said.

"And why must everyone remind of my moment of book-throwing weakness?" Arya asked.  
"It's a nice change from your usual emotionless state," Orik said. "Why don't you elves share feelings?"

"Orik, when was the last time that you, a supposedly manly dwarfen smith, shared your feelings?" Arya asked.

Orik screwed up his face in concentration. "I think with my fiancée Hvedra."

"Stop discussing her lack of coherency and just read already!" Galbatorix shouted.

"That's not fair," Arya protested. "I have to read next."  
"I realized that, elf," Galbatorix said with a maniacal grin on his face.

Arya leaned farther back into her chair.

_Lyke about the fate of Alagaesha and such. I mean, it's really really menainful to her, what with hwo Galbrattleax's men killed her mom. Addn we talk aobut what a bitch Arya is. _

"Oh, yes," Arya said sarcastically, "how very deep and meaningful."

_We also talk bout battle strageties. We cant lose with her on our size. She's tooooo perfect for tha. _

"_Estelena, I love you," I say to her sleeping form. _  
_"I know Eri-munchkins," my lurve says as she swkae._

_Her violet eyes are even lovelier with hteir green fleckes that I never noticed before. _

"So her eyes are violet, golden, blue, and green?" Orrin asked.

"That's about right," Angela replied.

"That's not possible," the Surdan king stated.

"Do you think she cares?" Arya asked.

"No," the Surdan king replied.

"_Estelena, KI love your mor than eanything," Eragon said. _

"_Aw, I know youdo," Estelena told her love. "I love you that much too, Gonny-Wonny. Now, let's go back to sleep. IT's alte and whe had busy nithgt."  
Eragonnodded and they went to sleep in each other's arms. _

"_We can do it in the morning though, right?" Eragon asked, looking lik an oadoralbe puppy. _

"_O yeah, "Estelena said sexily. _

"And that is your scene, Arya," Eragon said.

"I do pity you," he added when he saw her expression.

"Eragon," Murtagh said.

"What?" the blue rider asked.

"You were more of a pansy than I was in the chapter when I had a nightmare," Murtagh teased.

"I AM NOT A PANSY!" Eragon shouted.

"In this reality, you are," Arya said, holding up the book. She handed it back to him and said, "You forgot about the author's note and the review responses."

_And ehre are the lovely review response. If I cusss at your, your goffs deserve it. And I hope htat y9ou thaet chapter. I though thtat Eragon needed to rexpress his love for Estelena and exlain why he loved her. _

"Well, you didn't need to explain it, and you didn't," Eragon said. "You just disgusted all of us."

_Anyhoo…Murty coems saback next chapter. _

"No!" Murtagh screamed.

When everyone looked at him weirdly, he simply said, "I know what I'm in for once I come back, and I'm not looking forward to it."

_Saddened Fae: Fukc you and Janpenese. Oh and fuck the hacker. _

_QueenOfTheUnknown: Fukc you for liking it. At least ya hate Eragon/Arya. Uck Uck cYuck. _

_ILUVERAGON: I now, right? Your'e sooooooooooo nice to me. Cookies!_

_Jedi Master Evestar: Oh fuck you. Ll Hakcers suck. Least ya don't like slahs. _

_DaveDieMotomiya: eah, I know wshe si. Thank for agreing. Yeah, Amowiel is cool, and Raeynne got cool. FInlly. SOmeon who pities Avaliana. _

"Well, I don't pity my fake sister," Arya muttered.

_And I agree with eveyrhting else you said. Slahs is sasty. And I lov eth enickmane dragon head too. _

_Terry Goodkind Anti-Shur'tugal: Eragon fucking urcks! Duh! You'rse an idiot. I'm not even gonna respond to the rest of whate you say And suck of about Eragon. He's my fave fcharrie. _

_Azulcat: I know, but thanks to me ew rerurity it won't happen again. It is this time., I unno how these stupid hacker sdo it. _

_Bad Influence: It wasn't menat to befunny. _

_Stripysockz: No odn't like her. Fukc all who like the hacker. And what is wrong with likeing to suck on lemons? _

_Queen of Aweseomness; I know hse did. Thanks ofr you defnes.e _

_Grey flames: The hacker did not do well. Your'e sso stupid. pIpity you. Or I would if I didn't hat you so much. _

"And here you go, Arya," Eragon said. His voice was full of pity for the poor elf.

And here are my review responses. My exams are over! Woot! Sorry that this chapter wasn't so long. I decided that Eragon needed to suffer more. And don't worry. When it's Murtagh's turn to read, he's getting one of these chapters.

Saddened Fae: Glad that you liked it. And sugar rocks. Yeah, I think that Dragon Head's the worst nickname for him though. You'll love Pirates 3, by the way. And, yes, Orrin is lucky to be dead.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Oh, okay. I didn't realize that. Well, good luck with your story. And I had a hard time choosing who suffered the most, but I picked Orrin for the reasons that you specified. Well, the Eragon/Trianna thing came up on a whim, and I decided that it was better than Eragon/Arya.

Weras12: I'm glad that you liked the hack even though I didn't write it. And sorry, but I just don't like Eragon/Arya. She's way too old for him, and they have nothing in common.

Jedi Master Evenstar: Yeah, I decided that I might as well make it really long because it had taken me so long to update it.

Du Shur'tuglar Freohr: I agree with you about Eragon/Trianna. That's why it's in here.  I'm glad that you like how I've mimicked Suethors. And I like the idea for the torture thing. The sadism is fun to write too. And I'd love a hack from you. I've seen your reviews on other fics where you tell writers whether their characters are Sues or not.

Kitty and Amethyst: I think that everyone loves to see them suffer. I can't wait for the hack, and I loved Pirates 3 too.

Sunkistgirl10: I thought that that was rather clever on Mariano's-girl's part. Cool about Pokeman. My boyfriend, his friend, and my friend Paige all love it.

Spiritual Bob: Yeah, I like hack chapters too. Less work for me! LOL.

Niham: I don't know why people keep writing Sues. I guess that it's just a young writer thing. I'm also glad that you like the Murtagh/Nasuada thing.

MissMonkey91: Yeah, I have, and I loved it. And, yes, that is where that part came from. You're the first person to mention that to me.

Whispering Lilies: Thanks. I'm glad that you liked the hack even though I didn't write it.

Claire Cornelia Chase: Wow. You're lucky. I love the hackers too. They save me some work. LOL.

Prettybella: I'm glad that you think that Mariano's-girl did a good job. Will and Liz actually annoyed me less in this new Pirates movie. I thought that they had more to do even if the pirate king thing was a little cheesy. Then again, she only got it because of Jack, and the rest of the pirates mutinied and released Calypso.

: Thanks.

Cassie Winchester: Thanks. And as for the movie, I think that Jack was the best that he's ever been. "My peanut!" LOL.

Queenmab: Yeah, it was. And poor Arya is really suffering.

Izumi-17: Yeah, it did, and so did Mariano's line.

Za Webmaster Authoress: They probably will make a fourth one. It's too good a franchise, and they left it hanging, so yeah. I'm glad that you liked the Eragon/Trianna thing.

Azulcat: Yeah, that's probably why they're so long. I'm glad that you like it though. And, no, I didn't see that. I usually just use Google. And as for that word, I don't remember what it was supposed to be. It probably was defended.

Brix: I heard about that scene. I wish that I'd stayed to see it. They should put up a big sign that says, "Stay through the obscenely long credits to see the really cool scene at the end." But of course they won't. And I'd love the cookie.

Invaderem: Well, this was what I thought of next. And, yes, I am trying to make it bad.

CaramelBoost: I did too. I thought that the cow insults were good too. Mariano's-girl did a good job. I'm glad that you liked the "who suffered most" thing. I thought that Orrin did because he's been both hated and screwed, and that hasn't happened to most people. Stripysockz: Yeah, I loved it when Jack took the map, and they took the Pearl. I'm glad that you liked the kisses, threats, and stories. And I just couldn't resist that line.

Bushes283: I believe you. A couple other people told me about that too.

Du.Sundavar.Brisingr: Oh, it's fine. Yeah, Mariano's-girl did do a good job with the hack and with the romance.

Subeiko: Yeah, I rather dislike Eragon/Arya too, but it was good in the hack. I had to give Katrina a dark side, and the "who suffered most" thing was a tough call for me too. I picked Orrin because he's been hated and screwed.

Adi Sagestar: Well, Orrin's been hated and screwed, and she doesn't even think that she knows his name. Nobody else has had it that bad.

Anda Faith: Thanks so much, and Jack Sparrow is my future husband. Along with Murtagh, Remus, Sirius, and Mo, but that's okay.

DaggerPen: Thanks, and get over it. My exams are done, so I'll be updating more frequently.

Random Little Writer: LOL. Thanks. Well, the ExA stuff was Mariano's-girl's but you know.

Wannabeanauther: I'll do that. I'm glad that you like it. I'm also glad that you like the romance.

Cheesey Goodness: It's probably a very long story. And, no, Eragon Ridher cannot control her password.

Mariano's-twins: Yeah, but it was a good hack anyway. Considering you're French, your grammar was pretty good. Just remember that in English, you always capitalize the word I wherever it is in a sentence. Sorry. I just had to say that.

AppaAandMomoForever: The hacker thanks you. And who are Appa and Momo?

DIE BITCH: I completely agree. My friend Amy actually thinks that he had a character before this one.

Eragonharrypotterfan: I love hacks too. They save me work. LOL.


	19. UnJustice Part 1

Un-justice Part 1

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you. And, yes, I know that the correct form of the word in the chapter title is injustice, but Eragon Ridher thinks that what happens in this chapter is justice, but it's not. Basic story, no, she is not taking over my mind and destroying my grammar skills.

Arya sat there, grimacing.

"Just read, damn it!" Galbatorix shouted.

Arya glared at the king and began to read.

_Estelena woke up cerily. She looked out the windo, opened it, and stared singing along with the irds. _

_Gonny-Wonnyg wok p and stared at her. She was soooooooooooo beautiful. _

"And we've all heard that a million times, specifically, last chapter, and I think that I can skip this part recounting how lovely her voice is," Arya said.

"She didn't have Eragon mention her voice last chapter," Angela remarked.

"You know, the voice thing might have enhanced the whole part where he was describing her talents in bed," Orrin remarked.

Everyone was gaping at him.

"Figures," Trianna muttered.

Everyone looked at her questioningly. She simply shrugged and looked at Arya, who finally decided to start reading.

"Because Orrin wants to hear it, I'll read the part describing her voice," Arya said.

"No, I don't," Orrin protested. "I was just making a comment."  
"Too bad," Arya said.

Eragon started sobbing.

"Eragon, it can't as bad as last chapter," Trianna said. "Just think of last chapter."

Eragon threw up once again. Trianna's eyes widened.

"Don't mention last chapter," Katrina whispered to her. "It was disgusting."

"I noticed," Trianna said. "Eragon, I'm sorry."  
"It's fine," Eragon said as he magically cleaned the floor. "You were trying to cheer me up, and it didn't work."

"Well, now that you've all made up and finished jerking off in my presence, would you mind letting the elf continue?" Galbatorix asked.

"I don't like seeing them kiss and vomit either, but you don't see me complaining," Angela muttered. "In fact, I never complain even when everyone has to broadcast their personal life to me and tell me all of their ridiculous woes."

_That is why I am so glad that I'm not you, _Solembum said. _I just make sarcastic comments. It's a fun job._

"Stop complaining!" Arya shouted. "I'm the one who's reading."

Everyone shut up, and Arya went on to read about Estelena's wonderful voice.

_Her voice was sooooooooo perfect and lovely and wonderful and orgasmic. _

"Does everything with this woman have to be an innuendo?" Murtagh asked.

_Yes,_ Thorn said.

_Too bad she wans't scrming his name. I mean, sngin g it. LOL. _

_Anyhoo, leni turned round and saw Gon-Gon drolling over her, so she wlaked over to him and climbe don top of him. They bagan to make out passionately. Anyhoo, the go rite down to the durty cause theyw ere already nakced from last night. _

_Now, back iwt Amowiel. _

_She wok up between her too elf hotties. She smild prttily. Las nithg had been gret, but nither was as good as Murtag. Anyhoo, she gut up and left the wo gusy alone in their bed. (A/n: yeah, I said their bed. Hey Cp didn't say that they weren't bi.)_

_Is it just me, or is she out to dishonor every single elf in the entire fandom? _Saphira asked.

"I'd say that she is,"Eragon agreed dully. "Why must they be made to mate with each other and her?"

"I thought that she said she didn't like that kind of stuff," Katrina remarked.  
"If you remember, she also said that she didn't like three-ways," Orik put in.

"This girl has no memory function whatsoever," Orrin remarked.

_Amowiel stoppe,dkissed her elves, and ran out. When she got back to her hous, Murtag was standin there. _

"_Miss you!" she said bightly. _

_Murtag just laughed an kissed her. _

_After they borke upart, Amowiel sexily asked, "Wnna do I in the ass?"_

"_Sure," Murtag said. _

_(A/N: Sorry if this scene sin' that god. Theres not romanc novel with dog-se scene. I don' get it.)_

And then Murtagh threw up. All over Arya, that is. (A/N: I'm having an Eragon Ridher moment. Forgive me. Anyway, I think that people need to stop throwing up. Maybe going into seizures? Any suggestions would be welcome.)

After the disgruntled elf cleaned herself off, she resumed her reading.

"I'll skim this part for all of our sakes," Arya said. What she really meant was that she didn't want to be thrown up on, but her selfishness can be excused in this case.

Once that was over, they were back with Leni and Gon-Gon.

_Bakc with Leni nad Gon0Gon. _

"_Eri-nuncking," Estelena said. _

Murtagh snickered.  
"Yes, Murtagh?" Arya asked, raising an overly described, sculpted eyebrow.

"He has a new nickname," Murtagh said.

"I just realized that I'm the only male in the entire room who doesn't have a nickname and whose name she can actually spell," Orik put in.  
"Congratulations," Murtagh said.

"She just forgot an h in your name," Nasuada pointed out.

"True," Murtagh agreed. He was trying very hard not to remember Anunada and Nadudi.

"_What is it, Leni-kins?" Gonny-Wonny asked. _

"_We ned to do summing about Arya," Estelena told him. _

"_OMGF you'r write!" Eragon ejaluted. _

"And any male in this room who makes a joke about that word will be hit with this book," Arya said, holding up "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha."

Orik and Roran both looked particularly disappointed. Orik even muttered something that sounded suspiciously like, "Fun-sucking elf."

_I mean, lyke, she's in jal and al, bu we need ta do something bout her." Estelena dlcared. _

"_She shoul be excuted!' Eragon souted. "Yo, elfs. We nee to execut arya for her hienus crime against Pincess Avaliana!"_

"_YeaH!" they all thousted. _

"Elves don't simply execute people," Arya said. "There has to be a trial."

"_Do you think that ehy ned a trial?" Raeynne ,still a sipthis) asked Roran from her window. A/n; they can hear wha't soing son gcause Eragon shouted reall loudly)_

_Roran thought about. (An: Haha. THunk about something? Roran? Yeah right.)_

"I do too think about things!" Roran shouted, standing up. "How else could I have saved my entire village and led them to safety?"

"I'm still stewing over the fact that I don't even get a trial," Arya said.

"_nah, swettie,too good," Roran told her. _

"_Well, bout th Roran, last night was fun and all, but I don't think we shold so it again any time soon. I mean I coan't get prego right now. We' int hemiddle of a war and…"_

"_Okay," roran said He was slight relived. Raeynne prolly wasn't gonna og unprudith too mch. And who swans to have sex with a rpoud? Well, leas thse wans't a prudish haussy like Naudadi._

"I am breathing. I am being calm. I am setting an example for my people. I am used to the fact that she still cannot spell my name," Nasuada muttered to herself.

Murtagh was looking at her with something close to admiration. Here he'd gone sadistic and, she was trying to move on.

"I am…Oh forget it. Arya, may I please try to throw that book out the window again?" Nasuada asked.  
"No," Orrin put in. "I do not want to get hit on the head again, and those windows aren't glass. They're made of this new substance that I found that's much more durable than glass."

"That would explain a lot, that would," Orik said as he nodded his head and fingered his axe, which had been dented when he'd tried to break open the window and escape.

Arya decided to continue reading.

_Ween Isadi. Was standing there. She ws reaing a domcment. "As mu as it pains me to say this—Not my supused daughter Arya has committed treason again my real daughter, Avaliana and led to her death and such. Anyhoo, just kill her now and get if over with. _

_And they beheded the dipshit ARya. Well, thank god that's ove.r _

_Thn Estelena got up and aounced an exectuio party. _

"She has destroyed all that is good about my race!" Arya screamed suddenly, throwing the book in Orrin's general direction. He ducked, the book sailed over his head, bounced off the door, and then hit Orrin in the back of the head. After he was revived, the Surdan king asked a very good question:  
"Why does this always happen to me?"

Everyone shrugged and went back to their business, i.e. reading the book.

"Do I even get an apology?" Orrin demanded.

"I'm sorry, your majesty," Arya said. "I really am, but I just read about how I was executed by my own mother and how they are going to throw a party to celebrate my death."

"Then by all means, read about it," Galbatorix put in. "Honestly, I'm enjoying this book for the first time since I came in here."

_Oh shit, _Thorn mumbled

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Murtagh asked.

_If you're thinking that we're never going to get out of here and away from this book, then, yes, I am thinking what you're thinking,_ Thorn replied.

"Shut up, you two," Galbatorix shouted. "At least you got kissed. Now, get reading, elf."

"I'm done except for the review responses," Arya replied, an almost maniacal smile on her face. "Sorry, Orrin."  
The Surdan king mumbled something that sounded like, "Why me?"

"Well, here goes the end of my torment," Arya said.  
"You're still listening," Orrin muttered.

Arya ignored him.

_IheartTrianna: WTF? How can you sy that? Estelena, Amowiel, and Raeynne aren't suts. Trianna is!_

"Even I can't think of word to describe how idiotically hypocritical that is," Angela remarked.

_Jeid Mater Evensar: There! I smelled your name rong! Hapy, dushe? Ans they weren't paiseis in that chapter. _

_Stirpysoks: Then theyr good. An I don't suck lmons. I'm not aretard and who says that there are even stds in Alagaesha.And Nasudian sosn't deserve Murtag, which looks stupid with a n h._

_Never insult the dumb spelling of his name, _Thorn mumbled.

"I heard that!" Murtagh shouted. "And the spelling isn't dumb. Hers is."

_Beowufl Criptic: Huh? Math fucking genus. Haha. U got sesnoreed. _(A/N: Please forgive my need to express my opinions about the new censor system. I just happen to find the amusing. Yes, I am too easily amused.)

_Demeanon: OMFG! Thanz gos much. _

_Sadended Fae: Im not in kindergartden. Im in hs, thankz. And fuck off with the sutpiedness._

"See above," Angela said.

Everyone else stared oddly at her.

_Preeytpsarklyprincess: Aw. Thanz for the support. _

_Diedlaughbfd: Sory that yur taste buds died. God die in a ditch. _

_AZULCATLYeah that was the pointe.d _

_The knoewn auther; how could you not read it?_

_Spiritual bob: itasnot on pupose. Wht arrors?_

"Is she blind?" Orik asked.

_That would explain it, _Solembum agreed.

_Apamandmomforver: I'm nut hurting im. I'd led Nasudi die though. And Eri isn't a pany. _

"At least she's defending my manhood," Eragon sighed.  
"Though I don't know why," Murtagh added.

Roran chuckled, and Trianna said, "I do."

Eragon smiled at her.

_Izumi-cha: God, I cn't understand you._

_Brix: Wh's wong with sus? BAND PAGS foring. An fuck off bout Estelena. _

_Bad influcne: It soooooooooooooo possible. And thin is good. Shes not really inoxrexic she's gjust real thin but no tuo thin. And did I witch povs._

_QueenOfTheUnknown: Betch can't. AND ANYTHING CAN BE JUDGEMENTAL!_

_ILUVERAGON: Yeah, I know it wa.s _

_Mystic Archer Horse: That's a lie! And Mary Uses are great. _

"Mary Uses?" Nasuada asked.

"I love it almost as much as I'm-A-Whale," Murtagh remarked.

_Zartracthedarkone: I am not sex obeseed. _

"I beg to differ!" Murtagh shouted.

"I would tell you to calm down, but I can't after what I did this chapter," Nasuada told him.

_How dare ya insult your dgramda? And me too. That' swors.e youre bitch. _

And that's the end of that chapter. Sorry about the lack of update. My mom's been keeping me busy (I got to vacuum and dust my entire house yesterday. Lucky me!), and we're thinking about moving, so I have to go look at houses. And I've had a busy week coupled with writer's block. The only reason that I'm writing this now is because my parents are out, and my brother says that I have ten minutes to finish this chapter because he wants to watch "The Pursuit of Happyness" with me, and I want to watch it too. (I haven't been watching happy movies lately. Well, except for Evan Almighty. The Good Shepherd and The Prestige weren't exactly cheery though.) Not that it matters when we start. I don't think that I've gone to bed earlier than midnight all summer. Anyway, I promise that I will update twice before July 16 when I will be going to London, and I will force myself to keep that promise. And let's have a vote on if I need to up the rating, okay? And there's more injustice next chapter. Let's just say that Oromis and Vanir are going to suffer.

IheartTrianna: Sorry that I couldn't make the heart symbol. Thanks. I'm glad that you like it.

Jedi Master Evenstar: Nice theory. My friend Abby and I have been debating about how the curse actually works for a while. I'm hoping that deleted scenes will clear it up. And I loved the scene with map just before the credits. Go, Jack!

Cheesey Goodness: When it's his turn to read, he'll get his chapter. And making up words is fine. And I will keep going.

Cassie Winchester: I don't over-study. I don't have the discipline. Oh well. I did pretty well on my exams. And whenever I got distracted while studying, I wrote some of this.

Stripysockz: Thanks. I tried to make it that way. I thought that that would be a good line to add because Eragon has to blame everything on Murtagh.

Weras12: Thanks.

Du Shur'tuglar Freohr: That's the spirit! I'll use yours as soon as I can.

Beowulf Cryptic: Thank you. Thank you very much. bows I think that Eragon Ridher's made me sadistic.

Demeanon: Oh, it was fine. Believe me. I don't like my alter-ego. I just have a joke with my friend Kit that someday, she'll take over my mind. And you got your response from ER. I hope that you liked it.

Saddened Fae: Yeah, but he can be pretty vain. Sorry about your exams. And thanks so much. My summer is awesome so far.

Invaderem: Thanks. Always glad to hear that I'm doing my job.

Diedlaughing.bfd: Oh, it's okay.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Oh, Murtagh's chapter won't come for a while. And as for How to Make Legolas Crazier, I'll speak to Amy about that.

Niham: Thanks. And I think that I saw that fic. It looked like a troll to me. I don't know though.

Fredsonetrueluv: I'm happy to see that I've been doing my job. Sorry about that.

Random Little Writer: Thanks. Have fun.

Azulcat: It was meant to be disgusting, but I'm glad that it turned out to be funny. I'm glad that you liked those two words.

The known author: It's not like ER has a plot. Hey, she and I have something in common other than age!

Eragonharrypotterfan: Oh, Eragon always has to suffer. As do they all. And, yes, I've seen your chapters. They're not that short. You should update soon by the way.

Adi Sagestar: That's what Murtagh's going to read the one in his point of view. Because it makes them suffer. And you won't believe what Galby is going to read in a few chapters.

Spiritual Bob: No, it's not weird. The only weird thing about Estelena's hair is that it's "natural." And I'm glad that you love the spelling mistakes. They're fun for me.

Whispering Lilies: Yeah, it is fun.

The Petulant Purple Princess: Oh, it's fine. Take your time.

Kitty and Amethyst: Thanks. Um, that's nice. side step side step side step LOL. JK.

CaramelBoost: Yeah, it was meant to be that way. And how could they not complain about that?

: Yeah, it's get spiced up next chapter.

AppaAndMomoForever: Thanks for the explanation.

Izumi-chan: Oh, he deserves pity too.

Mariano's-twins: Thanks. I'll check out your fic.

ThePurpleRose: Thanks.

Subeiko: Well, Arya/Durza can definitely be a doable and good pairing. I hope that that happens in your Re Eragon fic. I have a feeling that it will. I'm glad that you liked that chapter. I couldn't resist putting in something stupid like that.

Brix: I'm glad that you liked his reaction. And I never mind reviews for Eragon Ridher.

Dagger Pen: It's actually Alsdssg, but it's fine. I have a hard name to remember, I know. QueenOfTheUnknown: That's definitely true. I'm glad that you liked that chapter.

Mystic Archer Horse: Yeah, I knew that it was pointless, but I didn't know what else to write, and it seemed like a good idea. I'm glad that you liked it.

Sunkistgirl: Thanks.


	20. UnJustice Part 2

Un-justice Part 2

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you.

"Well, at least I have the book, so nobody can hit me with it," Orrin said as he stared down at the frilly pink horror that is "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha."

_Estelena ws in her room getting ready. Sje was looing even more betufiul than before. Her black-blond hair was up in a bretty neat messy bun. _

"Ah, yet another contradiction," Angela remarked. "I wonder which one that is."

"Well, that has to be worse than paleishly tan. Hey, Eragon, yours has a worse contradiction than mine. It's her hair, and not her skin tone," Murtagh said almost gleefully. Please, take note of the almost.

"No, she was just describing her bun," Eragon retorted.

"Well, her hair is two different colors," Murtagh protested.

"I personally think that they're both excellently awful contradictions and that you two should stop fighting," Katrina put in.

"I agree," Nasuada said. She wanted to avoid any fights between Eragon and Murtagh as well.

"You know, my supposed daughters are really doing me a favor, as scary as that is," Galbatorix remarked.

_Can you at least try to be cynical about this? _Solembum begged. _Everyone else is. _Then he remembered that he was a werecat and that werecats don't beg, so he shut up, and Orrin resumed reading.

_Her dark violet-blue-green eeys were rimmed with mesera and eyeliner. _

"Violet-blue-green?" Orik asked. "That's just not possible."

"Neither is execution without a trial among my people," Arya said stiffly.

_Her dres was thigh-hig, brite violete, with pink strekes, and w really low nickline. _

"So, she still looks like more of a hussy than Nasuada, Arya, and I could ever look," Trianna remarked. "That's nice to know."

_When she walkd downthe septs,s he saw her sis and saw that she lookd just as betuiflu. Amowiel was wearing a red jhalter dress with a hankrcheif hem and vneckline. Her green-black eyes were loso covered with mascara and eyelinger evne though she didn't really sneed them, it just mad her look better._

"_Wow!" Estelena ejcluteted. _

"Akh Gûnteraz Dorzada, now she's experiencing pleasure because of her sister!" Orik exclaimed.

"Personally, I don't mind the change," Eragon remarked.

"Neither do I," Trianna said.

"_you look godd enough to do cept that would slah ans incest and I got Gonny-Wonny."_

"_Ditto, cept I got Taggy-hunny," Amowiel sia djust as brightly/ _

Murtagh promptly began to bang his head against the chair at the mention of his nickname while Thorn snickered.

_Finaly Raeynne came donew. Evne though she'd spen the most itme getting ready, she didn't looke as soogood as Estelena and Amowiel. _

"Why do I get the not-so-special one?" Roran asked.

"You get me," Katrina said.

"I meant in the fic," Roran whimpered. "You're dead in it, and all I get is the less-than-perfect one. Besides, I get you in real life, and I like it that way." He quickly got up from his seat and hugged Katrina, who settled down immediately. Thankfully neither of the two saw Eragon pretending to vomit behind them.

_She was wering a blueish greenish purlish whit dress. And her hair was in prudish pun. Well, les the di it. _

"Why is virginity so underrated in this story?" Trianna inquired suddenly.

"You're asking that?" Orrin blurted out before he thought about it. "I mean, that's a good question."

"Did you sleep with him?" Nasuada asked incredulously. Orrin really didn't seem to be Trianna's type. At all.

"No!" they both said defensively.  
"That's good enough for me," Eragon said.

"He's so naïve," Murtagh mumbled.

"I'll keep reading then," Orrin said loudly.

_Anyhoo, now that I'm done telling you about heir autfits…_

"That process was a little long-winded for my tastes," Angela sniffed.

…_here's what heppend at the party. Warngin! It's grphic. _

_And what hasn't been graphic so far? _Thorn asked. _I don't think that she can get much worse than the scene on my back. _The dragon gave a shudder just as Orrin read, _Even more grapic than the sceen on thorn's back. _

_Wow!_ Saphira said, raising a hypothetical dragonish eyebrow.

_Indeed, _Thorn agreed icily.

Meanwhile, Eragon and Murtagh were both praying that said scene didn't involve them.

_Well, here gos. When they got down to the praty, everyone chreered cause their the daughter os the hero Avaliana._

"And what did she do that I didn't do?" Arya asked.

"Well, based on what I know and what this girl claims, I'd say nothing," Orrin said. "Except for maybe having a jealous little dipshit of a sister, but…"

Arya glared at him, and Orrin screamed, "Don't hit me."

"You have the book, lad," Orik told him.

"Oh," Orrin said embarrassedly. "I knew that. Um, anyway, what I was going to say was that Arya is not a jealous little dipshit except in this story."

"You're forgiven," Arya said composedly, leaning back against her chair.

Orrin looked tempted to ask why he was forgiven but decided against it.

_Anyhoo, there was dancing. As usual they broke it down tith the gusy. Cept Raeynne had turned bak into a bprude and and wouldn't break it down cept for the low songw where you can't really break it down. _

Every single person in the room was trying to interpret what she'd meant. They gave up quite quickly.

"All that I got from that is that my Sue is still a prude," Roran remarked.

"So if you combine Raeynne and Estelena, you get me?" Nasuada asked.

"If you believe her, but trust me, you're nothing like either one of them," Murtagh told her.

"Thanks," Nasuada said, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek.

Angela discreetly pulled them apart before they could do anything more.

_After thay they acidentlly got separated. _

"Thank you!" all three beloved males screamed.

_Her's what hapedned to Amowiel. _

_She gets so mad at her Taggy-honey for leaving her side for two seconds, so she screws somebody else? _Thorn suggested.

"Let the man read and find out what happens!" Galbatorix shrieked. "I have a feeling that you are going to hate, and so I will like it."

"Shut up, you sadist," Angela said. "Remember, what goes around comes around, and I predict that you will hate what happens next chapter."

Galbatorix gave her a weird look as Orrin began to read again.

_Sudeenly, a sound in the bushed startedl her. she turned and saw Orosis standing behind her. _

_That poor, poor man, _Saphira whimpered.

"_Ew? WTF Ware you doing here you tirty old man?" Amowiel asked. _

"_Now now, don't talek to your maste like that," Orosis said sickenely seductievely. _

"Why must she disgrace all that is good about the elves?" Arya asked as she got down on her knees. Orrin clutched the book against his chest and held on for dear life.

"The dwarves are getting it too!" Orik shouted.

"Actually, Orik," Trianna remarked, "no dwarf has gotten it yet. I'd say that they're the only species in this fic who hasn't gotten it yet."

"Great pun," Murtagh said. He and Trianna both high-fived each other. Hey, the Earthliness is getting to them.

"_I won't slep with you!" Amowiel declred pasiontley. _

"_You slep with Lifaen and Narí," Orik tauned. _

"Wait," Orik said. "I thought that she was referring to the old rider."

"Are you surprised that she made yet another error?" Angela asked.

"No," Orik admitted.

"Well, whichever one of you is doing this, I thank you," Murtagh put in. "Someone needs to tell the slut what she's done wrong."

"_I was lonely!" Amowiel protestd._

"_I don' see Murtag, " Orisis said creeply. _

"_Ah!" Amowiel sceamed. _Magdeleniana help me!1111111111111

_I was wondering when she'd remember her, _Thorn remarked.

_Shame that she did, _Saphira added. _I just hope that she doesn't remember Ohen-Briam._

_With that the totlly awesome grren dragon coame flying to the drscue with Murty and Thorny. They beat Orosis, hwo'd strated to dtrip Amowiel and straddle her to a pulp. _

"You know, if she's so powerful, why does she need rescuing?" Katrina inquired.

"She needs a reason to have her 'twue wub' come to her rescue," Trianna replied.

"Ah," Katrina replied.

"Will I have to rescue mine?" Eragon asked tentatively.

Trianna patted him on the back sadly and said, "Sorry."

Eragon groaned and knocked his head against the back of the chair. He cried out in pain and rubbed his temples.

"How do you do that?" he asked Murtagh.

"Talent," the older man shrugged.

_Stupidity, _Thorn muttered.

"I think it's a bit of both," Nasuada remarked.

"I don't care if one of you is a pansy and the other is a talented idiot!" Galbatorix shouted. "I am enjoying watching her disgrace you damnable elves and the last of the old riders! Now get on with it, rebel king!"

_Now back with Estelena. _

"Oh, shit," Eragon said.

"Arya, you have to stop cursing," Trianna remarked, putting her arm around Eragon affectionately. "Your bad habits are rubbing off on him."

Arya simply fixed the sorceress with an icy glare.

"We can't have you corrupting my little brother, now can we?" Murtagh teased her. Arya gave him the same icy stare, and Murtagh returned.

"Cut the staring contest!" Galbatorix shouted, his left eye twitching slightly.

"That is an enthralling idiosyncrasy," Angela exclaimed.

_Don't get her started, _Solembum groaned. _Please, Orrin, for the love of sanity, please, keep reading. _

Angela gave the werecat a hurt look while Orrin found his place and resumed reading.

_She was wondering round loking forher Gon-Gon when Vanir popped out of nowhre and leand against a tree sexily. Wait. He wasn't exy. Yhe'd been mean to Eri-munchkins!_

"At least she pretends to love me," Eragon mumbled.

"_I hate your fuking guts!" Estelena shcreeched exily. _

"_tto, bad," Vanir said moving forward, pushing her to the ground anf dtripping her while crushing his moth against hers. _

Ohen-Briam! _Estelena shoutd. _

_And then Gonny-Wonny, Saphy-Brighty, and Ohen-Briam came vursting into the clearing and Eragon screamed sexily, "You shlt not touch my lbeloved."_

_Andiwth that Vanir ran away wowering, but Ohen-Briam caught him. _

Aw, he's so manly, _Saphira cooed. _

Meanwhile, the real Saphira was having a conniption. _He…is…not…manly! He's a pathetic excuse to the dragon race for agreeing to let that idiotic slattern ride him. How dare he? How dare she?_

_Calm down, _Thorn said. _It's not _that_ bad. I mean, at least it's not really you. _

_Estelena swuelled in delihg while Ohen-Briam admitted that he'd been late bec uase he'd bene gettingint one with Saphira. _

_I really don't know how to make that better, _Thorn said while Saphira attempted to smash through the impenetrable window. She only succeeded in denting it before Thorn pulled her away from it.

"What is that made of?" Angela asked Orrin.  
"I call it plastic," the Surdan king replied.

"Interesting," Angela replied.

"Get reading, and ignore the crazy dragon," Galbatorix interrupted.

"Eh hem. As I was saying, Your Majesty, did you discover this in your laboratory? It's quite impressive," Angela continued.

Galbatorix's mouth dropped open in shock. She'd openly defied him yet again.

_Just then Thorny, Murty, Amowiel, Magdeleniana felw into the clearing and said, "let's take these ipshits to the queen."_

_An dthey dod so, andthy were executed like Arya. Ithought a trial cause it just wan'st nexecssarry. _

"I don't even like Vanir, and I feel sorry for him," Eragon exclaimed.

"I cannot believe that she would put the only rider of eld left and a well-respected soldier to death without a trial," Arya said.

_You can't? _Solembum asked.

"Well, I can, but still," Arya replied. "She's unbelievable."  
"Yes, she is," Orrin agreed. "Now, let me finish these review responses and then pass this one to Galbatorix."

"He's a king; you're a king. He doesn't need to use 'Your Majesty,'" Angela cut in before Galbatorix could say a single word. He snapped his mouth shut and glared at the herbalist.

_Leila: WTF? Arye's your fa orite cahrry? She's a dipshit. _

"So I've heard," Arya mumbled. "At least somebody likes me."

_Jenna: So was Katrina._

"I am not!" Katrina protested.

"I don't understand why she hates you," Roran exclaimed.

"She's female, and she's canon. That's the best explanation I can give. Oh, and she's with you. We can't forget that," Trianna explained, examining her nails.

_Spiritual Bob: It's nut a parody. _

"Oh, it had better not be," Trianna said. "She can't do this to us as a joke. It's not funny."

Everyone gave her a weird look.

_Didelauhingbfd: They did soo. And I hate you! Haha. Tae that tucker!_

_Mmffylikemuffings: I ffeel sooooooo bad for hyou with her as a gousin. Thanks so much and preps to you. _

_Stripysockz: I will not spell it right! I tolooks stupid right. _

"My names does not look stupid!" Murtagh shouted. When everyone looked at him, he shrugged and said, "Who else do you think she was talking about?"

_C.T. EleckzO: I am not ex-obessed so there. And pellcheck is jumdmenta._

_QueenOfTheUnknown: It is not! And why woudln' cp right bi charays._

_ILUVERAGON: thanks so muc. Gald that you're no t puurde and you like the sex. _

_Galbyrockz: he does not!_

"Yes, I do," Galbatorix said.

"No, you don't," everyone else retorted.

The look on Galbatorix's face shut them all up immediately.

_Raeynne is not beter! And why do you want valance? Sadist?_

_Brix: Hey baries are fun hcildrne's toys. There's nothing rong with them, sothere's nothing wrong with Sues. Haha. I outlogided yu. _

_CaramleBoost: Never!_

_I heart Trianna: You can to!_

_DaveIeMotimya: Great joke! Tahnks fo much Iknow ths'es onderful. Andthanks for the rupport agains tgalmers. _

_StragneAeson: Huh? You make no sense. WT are pagan rituatls? And what's my immortal?You don't men the evanesceane song, cuas ehty suck. Then again so do you. _(A/N: I do like Evanescence. I just decided to make her hate them.) _And it's llove and lust, sothere. And we. Amowiel and Murtag aren't goffick. _

_Sadened fae; Yeah I am see you were wrong. Haha. _

_PrettySprlyPrinces: Finally someone with taste. _

_Zaracthedarkone: Yeah you were. And odn't insult mine bitch. _

_AppaAndMomoForever; Why would they give me an execution party?_

"That sounds like a good idea," Murtagh remarked. Everyone sat staring dreamily into space while visions of a dead Estelena danced through their heads. Then Galbatorix made them start reading again. Shame, really.

_DarthVyuper: Scarcasm sucks. _

_Dhajimamorkiay: Dioot. I can't even spell you penmmame. _

_Azulcat: I know it's reat. _

_Bab Influence; If you can't read it is not my problem. SO screw you.And what's an oxymoron. Big words suck. _

"From one king to another, here is the torture in pink," Orrin said passing the book over the Galbatorix who took it, opened it, looked at the chapter title, and said, "This one's in my POV."

Alright, I'll get the next chapter up just before I love for my vacation. I think that you'll love next chapter. At least I hope so. Galby finally gets what's coming to him. No, he doesn't die, but he gets his share of torture. And I loved Pursuit of Happyness even if I almost cried during that scene where they spent the night in the Subway Station bathroom. Then again, I loved Kite Runner, and nothing has ever made me so sad.

Spiritual Bob: It rhymes with Estelena. At least it sort of does.

Galbatorix123: Aw. Thanks. And here's more.

Kitty and Amethyst: Of course I will. And because you've been waiting so long, I'll use your hack next.

WWMTgirl: Well, here it is.

Diedlaughing.bfd: Thanks. And I do believe that she has raped the English language, gutted it, and then left it bleeding in an alleyway to die during a thunder storm after she wrapped a wire around it. Sorry about your IQ.

Stripysockz: Well, how did you like their torture? I just couldn't resist keeping up the book-to-the-head joke. I'm glad that you still like it. Yeah, I'll consider the thing with the spelling.

Cassie Winchester: I think that she's already there actually. And thanks for the ideas.

Whispering Lilies: Yeah, I thought so too. Glad that you still like it, and thanks for the ideas.

C.T. Eleckzo: Thanks.

Weras12: Well, I hope that you enjoyed it.

The known author: Um, I explained that in chapter one, but okay. Don't worry. I zone out like that too.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Yes, and I got the replacement, and yeah, Orrin takes way too much abuse. I love it.

Subeiko: Well, you finally did, and I love my Sues' cameo. I guess that their names are hard to spell. Maybe I've just gotten used to it by typing them constantly.

Invardem: That just might happen.

Demeanon: Thanks. I try to keep it that way.

Mariano's-twins: Thanks, and she probably will get paired up.

Brix: Oh, there's quite a twist with Eragon Ridher at the end.

CaramelBoost: Thanks. I'm glad that you liked that part. I figured that somebody had to get vomited on, and it might as well be her.

Du Shur'tugalar Freohr: Wow. Thanks. Nice suggestions. I'll do the Earth stuff later on. And Arya is most likely going to randomly show up and then die again. I'll try to add in some more angst. I have an idea for that one, actually.

AeboUmbra: Thanks, and yes it will.

Wannabeanauthor: Really? You like it that much. Thanks so much. You think it's better than Angela's Gift? Wow. That's a really great compliment.

Saddened Fae: Thanks, and congrats on summer. Those are interesting suggestions.

Fredsonetrueluv: Fifteen, because that's how old I am. You know, since she's my alter-ego.

Random Little Writer: Thanks so much.

Sunkistguurl: Ooh. Cool. Have fun then. And I agree that insulting her is fun. I'd flame her, but that would be just a little too weird.

Beowulf-Cryptic: Nice, very nice.

I heart Trianna: It didn't work. Sorry.

AppaAndMomo: Oh, that's great.

Hey I've gotta go now. I'll send the other review replies in pms. Sorry.


	21. Sues Make the Mad King Even Madder

Sues Make the Mad King Madder

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for the abomination that is "Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha" and the abominations that are its OCs.

_Tge mad king GALBATORIX paced the throne room mencingly. _

"Galbatorix, there is no way that she spelled your name right," Angela interrupted.

"She did," Galbatorix lied.  
"Doesn't she call you Galbrattleax?" Katrina inquired.

"She doest not!" Galbatorix shouted.

"If my name must be mutilated and it must be read that way, then yours must be too," Nasuada whispered dangerously.

"I will not…."

"You will," Angela declared.

"Fine," Galbatorix grunted.

_Tge mad king galbrattleax paced the throne room mencingly. Wel he really look supid, but hs'es suppoed to oook mencing. Cp said so. Just roll with it. _

"I will not stand for these insults!" Galbatorix shouted. "I do too look menacing."

Everyone except Angela seemed to concur with this statement.

"Keep reading," she said calmly as she examined her nails.

"Angela, you're amazing," Murtagh said, admiration in eyes.

"You do have Nasuada, remember?" Angela replied.

"Yes, remember me? The one you kissed in front of everyone? Twice!" Nasuada shouted.

Thorn started snickering.

_Oh, shut up, _Murtagh growled.

Thorn laughed even harder.

_You're so mean to your rider, _Saphira chided.

_You're mean to me, _Eragon protested.

_Not that mean, _Saphira retorted.

_That's what I mean, _Eragon whined.

_Oh, shut up, _Saphira said.

_You are mean to him! _Thorn said.

_Oh, shut up, _Saphira snapped.

_Murtagh, we have somebody with your problem, _Thorn teased.

"If you people don't mind, I would like to finish this insult to my majesty!" Galbatorix shrieked.

Everyone froze in place while Galbatorix continued.

_He was thinking bout his daughters. _

"Ooh, maybe she doesn't object to incest either!" Arya said with surprising glee.

Galbatorix shifted his gaze to her, eyes bulging, and spluttered, "List, elf. LIST! Oh, if only I had gotten you instead of Durza! You think that he was bad? You think that he was bad? Actually, you know what? I wish that Durza was here to torture you, and then I could torture you, and it could be really, really bad."

"Did you have to wish that I was here?" a lazy voice drawled.

"Durza!" Galbatorix, Eragon, and Arya all shouted at once.

"I killed you," Eragon insisted.

"Okay, one, you only killed me because your dragon was magically able to breathe fire at the right moment and because the elf was strong enough to break through that stupid ceiling," Durza retorted. "Second, I wasn't actually killed. The spirits and I were just transported to this really great place called Vegas. I tell you, if every place in the world were like Vegas, a man need never feel lonely. And if every actor in the world were as good as Johnny Depp, movies need never suck again."

"What's a movie?" Angela asked.

"I don't really know how it works, but it's pretty cool," Durza rhapsodized.

"I stabbed you through the heart with a flaming sword! How can you not be dead?" Eragon asked.

"Well, actually, you stabbed one centimeter of an inch to the right of my heart, which caused me to be transported to another world, and my hold on the Urgals to be broken. And then my ungrateful master finally wishes that I could be back here. Do you know how much that sucks for me? I had a chick waiting in the hot tub."

"Why did you have a bird waiting in a tub of hot water?" Roran asked.

"Well, Shades do have very weird fetishes," Trianna said. When everyone looked at her, she shouted, "Why does everyone think I'm a slut?"

"It's the story," Eragon replied. "It's corrupting us."

"A chick is a woman. A human woman," Durza said.

"And you're paying for her?" Arya asked.

"Why do you automatically assume that I am paying for her?" Durza asked icily.

"Well, why else would she go for you?" Arya retorted.

Durza raised an eyebrow at her and then said, "Now, master, why did you wish that I was back here? Because I'd really like to go back to Vegas."

"This is why," Galbatorix replied holding up the frilly pink abomination.

"What's wrong with it?" Durza asked. "Besides the fact that it's pink."

"There is nothing wrong with pink!" Trianna, Nasuada, and Katrina shouted.

Arya didn't bother to mention the fact that she didn't like pink. It had been said enough.

"What's wrong with it, you ask?" Galbatorix inquired, his eye twitching again.

"Not even the mighty Gûntera himself could explain all the wrongs of this book," Orik said. "It's disgusting, obscene, revolting, contradictory..."

"One of her two overly perfect characters insults me, mutilates my name, and calls me a prudish hussy every time she mentions me," Nasuada said.

"The other one insults me every time she mentions me," Trianna put in.

"She insulted my race…" Arya began.

"…And mine," Orik added.  
"She made me monosyllabic," Roran shouted.

"She killed me off so that her much abused sub-Sue could take my fiancée," Katrina said.

"She also executed me for no reason last chapter," Arya added.

"She killed me after having sex with me!" Orrin whined.

"At least one of her characters must have sex every chapter," Murtagh said.

And they continued to explain the abomination that you all have already read.

"Am I in it?" Durza asked.

"No," everyone admitted.

"That's good to know," Durza replied. "So, why am I here?"

"You are here to read this for me," Galbatorix replied. "This chapter is in my POV. Since you are my minion and don't count as your own person, that is your task."

Arya didn't bring up the fact that she thought that Durza was there to torture her. That had never been fun.

"Oh no you don't!" Angela shouted. "You are reading your chapter as it is your turn, and Durza's turn will only come after you are done with your turn. That's the rule, and even kings must abide by the rules."

"Damn you and your rules," Galbatorix hissed.

"And the same to you," Angela replied, smiling.

_He was also thinking of their frind Raeynne. She was real hawt. _

"NO! No, she is not! What is wrong with this girl?" Galbatorix screamed.

"Well, based on this, I'd say she's mentally impaired, somewhat illiterate, and possibly a nymphomaniac," Angela replied.

_That was rhetorical question, _Solembum remarked.

"Well, you know how I love answering those," Angela retorted.

"Keep reading," Nasuada ordered. "We need to finish this quickly."

"I can't wait for Durza to get his," Arya put in.

"Oh, shut up," Durza retorted.

"That's the best you could come up with? Has this Vegas place dulled your mind? Eragon, why couldn't you have hit him in the heart instead of one centimeter to the right?" Arya asked.

"I hate you all," Durza said, glaring.

"You hate me?" Galbatorix asked, puzzled.

"Oh yeah. I hate you. You brought me back from Vegas and claimed that I'm not my own person," Durza replied.

"Read for me, and I'll send you back?" Galbatorix offered.

"Done!" Durza said.

"Rules are rules, as Angela has said, so Durza does not read for Galbatorix, and he does not go back to Vegas," Nasuada interrupted sweetly. "Now, please, continue reading."

Angela gave Galbatorix a look that clearly said, "Do it," and Galbatorix did it.

_He nw it was kidna sick to like a seventeen uear old girl, but he was sick. I men hes Galby._

"Galby? What kind of a nickname is Galby?" Galbatorix interrupted himself once again.

"It's better than Taggy Honey," Murtagh said with a shrug.

"He has a point," Nasauda added. "And at least your misspelling is consistent."

_She ha that eamzin blond hair that was real too ple but Glby's weird and likes pale so yeah. And he hates multicolored heir. _

"Which isn't at all natural," Trianna added.

"And yet I am supposed to like things that aren't natural," Eragon remarked.

"Isn't Amowiel partially pale?" Nasuada cut in.

"She's paleishly tan," Murtagh grunted.

"Well, I do like pale," Galbatorix remarked. Then he glared at the book and barked, "It's still disgusting."

_And her skin was soooooooooooooooo white and her eyes were sooooooooooooooooo blue. _

"Gods, why must I draw out these soooooooooooooos? It's soooooooooooooooooooo annoying," Galbatorix demanded.

Everyone in the room looked completely shocked.

"Did you hear that?" Murtagh asked. "Did you hear that? Did he just say something mildly funny that wasn't completely sadistic as well?"  
_He's making progress, _Solembum conceded.

"Well, since we're all proud of you, keep reading," Angela ordered.

"Am I really that unfunny?" Galbatorix asked.

Angela nodded.

"Durza?" Galbatorix demanded, his eye twitching yet again.

"That's the first joke I've heard from you," Durza replied. "Then again, since I don't count as my own person, I don't know why you're asking my opinion."

"Which is exactly why I am not accepting your opinion right now," Galbatorix retorted after a moment of shock. He hadn't remembered Durza acting this defiant before. Maybe this was what Vegas did to people. Maybe this was Murtagh's problem. But then again, maybe not.

Feeling more confident in himself, the mad king began to read again.

_And Galby little people. Amowiel was too tall of rhim. _

"She's my daughter! I mean, she thinks she's my daughter! I shouldn't be judging others' beauty by hers," Galbatorix protested.

_Do you think she cares? _Solembum asked.

"Even I can tell that she doesn't, and I just got here," Durza put in.

Galbatorix gulped and read through gritted teeth.

_He rpretit figure with its little pretty tits little hips skinny body and short boby really truned him on. He didn't like taller girls like Amowiel and Estelena with bigger boobs cause pedos like kids and he was a pedo. _

_I always knew he was a pedophile, _Thorn joked to Murtagh. The other managed to keep his face perfectly straight.

"I still heard that!" Galbatorix shouted.

_He wanted Raeynne. He needed Raeynne. _

"Oh, I can't do this!" Galbatorix complained.

"Stop whining. Are you a king or not? Okay, you're a very bad king which is why my country is fighting this war against you, but I've suffered as much if not more than this," Orrin retorted. "Just keep reading, damnit. Not all of us of very powerful evil minions waiting to be summoned back from…well, I guess it wasn't the dead…to read in our places. You don't deserve it either."

"Well, then, may I go back to Vegas?" Durza asked, rising.

"No!" Arya and Galbatorix shouted at the same time. Galbatorix looked at her curiously, and Arya explained.

"I'm suffering. I've already suffered at his hands, so now he must suffer because I have helped to make him stay here and read his share of this abomination."

Durza's lips slowly curled into a feral grin, and he said, "Now you're sadistic."

"It's their fault," Arya retorted, pointing at the book.

_And everyone knos that Galby's tast sucks, but what would you expect? I mean, he's Glaby. _

"Oh, my taste does not suck," Galbatorix shouted.

"Well, not architecturally," Durza agreed.

"The prisons weren't so nice, but the rest of it was," Murtagh added. "I mean, Urû'baen is the greatest city in the empire even if that just is because he destroyed the rest of the competition."  
"We're talking about my taste in women here!" Galbatorix interrupted.

"What women?" Murtagh asked.

"Never you mind," Galbatorix said, brushing Murtagh away with his hand.

_And now Galbrattleax had a new msion beside destroying his much awesomr daughters and their bfs. He wanted to fuck Raeynne, the muc less awesome. _

"Well, now you know how I feel," Roran said to Galbatorix.

"Excuse me?" the king asked.

"Well, we've both been given to the supposedly lesser Sue, and our intelligence is seriously undermined," Roran replied.

Galbatorix refused to admit that he had a point and continued to read.

_And then that stpid no-sentence sayng cousn of Eragon's had gotten in her pants. It was soooooooooo not fair. _

"I just wish that I could have one crown for every o that she puts in her so's," Nasuada remarked.

"I do too. Then we could stop making lace," Trianna added.

"But you like pink," Eragon said.

"Well, yes, but it would help if we had more time for other things," Trianna replied.

"It's still pretty much the same thing," Eragon continued. "Why don't you make pink lace?"

Trianna then realized that he was teasing her, and she glared at him.

_Galbrattleax gessed that he'd kill Roran along ith Gon-Gon and Taggy and Leni and Amowiel. Then he'd fuck Raeynne. Just a shame that Ary awas already ded. Oh well. Least Estelena had done one good thing of rhim. _

"Though what good she has done any of us, I cannot say," Orik stated. "Now read the part where she brutally insults all those who do not worship her story."

"I hate being dead," Arya said.

"Actually, being dead means that she can't torture you anymore than she's already done," Orrin remarked.  
"That's why I'm glad that she doesn't know that I'm not quite dead," Durza put in. "I just hope that she doesn't bring me back for some reason."

"It would be a good punishment for you disobedience," Galbatorix said.

"What disobedience? Isn't he the disobedient one?" Durza asked, pointing at Murtagh.

"I'm just glad that I didn't get screwed this chapter, and I got tortured by him," Murtagh said. "I think I've been punished enough."

Galbatorix was just staring at the book. He couldn't believe what he'd just read.

"You have to read the review responses, you know," Angela told him.

He continued to stare at the book. Then he got up and started stomping on it.

"Ow!" he shouted.

"What?" Durza asked.

"It hurt my foot," Galbatorix whined.

"All that power, and he stomps on it," Durza muttered. For once, Galbatorix didn't hear him.

"Let me see that," Orik said, drawing his axe. He raised it and brought it down onto the book. The axe bounced off of the book.

"Everyone stop trying to hurt it!" Nasuada shouted. "It's invulnerable."

"I noticed," Murtagh said.

"Do you want me to Arya you?" Nasuada asked, brandishing the book.   
"You like me too much to do that," Murtagh replied, grinning slightly.

Nasuada sighed and handed the book back to Galbatorix.

"Oh, you've become a verb," Orrin said brightly.

Arya glared at him, and Orrin silently thanked the gods that Nasuada had the book.

"Trianna, were all of the Sues fics that you found invulnerable?" Katrina asked.

The sorceress nodded.  
"Did you actually read all of them?" Eragon asked.

Trianna nodded grimly.

"She's a braver man than you are, cousin," Roran teased.

"As it should be," Trianna said smugly.

"Hey!" Eragon shouted.

Trianna leaned over and kissed him.

Galbatorix glared at them, and the anger gave him the guts to continue reading.

_Yeah, I know he's sick, but whajiya expect?_

"I am not sick! I am not a pedophile! She knows nothing!" Galbatorix shouted.

"You're just realizing this now?" Arya asked.

Galbatorix's eyes bulged, and he shouted, "List!"

"See, the trick with him is to shut up and not say anything or think it too loudly," Durza whispered to her.

"That's the first smart thing you've said this whole time," Galbatorix remarked.

"He's almost as mean to you as he is to me," Murtagh remarked.  
"He still hates me the most," Arya put in.

"Shut up!" Galbatorix shouted.

_Anhoo her are the revie responses. _

_Lime green frogz: I am not! An dthey eat frogzg in Franfe! Hah!_

_QueenOfTheUnknown: They would too do that! their so obviousy bedophiles. God. You're soooooooooooooo dum. _(That misspelling is a tribute to the high school boys whom my friend once saw arguing over how to spell the word dumb. And no, not one of them guessed dumb.)

_ILUVERAGON: I know right? And I'm glad you agre. Non one else agrees. _

_I heart Amowiel: Thanks so much. You'v ehat a great dhnge of heart. _

"No, my supporter is gone," Trianna wailed.

"I still support you," Eragon said.

Trianna grabbed him and pulled him into a very deep kiss.

"Hey, no sucking face while I'm reading!" Galbatorix shouted.

They broke apart disappointedly.

_GreenTeaHoney: roran ins't quick thianking. _

"He saved a village and me," Katrina protested.  
"I helped a bit," Eragon added feebly before Katrina's glare shut him up.

_And sex isnt' the only tin in their reliationsphip. _

Murtagh started laughing hysterically.

_He sounds so cynical, _Solembum said. _I'm almost proud of him. _

_And why us a dictionary. _

_Brix: Wat's worign with that? And I am not insecure. And I don't fel threatened by Naduad and Arya and Tiranni.  
_"At least it's not Anunada," Murtagh said.

_And he was so close to being as cynical as I am, _Solembum remarked sadly.

"You're right," Nasuada said. "You're right."

"I'm always right," Murtagh said.

Nasuada rolled her eyes at him.

_Sailors are col! I'm produ to swere like one. And if you the my story stop reading. _

_Saddend Fae: then stop reading sin ceyou can't appreciated it. _

_Zartcthedrakone: So what? And I didn't. _

_NacthRitter:I I'm fifteen good. And generalizing deatial is a contradiction right? Ha. Hypocrit. And they are not wet dreamsn. NAd those sare healthy. _

_Kitty and Amythest: You burn in hell! Rudker_

_Adi Sagestar: Dito_

_Jedi Master Evenstar: the pet name are qhtouhg out. Fukc of. _

"They are not well thought!" Murtagh protested.

_Spiritual Bob: Least im' not fucki goffic. _

_DaveDieMotimiya: FinallY! You're like my borther/siter/thingy. Thanks go much. _

_StagneAeons; It wasn't' hiroible or boring and Cep desribes lots. Why can't it/And Erry and Taggy are alike. Cp says it. And Amowiel and Estelena are sister. Duh. _

"We're not that alike," Murtagh and Eragon muttered simultaneously.

_AppaAndMomoForever: Only that wouln't happen cause Leni and Amowiel are too awesome _

(A/N: I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to Heidi Klum's oldest daughter. My monstrosity shouldn't share her name as she is only four or something like that.)

_Julia: yes and fuck you. _

_Leila: didtoo. _

_Amy: ditoo_

_Badinfluence: iddidn't do anything _

"Besides Eragon, Roran, Orrin, Narí, Lifaen, and I," Murtagh muttered.

_And Amowiel had a good reason for wht she did. Tiranni didn't. Duh. _

"I did too," Trianna retorted. "Eragon's very attracted."  
Both Murtagh and Roran pretended to gag.

_The puetualnt Puprel princess: I hate you you're sick. _

"And my torture is over," Galbatorix said, handing the book to Durza.

Trianna shook her head.  
"What is it, sorceress?" he asked.  
"I'm sure that it's only just beginning," she replied.

And I'm sorry that I couldn't update before I left. The last few days before were packing and cleaning the house so that the person who took care of my demonic cat and my very sweet turtle could see how clean we are. And we left for the airport six hours before the actual flight, which was delayed about an hour anyway. I'm so sorry. I tried, but I couldn't finish everything. And by the way, who loved The Deathly Hallows? I did. Well, here are my responses. I swear that they will be insult free and legible.

Invaderem: I probably will.

Cassie Winchester: I tried in this chapter. I hope you liked it.

Lime green frogz: I know. It's amazing. And you'll see about Eragon Ridher.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Well, I hope you liked it.

I heart Amowiel: You are truly brave, my friend.

GreenTeaAndHoney: Thanks so much. I will update Black on White soon. I feel really ashamed about that one. I don't know why it's taking me so long, really.

Brix: I do too.

Nyx92: Well, it is mainly to poke fun, but it does have an end. And there's a plot somewhere. I swear. Sorry that you don't like the fluff.

Mariano's-twins: I really don't know. That's a good question. Well, I'm happy for Atlanta.

Saddened Fae: Thank you.

Sunkistgurl10: I'm glad that you headache's gone.

Nacht-Ritter: Yeah, that would've been interesting.

Padfoot and Stacey: I'm glad that I surprised you.

Diedlaughing.bfd: I'm glad. Thanks.

Wannabeanauther: Yeah, I like Roran too. I'm glad that you liked him in this fic.

Subeiko: Yes, as a matter of fact, he isn't much older than that. But Eragon Ridher probably doesn't realize that. Oh, and I brought Durza back for your enjoyment.

Cheesey Goodness: Yeah, I'm trying to make it like an actual Sue-fic.

Lurker Anon.: Yeah, I know that.

Random Little Writer: Thanks.

Kitty Amethyst: Interesting. And, Amethyst, I'm sorry that she can never spell your name right.

Adi Sagestar: Well, they're pretty much the same person in different bodies.

ThePurpleRose: That will probably happen soon.

Rajion1: Well, Arya's dead, and Eragon Ridher doesn't like her enough to give her a Stu.

Darth Vyper: Thanks.

Za Webmaster Authoress: I did. Thanks. I hope that you liked this.

Whispering Lilies: I hope that you thought that his karma was cruel and funny.

Jedi Master Evenstar: Oh yeah. I loved that movie. Emo Peter was funny.

Spiritual Bob: Thanks.

Caramelboost: Thanks. Hope you like your food.

Du Shur'tugalar Freohr: Thank you so much. I'll try to include some of your suggestions. A scarySue is a good idea. And Nasuada making the Varden evil could be cool too. We could have another execution without a trial.

Weras12: I hope that you liked this.

AppaAndMomoForever: Thanks.

WWMTgirl: Thanks. I liked the social security number thing.

Mecha Scorpion: Yeah, you have a point.

Dagger Pen: Well, I hope that you liked it, and I'm so sorry about the lack of update.

The Petulant Purple Princess: Actually, that would probably sum this whole fic up.


	22. The Wonders of Deus Ex Machina

The Wonders of Deus Ex Machina

Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue. Thank you. And I have good/bad news. My Immortal has been updated, and the song The Black Parade has been renamed. It is now known as da blak parade. The saddest part of the whole thing? Well, actually, there are two sad parts to this. The first thing is that

Durza gingerly picked up the book and stared at it for a minute.

_Well, at least I'm not in it, _he thought.

"_OMGF" Estelena shouted. _

"I thought it was OMFG," Katrina put in.

"It is," Trianna said. "She just mixed up the letters."

"_Raeynne Galbrattelax has a thingie for you, she continued. _

_At this point, Raeynne but into tears. _

"_I don't get it," Gon-Gon said sexily. "Why not you?"_

_Estelena shruggd, she idn' get it either. It was kewt though. _

"It couldn't possibly be because I'm her father, could it?" Galbatorix suggested.

"Little things like a familial relationship won't stand in the way of Sues and their egos," Trianna sighed.

"May I continue reading, my liege? It would really be a courtesy to me, seeing as it's your fault I'm here," Durza said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, yes, go on," Galbatorix said with a wave.

"_Anhyoo? How doya know?" Gonn-Wonny aksed. Jesus, Raeynne shoulde tunk to ask that._

"Why can't I at least have a Sue who the author considers intelligent?" Roran asked.

"They're not all they're cracked up to be. Trust me on that one," Murtagh said.

"Roran, as much as I hate to agree with him, he's right," Eragon said. "Be thankful that Raeynne isn't Estelena."

"Why do you hate to agree with him?" Nasuada asked. "He's smarter than you are."

Eragon looked sorely offended.

"Eragon," Trianna began, "Murtagh might be the brighter of you too, but I still like you."

Eragon looked even more offended. Trianna sighed and kissed him. He stopped looking offended.

Durza looked mildly disgusted by the whole thing, so he just started reading.

"_I cryed him," Estelena replied._

"Nobody can scry me. I've made sure of that," Galbatorix protested.

"_Hes pathetic enchntments can't stop me."_

"_Oh," Gon-Gon replied. _

He should've none that, _Ohen-Briam said. _

_That poor dragon has lost all his dignity, _Saphira said.

_And you had to mate with him, _Thorn sniggered.

Saphira snapped at him angrily, and Thorn backed away.

_Anhyoo, buck in Ooroobarn…_

"Ooroobarn?" Galbatorix shouted. "Ooroobarn? Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

At this point, Angela smacked him.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Too many o's and too many exclamation points," Angela replied calmly.

_Oh, great. He's going even more insane on us, _Murtagh said to Thorn.

"Alright. Let me rephrase that. Ooroobarn? Ooroobarn? No! My clever insult to the elves and the dwarves by combining the elvish word for pain (baen) and the dwarvish word for elders (urû) has been mutilated by her. As has my wonderfully awesome name," Galbatorix lamented.

Arya, Durza, and Murtagh all fought back laughs at the last part.

"As for me, I'm glad that she's finally done mine race some honor," Orik said.

_...Galbrattleax was finking up way to get Raeynne and kill his enemies. De decided to brin back Durza and Arya ust so that he could punish the bitchy elf even more. _

Durza stopped reading for a moment, took a deep breath, and began to read again.

_Then Galby did that voodoo and the two Eragon-haters were back._

"I don't hate Eragon," Arya remarked. "I just don't love him."

"I hate him," Durza said.

"_Airght, I gotta get some vengeance on you two for dyaing with out my persmision, " Galbrattleax sadi evielly. _

_Both charries trembled cuase their sissies. _

"We are not" Arya and Durza protested.

"_Now sex each other up. I need some cheerin' up,' Galbrattleax ordered. _

Arya and Durza's eyes nearly flew out of their sockets.

"Excuse me?" Arya said. "This is not right. She killed me. She killed me. She can't do this to me now."

"Do you think I'm happy about this?" Durza asked.

"Well, at least I'm attractive," Arya retorted.

"I'll pretend not to know what you meant by that," Durza said.

"Oh, come on, do you really think you're attractive?" Arya asked.

"Arya, Durza, shut up!" Nasuada shouted. "Every single person here has suffered. Orrin also died and suffered from being a member of a seen."

"Well, at least he stayed dead," Arya mumbled.

"That does not make it traumatizing!" Orrin protested.

"Just shut up, and read," Nasuada said.

_Your girl has a mouth, _Thorn teased.

_At least she has some dignity, _Murtagh retorted.

_After the second kiss with you, that's a miracle,_ Thorn retorted.

_Shut up, _Murtagh shouted.

_Fine, Mr. Grumpy Pants, _Thorn pouted.

_You're so immature, _Murtagh said.

_Thank you, _Thorn replied.

Meanwhile, Durza listened to Nasuada and continued reading. He actually let out a sigh of relief when Eragon Ridher's next words were found to be:

_I'm nout gonna make ya'll read the digustigist of this next sene. _

"Yes!" Arya shouted.

_When it was done Galbrattlexax said, "Since I gotz your trues names. YUour'e gonn go to Elemera and kill my daughters. "_

"_yes, I can get reveng onthose bithces," Arya ejaluated._

Strangely enough, the real Arya said the same thing as the fake Arya did.

_C"Can I kill the supposed Shadlayer?" Durza asked. _

"Shadlayer?" Orrin remarked. "That sounds rather sketchy."

"You're the sketchy one," Durza sneered.

Orrin looked rather offended by this.

"_Nah, you've gotte brin him in me," Galbrattleax said. _

_Durza putted. Galby ignord him._

"Well, at least that part's in character for him," Durza mumbled.

"He ignores you too?" Murtagh asked.

Durza nodded.

Galbatorix coughed loudly, and Durza remembered his purpose.

_Anhyoo back in Elemera, Murtag and Amowiel had just goettn out of bed They were going to talk to Estelena and Eragon bout what to do cause they couldn't train anymore. _

_Magdeleniana and THron wo'd been mating stopped and went with the. _

"_Yo, what should we do bout training and Galbrattleax and shit?" Murtagh aksed. _

"What is yo?" Murtagh asked.

_At least you're cursing again, _Thorn remarked.

"Just listen to your dragon, and take what you get because she's not going to give you much," Nasuada told him.

Murtagh sighed and agreed.

"_We should go and kill him oursefs," Amowiel said sagly. _

My rider is so wise, sin't she?" _Magdeleniana asked Thron sweetly._

She is. I wash my rider was a s wise, _Thron replied. _

_Murtagh, I know that I treat you like you're an idiot and like I don't respect you. At all. But the point is, I really do think that you are much smarter and wiser than Amowiel, and I am very glad that I didn't hatch for her, _Thorn said.

Murtagh wasn't sure how much of a compliment that was, but he took it anyway.

"_Anyhoo, hwo are we gonna do it?" Raeynne asked. _

_Amowiel and Estelena clared at her. What a luseless guestion. _

"Aside from the anyhoo, that's probably the smartest thing that any of them have asked so far," Angela remarked.

_And that is sad, _Solembum finished.

"Have the Sues asked any questions?" Nasuada asked.

"Aside from the sex-related ones, I don't think so," Trianna replied.

_Just then a sound ran ogut from outside. _

"_Shadlayer, shaldyer!" an elf shouted. _

"_What?" Eragon asked. _

"_That stupid bitch arya's come back to life and she's teamed wup with Durza and is attacked Elemera," the elf replied. _

"_I always knw she was a btich," Estelena said. _

"I think she indicated that when she killed me," Arya remarked.

"Well, you've come back to life, so she has to restate it," Trianna said.

"It's scary that you can think like them," Eragon said.

"It scares me too sometimes," Trianna replied.

"_I did too,' Eragon said. _

"I never knew that!" the real Eragon shouted suddenly. "I mean, I never thought that, and I still don't think that, and…"

"Eragon, I'm not going to hurt you," Arya said.

"Oh, that's good," Eragon said.

"You do have a dragon. She'd be stupid to hurt you," Durza said. Then he started reading before Eragon could look offended.

"_well, les'ts attack " Amowiel said. With that she and her sister and their fbs mounted their ragons and they flew ioff the meet the bitdh and bastard. _

"Such lovely nicknames," Durza sneered.

"Oh, she has a million of them," Arya said.

Eragon and Murtagh both glared at her so hard that she didn't recite all of their nicknames.

_Then they did so. Arya dn Durza stared to to a really hard spell wen they saw them coming. Hey they are powerful even if they are lame. _

"Finally, I get some credit," Arya muttered.

"Will you just shut up?" Durza snapped.

"_Ah!" Estelena shouted a sthe began to fall down. _

Leni Ican't stya up! _Ohen-Briam shouted. _

"_Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111" She yelled. _

"Why are there ones instead of exclamations points?" Durza asked.

"We're not sure," Trianna replied.

"_Then suddenly the Menoa Tree oepend up. T was holding up three nifty swords and it shoudted, 'Thou shalt not harm there pure girl. She is the est thing in Alagaesha and it's hope and saviuor. So fuck off bitch and bastrad!"_

_And with that, Ary anad Durza burst into flames dand died. _

"So, we're dead again," both newly dead people said.

"You know, I really can't see the Menoa Tree sacrificing her dignity after turning herself into a tree. And she doesn't talk," Arya added.

"It could be that you're just not speshul enough for that," Trianna sighed, her face perfectly straight.

_But wait, Arya was stil alive. Estelena leapt dantily off of Ohen-Briam and said, "That's for trying to take mu man. She slapped her. And that's for hurting my mother. Htshe punched her in the face. And tha'ts for being such a bitch. Brisinger! And Arya burst in flames for real. And died again."_

"So, I've died three times. Is it too much to ask that I stay dead?" Arya shouted.

"Probably," Murtagh replied.

"I wonder if she'll kill us, Trianna," Nasuada put in.

"Most likely," Trianna said.

"Well, maybe she'll spell my name correctly on my headstone," Nasuada said.

Suddenly, Murtagh burst out laughing.

Nasuada stared at him.

"I'm sorry. I just had a vision of your headstone with your name spelled Anunada," he chortled.

"Don't make me hurt you," Nasuada muttered.

"Sorry," Murtagh said. "It's just funny."

_You know, if you die, you'll have a headstone that's missing the h, _Thorn pointed out.

Then Nasuada started to laugh hysterically.

When she was done, she said, "I forgive you, Murtagh."

"May I finish?" Durza growled.

"Of course," Nasuada replied.

_Then they all went back to celebrate. There wasn't a party this time though. Everyon was gooo tired form that battle. They'd clean up tormmow, but tonight was gor you-know-what!_

Arya started snickering.

"What?" Durza asked.

"By Helzvog, it's true!" Orik declared. "The elves _are_ voyeurs."

"I was cheering because he's going to be forced to read a scene. Possibly even two. Or if he's really unlucky three," Arya explained.

Durza had a horrible suspicion that he was not going to enjoy this.

"_Oh, Leni, I'm so glad you didn't die," Gon-Gon said _

"Oh, that would have been great," Eragon said dreamily.

"_I am too dragon head," Estelena replied. _

"I was wondering when that one would come up again," Eragon said sadly.

_Then they started making out. Then Estelena tackled Eragonand thre him onto the bed…._

By the time the he was done reading, the shade was staring at the book in horror.

"Keep reading," Murtagh told him. "Just get it over with."

_Meanwhile with Amowiel and Murtag…_

"_I'm so gald that my sister didn't die," Amowiel said. _

"_I am too, but al ealst you weren't in danger," Murtag replied. "htat would have been awful."_

"Actually, it would have been the best thing that's ever happened to me," Murtagh said.

"_Aw," Amowiel said. Then she and Murtag started mking out and then she tackled him…._

"It's the same scene as last time," Durza exclaimed.

"Skip it," Nasuada ordered.

Murtagh breathed a sigh of relief.

"And then there's the same scene again with Raeynne and Roran," Durza said.

"Skip it," Nasuada said.

"Now there are just things called review responses," Durza said.

"Read those," Angela put in. "They restore my faith in the human race."

_Addened Fae: You suck. Murtag is better here thena hi is in the book. _

"No, I'm not," Murtagh shouted.

_Galby is too sick._

"I am not that sick!" Galbatorix shouted.

_I ate you ._

_So now she's a cannibal? _Solembum snickered. _I knew it. I just knew it. _

_Eragonismylove: Thank god you've got brains. He is too a pedo._

"Those make me lose my faith in the human race," Angela said.

_Undertaker of the sith: Wha'ts the sith even? You're snames' stupid. AN dhti sfic inst' ufnny._

"She finally got something right!" Katrina exclaimed.

_It's really serious. _

"That wasn't so right," Roran said.

Katrina nodded in agreement.

_Adriannrod Sviokona Sama: Fuck you and fuck sarcasm. _

_CaramelBoost: I d o not need mental health. _

"I beg to differ," Angela put in.

_The keeper of the truth: PN's off. I hope you do die. Hehe. And vuck you gfor supporting the bitches. _

"Oh, we have our own support system, girls," Nasuada said brightly.

_Rajion1: Nah. Hes worked to be with Arya. _

_I heart Amowiel: Like I knowl I gues Raeynne doesn't serve pity. _

_QueenOfTheUnknown: You get a life! Aha. _

_Lime green frgoz: Yeah I don't let loser like you get me down. Ooh. Burng_

"Was that supposed to be scathing?" Durza asked.

_Probably, as sad as that is, _Solembum replied.

_Hedi Mast Evenstar: Why would I watch a stupid mnga show like that?_

_Bewulf0Cripitic: Which is why it is fine for my to make him a peod._

"Nothing could make that fine," Galbatorix said haughtily.

_Fluffypinkpoodle177: Prps to you fro that. _

_Bannasrokk: I will not delte it. _

_Azulcat: I now rhight?_

_Spiritual Bob: Lots like it. You'r ein the minority. _

"Dream on, bitch," Trianna said.

_I heart Amowiel: Yeah, t2o rewivews from you. _

_ThePurpleRoste: I deleted it cause it was judmentla. An dyes it can be._

_Izumi-chan: I'm not a sex-manica and I'm not vulgar. _

_That reviewer really understood her, _Saphira remarked.

_Qeen Of awesomeoness: I know right?_

_GreenTeaAndHoney: I have to or ead Eldest, and you are sooooooo not a better speller than me I be tif you have to use a dictionary. _

_Julia: what's worhg with Fuck?_

_Amy: Well there's durza now._

_Bad Influcence: he scryied her. Duh._

_Kitty and Amythest: Freaky person. _

_Died.laughin.bfd: At least you agreed it was interesting. And I have beta. So there _

_The PEtualnt Uprple Princess: Fuck you. _

And I don't have time for review responses. Sorry. I'm just getting ready to leave for the beach. Bye.


	23. It Finally Happened Again

It Finally Happened Again

Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't even own the fic within the fic in this chapter because Kitty and Amethyst wrote it. Here goes.

Angela smiled slightly when she opened the book.

_As you can tell, this is NOT Eragon Ridher. I would NEVER stoop so low as to impersonate that bitch, but I did go down enough to hack her. Here we go._

"I'm surprised it hasn't happened before now since she told them that I'm her password a few chapters ago," Arya remarked.

"Let her read, elf," Galbatorix shouted. "I want to see how these daughters of mine suffer."

"That should be fun," Nasuada put in.  
Everyone else's mouths dropped open in shock at such sadism from the second-nicest person in the room.

"It will be," Katrina added.

After that, it was a miracle that nobody fainted.

_Estelenna sighed. THREE new Riders. THREE. All had come to train with Oromis._

"Which is exactly what happened in her story," Trianna mumbled.

_There were two girls, and a boy._

"Still the same, except they came to train with Eragon," Trianna continued.

"Do you have to remind me?" Eragon asked.

"I'm sorry," Trianna said.

_The first one went by the name of Kitty, she was, as her name suggested, an anthromorphic cat. Her eyes were a rather plain forest green, no flecks of color or anything, and her hair was dirty blonde and natural auburn streaks. Her purple dragon's name was Amethyst._

"At least it's more natural than black and blond hair," Nasuada said.

_Next was the other girl, Aelita. An odd name, yes, but for an odd girl. Her eyes were the same green as Kitty's, and her hair was, oddly enough, PINK. And at that, NATURALLY PINK._

"Which is just as bad as naturally black and blond hair," Trianna commented.

"Sorceress, you are slowly moving up my list, and very soon you will be even with the elf," Galbatorix said. "Now shut up, and be nice to the girl who will shortly be torturing my so-called daughters and my so-called…"

"Love interest?" Murtagh finished.

Galbatorix walloped him over the head with the book.

"Finally!" Orrin declared. "I'm not the only one being hit with that thing."

"Are you really that dumb?" Durza asked Murtagh. "No wonder he hates you."

"He brought you back from Vegas," Murtagh shot back.

_Like Amowiel's dragon, Aelita's dragon was green. But unlike the brainless excuse for a dragon that belonged to I'm-A-Whale, he was a male dragon named Franz._

_Well, let's hope he's less disgraceful than Magdeleniana and Ohen-Briam, _Saphira said.

_Is it possible to be more so? _Thorn asked.

_Last but not least was the only boy, Jeremie. He had blonde hair, blue eyes, and black-rimmed glasses. With his laptop always by his side, Jeremie was, granted, a nerd. His dragon was a silver female named Soriitey.  
Estelenna, being the sex-obsessed slut she was, thought Jeremie was kinda cute, but the girls.._

"Hey, maybe I'll get lucky, and she'll cheat on him with me, and I'll be smart enough to leave her," Eragon said enthusiastically.

Murtagh sniggered.

"Well, it is a hack," Trianna said comfortingly. "You never know."

_Those two would interfere with her plans! What plans, you ask? Well, since her and Amowiel were the daughters of an elven princess and the king of Alagaesia, if they were REALLY nice, they would be the next rulers of both Du Weldenvarden AND Alagaesia! Their idea SEEMED innocent, but their intent was world domination._

"By Helzvhog's girdle, I knew it!" Orik shouted.

"Sit down, dwarf. I am enjoying this," Galbatorix roared.

"Why do you refer to people by their race and/or occupation?" Angela asked.

"I get a name," Durza said smugly.

"Shut up, shade," Galbatorix barked.

It was Arya's turn to snigger and Durza's turn to look offended.

_-Later than night-  
"So, Eri-munchkins.." Said the whore. "Are you up for another.." She was interrupted, (Thank the Lord) by music. LOUD music. Very, very, VERY loud music. "What's that?" Asked Eragon, not recognizing the music. "Earth music." Said Ms. Slut. "From the new arrivals. I'll go deal with them." Estelenna got up, and went down to see to the other Riders._

"Murtagh?" Eragon began.

"Yes?" his brother asked.

"I suddenly love Earth music," Eragon replied.

_-Meanwhile, in Kitty, Jeremie, and Aelita's treehouse-  
Kitty giggled as she watched Estelenna approach their eyrie, through her spyglass, as she couldn't see like a owl or a meerkat or anything. _

_"She's coming! THE PLAN'S WORKING!" the catgirl squealed, unable to contain her excitement. Aelita smiled. So did Jeremie, as he donned his disguise, a brown wig and contact lenses that would make his eyes look like they were brown. All and all, the costume made him look like Eragon. "She coming!" exclaimed Kitty. _

_"Quick Kitty," said Aelita. "Hide." The cat smiled as she snuck under the bed, pulling out a video camera._

"A what?" everyone asked.  
"It's something that projects moving pictures. You can also use it to record people's activities visually and then play it back," Durza explained as though they were all idiots.

_Estelenna went into the bedroom, where the music was blaringly loud. However, the speakers were in the main room. Hitting the 'stop' button on Kitty's mp3 player, she walked into the bedroom. _

_"Guys, why was the music up so loud?" she asked. "Me and Erry are trying to sle-" She was cut short. "ERAGON!" she shrieked. "WHY ARE YOU KISSING... HER?!" Yep, the pink-haired one and the 'blue Rider' were kissing. PASSIONATELY. Estelenna sank to her knees. She seemed to freeze for a minute.  
_Trianna, who had forgotten that it was not really Eragon, also froze and glared at the book. Eragon took note of this, and then he took the opportunity to kiss her. That made feel Trianna feel quite a bit better until Galbatorix hit them over the head with the book he took from Angela, who took it back and slapped him over the head with it. _  
Then, she ran out of the room, crying hysterically._

Then everyone's book headaches went away, and they all smiled evilly.

_When Aelita and the fake Eragon stopped kissing, Jeremie pulled off the wig. "I can't believe that worked," the two said simultaneously, grinning from ear to ear._

"Oh, it wasn't really you," Trianna said.

"It wasn't really him anyway," Durza said. "None of us are real in this story. We are simply different versions of ourselves, and in Eragon Ridher's case, we merely bear the same names and do things with others who merely bear the same name that we would not do with people who bear those names."  
Everyone except Arya and Angela looked very confused.

Arya said, "I wouldn't have fornicated with you either," and Angela continued reading.

_Kitty crawled out from under the bed, also grinning and holding a tape. "The Jeremie/Aelita fans will pay handsomely for this," she said. Then she stood up. "I'm gonna go torture Amowiel now," said the purple Rider. She walked out of room._

Murtagh and Nasuada started cheering enthusiastically, and Galbatorix glared at them menacingly before they could try anything.

_Jeremie and Aelita looked at each other, both had "why the heck not" faces.  
They went back to kissing each other.  
-Meanwhile, in the internet (Yes, the internet)-_

"What's the…" Angela began.

"I can't explain it," Durza said.

Angela opened her mouth to retort, and Durza quickly added, "I'll figure out a way to explain it to you later after this is over."

"If it's good enough, I'll find a way to send you back to Vegas," Angela promised.

She and Durza shook on it.

Galbatorix didn't bother to say anything about. He decided to just cross that bridge when he came to it.

_Kitty stared at the black and red tiger-like animal opposite her. "So," said the tiger, who went by the name of Xana, "I get 12 hours of wreaking havic, and I can do WHATEVER I want?"  
"Yes," said Kitty. "You can, provided you don't kill anyone."  
"Alright. You have a deal," said Xana, as the two shook hands._

"Shame," Nasuada remarked. "I would have love to have seen her get eaten by a tiger."

_Amowiel awoke with a shock. A jolt of pain went up her arm. "Ouch..." She said, as she unshuddered the lantern.  
A giant crab like thing was beside her bed.  
Screaming, Amowiel ran, with the crab behind her and shooting lasers. She was running for what felt like a long while._

Everyone, particularly Murtagh and Nasuada, found this unbelievably funny. While everyone else was busy laughing, Murtagh took advantage of it and kissed Nasuada once again. When the laughing was done, so was the kiss.

_Then it was gone. Amowiel was left, alone, on a balcony.  
Well, almost alone. Aelita was there. "Um…" said I'm-A-Whale. "Hi?"  
"Hello," replied the pink haired one.  
"Why are you here?"  
"Oh, just…because."  
A pause. Then, Amowiel spoke up again.  
"I heard your dragon's name was Franz. What kinda of name is that?"  
The whale impersonator didn't see it, but Aelita's grip tightened on the balcony rail. "What kind of name is Magdelania?" (WHY IS THAT DRAGON'S NAME SO HARD TO SPELL!?)_

"I think we've all asked ourselves that question," Angela said sagely. _  
"It was my mother's last name."  
"Well Franz was my father's name."  
"It's still a weird name."  
Aelita was silent for a moment. "Amowiel, do you know what happened to the last person who said that?"  
"...No..." I'm-A-Whale admitted. _

_Aelita moved her hand off the railing. There was a faint light as a glowing energy sphere appeared over her palm. "You just said your last words," said Aelita, smiling. She raised her hand and threw the sphere. It collided with Amowiel, knocking her back a yard._

_A yard OVER the railing. Aelita smiled and waved at Amowiel as she plummeted to her doom._

"Yes!" Nasuada shouted, punching her fist into the air. Murtagh grabbed her around the waist, and they began to—ahem—celebrate. That is until Galbatorix decided to break it up.

"I hate sitting in the middle of those two," Katrina remarked.

"Of course Raeynne won't die this way," Roran said mournfully. "Nobody ever thinks of Sues and Roran in the same sentence. And if I do get a Sue, nobody ever remembers it so that they can kill her."

"Roran, I still love you, and I'm not a Sue. And why do you want a Sue?" Katrina said.

"It's not the Sues I miss. It's the mention," Roran said.

"And what about me?" Katrina asked.

"I'm very glad to have you back," Roran agreed. Then he leaned over and kissed her before Orik and Trianna had to shove them apart. It wasn't really hard, nor should it have been, considering the fact that one had an axe and the other a snake for a familiar.

_However, getting rid of sue DRAGONS is QUITE another story._

"I told you I wouldn't get a mention," Roran muttered.

"Well, you've only been laid twice in this story," Murtagh said.

Roran gave him a death glare.

_'Oh, Ohen-Briam,' said the poor, brainwashed Saphira, 'you are the most valiant dragon I've ever met.'_

_He is not! _the real Saphira shouted.

_You've said that, _Thorn remarked.

_It's still ridiculous, _Saphira retorted.

_I'll give you that, _Thorn said, back up a few paces.

_'Yes,' said the faker dragon, 'as you are the most gorgeous dragon I have ever met.'_

Thorn didn't have the guts to say that she'd gotten that right.

_'Oh, give me a BREAK!' said another dragon's voice. It was Kitty's dragon, Amethyst. 'You!' he said, pointing a claw at Saphira. 'You are better than this! And you!' She pointed at Ohen-Briam. 'You are NOT a dragon of any sort! ESPECIALLY a valiant one! You are a soulless, brainless, husk that only exists for an excuse for Eragon and that slut you call a Rider to have a relationship!' She reared, and a jet of purple flame roared from her mouth, scorching the two dragons.  
When the smoke cleared, Ohen-Briam was twitching on the ground, while Saphira was mostly unharmed. 'Ohen!' Shrieked Saphira, still brainwashed. 'Saphira..Get Estelenna..Or..'  
'Aw," Said Amethyst, unleashed a smaller flame jet. 'Shaddup already.' Ohen-Briam died. JOY TO THE WORLD! 'What..What happened?' asked Saphira as she came to her senses. 'I can tell you..' said Amethyst, 'but it ain't pretty.'_

_It most certainly was not, _Saphira agreed. Then she added, _But that was beautiful. _

_-Elsewhere-  
Magdelania (DAMN HER LONG NAME!)was walking in the forest, longing for her 'mate,' Thorn. There was a rustling behind her. 'Thorn?'  
'No.'  
Soriitey and Franz stepped out of the foliage. 'To melt your brain, we will, faker.' Said Franz. 'Wow!' said the brainless dragon with the long name. 'You talk weird.'  
Franz's eyes narrowed. 'Mention my problem you had to. Now kill you we will."  
Smiling, Soriitey held up a photo. Magdelania's eyes widened. 'Too.. Cute.. MY BRAIN! MY BRAIN IS MELTING! IT'S MELITING...' She collasped and her brain, now liquified, leaked out of her nostrils._

_'Ick,' said Soriitey, putting the photo away. What was cute enough to melt a Sue dragon's brain? Think a 5 year old Aelita, with the cutest sparkly-goo-goo anime eyes you've ever seen in your WHOLE LIFE! _

_'Eat her corpse, we shall?' asked Franz. _

_'Nah, let's set fire to her body and roast marshmallows,' replied Soriitey._

_Nice, _Thorn said.

_Mine was nicer, _Murtagh shot back.

_Mine's brain melted out through her nose, and her body was roasted afterwards. Yours just fell off a balcony, _Thorn retorted.

_Estelenna woke up after collapsing in her bed, which Eragon had been missing from last night. However, she was tied to a chair. The lights went on. Kitty and Aelita were in front of her._

_"We have a special torture for you," said Kitty. _

_"Instead of just killing you quickly," said Aelita, "we decided to kill you off slowly." _

_Kitty nodded. "And painfully." _

_The two stepped to the side._

_"Hit it Jeremie," said Aelita. _

_"Alright," came his voice over the intercom. (Don't ask why it's there) A projector fired up, and started playing episodes of the most terrifying, horrific, and disturbing monster on the earth. "Barney is a dinosaur, from our imag-i-na-tion.." Yes, Barney the Dinosaur. The ONLY thing scarier than Mary Sues._

"Something like that exists?" Trianna asked. Everyone else remained just as skeptical.

_You all aren't cynical enough, _Solembum chided. _It can always get worse. _

"You know, I always considered that line optimistic," Angela said.

Galbatorix groaned. There was no way he would be able to stop a philosophical debate. Not between those two. So, two hours later, Angela finally picked up the book and started to read again. _  
When the 5 DVDs finished, Estelenna was scared. If that was the beginning of the torture, what was the next. _

_"Xana," said Kitty, "you're on." There was a noise that sounded like a hissing shriek.  
Kitty ran out and cut the ropes that held Estelenna to the chair. The Sue ran for the door. 'Locked..' she thought. She turned around. A huge jellyfish-squid thing was behind her. "Meep," said Estelenna before running around the room like a squirrel being chased by a hyperactive dog. But it wasn't enough. The Scithazoa caught her, and sucked out her brain and killed her._

"Mine was best!" Eragon shouted.  
"Why does everyone always assume that Eragon's Sue is the worst?" Murtagh asked.  
"At least yours died!" Roran shot back.

_However, Aelita and Kitty were in the room, recording the entire thing. The Scithazoa turned to them._

_"Uh-oh…" said Kitty. _

_"Shall we run for our lives, screaming like turkeys on Red Bull?" asked Aelita. _

_"Oh yes, let's," said Kitty.  
Then they both ran, screaming like turkeys on Red Bull.  
_"Poor girls," Katrina whispered. "They did us such a good service."  
"Serves them right for not getting rid of Raeynne," Roran mumbled.

"Roran!" Katrina shouted.

"You liked the cow insult, and she can't possibly replace you," Roran said.

Katrina calmed down instantly.

_They make me sick and nearly kill my cynicism, _Solembum thought darkly. _  
Epilouge:  
Arya sat in the clearing with flaming Mary Sues and Sue Dragons. She, with Soriitey and Franz, were roasting marshmallows. "Mm," said Arya, chewing on the yummy, gooey, sticky goodness that is a roasted marshmallow. "These are good. I wonder why we don't have any in Alagaesia?"  
'You're too serious,' said Soriitey. 'You need to eat more sugar, and lighten up.'  
'Yum,' said Franz, chewing on melting marshmallow goo. 'Taste good marshmallows do, when roasted over dead sues they are.'  
The End._

"I'm happy with it," Arya said.

Everyone except Roran agreed.

"I'm not," he said. "Raeynne didn't die, and I have to read next. And it won't be a hack either."

And that's that. Here are the review responses. The beach was great, by the way.

Brix: Yeah, she did. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately. I know it's weird, but that's usually what happens to Suethors. They get worse as they go along.

The Scarlet Sky: Thanks. I think the Eragon books are enjoyable, but they're too much of a rip-off, and Eragon annoys me.

GreenTeaandHoney: I couldn't resist bringing her back one more time. Or two more times. Everyone was disappointed that she didn't suffer enough. And I'm glad you liked the little things.

Moxielover: Thanks.

Mystic Archer Horse: Oh, it's fine. I'm sorry about the net thing, but I hope that it was because you were having a good summer.

Bananasrokk: Thanks so much. You'll all see about Eragon Ridher, so please stop asking. It's not that I'm mad or annoyed. I just can't tell you what's going to happen. And the fan fic is really that bad?

Cassie Winchester: I had to do it. After all, Tara did it. And I'm glad that you liked that part.

Du Shur'tugalar Freohr: I'll look those up. Thanks. And trust me, your review is plenty long. And as for last chapter, well the answer would depend on your gender. LOL.

Emuroo: Thanks. Sorry that it took you so long. And Eragon Ridher is very grateful for the positive review. She doesn't get them too often. Shame this chapter's a hack and she can't respond.

Padfoot and Stacey: Well, I arranged it that way.

Miss Anonymous: Thanks. That was my goal. I thought about including Vanir during the chapter where he died, but now that he's dead, he won't be much fun. And I agree with you about Arya.

Azulcat: Congratulations. I'm glad that you liked that part.

Lady Knight Keladry: Nice. And thanks.

Friendlyfangirl: Thanks. I'm glad that you liked that part.

Fredsonetrueluv: Yeah, I don't really know where that line came from, but I figured that they'd have to be somehow influenced in their actions by the Sues. And as for that last bit, you might just be on to something there.

Emerald Tiara: Thanks so much.

Adi Sagestar: Hey, if I ever need something to happen, that just may be what does.

C.T Eleckzo: Thanks. And I don't think that the end's so near.

I love Trianna: Hey, sorry that she couldn't respond to your review.

ThePurpleRose: I just came up with that one on the spot, but I liked it, so I kept it.

AppaAndMomoForever: Oh, it's fine. Thanks.

Subieko: I'm glad that you liked all that. And as for the scene-skipping, none of them like hearing them, and they'd already heard it, so yeah.

Wannabeanauthor: Thanks. And the end of the fic may be coming, but probably not for another ten chapters at least.

Izumi-chan: I will, and I did.

Cheesey Goodness: Thanks. I couldn't resist bringing him in.

Malara: I'm glad that you liked that part.

Lime green frogz: I like it too. When people quote her, it isn't censored.

Robin KT: Thanks. Well, I'm glad that I'm helping you annoy your brother. I like annoy mine too.

Rajion1: Yes, you do. You just might be psychic. Ugh. Bad joke.

Stripysockz: Oh, it's fine. I'm glad that you liked those parts. And Tara can do as she will do, sadly enough. And I am working on updating Black on White. The chapter will be very long since it has taken me so long to update.

QueenOfTheUnknown: I got the Ooroobarn thing from a reviewer who told me that she once almost misspelled Urû'baen as Urû'barn. I figured it was just too good to pass up.

Saddened Fae: Sorry about that. And I will admit that bashing her is a fun sport. I would try it myself, but that might be too weird.

Spiritual Bob: I needed Deus Ex Machina since it's such a big Sue thing, and that was the dumbest I could come up with.

The Keeper of Truth: I'm sorry about that. She'll do better next time.

Undertaker of the Sith: Hey, I'm writing this shit. I'm glad that you love Murtagh, Thorn, and Galbatorix in this. Yeah, Shadlayer was a pretty disturbing mutilation of the title.

Dagger Pen: Oh, it's fine. Thanks.

Invaderem: That was a random misspelling actually, and I decided to have them put that in there.

Jedi Master Evenstar: Thanks. Sorry about that.

WWMTgirl: Okay. Thanks.

Caramelboost: Let's just say Tara inspired the resurrection thing.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Oh yeah. Arya's going to suffer at Eragon Ridher's hands.


	24. The Return

The Return

Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own much of this. Just Estelena and Amowiel. That's really quite tragic if you think about it.

"_Erry-munchkins!_ _Leni thouted. _

Roran stopped reading for a moment to laugh.

"That nickname is not funny! Just wait until Raeynne starts calling you Rory-kins!" Eragon shouted at him.

The chortling ceased immediately, and the story began again.

"_What is it, Leni-weety?" Gon-Gon asked. _

"_I think we need to go back to the Vardne. I had a dream las tnigth that theat prudish hussy Nasauda is doing bad things!" Estelena said. _

"Nasauda?" the Varden's leader asked. "That's actually not so bad. She only mixed up two letters."

"_What bad things is Padmuada doing?" Eragona sked. _

"Padmuada?" Nasuada echoed. "What? Where did that one come from?"

_Well, I don't know where that one came from either, but I'd say that the bad things you've been doing have something to do with Murtagh, _Thorn said.

Nasuada turned bright red, and Murtagh put his head in his hands and groaned.

"_I had a drem that she's ruin the Varen 1111" Estelena exclaimated. _

"Well, if I'd slept since I'd started this thing, I'd be having dreams about the same thing, only you'd be the one ruining the Varden!" Nasuada shouted.

Murtagh groaned again.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"I just realized that I probably won't sleep for weeks after this. I'll wake up every few hours screaming because I'll be dreaming about Amowiel trying to bed me," Murtagh said.

Eragon and Roran exchanged worried glances. Apparently that hadn't occurred to them either.

"_OMFG1111" Dragon-head shrieked like a girl. _

"I do NOT shriek like a girl," the real dra-er Eragon shouted.

Roran snorted.

"What?" Eragon demanded.

"I've heard it plenty of times, cousin," Roran said as he shook his head.

"When?" Eragon pressed.

"The time I told you that your bed was really monster and then hid under and shook it while you were sleeping," Roran began.

"I was four," Eragon protested.

"The time you were thirteen and cut yourself sharpening a scythe," Roran continued.

"That hurt," Eragon said.

"The time I snuck up on and grabbed you while Brom was telling ghost stories," Roran said.

"Oh, I remember that!" Katrina exclaimed, laughing as she did so.

Eragon glared at his cousin, who went back to reading the story.

"_We have to get ack to the the Vardeen!" Gon-Gon shouted. _

"_Like, yeah, duh," Estelena said. She smild threw her annoyance thow. Gonny-WOnny was sooooooooooooooooo cute when he was being stpudi. _

"You are cute when you're stupid," Trianna remarked.

Eragon opened his mouth to protest before the sorceress assured him that it was a good thing…

…And very nearly consoled him with a kiss before Orik leapt from his seat and shoved his axe between them. Needless to say, the reading was resumed shortly after that.

_Then they went and told Raeynne and Amowiel and Murty and Rorry about the dream. Natrurrly they wern'te socked, ad Murtay said,"Wow how could I have loved a sdisphit like that?"_

"You forgot prudish hussy," Nasuada muttered.

"_Yu forgot prudish hussy! Amowiel gigeld. _

"I stand corrected," the Varden's leader stated.

"I'm so happy to be dead," Arya put in.

"What makes you think you'll stay that way?" Murtagh asked. "She'll probably decide you _still_ haven't suffered enough and then bring you back and kill you again."

"That was funny," Durza said wistfully.

"Shut up," Arya told him. "And how could I have not suffered enough? I've been beheaded once and burned alive twice."

"She'd probably prefer two beheadings and tree burnings," Durza replied seriously.

"I hate you," was what Arya meant to say. Instead, she accidentally said, "I ate you." The elf clamped her hand over her mouth in shock.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO1111111111111111111111111111111111" she shouted.

There was mass chaos on the scene. Eragon and Katrina fainted; Roran jumped into a frenzy when he saw what had happened to his fiancée; Orik attempted to get through the impenetrable window; Murtagh and Nasuada went to cower behind the same chair; and Galbatorix, Angela, Solembum, and Durza sat there looking mildly amused by the fact that Arya was crying single tears. Only Orrin had the guts to do anything. He picked up the book that Roran had dropped and gave the elf princess a good whack across the head. That did the trick. Arya promptly stopped sobbing liquid diamonds and whacked the Surdan king over the head for what was either the fourth or fifth time. I confess to having lost count.

With order restored, everyone sat back down, and Roran started reading again.

_Murtag laughed and sadi, "that's right."_

'_Wel how dould she not be?" Raeynne and Estelena asked a the same tie. _

"_Hye don' opy me anymor1111111111" Estelena shoutd. _

"_Don' bash me gf1" Roran shouted. _

"_Are you threaning mine?" Gon-Gon sked. _

"_Maybe" Roran said. _

_With that Gon-Gon killed him. _

Then Roran stopped reading and stared at the page with his mouth hanging open. Eragon had an identical expression on his face.

"Did I just…" Eragon began.

"I keep rereading it, and it still says that same thing," Roran said slowly. Then a smile slowly took over his features. "Hallelujah! I'm dead! I've never thought I'd feel so happy about this, but oh gods does it feel good. Honestly, I thought I'd have to put up with this shit until the end. Oh, and by the way, cousin, I suppose I should thank you for killing me."

Eragon kept gaping as Roran kept going. Finally, the blue rider cut his cousin off by saying, "Roran, if you don't stop right now, I will bring you back from the dead."

"But you can't. You don't control the story. _She_ controls the story," Roran argued.

"I thought we were calling her it," Katrina said, wrinkling her nose.

"We were," Murtagh said.

"Fine. _It_ is controlling the story, and _It _says that I'm dead, and I'm perfectly happy with that, especially when I consider that Raeynne will now never be able to call me Rory-kins."

Roran stared down at the page and groaned.

"Read the damn thing!" Galbatorix shouted.

_Raeynne began to cri and said "Eragon wy did you kill my Rory-kins?" _

With that, Eragon began to point and laugh.

"Eragon," Roran said, "you had better stop laughing now, or I will pull an Arya on you."

_You'd deserve it, Eragon. I know that this is an awful story, but you should not be taking your anger out on your cousin,_ Saphira said.

"So I'm a verb now?" Arya asked coolly, raising on eyebrow.

Roran tightened his grip on the book and began to read again.

_Estelena and Amowiel looked at the other fefore banqueishing the annoying Sue forevr._

"They call Raeynne the Sue?" Angela asked. "Such a shame she's gone, really. She was almost a passable character. I'm sorry about you're death too, Roran, or I would be if you weren't happy about it."

_Rory-kins,_ Solembum snickered.

_That was a delayed reaction,_ Thorn remarked.

_This travesty made me fall asleep,_ the werecat retorted. _Do you have a problem with that?_

_Watch it, cat! Annoy me anymore, and I may just call for a reread of the parts you missed._

_You wouldn't. You don't want to hear them again._

Since the red dragon couldn't argue with that, he promptly shut up.

_They both decide dto do it os they shouted Briginer and she burst into flames._

"Brigniner?" Arya said. "Now that's a mutilation if I've ever seen one."

"This story has shown us many," Angela stated.

"Thank Helzvhog she hasn't tried to speak Dwarfish yet," Orik muttered.

"Orik, she hates your race and has only mentioned you once. Why would she try that?" Nasuada asked.

"Was that supposed to be comforting?" Orik asked.

"Take what you get," Murtagh advised. "There's not much being given. Just look at what you get when _It_ does like you."

Orik shuddered slightly and clutched his axe more tightly.

"Well, when she doesn't like you, you end up dead and/or in bed with the mad elf over here," Durza put in.

Arya closed her eyes and shuddered.

"I really hope I stay dead," she whispered.

"So do I," Roran said, "but now, I want to get this over with more than anything."

_With that they mounted thier dragons declinging the elfs ofer for another party. (They all realize dht eimportance of savin the Sarden…_

"'Sarden?' Oh, what's next?" Nasuada asked.

"Well, there's the new mutilation of your name," Roran said.

"How bad is it?"  
Roran paused for a moment before saying:

…_from the stupidy of Nasuidia. _

"Anunada was still my personal favorite," Murtagh remarked.

Nasuada glared at him, and he ignored it.

_So they all lft on the ther dragons. _

_Please, dear gods, no scenes on my back, _Thorn prayed.

_Leni and Dragon head almost go jiggy with it but decided that it would take too much valuble time. _

The reading was then interrupted as Eragon and Saphira began to cheer. It was resumed when Galbatorix told them to keep reading or else he would write such a scene himself and make Durza read it.

"It would be me," the shade hissed softly enough that Galbatorix couldn't hear him.

_Anyhoo they hopped Of Thorny and Sapphy Brighty's backs and ran itnot eh Varden council chamgers. _

_Nasuaawas making a full of herself infron of everyone suggesting suptid ides like making silk to fund to eh Varden. _

"_that's even dumbe rhrthan lace!" Amowiel shouted. _

"Does this girl have a single ounce of intelligence?" Nasuada shouted.

_You mean you don't know the answer to that yet? _Solembum asked.

Nasuada ignored him. "For one thing, silk is produced in nature, and for another, the lace put the Varden ahead of the Surdan economy."

"Yes, it most certainly did," Orrin mumbled, sounding annoyed by the whole thing.

"_I agree" thouthed the second dude, ya know the one with the big arms. I'm too lasy to look it up. _

"That would be Jörmundur," Nasuada put in dejectedly.

"_Thank you" Amowiel ejaculated. _

Galbatorix glared at all the males present besides him and Orrin to worn them not to laugh at that particular permutation of the word said.

"_youre Weclome," what's-his-name said. _

I hop hes not a pedophile, _Magdeleniana thought. _

So do I, _Amowiel agreed. _

"He's not, and you had better not make him one," Nasuada declared.

And if he is murty and you cn always kill him, _Amowiel ended. _

"I think we can add this person to the list of dead people," Orrin remarked. "Shame he's not here. Jörmundur might be a good addition to the dead club."

"There's a dead club?" Nasuada asked.

"I was thinking of starting one. Arya and Durza will be in it of course, and so will Roran and Katrina. I have a feeling you'll be in it before the chapter is out," Orrin replied.

"Well, at least she can't misspell my name anymore after that," Nasuada began to say before Galbatorix interrupted her.

"Why aren't I included in this club?" he demanded.

"Well, the thing is, you're not dead yet," Orrin replied.

"Do you really think that I don't know that these girls who pretend to be my daughters are not going to kill me before this—this—this monstrosity is over?" Galbatorix asked.

"That is a valid point," Orrin said.

"Will you take your head out of the clouds and let me in?" Galbatorix shouted.

"As soon as you're dead," Orrin replied.

"Oh, I do hope she kills me," Angela remarked. "It sounds like such a lovely club to be in."

_Remind me why I stay with you? _Solembum said.

"I don't know if you don't know," Angela said with a shrug. "Now, Roran, let's get this over with, shall we?"

"We shall," Roran said, taking a deep breath.

_The whosit got up and treid to snab Nasudi but Tiranni stepped in front of her / Whatever and the slut finishd each other off. Then the random prime inister dude died of a hart attacke at the atll the pllood shed. Then Estelena braely dteepped in and fnished Nasuada off along with al the carnival. _

"'Carnvial?'" Angela repeated. "Oh dear. What's she talking about now?"

"Carnage?" Orrin suggested.

"That's probably it," Trianna agreed. "By the way, Orrin, am I in the dead club now?"

"Yes, you and Nasuada have just been inducted," the Surdan king replied.

"_Our hero11111111" the randmom Vardenites cheesed. _

"_I know" Leni said smugly. "No I suppose were all youre noew leaders?"_

"_Yeah, whatev" they all said. _

_And that's eht eend of that cahtper. SOooooooooooooooooooo soorrry that it took me sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo_

"Did that so take up a whole line?" Angela asked.

Roran nodded.

"Oh dear, poor grammar," the herbalist said nonchalantly as though she were discussing the weather rather than the death of the English language.

_ANyhoo, how didja like that ou btich Rorin-ridher? God, don't ever take my Gon-Gon poster again just cause there was a snapshot of Roran in the background. Give it back or you won' come back to lif111111111111111111_

"You mean I might not stay dead?" Roran asked.

"I'll let you stay in the club until you come back to life," Orrin suggested.

Roran groaned. "At least there are no stupid responses to read."

_Anyhoo, hacker, fuck you. Whey no you people ntop haking? Its ill eagle1111111111111 See?????????/ I am tooo smart. _

"If there is such a thing is too smart, she is not it," Murtagh said.

_Anyhoo thanks for the supporagainst the hacking bitch and fuck those who like her. _

"How eloquent," Durza remarked.

Okay, I am very, very sorry about how long it has taken me to update this thing. Sadly, at the beginning of the school year, I sold my soul to sophomore year and Fall sports. I've gotten half of it back, so hopefully I'll be updating more often, especially considering I have Monday off and then the whole week after that. And here are the many review responses. They're my penance, I suppose.

The-3-Sueslayers: Thank you. Thank you very much.

Capybara773: Thanks. And I think that you're right about Solembum. She's only mentioned Angela once. He might pop up though, now that the Sues have taken over the Varden.

Nacht-Ritter: I don't think I have it in me for a sequel, but that would be a good idea.

Adriannrod Svit-Kona Sama: I tried to provide pain and suffering for the characters, and since I sometimes take so long to update, I don't care. Everyone's busy at times.

Amberstar: Thanks, and as for the characters, I think that they were from a show called Code Lyoko. (Some reviewers commented on it, so I guess that's what it is.)

Inheri Reviewer: I'm in a good mood right now. Alright, I will admit that I have taken longer than I should have to update, but I have been busy. I have projects to do, tests to study for, homework to finish, and up until recently, I have not been home from school until 6:30 at the earliest. No, I am not sadistic or attention-seeking. Sometimes I just don't have the time to update. And I'm glad that you like the story.

xLzM: That's interesting. I don't know if I'll do it or not, but I'll think about it.

Swampfire Leatherweed: Oh, that person was doing it as a joke. She saw a Mary Sue guide by Emerald Tiara which said that nobody ever writes a Mary Sue Dwarf, and she said that she'd write one.

HAHA: Think about how you would feel if somebody wrote a sex scene involving you or one of your friends who was in the room with you. Wouldn't that scare you more than just a little? And this is a crack fic, which is why it is the way it is. I know it's not a huge achievement or a great work of literature. And I know that ejaculate is not always a sexual term, but it sounds awkward, so it's easy to make fun of.

Lupis Lunae: I think they'd thank you if they heard that.

EmymuuRR: I do. And I have finally updated Black on White and will hopefully be doing so this weekend.

Ara Mei: Thanks. And as for the hacks, pm me or email me.

Dragondancer101: I don't think I'll do that, but I already brought Durza back, so who knows?

Xxxclairebearxxx: Thanks.

DU EBRITHIL: I know that. It just happens to be a common Mary or Gary Sue trait, but real people can't be Mary or Gary Sues, so there you go.

Devouring Sarcasm Phantasm: Thanks. I loved all the French even though I don't speak it.

Queen Flowfeather: I don't know. Probably very weird.

Friendlyfangirl: Cool.

I heart Trianna: Yeah, sorry that she couldn't talk to you this chapter. She doesn't believe in responding to people who reviewed the hacker.

Rajion1: I could, but I haven't really thought up a way to do that yet. I never really thought of dwarves as ewoks. I thought that he just ripped those off from Tolkien. I mean, they're gruff, alcohol-loving, tobacco ingesting, elf-hating, mining, mountain-living, axe-wielding, surprisingly strong midgets. And they're called the same thing.

Niham: Well, actually I didn't understand it either until a reviewer said something about Code Lyoko, but whatever.

The Scarlet Sky: I hope I used enough for you.

Cassie Winchester: In my mind, if anyone could get away with that, it would be her.

Snipersbane: Thanks.

Invaderem: Yeah, it was pretty good. And so are marshmallows.

The Keeper of Truth: Ask an S&M freak because apparently they enjoy it.

Synonymous Brian: Thanks, and that's a cool penname.

1234: So did I. For longer than I probably should have actually.

Wannabeanauthor: I'm glad that people like them. I thought it was hilarious when that happened to Tara, so….

ThePurpleRose: I'm glad you liked it.

Sunkistgurl10: Oh, it's fine. I know about selling your soul to extracurricular activities. At least it's not like all the people who were even remotely involved in the musical this year. They've had rehearsal until 10:00 all this week.

Random Little Writer: It's fine. And I did like that scene. Great imagery on the hackers' part.

Subeiko: Yeah, they did a good job with that.

Jedi Master Evenstar: I don't know. I guess there are.

Lime green frogz: We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. And by the way, reading this fan fic has given me a sick mind too.

Saddened Fae: But I would deserve it, wouldn't I? It's quite a conundrum.

Friendly Fangirl: Thanks again, and yes I did.

Za Webmaster Authoress: Yeah, she does suffer. I liked the hack too.

Adi Sagestar: I don't know. Apparently she's from a TV show.

Emuroo: Sorry about that.

Jack Skellington's Mistress: Yes, he is. I love him almost as much as Murtagh. Eragon…well, he annoys me at times. Maybe it's the whole stalking Arya thing. I felt sorry for him until my friend Amy told me about a very similar situation with her ex-boyfriend, and I came around to Arya's way of thinking.

Stripysockz: And I will hopefully be updating that story this weekend, and I've updated since that last responses, so that's a plus. And yeah, K & A did a good job. And I'm really glad that you like this story.

Lady Knight Keladry: Thanks. And see above for apology.

Mystic Archer Horse: Thanks. And see above for apology.

DaggerPen: Yeah, I didn't get it at first either.

QueenOfTheUnknown: Well, I hope that the hissy fit was good enough for you.

Whispering Lilies: Thanks for telling me who they were. I'm glad you liked it.

Cheesey Goodness: Yeah, we probably won't see that, but who knows? Writer's block can do strange things.

Mariano's-twins: Thanks from both of you. Funny scene by the way.

Brix: Oh they will. I won't say how, but I have a feeling it will happen.


	25. Yet Another Party

Yet Another Party

Disclaimer: I only own Raeynne, Estelena, and Amowiel. Such a tragedy.

Trianna took the book from Roran and turned the page.

"_lts throw a party1111" the rebels shoutd/_

"_yay11" Estelena and Amowiel and Raeynne (A/n: Rorinridher I forgiv u since u gave back mi postr)_

"No!" Roran shouted.

"Roran," Nasuada began, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you're about to be kicked out of the dead club."

"At least we won't suffer the party alone, Erimunchkins," Murtagh muttered.

A long fight ensued in which the combined strengths of Arya, Galbatorix, and Durza were needed to pry the two boys apart. When the chaos was over, they turned their attention back to the written chaos that was _Teh Saviuor of Alagaesha_.

"Well, now that Eragon got that out of his system, I'd like to finish the sentence," Trianna said.

"Do it," Galbatorix ordered. "And if you don't do it, I'll make Durza do it."

"I'd do it anyway," Trianna said.

"Then do it now," Galbatorix said.

"I will."

"You're not doing it fast enough."

Trianna took a deep breath, glared at Galbatorix, and said, _and Dragon Head…_

Murtagh and Roran both started chuckling, and Galbatorix yelled, "Durza, hurt them."

The shade seemed disinclined to acquiesce to his request, and Trianna finished the sentence without any further mishaps.

_And Murtag and Rory (A/N; I rough him back to cause rorinridher's forgiven) cheered. _

"Roran," Orrin said, "I am afraid that Nasuada, Arya, Durza, Katrina, and I are going to have to expel you from the dead club."

Roran assumed a pouting expression not dissimilar from his cousin's and his cousin's girlfriend's.

"I'm sorry, Roran," Katrina said, patting her fiancé's hand, "but we really can't allow living people in the dead club. It would be very strange."

Roran stopped pouting.

_Thn the partay started. Well firs tthey got tressed ann all and the girls were presented as saviuors of the Varden from Naswadda_ (A/N: Thanks to Shannon for that new mutilation). _Well cep Raeynne caus she really didno do nothing. _

"So Raeynne did do something, and they're not giving her credit for it?" Angela remarked. "How very rude of them."  
_Commenting on a double negative? _Solembum sneered. _Can you at least try to be creative?_

"Nasty little blighter," Angela muttered.

_First Leni caem down th tairs cause she was the on who killed Nausea (An/: ge it? Cause she makes you nauseaous?)_

"I hate when she tries to be clever," Nasuada groaned.

"You don't induce nausea, just so you know," Murtagh told her.

_Except when she makes your stomach do odd things, _Thorn teased. Thankfully, no one else heard.

_She was waring a dres that mached her eyes. _

"Then it must be a very colorful dress," Angela said sagely.

"I suppose it's beautiful," Katrina added bitterly.

"Actually, considering her eye color, it probably clashes," Nasuada said, and everyone except Durza started laughing. Even Galbatorix laughed, as shocking as that was.

"What color are her eyes?" the Shade asked.

"I believe they're blue-violet flecked with green and gold," Katrina replied.

"They are," Eragon said. "There's a little gray in there as well."

"How did you remember?" Trianna asked.

_He'd be a horrible…what's the word she uses…bf, is it? Well, he'd be a horrible whatever if he couldn't remember all those colors, _Solembum said.

_Everyone gasped a the sight of such beyootiful colors and an ever more beyootiful girl1 Then shey strarted bowing down to her in all her glory. _

"It had to happen sometime," Angela sighed. Then she looked up at Galbatorix and shouted, "Don't even think about it."

_Nezt came Amowiel who was just as hawt as Estelena. Her long red hair blowed down her smooth slender paleishly tand white back. Her dress also mtched her eyes. _

"At least green and black look good together," Katrina said.

"Her looks are a walking contradiction!" Durza explained.

"We've been through this before," Arya said. "Where have you been?"  
"I've been in Vegas," Durza reminded them.

"Oh, that silly place," Galbatorix said. "Poor Shade. You could have been serving me."

_Every raised her as they did Leni, nd then Raeynne came in through the side entrance She waas waering a floorlengh blue govwn that matched her blue eyes and her long blond hair was pulled into a blond bun._

"Someone needs to call the Redundancy Department of Redundancy," Durza sneered. Everyone stared at him, wondering where the Shade came up with this phrase.

_Then the paty began. Te entrie group broek into a dance, and the song were curtesty of Estelena, who had awesome taste. _

_The first song was Bless the Broken Road. (Guess who it was decicated to.)_

Eragon groaned.

"Eragon, I really don't want to read her whole sickeningly devotional speech," Trianna said.  
"Unfortunately, the rest of us love watching him suffer, so read it," Murtagh said.

"Alright, Murtagh, but she'll probably have to read yours," Nasuada added.

The red rider gritted his teeth and said, "I'll stick it out if she reads his."

"She is sitting right here," Trianna retorted. "And by the way, Murtagh, you did ask for it."

"_I would like 2 decicate this song ot my GonnyWonny" _

_The Varden awed. _

"I think she's missing a was in there," Durza said. "As is, 'The Varden was awed by the sheer horror, stupidity, and hilarity of such a nickname."

"I'll give you one thing, _Durza_," Arya said, spitting the name. "That was well said."  
"Thank you," the Shade said, seemingly perplexed by such treatment.

"Get on with it!" Galbatorix shouted.

_It's sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo kewt11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111_

_Just like him. So, here goes."_

"That wasn't as long as I'd expected," Murtagh said. "When you consider how much room the sos and the ones took up, it was."

_Then the song played, and Amowiel picked the nex tone. It was toxi. _

"_This is dedicated Taggy-hunny, cuase it's like, sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo true1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111"_

"Aw, Murtagh, she must not love you much," Nasuada said. "Your so didn't take up as many lines as Eragon's did."

"I'll take less from it," Murtagh declared.  
"I was teasing," Nasuada said.

"I knew that."

"Keep reading!" Galbatorix shouted.

_Then the dancing strated. It got good and a whole bunch o shit happened. The stupid dwarvs started a fight with the orcals. _

"The what?" Katrina asked.

"Urgals?" Nasuada suggested.

_Then Leni and Amowiel jumpd on a talbe and screemed "Stop it111111111111111"_

_The dwarfvs and orcals who were grateful to her for savin them from Pnasauda and sotppd the fight. Cept fo r Orik. _

"If she kills me now, may I join the dead club?" the dwarf asked.

The members nodded.

"_I willnot shtop fighing the enemys of min race1" the drunk dwarf shouted _

"_Oh yeah?" Amowiel said. "Well atch this.' And thnka sto her amazingness the fighting darf burst into flames. _

"I think she's running out of ideas. That's how she killed me," Arya said dryly.

_Everyon cheered cause nobody liked Orik anyway. Ten the dancing strated again. Even th dwarfs cheered. _

"That makes no sense. Mine race cares very much for me," Orik said.

"Dwarf, I will be killed off as well, so shut your mouth," Galbatorix shot back.

_Thn th dancing stared again. It was pretty dam hawt1 And everyone talked about how kewt Raeynne and Roran looke dhow sexhay Amowiel and Murtag looked and how hawt Eri and Leni looked. _

"Trianna, when do the sex scenes start?" Murtagh asked warily.

"Soon," she said with a gulp.

_Then someone made a toat. _

"_To out wonderful saviuors of Alagaesha."_

"But they haven't killed Galbatorix yet," Angela protested.

_At least she brought up the title, _Solembum pointed out.

"_We love th m so much and ther's no one better to rid us of theevul that is King Galbrattleaxe. And the world will be a btter place because of them. _  
"Somebody, kill me," Arya said.

"She killed you three times," Murtagh pointed out.

"Then why aren't I dead?" Arya shouted.

"You are in the story."

"Until she brings me back to life."

"Nobody said this was logical."

"We've noticed," Galbatorix cut in. "Now, please, let the sorceress finish."

"_And we will make Amowiel quen of Alagaesha after its' all done cause shes Galbrattelaxe's daughter. _

"But don't they consider me a usurper?" Galbatorix asked.

"We do," Nasuada replied.

"Then how can my kingship be hereditary? Galbatorix continued. Then he added hastily, "At least in your point of view."

"This isn't logical," Angela replied.

"I have a question," Orrin put in. "Is any of this logical at all? I mean, we're all enemies, yet we're sitting here, reading this book, united in a common hatred of those things. Durza came back from another world, and so did this book. So, is it so awful for the book to be illogical?"

_I say that that story has slightly less logic than this situation does, _Saphira decided.

"I'll give it that," Orrin said. "Now may we continue?"

"I'm the only who's allowed to ask for continuation," Galbatorix snapped.

"Oh," Orrin said.

"Read," Galbatorix ordered.

"_And Rorin'll be there chief adviro even if he fell in love with the Estelena-wannabe Raeynne._

"Are the characters ever more than just this author's mouthpieces?" Durza asked.

"No, I don't believe so," Angela said.

"_And all'll be great111111111111111'_

_And everyon yelled, "Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooyttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111"_

"That's a new extended word," Angela pointed out.

_Then Amowiel leaned over and whispered to Murty, "this partie's cool and all, I mean Leni organized it, but isn' there something more ufn we would be doing?"_

"_I'm thinkin' what your thinkin'," Taggy-honey said iwht a smexy wink._

_Then they ran upstias togther. Well, they had to stop on the stairs for Amowiel to give Murty a little relief. (An: Blowjob. Duh111)_

"Durza, explain the Earth slang to me," Murtagh said.

The Shade gave a resigned sigh and whispered in Murtagh's. Soon the red rider's head was filled with Thorn's nearly hysterical laughter.

_Then they went upstairs shutthe doro and got down to it. _

"She's sooooooooooooooooo tasteful," Arya said. Then she glared at Orrin when he made a move to grab the book. "Don't worry," she told him. "I'm not being contaminated."

"That's good," Orrin said. "That's very good."

Arya smiled at the king (or rather, gave something that resembled a smile), and Durza rolled his eyes.

_Then Eri cariied Estelena up the staris bridal styel. Everyone oohed and ahhed. After they made love…._

"Are you telling me that she didn't describe it?" Eragon asked Trianna. The sorceress nodded, and Eragon's mouth dropped open in shock.

_Eragon looked over at Estelena and said, "My llve, will you marry me?"_

"_yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyessssssssssssssssssssssssss1111111111111111111111" Estelena shriked cutely and hawtly. _

"_We'll may in the morning thin," Gon-Gon declared. _

"_Okay1" Estelena_—here, Trianna paused to glare at Roran, Orik, Murtagh, and Eragon before uttering the infamous—_ejaculated. _Much to her surprise they did laugh.

Instead Roran turned to Eragon and said, "Well, cousin it's about time, considering the number of times you two have slept together."

The blue rider growled at him, and the story jumped to Roran and Raeynne.

_So, basically, Roran an Raeynne went upstiar,s did it for the second _(A?N: Only the second? Pshh)_ time and then Roran asked her to marry him and she said syes. _

_And that'sht eend of the that chapter. Next chappie is the wedding. Betchalll can't wait. _

"I can," Orik said. "Unfortunately, I'll be the one reading it."

_And no wfor the review responses. _

_Quen of the Unknown: Well Raeynne's back so you got that at least. NAd wtf? Weople who flam me arne't sane. And all CP's charries are good. _

"CP?" everyone asked.

"He's our creator," Durza informed them. "I really dislike him. He killed me off."

_ILUVERAGON: I know I've been so bad about that. _

_Leila: she's back fuck off_

_Amy: dditoo_

_Azulcat: thanks. _

_xLzM: I will not111111111111111_

_IheartEragonxMarySUe: I know weren't they awful I twas so fun to kill them_

_The 3-sueslayer: Well their beck dso your complaints don't mean shit_

_Stripysockz: hehe. _

_EraGOn-gon: Finally sobody else hates her11111111111111_

_Friendlyfangirl: well it's been undone_

_The Keeper of the Truth: wat? Eri/Saphy is gross1_

"What?" Eragon exclaimed.

_That is disturbing,_ Saphira agreed. _I hope that that hack's never written. _

_It will be, _Solembum said.

_China sells silk? SInc ehwne?_

_Dagger Pen: well random raocz_

And there is the next chapter. Sorry that it took so long to get up. Next one will either be a hack (and I know which one) or the wedding, so it shouldn't take me too long because I know what's going to happen.

Cassie Winchester: Thanks. I'm glad you think so.

Liana-Wolfe: Well, here's the update.

Friendlyfangirl: Yes, isn't it scary?

The Scarlet Sky: Yes, the world is really going to suffer.

Mystic Archer Horse: Thanks for that.

NotToBeMessedWith: Don't worry. I know how you feel.

Queen Of the Unknown: I've read it, and I enjoy it.

Ara Mei: I'm glad that you like it. I really don't know where I came up with that idea, but whatever.

Invaderem: Oh yes. I know that feeling too. I'm going to be so out of shape by the time spring rolls around. sobs

Kalinnnnnnn: I didn't even notice that I did that. And you'll see about Eragon Ridher. You all will see.

WWMTgirl: Thanks.

Azulcat: I'm glad.

Rajion1: Where are the Ewoks though? I know that they won't be as good as they were in Star Wars.

SnipersBane: Well, Roran's back at least.

xLzM: Yeah, that was fun to write.

Sunkistgirl10: Ooh, sound rough. But I like band too, so I understand.

Subeiko: Yeah, that one was a stretch but oh well.

The-3-Sueslayers: And she's back. And you can write that chapter.

Adi Sagestar: Thanks. And a relapse might be coming.

Wannabeanauthor: But the poor guy's back from the dead, so his joy didn't last long. I actually pity him.

Brix: Yeah, she surprises me sometimes.

Stripysockz: LOL. I'm glad that you liked this one that much.

Fredsonetrueluv: Did I use that one, or did someone else? Just wondering.

Padfoot and Stacey: Yeah, I stole that idea from Tara's fight with her friend Raven over a sweater.

The Keeper of the Truth: I got the hack, and I'm going to be using it soon. Thanks for that.

Random Little Writer: I just wanted more random death.

Mariano's-twins: Very funny, guys.

Emuroo: And so he did.

Lady Knight Keladry: Oh, I know that feeling.

Emberflame of MysticClan: No, I'm still alive and well.

Emerald Tiara: Yeah, but she hasn't updated in a while. The name of the Sue was Orika.

Dagger Pen: Thanks.  
Niham: Thanks.


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